“Taeng, Tiffany is here to see you.” Sunny left the front door open so the guest could come in.

“Hey~ Why are you here instead of being with your boyfriend?” Taeyeon greeted Tiffany in the living room, taking a space beside her and sat along.

“Wait. Let me guess.. Another fight?” Taeyeon added. Tiffany nodded.

“Why all the men are the same? They can only think dirty things and want nothing but , , and .” Tiffany complained, blurting all of her feelings to her best friend.

Taeyeon and Tiffany were best friends since the second year of college. They were introduced by Sunny. Taeyeon was Sunny’s housemate and they have lived together since they were in the third year of high school. They were best friends since elementary school so it’s not weird if one day, Sunny decided to be independent and asked Taeyeon to live with her. Taeyeon didn’t even need to have a second thought and said yes almost immediately.

Sunny and Taeyeon went to different universities, unfortunately. Taeyeon wanted to take Business Major while Sunny was interested in Literature. Sunny met Tiffany and they became close in no time. They had the same passion for fashion and music, making them often hang out together. Sunny introduced Tiffany to Taeyeon. Sunny didn’t know how and when both women with totally different characteristics became close and soon be inseparable best friends. But Sunny knew both Taeyeon and Tiffany were good friends so she let them be.

“What did he ask this time?” Taeyeon stood up, went to the fridge to take two cans of cold beers, and gave one to Tiffany. She knew her friend needed it.

“Thanks’. And yeah. What else? I thought he was different. It turned out he’s the same as other jerks I dated before.” Tiffany opened the can and gulped it, drinking half of the can in one go.

“Hmm?”

“He asked me on a date. He lived alone and he asked me to join him for a coffee. I knew something wrong would happen but since he asked it before and I had explained him why I couldn’t do it, I thought he would understand.” Tiffany started. She put the can back on the coffee table and lean back.

“We kissed, made out, and it turned hotter by seconds. We proceeded and went to second base. I stopped him and bang. The fight took place. Geez.” Tiffany sighed.

“It’s kind of normal, to be honest. You two had been together for one year and a half. If I am not mistaken, he’s the patient one so far. Your exes would have asked it only 3 to 4 months after dating.” Taeyeon commented.

“Yeah. But still.. Sighed.. Why must I have this kind of phobia? From all kinds of phobias existed, why I have to get the worst one?” Tiffany muttered sadly.

Tiffany had a medorthophobia or fear of erected . It was surely odd for her to being scared of her own boyfriend’s but that’s what happened to her. She would run or scream once the revealed before her eyes. Blame it to her uncle who shamelessly showed her his and tried to harass her ually when she was still 10 years old. It left her bad memories and what’s worst was, the fact that she got that phobia that made her unable to proceed to have normal with her boyfriend.

“Have you ever tried to consult it to the therapist?” Taeyeon asked calmly.

“I have. It didn’t change anything. She even showed me and such, saying it would make me used to the . I threw the and ran away from the room.” Tiffany’s cheeks reddened a bit, remembering that awful event a year ago.

“That calamity happened almost 13 years ago, Fany-ah. You should have moved on from it by now. So why? You have broken up with 6.. wait.. 8 men due to the same reason and Nichkun would probably be the 9th.” Taeyeon emptied her beer and squeezed the bottle before dumping it into the trash bin.

“I know but if I can, I don’t want to break up with him. He is the best compared to my exes. I happen to love him very much.” Tiffany earnestly said, didn’t notice the change of expression in Taeyeon’s face when Tiffany said she loved him.

“That’s good for you. I never saw you in love with any of your boyfriends so far.” Taeyeon masked a smile.

“Isn’t there any way I can overcome my problem, Tae? I wanted to have too. Most of my friends have done it. You too, right?” Tiffany turned to Taeyeon.

“Yeah. I did.” Taeyeon nodded slightly.

“Can’t you help me?” Tiffany sounded desperate.

“It might be silly, but have you ever tried being with a woman instead?” Sunny suddenly came, looking fresher after the bath.

“Yah! Don’t say weird things to her.” Taeyeon exclaimed.

“Just saying.” Sunny shrugged.

“Anyway, Tiff. Are you staying for the night?” Sunny dried her hair with a smaller towel.

“Perhaps. I don’t have any plans just yet. Why is that?” Tiffany asked in return.

“I am planning to hang out with my friends in class and I don’t know what time I will be back home so I would be very grateful if you are here to accompany Taeyeon.” Sunny smiled.

“I am not a kid, thank you. I can sleep alone without any problem.” Taeyeon frowned, didn’t like the idea of Sunny asking help from Tiffany just because of that simple reason.

“It’s fine. I will accompany you here then. Besides, I am not sure I will reconcile with him any soon.” Tiffany ignored Taeyeon’s remark.

“Oh. Do you have another fight? Tsk.. Men are like that; ert, arrogant, and selfish.” Sunny walked to the balcony, hanging her towel, and came back.

“I will get ready then. Thank you for the help, Tiff.”

“No worries.”

“But really. I don’t mind staying alone tonight.” Taeyeon said.

“And I don’t mind accompanying my best friend tonight.” Tiffany retorted. Taeyeon sighed for there was no way she could win over her.

“Back to the topic. Have you ever watched a movie?” Taeyeon asked. Tiffany shook her head shyly. Well, she was 23 already yet she never watched . Yes, she admitted she ever saw a real and ran her life from that thing but she never saw one on TV.

“I got a few collections. Perhaps by getting used to seeing it, you can overcome your phobia? Because you are already 23 and eventually you have to have well.. and even put that thing inside you.” Tiffany grimaced imagining what Taeyeon had just said.

“It’s true, Fany! Unless if you consider what Sunny just suggested.” Taeyeon laughed.

“It’s not even an option. Yes, what my uncle had done to me left a bad impression and weird sickness but I still like men. Phobia is enough. I don’t want to be gay.” Tiffany became serious.

“I see. Well, let’s stuff some snacks into our tummies for now while waiting for Sunny to go. I don’t want her caught us watching that you know.” Taeyeon smiled.

“Good idea.” Tiffany said in a delighted tone.

Little did Tiffany know that the short conversation had made Taeyeon’s heart shattered. Taeyeon had liked Tiffany. She was a cool person to hang out with. She never knew when and how it happened; how her like feeling turned into something deeper called love. She thought it was only infatuation at first, or maybe merely attraction but not to the point that she would be willingly do anything to make the latter happy, even when it meant she had to be hurt in the process. Well, people said that love was sincere and full of sacrifices, right? And that’s what actually happened to her.

---

Taeyeon’s eyes were watching some shows in the TV but her mind wandered somewhere else. Tiffany just texted her, saying that she had reconciled with Nickhun and they were okay by now. Tiffany still couldn’t have with him but at least she made a progress. She could do to the point Nick would close his eyes while Tiffany’s name. Her ity hadn’t been ruined but at least Nickhun didn’t complain as much anymore.

“Hey.” Taeyeon felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Oh. Hey~ When did you come in?” Taeyeon lowered the volume of the TV.

“Around 5 minutes ago. I went in, taking off my shoes, going to the kitchen and emptying your orange juice, and finally staring at you for the past 2minutes.” Sunny nonchalantly answered.

“Uh. I am sorry for not knowing.” Taeyeon smiled a little.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. How was the exam? Did you do well?” Taeyeon tried to change the topic but she should have known that her friend was much wittier and smarter than that.

“I am pretty confident.” Sunny shortly said.

“Oh, so this is why. Tiffany had successfully being lovey-dovey with him again thanks’ to you. I assume your help works wonder.” Sunny placed the phone back.

“Yah! Who told you to carelessly take a peek at my message?! It’s confidential!” Taeyeon protested and quickly hid her mobile phone, away from Sunny’s reach.

“Why did you do that?” Sunny asked with concerns mirrored in her eyes.

“What?” Taeyeon said in a not so nice tone. She was still being annoyed with what Sunny just did.

“Why did you help her? You know it would only hurt you.” Sunny asked more clearly. She cared for Taeyeon so much that she felt sad just by seeing her best friend gloomy.

“Because she needs help and I know I am in a place to help her. So, why not I help her? It would make her happy.” Taeyeon bitterly smiled.

“Even when it makes you unhappy.” It was more like a statement.

“I will be in no time.” Taeyeon turned to Sunny.

“You know you have so many chances to make her at least like you that way. She still cannot have with men and feels traumatic when she sees an . You could use that opportunity to prove to her that maybe a woman’s private part wouldn’t be as unbearable as mans’ or perhaps the fact that we don’t have would slightly make her feel better.” Sunny reasoned out.

“She once told me she didn’t want to turn gay. I respected her decision.” Taeyeon replied calmly.

“And that’s your brake, right?” Taeyeon nodded at Sunny’s exclamation.

“But you still haven’t tried. It didn’t prove anything. She still hasn’t known your feelings.” Sunny ed the first three buttons on her shirt and took the cushion to place it on her lap.

“I rather keep my feelings hidden than losing her due to my carelessness and selfishness for telling her what I am feeling. Besides, I am sure she doesn’t feel the same. So why bother?’ Taeyeon took the remote and turned off the TV.

“You never know, Taeng. She is so dependent when it comes to you. You two are practically inseparable. You text and call in the daily term, you exchange questions as lovers do; you know, have you eaten? Have you bathed? Are you not sleepy? What are you doing?; Come on! Which friends are still doing that nowadays? She just doesn’t yet realize what she feels for you.” Sunny debated back; throwing some reasons to strengthen her arguments.

“Friends like us as a matter of fact. We are comfortable this way. You just said yourself that she is dependent when it comes to me. Imagine what she would think and do if she knew her best friend betrayed her and even has feelings for her? I cannot do that to her.” Taeyeon deflated, realizing she had been defeated even before she tried to fight.

“I don’t understand you.” Sunny sighed.

“You don’t have to. If you are not Tiffany and if you are not me, then you won’t understand.” Taeyeon said.

“Ugh. Stop it. You know how I hate those words. I wonder why Tiffany said. It’s.. Errr.. I cannot even describe it in words!” Sunny threw her hands on the air, giving up.

“Then don’t.” Taeyeon chuckled.

“Can you do me a favor then?” Sunny asked.

“What is it?”

“Move on, Taeng. Go outside and explore. You are wonderful both physical and behavior. I am sure you can get a girl in no time.” Sunny pleaded.

“I will try.”

“You said the same thing last year. When was the last time you’re in a relationship, huh? 2 years ago?!” Sunny excruciatingly stated.

“Yeah. I think so. But really, Sunny. This time I mean it. I have come to accept that Tiffany is out of my reach and that we can never be something more than this; best friends.” Taeyeon reassured and smiled.

“Can you promise on it?”

“I can. I promise to go out, explore, and find myself a good girlfriend. I will introduce her to you as soon as I find it.” Taeyeon said.

“Swear on it!” Sunny offered her pinky finger.

“Such a kid.” Taeyeon commented but she encircled her pinky finger with Sunny.

---

Taeyeon made her promise to Sunny. She went outside; having casual dating, meeting new friends, and let herself be more carefree. When she knew the person wasn’t to her liking, she would end the casual dating on her second date and when she thought the person was worth it, she would go and have more dates with her. Three months after the late conversation she had with Sunny, she finally made a move and confessed to the woman she had interest with. A month after, she bravely introduced her to Sunny. Sunny was happy and so was Taeyeon. But one person was clearly unhappy and that was Tiffany.

Tiffany never knew that Taeyeon was gay. She wasn’t suspicious of Taeyeon’s preference. Whenever Tiffany asked Taeyeon why the latter hadn’t had a boyfriend, Taeyeon would answer that she didn’t have time to seek for one and that she wasn’t interested to have one just yet. Tiffany never pried for it was Taeyeon’s right to want or not to want a boyfriend. However, Tiffany ever offered her that should Taeyeon seek one, she would be more than happy to help her. Too bad, Taeyeon never asked for help even until now.

Tiffany didn’t know Taeyeon was out there, seeking a potential girlfriend. All that Tiffany knew was the fact that Taeyeon got less and less time for her. Taeyeon would often say no to her invitations. Taeyeon would have various reasons to give her; having to study, having reunion with high school friends, too lazy to go out, etc. Obviously, Tiffany was annoyed but didn’t go as far as doubting Taeyeon’s preference. She thought Taeyeon was simply busy and she respected her. She was annoyed and slightly mad. That’s that though.

Tiffany never lost hope. She kept on trying even though all Taeyeon did was kept on rejecting. Tiffany ever confronted Taeyeon, crying while asking why Taeyeon was avoiding her to the point that she couldn’t even hang out with her once in a week anymore. Taeyeon felt guilty and since then, she would try to spare her time with Tiffany. She had told her girlfriend about Tiffany but she never said anything to Tiffany about her girlfriend. The fear to be judged and avoided scared Taeyeon so she just hid everything from Tiffany.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Tiffany prepared to have a date with Nickhun. Suddenly, a message came from her boyfriend. He said he couldn’t have a date with her as usual because it was he had to go somewhere with his family. Feeling disappointed, she just decided to go to Taeyeon’s and Sunny’s apartment. She called Sunny and it turned out Sunny was outside too. Taeyeon didn’t pick up her phone but Sunny told her that the latter was at home. Tiffany smiled, determining to just go and play with Taeyeon.

She drove her car and parked it appropriately. She got off and went to the lobby. She waited for the elevator while smiling. She missed Taeyeon so much and thanks’ to their semester exam, she hadn’t met Taeyeon for the past two weeks. She arrived on Taeyeon’s floor. She walked through the hallway and stopped right in front of Taeyeon’s door. She touched the doorknob and it was unlocked. She opened the door and casually entered.

Taeyeon was happy because her girlfriend would come over. The good news didn’t stop there. Sunny just informed her that she would go out with her siblings. It made the apartment empty which also meant, she could do anything with her girlfriend without any worries. Her girlfriend came at 10. They watched movie on DVD, baking some cookies, and right now they were making out in the couch. Her girlfriend was sitting on her lap with her hands around Taeyeon’s neck while Taeyeon’s hands were busy roaming the perfect figure of her girlfriend. Their making out was stopped when Taeyeon heard a sound.

“Ti-Tiffany…” Taeyeon gasped.

“Why.. You never told me that you’re gay.” Tiffany started to cry.

“Wait. I can explain.” Taeyeon’s girlfriend understood. She got off of Taeyeon’s lap.

“No.. You lied to me… Why.. I thought you were my best friend.” Tiffany stepped backward as Taeyeon tried to approach her.

“You are my best friend. Just.. Listen to me first, Fany.” Taeyeon walked forward faster, trying to hold Tiffany.

“No. You are not my best friend. No longer.” Tiffany ran from the room.

“Tiffany! wait!” Taeyeon tried to catch up but she was late. The elevator door just closed and she didn’t make it on time.

It was a dreadful memory to remember. A month passed after that and still no news from Tiffany. They studied in different universities so it’s hard for Taeyeon to meet her. Taeyeon had tried but Tiffany was absent that day, making Taeyeon had to go home with empty heart. She had tried to call but none was answered. She had endlessly texted her, some explained and some just a simple message contained sorry words and how she regretted not coming clean to Tiffany. Again, her messages were never answered.

A month soon turned into months. Taeyeon had come to accept that maybe Tiffany wanted to end their friendship. Taeyeon couldn’t blame her though. It was her fault. She lied to Tiffany. She was caught while kissing another woman. The blames were all on her. Sunny had tried to cheer her up but well, Sunny was not Tiffany. Taeyeon was thankful but it still couldn’t close the void inside her heart that got bigger every day.

---

“Tiffany broke up with Nickhun.” Sunny interrupted her alone meal like she often did after her break up not long after the event where Tiffany caught her kissing.

“Oh.” Taeyeon reacted solely and continued eating.

“Just last month. She got bullied. Nickhun was turned out to be a jerk. He was caught cheating and Tiffany broke with him immediately. He couldn’t accept it so he spread the news that Tiffany was scared of .” Sunny kept on talking.

“He is indeed a jerk.” Taeyeon scoped the remaining rice on her plate and got up.

“No comment?” Sunny curiously asked.

“Nope. It’s her life. I never thought things would be that messy. Poor her. She deserves so much more.” Taeyeon tapped the water on and started to wash her dishes silently.

“The social butterfly has turned into a loner. Don’t you feel bad for her? She has no friends, Taeng. Well, not a good one at least.. Uhmm.. But I am an exception of course. She always eats alone. She goes home when class ends. She is lonely.” Sunny tried again to soften Taeyeon’s heart.

“She is a strong woman. She will be okay.” Taeyeon tapped the water and went to her room.

“Sighed. This is harder than I thought. Both of you are too stubborn.” Sunny opened the fridge, stealing one of Taeyeon’s beers, and went to her own room.

Sunny knew Taeyeon didn’t have a class so she invited her to have a lunch together with her. She of course hid her real motive. She asked Taeyeon to have lunch in her university’s canteen, saying that she wouldn’t have much time to make it to the next class should they go eating outside. Taeyeon innocently agreed, totally oblivious to the ulterior motive.

“The pasta here is pretty famous. Try it, Taeng.” Sunny appointed to one of the food stores in the corner.

“Okay. What do you want?” Taeyeon nodded.

“Spaghetti marinara sounds nice. And.. one orange juice please.” Sunny smiled.

“Alright. Be back soon.” Taeyeon stood up and went to the queue. Once she got her food, she went back to her table.

“Look. Remember I have told you she often eats alone. She is right now.” Sunny showed the direction of using her fork. Taeyeon followed the direction and she saw Tiffany sitting alone at a table for two, eating what looked like western food. Maybe Taeyeon stared too long or maybe it was just a coincidence that their eyes met. Taeyeon was the first to end the staring battle.

“Care to join her?” Sunny asked.

“No. It’s fine.” Taeyeon looked at her food and started to eat again. However, her attention was drawn back to the beautiful woman sat alone across her when she heard a commotion.

“Look what we have here? A very beautiful woman but afraid of ! She is smart, intelligent, and a hot chick but scares to . Well.. It rhymes well!” The group of men consisting of 4 men Taeyeon didn’t know and one man she had met before. Yes, it was Nickhun.

“How could you stand being with her for more than 2 years, Nicky? When she cannot ever be penetrated? Wait! Maybe she has built a stronghold around her womanhood that you cannot enter her!” Another man yelled. Taeyeon couldn’t stand it. Tiffany kept being silent. She looked like she didn’t care but deep inside Taeyeon knew she was hurt by the words.

“Taeng! Wait!” Sunny was taken aback when her friend suddenly stood up and went to Tiffany’s table.

“I don’t even have any idea, Taec. She is soo beautiful but I never saw what she has down there. Maybe she is not a woman~ Oh God! Did I date a woman with for those two years?!” Nickhun added. Taeyeon’s anger couldn’t be sustained any longer.

“Look who’s talking here? I guarantee you that she is a woman. How can you pity her when you all should have pitied your friend here?” Taeyeon spoke while pointing at Nickhun.

“Don’t you know that your big Nick has a tiny that it traumatizes Tiffany? Wow, that rhymes! She sobbed while telling me the story. Ooopss. I shouldn’t have even said that.” Taeyeon mocked further.

“Who the hell are you?” The man called Taec asked.

“I am Taeyeon and let’s just say thanks’ to your buddy, Tiffany was afraid to have another relationship with a man. Nick’s is too tiny that even my chopstick is way longer and my hose at home is much thicker.” Taeyeon insulted, purposely saying it out loud so other people could hear.

“What the hell?! you!” Nickhun’s face reddened due to being angry and embarrassed at the same time.

“Hey. Calm down, Nick.” The man beside him held Nick back.

“My is not small, okay?!” Nickhun yelled.

“Then how come it couldn’t even enter her womanhood. She told me you know~ How it’s too short that she could barely feel anything. It was itchy she said.” Taeyeon humiliated Nickhun mercilessly.

“Yah!” Nickhun almost jumped on Taeyeon if not because of his friends holding him back.

“Let’s just get out of here.” Taecyeon finally said.

“It is not over yet, Taeyeon! Just wait!” Nickhun’s growl still could be heard even after meters away.

“Are you alright?” Taeyeon sat beside Tiffany. People around were still giggling and laughing even after the commotion had ended. They even gave Taeyeon a big applause for humiliating Nickhun that far.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” Tiffany smiled.

“Good. I am sorry if I said something improper earlier. You know.. It got out of hand. They were just too much and well.. I couldn’t hold back.” Taeyeon smiled apologetically.

“It’s alright. You did extremely well. I never argued back and always stayed silent when they mocked and teased me. It would be a moment to remember. You have made him angry and embarrassed at the same time.” Tiffany said.

“Uhm.. I missed you.” Tiffany added shyly.

“I missed you too.” Taeyeon smiled. That day marked their comeback as best friends. Taeyeon finally told Tiffany meticulously about her preference and such while Tiffany could finally accept and respect Taeyeon’s decision.

---

“Taeyeon-aahh~~” Tiffany called loudly from the front door. It echoed until the woman arrived in