Never gonna leave, that was the promise that she had made to her, she thought it would be forever.
At least as long as forever went. But now, she knows that it was wrong of her to think there would be a forever for them.
She gripped the sheets beside her, she missed her, deeply and passionately. She missed her so much her heart was hurting, she felt a constant pain in the left side of her chest and no matter what she did...it wouldn't go away.
She looked up to the ceiling but all that she could see on the white endlessness was her. Her face, her smile, her hair.
If she had anyway to erase the memory of her and only her...she would do it. But there is no easy way out from this.
She knew that from the point she left this bed. She saw her back as she got up, put on her clothes and left through that door.
She was something else entirely. But there was no one else to blame but herself, this had all been her fault, she had left because of her, because she wasn't strong enough to love only one person.
She looked at her phone, it was full of missed calls but they weren't from the person she expected, they weren't from the person who left...
Why should she answer? It was all ruined, it was all over. She had betrayed her trust, she had betrayed her love, she had grabbed the feelings she had for her and sullied them with her infidelity.
She felt disgusted at her own sight in the mirror, she felt destroyed by her own weakness, and if there was anyway to get her back, if there was anything that could bring her back...if someone asked her to do it right this instant.
She would, she would gladly, she would give part of her soul or body...that's how much she craved for her, that's how much she hadn't realized that she loved her.
But then again...it was never going to be that easy, she had burned their bridge and lit the way in front with the remainders and now...now that there was no going back...she knew she had made a mistake in lighting that match...
She knew she was doing a mistake when she consciously had thrown the gasoline that made the fire burn stronger, and now she was on the other side of the river looking at her back leaving.
There was nothing more that she could do except cry over the already spilled milk...
Why had she cheated on her? Why did she do it?
She tried looking for answers, justifications, excuses but in the end there was no one or nothing else to blame except for her and her own weakness.
It was her fault, she who hadn't believed in their bond, she who hadn't believed in their relationship. She grabbed the note she had left on the bedside table.

"I'm sorry" It read.

She's sorry? How could she be sorry?!
There was no one else who was more sorry than herself.
She who had wrecked the nice constructed house that was their relationship and turned it to dust.
That's all it would be now...dust
She wished she had a time machine, she wished she had the power to make time go backwards herself.
But of course these were all the vain wishes of a stupid and fool heart, because obviously the wrong choices were made by her brain...
If only she had followed her heart.
She wouldn't be here now, destroying herself at a slow pace, slowly roting away day by day in her bed as she hadn't the strenght to even get up.
She would look at her phone screen, looking for the right missed calls...but they never came.
But what about the person she had cheated her with, how did she felt?
How was she in the middle of all this, she who was only the third party and nothing else. How was she?
Well, she was incessantly calling her, day by day, minute to minute, all her outgoing calls were to her but her inbox and incoming calls were not.
She felt a bit desperate, she really did have feelings for her but it seems that to her, she had never been nothing else than an object, nothing else than one time use card that she could throw away anytime...
She turned off her phone, even if she called her now, she wouldn't want to hear it, she wouldn't want to hear the excuses, she wouldn't want to hear the stupid reasons.
She would never want to be called...a mistake.
And how did the person who left feel?
Destroyed...utterly and completly destroyed.
She felt defiled she felt as if every effort she had made was in vain and stupid.
In a way, she felt like an idiot and she could ask no one else but karma itself to make her pay for what she had done.
Betray her? Cheat on her? Why did she do it?
Did she even need to do it? If she didn't felt good with their relationship couldn't she simply tell her?
Was it that hard?
Maybe it was herself? She felt like blaming herself even if it wasn't her fault.
But maybe it was? Everything was so confusing...what could she say? What could she do? Why didn't she found out earlier?
These were all questions that had gone around in the back of her mind as the alcohol ran through her body in a futile attempt to forget.
But maybe she would forget, maybe they would all forget, maybe not in days or weeks and maybe months, but in years all these memories would be at the bottom of the pit and they would be...nothing but strangers.
So that forever...was not really a forever but more of a...for as long as it can be.
She would never promise.
Never gonna leave.