Shock. That was what Junmyeon felt hearing those words. He could not believe they were uttered, let alone that they were spoken to him. He was the recipient of those words. The thought alone kept swimming around in his head; did it actually happened?

He looked blankly at Luhan, clearly expecting the other to elaborate or add something else to the sentence he had just uttered. Luhan, clearly understanding the conundrum the other appear to be in, chuckled lightly.

“Yes, Junmyeon, I am talking to you and I am saying what you think I am saying!”

“I… it’s just! I really don’t…Why are you saying this to me?” stuttered Junmyeon, feeling himself flush hating it with a great force.

“Why do you think I am saying this?”

“I don’t know! Is it pity? Because if it is…”

“Who do you mistake me for? I would never say this out of pity, you know me better than that Junmyeon.” chided Luhan softly, gazing at Junmyeon gently.

“What am I supposed to think Luhan? I am not stupid, I know you and all the others must have despised me, if you still don’t, because of happened to Baekhyun. Because of something that I did! I know that I keep repeating myself but it was something unforgivable, at least in my point of view!”

“Explain it to me, why is it so unimaginable me loving you?” questioned Luhan, taking hold of Junmyeon’s hands and bringing them to his chest, bringing Junmyeon with him.

The closeness of Luhan made the leader feel a little caged and he soon tried to break free but Luhan didn’t allow him to and Junmyeon, after a few tries, decided to stop trying, sagging against Luhan, absolutely defeated.

“I’m not a good person” he started “I have a short temper, I am impatient and, at times, I only look after myself and I forget the others. When we were to debut as EXO and they announced that I was the leader, along with Kris, I felt trapped, as if I could be Junmyeon anymore and had to assume more strongly the role of Suho, the young leader who is known for being polite and take good care of his team members. It was a responsibility that I didn’t want at the beginning because I felt too pressured. However, Kris was there and he helped me lead; we shared our responsibilities and we made sure that everything went alright. But, as we know, good things never last too long; we grew as a group and got popular and, in a blink of an eye, Kris is not there anymore. My pillar, my rock was gone. I get that he wanted to pursue his dreams but I felt so betrayed; you could say I felt like a cheated person whose partner just left them with a great charge and never looked back. When Kris went away, all of the responsibilities lay upon me; people depended solely on me, I had no one to sought when it came to these matters and it was a heavy burden to carry alone; at least I felt like it was. The only thing that kept me going at the time was the fact that I had you guys. But then… you left!”

The last bit was whispered in such a low tone of voice that even Luhan, who had been pretty much glued to Junmyeon, was having difficulties in hearing the other man. Nonetheless he understood well enough. He understood all that Junmeyon had said and all that Junmyeon hadn’t said, all the implicit words that were weaved upon his careful speech.

“And why was my absence so hard? Tell me, Junmyeon? Why did it made a difference?” he asked, a little bit maliciously he would have to admit. Junmyeon was caught by surprise by his sudden confession and was very docile and talkative at the moment, had he not confessed to the other man, the things would be very different he would guess. Also, it gave the other an opportunity to finally release all that he had been repressing for a while, which only did him good.

“You were the closest to me! You were my little bit of paradise when everything was just too much.” blurted Junmyeon, immediately covering his mouth when he realized the implication of his words.

“You are saying that I was important?” pressed Luhan.

“You are important!” replied Junmyeon absentmindedly, making Luhan smirk.

The older man was elated to hear that poorly hidden affection on the other words; he rested his head on the younger man shoulder, almost making him stumble thanks to the added weight.

“You didn’t you tell me Junmyeon?”

“I simply am not the best person when it comes to open up to others and tell them what’s on my mind, or my heart for the matter.” replied the leader after a while, when he figured out the true meaning of the question “Also, if I told you, you wouldn’t dare to fly away from us and that would have been your mistake; telling you would be a hindrance.”

“Baekhyun knew…”

“Baekhyun knows everything. He’s an observant person and he cares more about us than he lets on, so it was only a matter of time.”

“So why did you…” asked Luhan pausing at the middle of the sentence not knowing how to say it and not hurt Junmyeon.

“Why did I hurt him? I was drunk; as simple as that. There is no excuse and I take all the blame. You were gone, he knew and, for some reason, it was painful for me to know that he was aware and you weren’t. So I turned myself into alcohol bottles and everything spiraled downwards after that. I didn’t intend to but I focused too much on myself and lost complete notion of reality. I didn’t understand that I was letting myself be completely consumed by grief and that that was destroying me. Baekhyun was the unfortunate victim of all of this. I feel so bad, he tried to help me and all I did was push him away.” muttered the younger of the two, face hidden on the material of Luhan’s shirt “And I am scared that it will happen again. I am scared right now that you are gonna leave through that door completely disgusted by me. I am scared to wake up and find that this is a dream and when I wake up reality will slap me in the face with its brutality.”

“I don’t think that it will happen again and everybody agrees; you’ve realized that this was a situation where you have passed your limits and you immediately redraw the line and I doubt that you’ll pass that line again, knowing what can happen.”

“I’m more worried that I’ll return to alcohol if anything goes wrong again!”

“Then you can always go through rehab, not as an alcoholic but there are specialists who can show you a healthier way to deal with things, how about that?”

“I think it’s a good option!”

They stood in silence, in each other’s arms, just resting. Junmyeon felt the tension that had been building in his body for so long disappearing all thanks to his hyung presence. Also, never once he would imagine that he could talk so freely to him, despite all the chaos that had happened, without feeling too much guilty. He felt so free and so secure, like he truly belonged.

“You didn’t you tell me?” asked Luhan, a little bit after, in a whisper, trying not to break the serene atmosphere that was created.

“Would you? Would you tell so carelessly something with that much of a meaning, without knowing it was returned? I wouldn’t, hence the reason why I didn’t tell you.”

“To tell you the truth, only when I heard you had ran away did I think, for a very long time of what you mean to me. Realizing that we almost lost you and you were going through a tough phase was enough, you running away was the final drop. I didn’t even need to think too much about it; it was like an epiphany, only then I realized all those times when I dreamt of you, all those times that your smile would allow me to relax enough to sleep peacefully, all those times when I felt empty and never knew way. My life finds meaning with you.”

“But…”

“No buts! Look at everyone around us, they are finding happiness, we can’t let it slip away just because we feel insecure. Regarding your problem, what can I say? Everyone makes mistakes, every single one of us, and I am not going to like you any less because of what happened! I’ll admit I was very upset at the beginning, mainly because Baekhyun was really hurt but because this wasn’t the Junmyeon I knew! But seeing your sorrow, how hurtful it had been for you, I couldn’t stay mad because I found the Junmyeon I knew, a timid and shy Junmyeon, but my Junmyeon! And I want to hold you and treasure you and never let you go”

“Can it be this simple though?” asked the leader, looking into Luhan’s eyes.

“It can! Just let your heart speak and don’t hold on too much on the past, what’s done it’s done, let us move into the future!”

“What if I can? I still can’t forget all that happen and I still feel so insecure!”

Luhan embraced the other tightly in his arms, rocking them from side to side; fingers reaching up, to the younger’s head, to play with the soft strands of hair.

“We’ll take everything at your pace, whatever this may turn how to be, and regardless of what happen, we will always remain special to each other. Can you agree with that?”

Junmyeon lifted his head from where it rested, in Luhan’s chest, and gave the other a small smile, still very shy.

“I can.”

“Perfect!” muttered Luhan before pecking the smaller’s lips “Let’s start this journey then; together!”

To say the journey was a fun walk on the park was a lie, however compared to all the drama that had unfold, things were definitely better. It had been hard for some of them to be parted of their loved ones, meaning Minseok and Junmyeon, when Kris and Luhan had to return to China to proceed with their jobs. However, and thankfully, they both accepted far less work than usual in order to return to Korea as soon as they could to reunite with their boyfriends. Minseok, the oldest, was stoic about it but everybody could see he missed Kris like a severed limb every time the giant went away. It was always the little things that would tattle him, like the fact that he would skip dinner in order to go to bed, which really meant that he went to his bedroom to sulk, normally it would take Junmeyon or Jongin to take him out of this state, since Minseok was powerless to Jongin’s cute face.

Jongin was a little bit shaken by all that had happened, more than anyone would ever think. The poor boy had been clinging to Baekhyun, leaving Chanyeol and Sehun absolutely frustrated, and refused to let go of his hyung out of sight. His friends found nothing strange about it until the day Jongin had a panic attack when Baekhyun left the dorm and returned much later than he intended. It had been a horrifying moment, where all the EXO members looked helplessly at Jongin who gasped for air and almost pass out if not by rational Kyungsoo who had given him a slap and ordered him to calm down. The next logical step was to take Jongin to a specialist and they all found out that Jongin had developed PTSD. Chanyeol had been particularly devastated when he found out and Baekhyun felt really guilty. Thankfully, with some guidance from a doctor, Jongin had been far better than he was, even though he would still stick to Baekhyun like a glued item.

Baekhyun was still a loveable midget but the scar on his neck, while it didn’t bother him too much, was a hot topic when people found out and a couple of comments had made him very insecure. It was hurtful to everyone to see their favorite midget like that and Sehun took the matter into his own hands, by publicly making an announcement to everybody asking them to stop commenting on the scar and saying that everybody should be proud of Baekhyun since that scar proved he was not only a survivor but also a life savior. That bold statement had raised all the attentions to him; people wondered what he was referring to and what could be the meaning behind his cryptic words, however, to their disappointment, the maknae hadn’t elaborate any further. Baekhyun had been elated to see his boyfriend come up in his defense as much as he was annoyed; he had a really long chat with Sehun about it, where he told the other he was no damsel in distress and could fight his own fights. However, the chat was quite counterproductive since he ended it up in Sehun’s lap, making out furiously with his boyfriend; if not for the fact that Tao had walked in on them, things would have escalated to a whole another level.

When Tao and Yixing had returned to Korea, after their short absence, they found everything not like they left; in fact everything was polar opposite from it: Baekhyun was with Sehun, Kris with Minseok and even Junmyeon and Luhan. He had protested, to anyone who listened, read Yixing, that he also wanted to experience love and then he whined a little bit more about how no one liked him and that he was destined to be alone. He would continue to do so if Yixing hadn’t kissed him, leaving everyone with their mouth hanging open, including Tao. The kiss purpose was to shut up Tao but it had evolved soon after to a budding relationship and Baekhyun and Chanyeol had cooed hard at the awkward new couple, while the others smirked and catcalled whenever they could, which meant that Junmyeon had to come and stop them all at some point.

Junmyeon had made a lot of progress in the meantime; he had sought counseling with a therapist and had discovered that playing sports helped him to vent all his worries and stress. He would usually do something every night, dragging a different member each time which, not only helped him mend their relationship, rebuilding the trust between them, but helped him to get close to all of them in a way that he didn’t knew it was possible. For obvious reasons, he had grown close to Baekhyun, who became his confident.

In order to help Junmyeon deal with the responsibilities he had, every member would participate more and more in all that was EXO, from cleaning something, to attend meetings with Junmyeon and even taking care of each other, allowing EXO to become a well-oiled machine that had grew leaps and bounds thanks to the improved relationships.

All in all, even despite their bumpy ride, everyone had more than they had at the beginning, more love, more friends, more respect and a whole new perspective about each other and the world, that had let them mature into handsome young men so, while life was not excellent, it was more than good enough.

“You should put more sunscreen!”

“I have more than enough! Do you want me to look like lunatic?”

“Baekhyun…”

“Sehun…”

“Stop it you guys, we are on vacations!” yelled Jongdae, swinging in arms around, splashing water all around him and soaking Kyungsoo who slapped Jongdae across the head.

It had been months since the accident, and everyone was enjoying some nice vacations on Dhoni Mighili, an island on the Maldives. The island had been booked exclusively for them and they were having the time of their live, mainly because there were neither managers around them nor a multitude of fans; it was just them, good weather and a fantastic beach.

Junmyeon is lying on a beach towel, sunbathing a bit and watching everyone else: Jongdae was in the water splashing anyone within three miles radius but now he was swimming away from an angry Kyungsoo; when Kyungsoo finally reached him Jongdae lifted the smaller man in his arms, making Kyungsoo laugh and narrowing escaping from some horrendous torture the little Satan had prepared.

A few steps from him, Baekhyun and Sehun were arguing about sunscreen of all things; Sehun was asking his boyfriend to put a bit more sunscreen, especially on his neck, since his scar was still quite new but Baekhyun was getting easily irritated by the maknae. In the end, Baekhyun stomped of angrily and Sehun had scampered in pursuit of his tiny boyfriend, yelling apologies at him.

Chanyeol was busy building a sand castle with Tao’s help, both of them really working really hard in constructing something worth looking but, from the look of it, it looked more like small mountains of sand. They had asked Junmyeon’s opinion more than once and the leader had only smiled really big and incentivized them, while his mind cringed at their art.

Minseok, Jongin, Yixing and Kris were playing beach volley and it was a quite heated game since Junmyeon had to yell at them multiple times to ‘play nice’, since they were too much into it. It was still too cute watching how Minseok would snap at Kris when the taller man would spat something a little more rude than usual and the taller would immediately apologized. The oldest of them all was very pleased when his boyfriend announced that he would go on vacations with them.

He went for a quick dip in the ocean, to rid himself from the excess of sweat gathering atop of his skin due to the intense sun and when he returned, the volley game seemed to have ended; Kris and Minseok were cuddling in a beach chair, talking to each other in soft tones, pausing from time to time to peck the other. It was sweet until Jongdae passed by them, Kyungsoo by the hand and commented on how Minseok was way more toned than Kris was. The giant had spluttered much to everyone’s amusement but Minseok flipped Jongdae and proceeded to cuddle with his taller boyfriend while Kyungsoo pulled the troll master to take a stroll with him on the beach.

Jongin had joined Chanyeol in constructing a castle, praising his boyfriend who seemed very much well pleased with himself. The younger would search in the sand pretty seashells and would hand them to the older man for him to decorate the sand castle. Their relationship was too cute for words, Jongin would always indulge the older man and support his crazy decisions and Chanyeol was always at beck and call for the younger, even when he had stated it was not necessary.

Yixing and Tao were not in sight and Junmyeon sighed, if he caught them again in some bungalow that weren’t theirs they would be hell to pay, especially if said bungalow was Kyungsoo’s again; the smaller had not been a happy camper when he found Yixing and Tao making out on the couch in his and Jongdae’s bungalow.

Sehun and Baekhyun seemed to have made amends and were now in the water, Baekhyun in Sehun’s arms, talking and looking at one another with hearts in their gazes; their love was so noticeable to trained eyes, they simply could not be apart.

“People gazing?”

Junmyeon turned around to find Luhan walking in his direction.

“More or less.” he answered with a smile when the other sat next to him, drinks in hand. “You took a while.”

“Did I? I went by our bungalow to pick your sunglasses.” stated Luhan handing the younger his sunglasses.

The leader smiled at Luhan’s action; he had forgotten his sunglasses this morning in their bungalow and had complained to Baekhyun that his eyes were a little sensitive to the light today and Luhan must have heard him.

“Thank you!” muttered Junmyeon, giving a quick kiss to Luhan’s lips, feeling the older smile into the kiss.

Their relationship had grown steady despite its rocky start; Luhan had kept his promise and took things slowly for Junmyeon’s sake but the leader’s insecurities had led them through some hard times that they had surpassed together. Now, they were stronger than ever and Junmyeon thanked his lucky stars for blessing him with Luhan.

“What are you thinking right now?” asked Luhan against his lips.

“How happy I am and how ironic this all is.”

“What is?”

“The fact that I had to lose myself to find everything I was looking for and more!”

“That’s a good thing?” asked the older mischievously.

“It’s a very good thing!” replied Junmyeon with a laugh.

“Amazing!”

Without warning, Luhan picked Junmeyon up and spun him round and round, relieving the sound of his boyfriend laughter. When he put the other on the ground, he grabbed the leader’s face and gave him a kiss.

“Love you.”

“Love you more!” replied Junmeyon not missing a bit, letting a finger caress the soft angles in Luhan’s face, before letting go.

With a laugh he started walking backwards.

“Catch me!” he yelled, before taking off running, laughter falling from his lips like music.

Luhan observed his boyfriend running for about two seconds before following Junmyeon, muttering words that no one but the wind would hear.

“I always will, my silly Junmyeon.”

A/N: Aaaaand another story ended! How about that?! Did you enjoyed it? Are you happy with it? Let me know okay!
I wanted to thank each and every single one of you for staying with me in this journey and giving me love and support, words cannot express what it all meant to me! So thank you! 
I have another story on the verge of being posted so, if you like my work, watch out for it!
A lot of love to everyone and have a wonderful day!