The first thing that I’ve thought of when Lu Han said those words to me was Sehun. I don’t want to go back to that time again. Although, he’s still bullying me, last year was way worse than this. Another reason is that I cannot reciprocate Lu Han’s feelings. Like what I’ve said, I never really felt anything. Sure I liked him but that didn’t go stronger. What if Lu Han’s feelings are way too strong than mine? Then I wouldn’t be able to keep up with him. Also, I don’t want to hurt him. He’s been a really great guy. I don’t want to be with him if I can’t return his feelings. That would be like using him for my advantage, as what Sehun would always rub in my face.

I was loss for words. I didn’t know what to say but instead, I gently unwrapped his arms around me and looked away. Lu Han sighed. I guess he pretty much knows what my gesture meant. Now I feel bad. Really bad. I’m not used to situations like this. It’s too much for me. Plus, I’m bad at comforting people.

So at the moment, I did what I think I should do. I lifted my hand and patted him on his shoulder. Wait. What the heck am I doing? Is this even right? Lu Han stared at me for a while before he bit his lip, as if trying to suppress his laughter.

“Eunmi, what are you doing?” He asked, still biting his lip but this time, he was grinning. I put on an apologetic face because that’s what I’ve seen in movies and finally, took a deep breath before speaking.

“Lu Han, it’s not you, it’s me.” And then Lu Han suddenly burst out into laughter, making me look stupid. I removed my hand on his shoulder as my face flushed from embarrassment. I don’t know what am I doing wrong.

“You’re making this hard for me, you know.” He said amidst his laughter. I frowned. I’m actually being serious. “No, really, Lu Han. It’s not you, it’s actually me.”

He was still laughing when I said that and soon as he calmed down, he faced me, still smiling.

“How can you say that?” He questioned.

“That would mean you’re perfect, okay? And I still have a lot of things going on so…. How do I say this?” I sighed as Lu Han let out a soft chuckle. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” I finally answered before I bit my lip. Still, Lu Han was smiling. How could he be such an angel? I want to cry.

“I understand. And thanks for making it less dramatic with that” He trailed off. “..pat of yours. It’s funny and comforting.”

A smile formed on my lips. “Thanks..” I paused. “I really don’t understand why do you still want to settle with me. It’s been a year and you’re in college. Come on, pretty boy, that would mean hotties everywhere.” I said, partly encouraging him. I would be damn happy for him if he gets a new girlfriend. Heck, I’d even celebrate.

He grinned cheekily. “Let’s just say that I still love being with you. I thought I got over that but tonight made me realize I haven’t.” He told me casually. Though I rejected him and all, his statement still made me smile from ear to ear. Lu Han really is the sweetest guy and I don’t understand why I can’t love him. Maybe I’m still experimenting with my feelings. I didn’t know what to reply so I just smiled at him before I ask him if we should go back to the party.

“Aren’t you feeling cold?” I asked him as we walked back to the party. He was topless and it’s kind of breezy outdoors.

“Not really.” He shrugged. “But you can hug me to make it a little less colder.” He added playfully. I rolled my eyes at him. “Ha-ha,”

Lu Han laughed at my remark before he spoke once again. “Hey, can I still take you home?” He asked heartily. His face still showed hope so I gave in and nodded.

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