Jongin raises his hand to knock on the door; his loose fist hovers over the door for a few seconds before he brings his hand down and stares at the door. He steps back a little, arm going around his waist as if to keep himself grounded as he tries to work the nerve to knock on Chanyeol’s door.

“He’s inside,” He jumps at the voice coming from his right side, he looks over at Yixing and lets out a sharp exhale of relief.

“Hey, Yixing,” Jongin greets; his anxious gaze flickered up a second before turning back to the door.

“Hey, Jongin,” He smiles, “I had no idea you were coming today, Chanyeol never said.” Yixing says and Jongin shifts uncomfortably at the eyes boring into him. It’s always a rule that before someone comes over, they all have to be informed. “It’s Thursday.”

If he had a choice, he wouldn’t even be standing here. His mother had Jongdae– who is still waiting in the car outside– drive him over to Chanyeol’s and he’s only allowed to go back home after telling Chanyeol. The longer he spends time here, the grumpier Jongdae will become.

“I–I won’t be here long,” He forces out, “I just really need to talk to him.” Jongin mumbles and before he can stop him– Yixing pushes the door open and gestures for Jongin to go in first. He hesitates; legs shake a bit and he almost falls forward when he walks in.

He spots Chanyeol sitting crisscrossed on his bed with books around him.

“Did you find the professor?” He doesn’t look at from his books and he’s still scribbling something in a notebook in his hands. Jongin knows he hasn’t been noticed, he turns around to leave only to be blocked by Yixing.

“No, but your boyfriend is here.”

There’s a look of confusion on Chanyeol’s face when he looks up, when they lock gazes– his expression turns into one of irritation and he tightens his hold around the pen in his hand. He looks back at his books and Jongin remains standing by the door, eyes downcast and shoulders drooping because he should have expected this.

He barely acknowledges Yixing as him wordlessly carries a few items from his side of the dorm and leaves them to themselves without another word. He’s clearly noticed the uncomfortable air being painted around them.

Jongin stands there with his arms dropped to his sides and tries to think of what to say– how he can explain why he has been avoiding Chanyeol’s calls and worried messages for days. He doesn’t have a valid excuse for doing so– other than the fact he is a coward and just needed a few days to figure out what the best way to tell Chanyeol the truth is.

It doesn’t help that his mother barely speaks to him or looks at him. The longest she has spoken to him over the course of three days after finding out he is pregnant was for him to tell Chanyeol. She gave him three days to think of how he’s going to say it before asking Jongdae to drive him over to Chanyeol.

His father is still in the dark, but he obviously he notices something is amiss– his mother brushes him off when he mentions it. Jongin knows he has put her in an awkward position with all this, but he wishes for her to tell his father because he doesn’t want to be the one to do it– but he knows he’ll be the one to do it because his mother makes clear that she won’t.

“If you’re going to break up with me,” Chanyeol starts and it’s understandable for him to think that. Jongin can’t blame him for it. “You didn’t have to come all the way here just to do it.” He mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. “I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

“That’s not it,” Jongin looks up from the ground– Chanyeol probably hasn’t heard him because he’s closing his books and swinging his legs off the bed. “Something happened and–”

“Stop being so goddamn vague about it and just tell me already!” Chanyeol snaps hotly, “Can’t you trust me a little?” There’s hurt in his tone when he asks that and Jongin feels guiltier than ever.

“It’s not easy,” Jongin snaps back before he can stop himself, “I can’t say it like it’s nothing, you know?” He runs a hand over his face and breathes into it, “It’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Chanyeol stubbornly says nothing as he stands from his bed and walks over to his closet– he pulls a hoodie and throws it on. Jongin watches him as he slips his feet into his sneakers, grabs the phone from his bed and heads towards him.

He presses himself against the door and shakes his head miserably, “You can’t leave,” He stammers over a few syllables as Chanyeol stops in front of him. He places his hands over his chest and keeps him there, ready to shove him backwards if he takes another step forward and Jongin feels sort of childish– pulling and shoving is for children, he has to remind himself he’s not far from being a child himself and gives himself a free pass. “You can’t leave,” He says again before correcting himself, “You can leave after I tell you, if you want.” He goes on, his voice shaking a little, “I won’t stop you, but please, listen to me first.”

He tilts his head to look at Chanyeol in the eyes and sees the mask of annoyance falter. Jongin clenches a fist of the front of Chanyeol’s hoodie, stares at the wrinkles that have formed around his fist and swallows.

The words die on his tongue like they always do when he’s about to tell the truth. He throws himself at Chanyeol and wraps his arms around his neck, bringing him closer to him and pressing his lips against his neck. “I’m sorry,” He whispers as tears well up in his eyes, failing to breathe when Chanyeol embraces him tightly before his hands are pushing through his hair and gripping and leaning down to kiss him.

His legs nearly give out on him, but Chanyeol’s holding him up and Jongin lets himself be kissed– fearing that this is probably the last time he’ll be held like this or kissed with the emotions of want, wonder and closeness and desire. He kisses back just as hard as he entire body trembles, he tries to breathe and control his uneasy breathes.

His breath hitches and slow starts increasing to a shallow pant when he feels Chanyeol’s hand sneak its way into his jeans, he’s quick to grab the wrist as he pulls away from the kiss. He looks at Chanyeol’s confused expression and shakes his head, “No,” He says softly, “Not today,” And Chanyeol doesn’t put up a fight, he pulls his hand away from his jeans and rests heavily on his hip and Jongin kisses him for it, for understanding without making a fuss about it.

He stares up into Chanyeol’s wide brown eyes– big brown beautiful eyes looking down at him in curiosity and a whole lot of confusion that is well deserved. He tries to pull out of his arms, but Chanyeol doesn’t budge.

“Jongin,” Chanyeol finally says, “Don’t go doing that,” It takes Chanyeol wiping the hot salty tears from his cheeks to know what he means. Jongin nods, the lump in his throat robbing his ability to speak and he tells himself he isn’t going to fall apart like he did on the phone and that telling him now instead of on the phone through a flood of tears is the better option. “You need to stop avoiding my calls– it makes me overthink.”

He exhales wearily and nods; wiping the tears off his cheeks and smiling sheepishly before keeping his eyes on Chanyeol’s chin. “Can we sit?” He asks and Chanyeol is pulling away, holding his hand tightly in his large one and dragging him towards his bed.

Chanyeol’s hand remains holding his and rested between them as they sit beside each other after pushing the books away. Jongin sniffles unintentionally loud and his bottom lip as he tries to breathe properly, “I’m pregnant.” It’s blurt and harsh, but he swears he was going to say something else, but the words just tumbled right out without much thought and there’s no breaking this to Chanyeol gently.

His chest is tight and it feels as though something is trying to plow its way out. His throat is dry and it hurts and the silence that drops heavily around them is suffocating. He never thought of what to say after telling the truth and he does not know what to do now.

And he sort of doubts Chanyeol has even heard him, if he spoke loud enough to be heard. He doesn’t dare turn his head to look at him to find out if he has been heard because it feels as though the ground has been ripped under him and he has nothing to hold on to.

When Chanyeol lets his hand go, his heart drops and he bites his lower lip from saying something. They sit there is tense uncomfortable stillness– only being disturbed by noises of loud footsteps from the hallway outside.

“I’m scared, Chanyeol.” He says breaking the silence.

“It would be weird if you weren’t scared,” Chanyeol finally says and laughs– nervous and awkward and frightened, “Hell, I’m freaking out a little inside myself.” He admits, but doesn’t look at him. “This is weird,” He mumbles.

“I know,” Jongin answers, he doesn’t push him or repeat himself because unlike him– he had days to process this and think and get nowhere with his thoughts– he doesn’t expect Chanyeol to know what to say or what to do about this life changing information for them both.

“I have to tell my dad,” Chanyeol breathes out, he sounds incredibly young and Jongin grips the sheets he’s sitting on tightly because he doesn’t know much about his own boyfriend’s father. He has only met the man twice in the short two years they have been together– and both times were brief. All he remembers is how much Chanyeol resembles him and how he was polite was in those short few minutes they met. “I have to tell him I knocked up my seventeen year old boyfriend,” He mutters. “He’ll be ing delighted.” He’s sounding too sarcastic now.

“Yeah,” Jongin murmurs drily because another upset parent will just drive him insane.

“Do your parents know?” Chanyeol asks and Jongin knows it’s only to keep the conversation from dying and making the whole atmosphere more than awkward.

“Mum and Jongdae do,” He says, “Dad doesn’t.”

“What have they said about…?” He trails off and doesn’t bother to continue.

“Mum won’t talk to me unless she has to and she’s never very nice when she does talk to me,” He looks down at his hands, “Jongdae freaked out a little.”

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol says seconds later.

“Yeah,” Jongin shrugs a little, “Me too,”

Silence falls again and the air thickens around him when Chanyeol says nothing more. Jongin himself tries to wreck his brain for something to say, but nothing comes up and he decides to stay silent, giving up entirely.

“We’re not ready,” Chanyeol starts, tentative and unconfident– it freaks Jongin out a little because Chanyeol is rarely unsure of anything, but he knows this has shaken his world and thrown him off even though he’s not showing much of a reaction.

“Yeah,” Jongin responds, he himself is a loss of what else to do or say. “I’m not,” He says truthfully.

“Have you…” Chanyeol trails off again and pauses this time, “Have you thought of what you want to do?”

Jongin nods and decides to speak because Chanyeol is not looking at him, “Kind of,” He shrugs once more, “I had an appointment to,” He shifts uncomfortably, “Abort it.” Chanyeol doesn’t react. “We’re not ready to be parents, you know, but I couldn’t do it.” He says shortly afterwards.

“We’re not.” Chanyeol just hunches forward and stares at the door across from them, resting his elbows on his thighs.

“And if it’s adoption, I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself,” He continues, “Knowing that part of, I don’t know, us is running around somewhere– if we do decide to put it up for adoption.” He pauses, trying to collect his messy thoughts, “But we’re not ready to be parents.” He repeats the same sentence again.

Chanyeol falls silent before he says, “The decision is yours.”

Jongin’s lower lip trembles and the words come tumbling out before he can stop them, “Thought you were going to turn me away,” He admits, taking in a deeper and steadier breath, “I wouldn’t be able to bear it if you did,” He says and suddenly feeling too overwhelmed with being so honest.

Chanyeol finally looks at him for the first time since they sat down and Jongin blinks at the redness in his eyes– Chanyeol isn’t much of a crier so this is weird, but he says nothing to address it. “I love you,” Chanyeol mumbles, still keeping his eyes on him, “I don’t know what happens after this, but I do know I love you right now and I won’t let you do this alone.”

He puts his hand over his, squeezes it lightly and shakes his head, “I’d never do that to you,” And then he’s pulling him into his arms and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you,” Jongin says as he grips the back of Chanyeol’s hoodie for an anchor as he buries his face on his chest before resting his chin on his shoulder and clings to him like he’s second skin before whispering, “I love you,” And then they both laugh at the bad situation they’re stuck in before the silence from moments ago continues and they’re left to their own thoughts.

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