Why can't I have you?

This is the only thought that is spinning like a broken record in my head every time I see you.

You smile like there no worries in the world and I do believe there's none in yours. Thought you are the biggest pain in mine. Why can't I just have you, huh?

Will someone answer my question? Will it be you Jung Hoseok?

I spaced out at the lecture again and there I am scolded for the same reason a hundredth time. And the reason of this unhealthy daydreaming is you...   

Why can't I just wipe you out of my thoughts like any other unnecessary thing in my life?

I just can't...

You know I write lyric about you, about the love that I can't have and about your stupid stupid gorgeous smile.

You are written in every page of that cheap notebook that I carry around everywhere just to have you close to me and...

What the ... I can't find it...

-----------------------------

There is a black notebook in my locker and even if I know I didn't left it there it looks slightly familiar. I reached out for it but then froze. What if it's there "Death Note" written on it...

A smack on my back scared the out of me and the notebook was now laying stretched out on the floor. I leaned to pick it up holding in my breath but as soon as turned it over I let out a sigh of relief it was just a normal notebook fully written pages and doodles on the margins. Still why was it in my locker?

"Damn, Hoseok, how long are you going to space out, huh? I'm standing there forever, do you want be late again?" someone nagged from above and i didn't need to look at it to know it's Park Jimin, my classmate, neighbor and sadly best friend.

I packed the notebook with my other stuff into the backpack and turned to go as if he weren't here just because it was fun to .

"Hoseok, you stupid mushroom, don't you dare ignore me!" He shouted and grabbed my hand to stop me from getting any further.

"Is it possible to get shorter over the night? I almost couldn't see you, Jiminie" I grinned at him an crashed into someone while dodging a punch.

"Sorry" I said to a guy with a pinkish orange hair and a feline like eyes, who's face looked familiar but I still couldn't remember his name. He only frowned at me and walked away.

Jess, that was cold, I know you can't be liked by everyone, but he could at least be polite. It wouldn't hurt even for a grumpy cat like him...

We walked into the classroom Jimin was blabbering something but I didn't listen to him, not like I will miss something important he only talk about the kid he met at the gym, Jungkook or something like that.

I picked us nice places in the middle of the row and looked around the auditorium, you would be surprised how little people took the poetry course.

Grumpy cat with a 4D ( I don't know his name but everyone called him that ) kid was sitting not that far away from me and Jimin, who was still talking, seriously God gave him such a big mouth and he could search for a better ways to use it...

Though not just pinkish orange hair picked up my interest but the way grumpy cat was searching for something, he was trashing all over the place, fussing like he lost a diamond or something. Sad but that is what you get for being so uncivilized, dude.

I decided to mind my own business and turned away from them to take out the stuff i will need for the lecture. The black notebook cough my sight and curiosity got me.

For my Hope it said and the one who wrote it had a pretty nice handwriting. It was delicate but wasn't girly, more like it was written by someone with pretty hands.

The second page was way more interesting.

"Mr. Jung, I'm sure whatever you are reading right now is more interesting than the lecture, please share it with everyone" I heard the professor's voice and it sounded more like a school thing to say, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't stood up and read it out load just to piss her off.

So I did.

First meet, first text, first phone call
First date, first kiss
In our own space, I want everything to be a first with you
I have an eating disorder, whatever I eat, I’m still hungry for you
The word “addiction” can’t express all of this...

"Do I need to continue?" I asked as everyone was looking at me.

"No, you can sit down, now"

Everyone's eyes was still at me, even grumpy cat was looking at me with his mouth agape, 4D was smirking, but who I am to question alien's behavior? So I just did as I was told.

Jimin elbowed me as I was now sitting beside him.

"Dude, you are quite a poet, why I didn't knew about it?" he asked as much as I wanted to I wasn't the one to take someone else's glory.

"It's not mine, idiot" I said...

"Then who's?"

"I have no idea..."

------------------------------

This is a dream right, I ing nightmare to be exact, Jung Hoseok is not holding my notebook and reading what I wrote about him for everyone to hear.

Someone wake me up, this is so embarrassing...

"Tae, please tell me it's not real" I cried out as my face collided with a desk.

"There is a lot of things we call reality.."

"Cut the crap, and just tell me what I need to hear"

"Jund Hoseok just read your super secret thoughts about him in front of all poetry class"

"Oh, me...." I sighted into the desk.

"He might do it, if you ask him nicely"

why are you even my friend Kim Taehyung, you so cruel...

---------------------------------

I was in the middle of meeting Jimin's loverboy when I got a text from a stranger more over the text was strange itself.

  stranger:Leave it on your desk after your first lecture tomorrow morning

me:Leave what?

  stranger:The NOTEBOOK

me:Caps lock problem?

"Hoseok, can you please pay attention, it's important to me" Jimin was nagging at me again.

"I'm not your mother, why do you need my approval?" I asked him as i packed my phone in my pocket, stranger can wait.

"I know you give a about me deep in that rock you call a heart"

"Whatever you want to believe in, Jiminie"

"Okay we almost here" he said when we reached a small restaurant.

"Your boytoy is beef bulgogi fan?"

I earned a punch that I couldn't dodge.

"Stop being an "

Okay maybe I'm being a bit too much, but it's fun isn't it?

"there, you see the guy with orange hair? we going there" he pointed somewhere.

Pinkish orange mop of hair looked like a torch in the sea of people.

"you dating grumpy cat?"

For an unknown reason i didn't liked the idea of it.

"what?" he widened his eyes at me.

"the one with outstanding hair"

"No, can't you see he's wearing a waiter's uniform?"

"Oh you right" I sighted and we finally reached our table where was sitting a black haired guy with bunny teeth and 4D, the grumpy was gone.

"You here" bunny teeth said as he stood up to hug my friend.

"Hi, my name is Jungkook, you must be Hoseok" he reached his hand to shake mine but I didn't returned the gesture.

"Nice teeth" I said instead and sat down in front of the empty seat.

He stopped smiling and introduced me to another kid in the other side of the table.

So alien's name was Taehyung.

"When Yoongi's shift ends he will join us" Jungkook said and I couldn't wait to meet another freak.

I pulled out my phone and checked if the stranger texted me back or not.

there was no message, boring.

"So you as much of a as Jimin told us" the deep voice which didn't matched anyone's from our table said.

I lifted my eyes from my phone, Jimin and Jungkook left me with a 4D who was now staring at me.

"Excuse me?"

"You are a , Jimin told us not to take anything you say seriously" he stated his eyes still looked at me as if I was the alien here, it felt uncomfortable. "I don't give a what you say about me, Jungkook too, but if you'll be mean to Yoongi I will cut you balls and send it to as an early chistmas present"

I choked, he wasn't serious was he?

"Is that a joke?"

"Try me" he said boldly.

"Hey, where's jikook?" A new face joined our table and indeed it was grumpy cat, now in casual clothes. It fit him.

"Jikook? seriously?"

Yoongi turned into me, suddenly not that grumpy anymore, he was wearing a scared expression on his face, but still looked like a cat.

"hmm?" even the noises he made was cat like, amusing.

"Nothing" I held back a snarky comment, remembering aliens words, it's not like I'm scared or anything, it's just that my balls are precious to me.

Yoongi was still starring at me from the other end of the table, maybe waiting for me to say something, but before I even opened my mouth the lovebirds were back.

"Got some fun without me?" I asked and Jimin was glaring at me as if he was planning to kill me any moment. No one answered the question though, no fun.

God, I just wanted to pick on on that pinkish orange tomato in front of me, but Taehyung was eyeing me so I didn't dare.

Seriously how long can a person be blushing nonstop? It seems Yoongi has no limit for that. Was he simply too shy or is it me too hot to handle? Still couldn't say anything about it.

Back to mystery person:

me: What is it cat got your tongue? If you won't answer me you can kiss your notebook goodbye.

I heard someone's phone buzzing. Grumpy cat checked his phone, coincidence?

"My mom wants me back, sorry guys I have to go" He stood up from the table, didn't even waited for our beef to come.

Soon after I got a text.

  stranger: What's wrong with you?

me: I'm not the one leaving my belongings in other people lockers.

  stranger: Your locker? How did it end up in there?

me: Maybe because I'm your Hope

no answer...

--------------------------------

God why do you have to be such a jerk?

Your looks a perfection but every time you open that mouth of yours I want to offer you some soup to wash it with...

me: Where's my notebook?

    Hoseok: In my backpack, come and get it, coward.

this is so frustrating...

   Hoseok: What are you wearing?

Seriously? Is he a ert or just trying to figure out who's texting him.

me: leather

  Hosoek: pants? or jacket?

me: jumpsuit

  Hoseok: y

me: you don't even know who are you flirting with, you don't know me.

  Hoseok: I know you in this class, I know your eyes are brown and I know your cheeks are red at the moment.

me: I'm pale

  Hoseok: like suga

  Hoseok: *Sugar

  Hoseok: Tell me your name.

me: no

  Hoseok: ok I'll just call you Suga then :D your poetry is just as sweet.

me: it's not poetry , it's lyrics.

  Hoseok: songs?

me: rap

  Hoseok: I assume you are guy then

me: can you be more ist?

  Hoseok: so a girl?

me: no

me: I mean you won't ever know.

  Hoseok: so you are a guy.

me: I didn't said that.

  Hoseok: yes you did.

  Hoseok: wait, the lyrics is about guy too, so you gay?

me: you annoying

  Hoseok:  it's about me, isn't it? did you put it in my locker, as a confession?

me: i didn't put anything in your locker.

  Hoseok: well someone did

me: not me.

  Hoseok: too shy? Am I your secret crush?

me: your self confidence is making me sick.

  Hoseok: then why are you blushing, Suga?

Does he know? I turned to him, our eyes met, damn that smirk.

  Hoseok: Got you, Yoongi :)

-------------------------------------

I decided to wait for everyone to get out of the classroom, so I wouldn't have to meet a certain someone. But Hoseok was still here sitting in his place and looking at the passing people as if searching for someone, I assume me. Damn it. If I close my eyes will he not see me?

I guess not, because after a minute we were the only one's left and he was walking towards me. I was looking at the desk trying to breathe normally and pretend to be occupied with my notes, as if he doesn't know that I'm just staring blankly at the papers. God I was never so embarrassed in my whole life.

He stopped right in front of me, I didn't dare to look at him.

"Not so sassy now, Yoongi?" I pretended I didn't heard him, hopping he will go away if I ignore him.

"Don't you want something from me, Yoongi?

Why does he have to say my name with that tone.

"Or should I call you Suga? you really look sweet you know" I could only hear my heartbeat in my ears I bet my face was so ing red at the moment.

"Talk to me, Yoongi" he did that again, oh my God "or I will burn you little notebook here and now"

I heard the click of the zippo lighter and the rustling of the papers.

"No!" I shouted as i jumped from the chair and tried to get the hold of my notebook in Hoseok's hand. Of course he had to lift it up so I couldn't reach it.

"Wait, wait, wait, not so fast, Yoongi, tell me who's your HOPE first" he said and I did a mistake, I looked at his face, that bastard was smirking at me, it was funny for him. God daaaaaaaamn it.

"Why do you even care?" I gathered all my courage for that one question.

"I'm just interest who turned this little grumpy cat into a fluff ball"

"You're talking " I said and kicked him where it hurts the most.

Then grabbed my backpack and other stuff while he was whining in pain. 

"You can keep the notebook, it's originally for as much of an asshat as you, Jung Hoseok"

---------------------------------------------

I can't believe myself. 

Why do I have to act so foolish when I'm embarrassed? He will probably hate me now... And he will burn my notebook... burn all of my thoughts of him...

I'm ed... 

"Yoongi, your shift started 5 minutes ago, what the hell are you doing?" an annoyed voice ended my self pity fest as soon as it started.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted from the locker room as I buttoned my shirt and walked out into the restaurant. 

Yeah I'm a waiter, it's lame I know...

----------------------------------------------

After a two hours I was already exhausted, but it wasn't as crowded as before so I didn't need to run from one table to another.

Soon I saw Jungkook, he was a regular, I swear that kid could eat beef everyday and never get sick of it.

"Hey! You alone today?" I asked as I approached his table. 

"Yeah, Jimin said he had to help his mother with something, talking about Jimin he gave me something to hand over to you" 

"What would Jimin want to give me?" 

"I have no idea" he said as handed out a package, wrapped into a brown paper. 

I unwrapped it.

"Oh it's not from Jimin, it's from Hoseok" I said as I recognized my notebook.

"That asshat?" 

I nodded. 

And there were a sticky note too:

Sorry, I got too far

----------------------------------------

"What's wrong?" Jimin asked.

"If I knew we were going to move your ing furniture I wouldn't have came here" 

"No it's something else, you never been so gloomy before" he said that smart , theres nothing wrong with me.

"I'm fine, perfectly fine, and it would be even finer if you just shut up and get back to work, I don't want to spend all of the Friday night here" I said and Jimin, thanks God, didn't said anything.

The vibration of my phone made me drop a heavy box on my foot. I fished the damn thing out of my pocket trying not to think about unbearable pain. 

Grumpy cat: You always go too far... IDIOT.

Never being called an idiot made me smile so much... 

me: But you still like me, right?

Grumpy cat: NO ING WAY.

me: I know you do, don't be shy.

Grumpy cat: I'm not shy, you er.

me: Prove it, in 30 mins, basketball court.

-------------------------------------------

I'm an idiot, ing idiot. I didn't texted him back but I'm still here waiting here like an idiot I am. And he's not coming. Of course he's not. It was all a joke. 

"Yoongi, that's you?" 

I could recognize that voice anywhere. I opened my eyes and picked my self from the ground I was laying on. 

"You here" I said and mentally palm faced my self of course he's here. Flawless as always and standing just in front of me with that stupid gorgeous grin. 

"Wanna make a bet?" he asked out of nowhere.

"No" I can't trust him...

"C'on it will be fun" 

"I can't imagine anything fun with you" 

"It's just a basketball game, who scores first wins, the loser has to do something the winner asks" he explains thought I never agreed in the first place and suddenly there's a basketball ball in his hands, and I have no idea where he got it.

"You know that I'm a captain of the basketball team?" I asked him.

"I do"

"And you still want to play against me?" god he makes no sense, who makes a bet when he knows he'll lose?

"Yes" the answer was determined, got he really has overrated self confidence. 

"You're an idiot, you know that?" 

"Yes, I know, you said that before, but I still want to try my luck with you. So you in?" 

"Bring it on" I smiled and let him start first.

---------------------------------------------

What the ? How could I have lost to that show off... 

"You know what that means, right, Yoongi?" he asked all smiles. 

"What the do you want?" I asked still mad at myself, for going to easy on him. 

He came closer to me still panting because of a game, and couldn't hold his gaze and let my eyes wonder to the floor. 

"Look at me,Yoongi" he said and I smirked.

"Is that your request?" I meet his eyes once again.

"No" he said and leaned in to ing kiss me. 

Lord have mercy, Jung Hoseok just kissed me, with his perfect heart shaped lips and I didn't even closed my eyes.

"My request: can I be your hope?" my heart was beating so fast I could barely hear him. 

It was the first time I saw that honest look on his face and I couldn't stop myself as I kissed him again.

"Idiot, you always were my hope"