The air was could, which was really an irony since they were days away from summer; especially considering the fact that Junmyeon was actually standing at the rooftop of the hospital facility, a little later after the sun had risen, curled up in a little ball, near the edge, looking at the scenery in front of his eyes.

The day had come bright and without a single cloud ruining the perfect pale blue sky, these were the kind of days that Junmyeon like the most. He liked the sunrays in his face, the positive vibe transmitted by the bright colors and the serene laziness of the cool breeze against his skin.

Today, however, the day never seemed so dull, so bland, and so immensely dark. To tell the truth, it didn’t even faze him; not even a bit. He didn’t care and how could he? All that he could think of was his dongsaeng, who was lying on a hospital bed, after fighting for his life because of his mistakes.

Mistakes…he didn’t even know how to start on that topic. His first mistake was not realizing Kris’ needs, no matter how hard the other tried, no one had given him the much deserved recognition and he had left; left because he deserved better. He kicked himself for not noticing soon, not standing up for him, not helping more. Now, Kris was gone.

When Kris left, the hole he had left behind was immeasurable, his hyungs and dongsaengs needed guidance and love and he didn’t know what to do at the time, how to deal with everything and some of the members and slipped a little more than he could imagine, like Baekhyun, like Luhan, like Tao. The spark they had was diminished and he hadn’t known how to reignite it.

 Then Luhan happened. Junmyeon should have seen it, and if he thought about it long enough, he had seen it coming; he just had chosen to turn a blind eye. He should have seen the emptiness in Luhan’s gaze, the evanescence of his smile, the guarded attitude. Luhan was too much like a trapped bird, who longed to be set free, and so he did; Luhan grew wings one day and flew away, choosing his own path and being blissfully free.

Junmyeon recalled all the times he watched his hyung, the hyung who he loved so much, and saw him fade away but his own selfishness didn’t allow him to let him go, he wanted Luhan next to him, to cherish, to love and to take care of; now, he had nothing.

He hadn’t really know when he had fallen in love with the other male, he couldn’t pinpoint a date were he had woken up and stated that he loved him. If there was a fine line between love and hate, there was an even finer line between friendship and love and for him, that line made both realities blend with one another and become inseparable from the other.

The shy smiles made his heart beat a tiny bit faster, the laughter made his skin tingle warmly, the gentle attitude appeased his tired soul and caring mended his heart every single time. It was all that and more. Junmyeon could spent hours detailing every single aspect that he found so alluring in the other man but nor it was the moment, nor did he forget that, in the end, his secret love for Luhan had been his downfall.

When Luhan left, Junmyeon seriously thought that someone had skinned him alive and then poured salt and lemon juice over his exposed flesh; gruesome but absolutely true. It was as if he had become hollower than he had been at the moment and it had hurt. He actually didn’t know if it hurt him more that Luhan had left his side without giving him time to confess, or the fact that he didn’t know what Luhan felt for him.

Minseok found him like that, a lot latter considering the amount of area that he had to search in, staring blankly ahead, not minding anything else, not the cold air, not his calls, not even his presence. Minseok had touched him gently on the shoulder but aside from the clenching of muscles, the older man didn’t receive any other response.

“Junmyeon?” he called, frowning when the other merely glanced at him before turning his face, yet again, to the sky.

He sat down near the other man and called him once more; at the other silence stance, he sighed before quietly and very gently, saying the words he had been keeping in his heart for a while.

“Junmyeon, I am not going to sugarcoat things for you, I refuse to disrespect you by telling you lies, but this was partially your fault. I know that things have been stressful lately, it’s too many at the same time and it is clearly been taking a toll on you, as it has been taking a toll on everybody, however, there was a better way to deal with those matters without recurring to alcohol as you did, especially when you have supporting friends, right here next to you. We may not be perfect, we are very childish and noisy and we give you too many headaches, but we do care and we do appreciate you, so we would always give you a hand if you needed us. You didn’t come to us and, in a way, it hurt; neglecting us and blatantly disregarding our feelings and help was…something that I wasn’t expecting from you. What really saddens me is the fact that the person who never gave up on helping you, even when you pushed him aside so evidently, was severely hurt by something you did, unconsciously it’s true, but you did. However, this is partially our fault too; we gave up on you, we forget that we are a family and we forget to stick together and have each other’s backs. Baekhyun shouldn’t had been the only one who tried to help you; we all should have done it, and I feel really guilty for allowing you to crumble like this and not doing anything to stop it. Or at least, I should have done more! We all should have done more and, for that, I am really sorry that I let you and Baekhyun down. Also, I want to tell you that I am not mad at you, not even one bit. And none of the guys is mad at you either, we are just too tired and still shocked to core. We are just a mess right now and people are just trying to find someone to blame and it’s easier for them to just blame you, even though they really shouldn’t because it’s everyone’s fault, except Baekhyun that is! And I really want to add that, even though I am really late on this, I am here for you whenever you need me, okay?”

Junmyeon said nothing, he just stared ahead the whole time and Minseok was left wandering if the other had listen to anything he said when the other finally spoke, voice soft and raspy.

“Have you ever wondered how it feels to fly?”

Minseok stared at the other’s profile a little confused by the question.

“Maybe? I mean, haven’t we all?”

“Sometimes I just wish to leap into the air and let the wind carry me away from everything; to let me wander around between everywhere and nowhere and never let me touch ground.”

“Junmyeon?”

“Freedom…that sounds such an impossible thing to achieve. As much as I would like, it seems that I always have strings attached to me and, no matter how many times I try to break them; it always seems that they twist and twine deeper into me. Now? Now I feel like a have this thick rope tied up to my neck and the knot keeps pulling it against my throat, inch by inch. And the worst thing? I put it there because I simply a worthless piece of crap that actually hurts people who shown nothing but love towards me. I might live a thousand lives and not even then I would suffer enough to pay for this. No penance can be enough!”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself Junmyeon. It was a mistake, sure, but you can turn things over. Now, our focus is Baekhyun, but when he wakes up, prove him that he was right to stay by your side and to believe that you are an excellent person, as you are. We forgive you, learn to forgive yourself.”

Junmyeon looked at him for the first time, eyes red and puffy, cheeks marked with tear tracks and absolutely broken eyes. It was such a devastating sight that Minseok pulled the other slightly into his embrace, drawing his face into the slope of his shoulder. Comfortably nested on his hyung, Junmyeon let a sob erupt, once again, from his mouth, eyes already pouring the stubborn tears that his body wouldn’t tire itself from producing. The whispered sentence that Minseok heard next broke his heart.

“I don’t know how to forgive myself hyung!”

Sehun angrily walked around the hospital floor until he found an empty room. He got in quickly and let an inhuman yell out, punching a wall repeatedly just to vent all of his frustrations. He was angry, so angry with everything; with the fact that he had been in China when this incident happened, for not being able to protect Baekhyun, to have his hyung lying on a hospital bed in a coma and most importantly, he was so angry at Junmeyon for starting all of this; beyond angry even. He had really wanted to punch the living daylights out of their stupid leader when he found him, the useless bastard.

He picked a plastic chair that was by the door and hurled it at the wall, when it didn’t broke, he picked it up again and bashed it countless times against it, content in hearing the much satisfying crunch of plastic bending.

When he finally ran out of energy, he threw the chair or at least its remains to the floor and lay down on the hospital floor, looking at the white, luminescent ceiling; it was so white that it seemed to sparkle. Behind his now closed eyes, Baekhyun’s image seemed to be imprinted behind his eyelids; his radiant smile and the crinkle of his eyes whenever the older smiled. The thought made his lips turn a little bit upwards. He always seemed to smile when it came to his hyung. People often saw Baekhyun as a sassy, smart mouthed person but he was truly more than that, actually all of them were more than people perceived, however Baekhyun had something about him that drew people to him, like a magnetism that attracted Sehun to no one, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it, or else we would never hear the end of it, Tao and Chanyeol wouldn’t allow it.

He loved his hyung’s innocent ways, the gentle, motherly affection that he bestow upon others and the determination on the other, that kept on going even when everything seemed lost. He was a gem, a radiating, precious gem. He was light. He never realized how poetic, or ironic, that it had been Baekhyun’s assigned power until now.

An angry tear slipped past his closed eyelid and made its way down his cheekbone and past his neck, ultimately landing on the floor. His little light had almost been extinguished and right now it was nothing more than a fading glow in the distant, obliviously lost in whatever world he was walking across in his comatose state.

“I was wandering where you were.” commented a voice from the doorway.

Sehun leaned his head back and saw Yixing and Tao standing there. He wiped away some tears that had managed to escape.

“Go away!” he grumbled, resting an arm above his eyes, shielding his face from them.

“We won’t.” stated Yixing before sitting next to him, while Tao sat on the other side.

“You know” started Tao “you were really a right now to Junmyeon hyung.”

“Do not mention him to me.”

“I need to. Besides I am just stating a fact, you were rude beyond the point of necessary; you have every right to be angry with him right now what some of the stuff you said to him was just mean and pointless.”

“Are you siding with him?” asked Sehun with disbelief painting his voice.

“I am not. I am very mad at him right now, however I still think that you went over the line ‘you should never been born’? Come on Sehun!”

“I think” interjected Yixing softly “that no matter how angry you are at someone, no matter how you dislike her at the moment, there are some lines that should never been crossed, such as this one. Blatantly telling someone that his life is not worthy and it would be best to be dead? That is a very serious thing and no one should hear that, regardless what they did. Every life is created with a purpose, be it bad or good, and you are no one to tell someone that he is, or isn’t, enough to be alive.”

“Besides, you are so consumed with this anger that you are forgetting the most important thing here which is Baekhyun. And maybe Jongin too, because he really seemed very traumatized by the all experience and I am not really sure how badly it had affected him. He is quite close to Baekhyun and to assist to such thing must have been hell on Earth for him.”

Sehun sighed. What they said made some sense, while didn’t quite agreed with Yixing’s point of view, who was a pacifist through and through, he agreed that Baekhyun should be his focus now.

“What I don’t understand is you need to protect him and his honor all the time. You say that Baekhyun is only your hyung, that he is just a friend, but you act like an enraged boyfriend all of the time. You should stop denying that you like him and grab him at once because life is too short and he almost became an example of that, as much as I hate to say it.”

Sehun slapped Tao on the leg, making the other whine.

“Don’t even joke with that!”

“I said I didn’t want to say it! Stop hitting me!”

“Sehun,” interrupted Yixing softly, making the other two stop and pay attention to him. “Tao is right though. Don’t let your anger consume you, concentrate on Baekhyun right now and give time some time; for him to wake up, for you to get a grip on your thoughts and feelings, to everything cool down and then, only then, when you really meant your words, speak with him, whether it’s Baekhyun or Junmyeon. Only then okay. Things have been hard on everyone, please don’t make it worse. I am not asking you to forgive but an apology would do wonders, okay?”

“Okay hyung.” acquiesced Sehun understanding that Yixing’s advice would bring everyone a little bit of peace in this tough moment, if he did apologize.

“Good!” replied the other smiling sweetly, dimples showing and making him appear less tired than he was just seconds ago. “Now, if you will excuse me, I will go look for something to eat.”

When Yixing went out of the door, Sehun felt his body deflect a little bit, since the calm conversation he just had, adding to the anger management exercise with the chair he had done previously, had managed to relax him a tiny fraction, leaving him with a heavy mind and body. He rested his head on Tao’s legs and sighed in satisfaction when the older ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yixing is right you know? You should focus on Baekhyun right now and if you can’t really face Junmyeon right now, at least apologize to him and then ignore him until your head gets on a better place than it is at the moment. We all have been going through a rough moment and this was the least that we needed but it is a reality, so please to not add fuel to the fire. Promise me that Sehun!” begged Tao.

Sehun looked at his best friend and saw the same tired face that was now so common between his EXO boys. While he didn’t like what he was just asked, he understood the need of not stressing anyone any further, so, for now, he would comply.

For Baekhyun and for his hyungs.

He would apologize.

“I promise!”

A/N: First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAEKHYUN! Since it's now 5th May in my country and Korea as well, nothing better than celebrating Baby Baek's day with a new chapter. It is a shorter chapter, it's mostly a filler. I hope you like it and if so let me know.

Secondly, I am really sorry for not being able to update as regularly as I used to, but I have been having so much work and other things to do, and the day only have 24h which is simply not enough. I am a little bit tired but I will soldier on!! Anyways, lot's of love to you all and have an amazing day! <3