“Tae Unnie, I am done with practice for today. The plan is still valid, right? I really want to meet you.” Taeyeon sighed silently. It’s very hard for her to get used to this; to the fact that the person who intensely kept in touch with her was no longer Tiffany, but another woman whom she tried to like because love was still impossible for now.

 

“I am still your sunbae the last time I remember.” Taeyeon faked a chuckle.

 

“Nope. I am your lover now so I want to call you by your short name, if you allow it of course. If not then I’ll call you Taeyeon Unnie like I always did in the past.” Taeyeon could hear a sigh escaped from Seolhyun’s lips. She didn’t want to make the latter sad as much as if it would mean she had to again make white lies for both of them.

 

“It’s fine, Seolhyun-ah. You can call me that BUT! Only if there’s no one but us, okay? People would be suspicious if they hear you call me Tae Unnie, not Taeyeon Unnie.” Taeyeon replied through her phone.

 

“Understood! So, lunch? Will you pick me up at my building? I didn’t bring my car with me.” Seolhyun said, more like pleading in a cute way.

 

“I’ll try to finish my task in half an hour. After, I’ll immediately fetch you.” Taeyeon replied nonchalantly but tried hard not to show it through her voice tone.

 

“Okay then. I can’t wait to see you. Later, Tae~ Unnie~ Hehe.” With that, Taeyeon hung up. She sighed again for the umpteenth time. She placed back her phone on the table and picked up her pencil, attempting to work again.

 

Another week passed and Tiffany still haunted her miserably. Whatever she did with Seolhyun reminded her of Tiffany. They officially became lovers around a month after she ended years of relationship with Tiffany, meaning it’s been around 3 weeks since they were together. Never once Seolhyun showed her sad or annoyed face that it made Taeyeon want to try her best to learn to like her the way Seolhyun did toward her.

 

Seolhyun walked the talked. She kept her promise and never once tried to force Taeyeon to do something she wasn’t prepared. They hadn’t even kissed. The furthest thing they had done so far was hug. It’s also Seolhyun who made the initiative to do that. It happened after they had dinner. Taeyeon drove her home and she startled Taeyeon by suddenly pulling her and hugging her. Seolhyun had sent Taeyeon reeling. The older woman had no choice but to hug her back.

 

The door was opened in a flash. Taeyeon frowned, hating that her working time was disturbed. She had attached the card ‘Do not disturb’ on the door’s knob. She turned her head and was greeted by Jimin.

 

“Yo, Tae!”

 

“Don’t yo me. What are you doing? I am working.” Taeyeon huffed.

 

“Sorry but you’ve been working since this morning. You should have done by now, no? Besides, I am here to summon you for a bit. I need you to see the wardrobes for the upcoming concert.” Jimin grinned, didn’t feel guilty at all. She had known this woman since she was still trainee so they were already like sisters.

 

“Right. Can’t we do it tomorrow? I have plan after this.” Taeyeon put down her pencil and moved the cursor, wanting to shut down her laptop.

 

“Have you seen this?” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow.

 

“The interview with Tiffany has come out. I managed to get the magazine. Don’t you want to find out what she has said on the interview?” Jimin laid the magazine on the table, ensured the pages open which contained Tiffany’s pictures and the words of interview.

 

“Later maybe. I need to go now.” Taeyeon took a glance on the pages and had to admit that Tiffany was undoubtely look amazing. She was beautiful and she had that wide smile on her face. Taeyeon smiled a little.

 

“Why not now? It would only take less than 10 minutes to read it. Going out with Seolhyun?”

 

“Yeah. I want to have lunch with her. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

 

“As if you’ll go back to work after that.” Jimin rolled her eyes.

 

“You’re not wrong. I want to laze around. I am done with songs choice so I’ll just deal with wardrobes option tomorrow.” Taeyeon chuckled.

 

“Bring the magazine with you. Who knows you’ll change your mind.” Jimin climbed down from the table she was sitting on.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You are welcome.”

---

 

“Let’s eat outside for today. I don’t feel like cooking and I don’t want to eat your cooking plus takeouts is boring.” Taeyeon said as soon as her girlfriend entered the car.

 

“Really?” Seolhyun’s eyes were full of happiness.

 

“Humm..”

 

“But yaah! I can cook too, Tae Unnie~ I cooked in Brave Family and the whole family like it.” Seolhyun grinned, bragging the past where she was casted on the variety show back in 2015.

 

“Really? What did you cook?”

 

“Chicken!” Taeyeon laughed.

 

“Then why all you cooked was eggs in my apartment? Besides, you said you’re not very fond of cooking. I remember you said that in a variety show.” It’s Seolhyun’s turn to laugh now.

 

“Because you don’t have chicken as the main ingredients. Oh I can also cook you my specalities! Potato sujebi~ I cooked it in 3 meals a day variety show.” Soelhyun patted her chest, talking with pride.

 

“And yes, I have to admit that I don’t really cook but I want to change for you.” Seolhyun blushed.

 

“Right. My bad. Should we do some groceries shopping then?”

 

“Yep! We really should do that. How about after this? Do you have any other plan after lunch, Unnie?”

 

“Not that I remember. I think I can accompany you to groceries. But let’s just go after dinner. I want to laze around plus I haven’t left adequate food for my boy.” Taeyeon bargained.

 

“Does it mean we shall eat together for both lunch and dinner?” Seolhyun’s eyes were blinking in happiness.

 

“I don’t see why not.” Taeyeon shrugged.

 

“Aawww thank you, Unnie. You don’t have any idea how precious my time is when we are together. If possible, I want to spend every second of my free time with you.” Seolhyun’s face was literally shining. She smiled widely that Taeyeon couldn’t help but smile too.

 

“You will grow tired of me if you see mee too often.” Taeyeon said.

 

“Of course not! I am first your fan, your friend, then your lover. None of the feelings changed. Vice versa, my feelings keep on growing. You are like the best lover I have ever had.” Seolhyun confidently replied.

 

“Really?” The younger woman nodded her head vigorously.

 

“Good for you. But what if it’s me who feel bored seeing your face?” Taeyeon asked playfully.

 

“Yaah~ How could you be so mean, Unnie. We are lovers so you should feel happy instead whenever we are able to go out together.” Seolhyun pouted.

 

“Eeeiii.. I still am not used to your aegyo. But you are right. You are pretty so seeing you at least will make my day slightly feel bearable.” Taeyeon cleared , not used to being romantic and use sweet words.

 

“Thank you!” Seolhyun leaned over and kissed Taeyeon’s cheek, surprising the latter.

 

“Omo! You almost made us got into accident.” Taeyeon blushed. Even though she hadn’t grown any special feelings for Seolhyun but she had to admit, being with her would at least distract her from Tiffany; even only for an hour or two.

 

“Eiii this Unnie is exaggerating. Besides, it’s only a kiss on cheek. We haven’t even properly kissed!” Seolhyun complained cutely.

 

“We have arrived! Let’s eat! Oooh I am so hungry~~” Taeyeon made a turn before stopping her car and made it parked appropriately. She pretended not to hear the protest, making Seolhyun sulk until the foods were arrived and they chatted like nothing happened.

---

 

“We should buy potato, leeks, onions, carrots, flour, honey, parsley, meat, pork ribs, chicken, celeries, and packed broth.” Seolhyun walked beside Taeyeon. They were entering the market downtown, attempting to buy groceries and more foods to be stocked onto Taeyeon’s refrigerator.

 

“Have you made the list of things that we have to buy?”

 

“I remember it by heart. No worries, unnie~” Seolhyun took the shopping cart and gave it to Taeyeon.

 

“I will be the one to push it?”

 

“Of course! And I will be the one to pick up the things and put it onto the cart.” Seolhyun turned her head to Taeyeon and smiled.

 

“Fine. Fair enough.”

 

And so the groceries shopping started. Seolhyun made Taeyeon push and pull the trolley to each hallyway while seeking for either the vegetables, ketchup, meat, seasonings, etc. Taeyeon silently huffed. She was tired and she swore when she was still with Tiffany; they rarely cooked that even when they did groceries shopping, they would mostly buy frozen food. It turned out Seolhyun was different. The young woman had passion for cooking. Oh well, you know what would happen next.

 

Taeyeon took a glance on the cart she’s pushing and saw how it had been three-quarter filled. Taeyeon didn’t know whether she should be happy or not seeing that most of the content were food raw materials that would be needed to be cooked thoroughly to make it onto nice proper healthy food.

 

“When are we going to the cashier? Don’t you think it’s more than enough already?” Taeyeon whined.

 

“Not yet. I need one more. Yoghurt!” Seolhyun exclaimed.

 

“What for?”

 

“For beauty purpose. It’s healthy although it contains lots of sugar. Thus, let’s buy the plain one.”

 

“For someone whose body is incredible, your appetite is surely beyond normal.”

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Unnie.” Seolhyun grinned. Taeyeon obediently followed the woman to find her last item. Seolhyun took the biggest one and put it into the cart.

 

“And we’re finally done!”

 

“I am so happy to hear it.” Taeyeon sighed. She then run a little toward the cashier, ensuring Seolhyun wouldn’t add more items.

 

“Be careful, Unnie!!” Seolhyun whispered from behind.

 

Taeyeon undoubtedly paid for the bill. Seolhyun helped the cashier behind the desk to put the items which already put into a big plastic bag back into the cart so it would be easier for them to bring it to the car.

 

Taeyeon opened the car’s trunk and slowly put the plastic bag into the baggage, helped by Seolhyun. The woman looked extremely happy. Taeyeon assumed it’s because it’d be the very first time they dated outside of restaurant.

 

“I will cook you dinner, Unnie.” Seolhyun said as she fastened her seatbelt.

 

“Why would you think I wanna eat your cooking.” Taeyeon teased.

 

“Yaah~ I want to be a good girlfriend for you so the least thing you should do is say yes, eat my cooking, and compliment me.” Seolhyun smiled.

 

“Right. I’ll do that only if the food is edible.” Taeyeon put on her sunglasses and started the engine on.

 

“I’ll guarantee that. Plus I swear I won’t poison the food.” Seolhyun jutted out her tongue.

 

“Can I leisurely watch the TV when you’re cooking later?” Taeyeon made an U-turn with one hand handling the wheel drive, making Seolhyun admired Taeyeon even more. Taeyeon was just that good in driving plus her hobby was driving.

 

“Maybe if the food is not that difficult to make. Besides, why wouldn’t you help me?” Seolhyun pouted.

 

“Not all women love to be helped by their lovers.” Taeyeon reasoned out.

 

“Did your woman dislike your help in the kitchen?” Taeyeon cleared but didn’t answer the question. Silence filled the air until Seolhyun couldn’t bear it anymore.

 

“Can you help me cooking the dinner later?” Seolhyun changed the topic, knowing her lover showed her inconvenience.

 

“Sure. As long as it’s not too troubling. What will you cook anyway?”

 

“Depends. Will you be patient enough to wait an hour and half for the ribs to be cooked perfectly? Or you want it to be proccessed faster? We can simply groove the sauce on the ribs, let it be for some time, and grill it later. It won’t take more than half an hour to prepare it.” Seolhyun explained thoroughly.

 

“Errr.. Can’t I just do whatever you order me to later? I rather practicing on my singing than thinking of what to eat or cooking.” Taeyeon grinned.

 

“You are such a Hobo.” Seolhyun sulked.

 

“I am a simple minded person. That sounds more positive.”

 

“Fine. Don’t mind me ordering you around later then.”

 

“Unnie, I need to inform my manager that I will go out tonight. Don’t make a sound alright?”

 

“What sound? Like aaahhh... Or Aaanggghhh?” Taeyeon playfully teased.

 

“Did you just make sound?” Seolhyun blushed. Her face became so red that it made Taeyeon smile widely.

 

“Nope. It’s just you and your negative thinking.” Taeyeon chuckled.

 

“Whatever. Just shusshh for now.” Seolhyun pressed buttons on her phone, dialling her manager’s number and put her phone close to her ear. Taeyeon stayed quiet and just continued driving. Her mind wander back to Tiffany almost automatically. She sighed, wrinkling her eyebrows and shaking her head. Whenever she stayed focused on her own, Tiffany would go back haunting her. What’s worse was the fact that she didn’t hate it or even tried to shake it off.

---

 

“You are not going anywhere today?” Kristine, Tiffany’s lovely cousin who happened to share the house with Tiffany asked.

 

“Nope. How about you? Don’t have any work today?” Tiffany walked closer and sat beside her cousin. She put the thick book she was carrying around on the coffee table located in front of the three-seaters couch.

 

“Taking a day off. I am tired. Besides, it’s almost that time of the year. I need a break.” Kristine yawned, stretching her arms upward.

 

“What time? Christmas? It’s still long way to go, Krys. You’re so funny.” Tiffany shook her head, chuckling. When her cousin lifted her legs onto her lap, she frowned and stood up, choosing the single couch to sit on.

 

“How about you? Not going out with him?”

 

“You’re talking as if he’s my boyfriend. He is not, Krys.” Tiffany firmly stated.

 

“I am not! But you cannot say I am wrong that he wanted something more from you, that he’s attracted to you.” Kristine argued.

 

“No comment. Even if he is, so what? It’s not that I give a damn about it. Besides, amongst all, you know the most about me and Taeyeon. Why would I seek for another?”

 

“Because you two have broken up? Because she cannot handle long distance relationship? Or maybe because she couldn’t tolerate your dishonesty to her?”

 

“Hey! What are you trying to say? I didn’t, don’t and won’t ever cheat on her! I love her so much even when I was never gay before but I did, I became gay for her. I have gone through more than a decade being her lover. And it’s not the first time we had a huge fight not the first time we broke up. But at the end of the day, we reconciled and I came back to her arms again.” Tiffany was angry. She felt offended but at the same time, she knew her cousin had her points.

 

“What about this time? Are you that sure you and her will reconcile again? Become lovers like nothing worst had happened? Who can guarantee that, Steph?” Tiffany had her lips pursed up tightly. She couldn’t say a thing to defend her argument.

 

“I don’t mean to blame you here but come on, her reasons were strong enough. If only you were being truthful from the beginning. If only you told her how you often went out with him despite what business you had with him which was by the way, nothing more than work. You cannot expect her to know what business you had with Kev when you didn’t say anything about it to her.” Kristined shrugged. She put the cushion under her head so her face’s position would be enough to see Tiffany’s face.

 

“You are right and I regret it so much I begged her not to leave me. But what’s the result? Nothing! She still insisted we better off separated, that we can be friends and nothing more. Do you think I am happy with that? No I am not! You don’t have any idea how hard it is for me, knowing that she’s no longer mine and every second passed was a threat for me because there’s big chance she can be with anyone else’s and that someone is not me!” Tiffany hollered. Tears gathered up and soon fell down on her cheeks.

 

Tiffany was always like this whenever she remembed her current status with Taeyeon. She was desperate to go back to Taeyeon but she knew she had made a choice; aiming for Broadway although if it meant she had to sacrifice her love life. She couldn’t go back now, not when she had meticulously planned every single thing about her life and future. She knew she was selfish. She wanted Taeyeon to be forever hers but she too didn’t want to let go of her dream. Now she had to pay the price; Taeyeon set her free and she couldn’t do anything about it.

 

“I am sorry, Steph. I didn’t mean to.. Oh God what I have I done! Come here, baby.” Kristine cooed. She quickly went to Tiffany and hugged her tight.

 

“You know, personally I think you are too selfish. You want everything but you can’t bear to lose one of your possessions. Tell me, what’s more important for you now? Taeyeon or your dream?” Kristine let go of her grip, holding Tiffany’s face in between her palms and staring right into her eyes intensely.

 

“Both are important to me, Krys. I.. I can’t choose.” Tiffany stuttered. Her eyes were avoiding Kristine’s eyes.

 

“If Taeyeon wanted to take you back in condition you have to leave your study here and give up on your dream, what would you do?” Tiffany sighed. She removed her cousin’s hands from her face.

 

“Then stop blaming yourself or Taeyeon for not continuing the relationship. You may stay loyal to her and able to love only her despite the distance but then again, do you really think it’s possible?” Tiffany gulped hard, already had intuition of what’s coming next.

 

“In less than 3 months you’ve managed to accumulate lies and let Taeyeon knew the truth on her own. How can you expect her to trust you for a year or even more? You can’t, Steph. You have asked her to have a long distance relationship with her and she said yes. But then you hid things from her and she ended it with you. It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Kristined halted, thinking of what she would say after.

 

“She became defensive. She is only afraid that same things will reoccur and she doesn’t think she’d be strong enough if one day, it’s found out that you have ‘another’ relationship right here.” Kristine shook her head, feeling what Taeyeon had felt.

 

“I won’t! How many times do I have to-“

 

“Maybe you won’t but come on, who will trust it? Deal with it, Steph. You are selfish and she just tried to defend what she had left; half or maybe one per quarter of her heart. Move on. Accept the fact. Find someone who can love you as much as or maybe half than Taeyeon can ever love you. If you can’t then go back to Seoul and take what’s been taken away from you.” Tiffany sobbed, swallowing the pain behind Kristine’s words.

 

“Now cry, Steph. Let it all out. You will feel better tomorrow.” Kristine pulled her cousin closer to her chest, letting Tiffany cried her heart out. Tiffany sobbed, crooned, and cried hard. Regret couldn’t stop drowning her more into sorrow. It was poignant but it seemed like Tiffany couldn’t stop the pain from hurting her both mental and physical. Nobody knew how much she was hurt, how much she wished things were different and that she was still Taeyeon’s lover.

---

 

“So the ticket counter has been closed down both online and offline. As usual, it runs out quickly.” The manager sat on the stool in front of Taeyeon who was taking a break from practicing in a recording studio.

 

“I am thankful to it. I never once expected my wildest dream one day would becoming true.” Taeyeon smiled.

 

“I have some tickets left with me. Do you have specific persons in mind? The persons you want to give the tickets to for free perhaps?”

 

“Hmm.. Give two for Jimin. Who knows this time she will bring her date. One for Seolhyun. And of course to my members.” Taeyeon said her thoughts.

 

“Seolhyun? I smell something fishy here.” The manager smirked.

 

“No one is fishing so no fishy odor.” Taeyeon rolled her eyes.

 

“So, have you become something more than just friends with her? I know you, Taeyeon and I am your manager so you better now hide anything from me.” 

 

“Will you express your disagreement if I said yes, I have something special with her?” Taeyeon raised one of her eyebrows, challenging the manager.

 

“Of course not. I won’t discourage you nor will I encourage you to have official relationship with her. I’ve reminded you numerous times that you are an idol and that each and every little thing you do matters and shall affect people around you, moreover your fanatic fans but then again, you’re a grown up woman. You know what you should and shouldn’t do.” Taeyeon nodded at the statements, agreeing with the manager’s reasons.

 

“I also have a hunch that you won’t say anything to me regarding your relationship with Seolhyun. Just be careful, okay? And try not to hurt her or yourself.” The manager smiled, patting Taeyeon’s shoulder.

 

“What made you think I would hurt her?” Taeyeon cocked her eyebrows. She was almost always becoming defensive whenever her close friends told her the same thing; that whoever woman she was with would be hurt simply because that woman was not Tiffany.

 

“You will eventually. If that young woman has tried her best and an amount of time has passed yet you still can’t move on from her, what do you think will happen next?” Taeyeon looked away, clenching her jaw.

 

“Listen, I am not here to scold you or giving you preaching. Just keep on reminding yourself that the woman you are with now is Seolhyun and not Tiffany.” The manager moved her hand to Taeyeon’s head, patting her head like a mother would toward her daughter.

 

“One more thing. Stop comparing Seolhyun with Tiffany. She is not her. They are two different women. Don’t ever expect Seolhyun can be someone like Tiffany; like maybe the way Tiffany laughs, the way Tiffany’s voice sounds, the way she will hug you and say everything would be okay whenever you feel depressed, and such. I know your feelings for Tiffany are way too deep to even be described with words.” The manager sincerely smiled.

 

“As much as it hurts, you need to accept the fact. Tiffany was then while Seolhyun is now. Understand?” Taeyeon thinned her lips, held her movement before finally nodding her head albeit slowly.

 

“Right. You’re good in controlling your emotion but you are a human too and human has feelings. It’s okay to cry, Tae. Crying doesn’t mean that you are weak. There are times to laugh, to be happy, and to even cry.” The manager stood up, walking to the door.

 

“I will share the tickets to the people you’ve said before.” The manager opened the door.

 

“You know where to find me when you need a friend or someone who has enough authorization to scold you, right?” The manager stopped walking and turned her head, smiling.

 

“I know, Unnie. Thanks.” Taeyeon smiled a little. When the door had been closed completely, Taeyeon frustratedly ran her fingers through her hairs. She took a deep breath, preventing herself from crying. Even if she needed to cry, definitely it wouldn’t be now and not in public place like now.

 

“I missed you, Fany-ah.” Taeyeon talked to no one. A tear however managed to escape from her left eye.

---

 

“Hello?” Tiffany pressed the pause button on the remote, stopping the music from playing.

 

“Hey, Fany. It’s me, Jimin.”

 

“Of course I know who you are. What is it, Jimin-ah?” Tiffany asked, expecting. She knew Jimin would only contact her when there’s news about Taeyeon.

 

“What will you do during Christmas?”

 

“That’s random. Well, I plan to just stay at home, watching Christmas movies and singing holy joly carols. Maybe having dinner too with my families. My father and siblings will come here so there’d be lots of things to be prepared.” Tiffany replied.

 

“Oh I see.”

 

“What’s wrong? Do you want to visit me? You are always welcome here, you know that Jimin-ah.” Tiffany smiled to the phone.

 

“I know. But it’s not that. You know, I happen to have two tickets concerts and I was wondering if you can come with me.” Tiffany gulped hard, knowing whose concert Jimin was talking about. Her mind turned blank. Why every little thing was related to Taeyeon? Why couldn’t she stop attacking her sanity? Tiffany thought silently.

 

“I... I can’t.” Tiffany almost inaudibly said.

 

“Taeyeon gave me two tickets, hoping I’d bring my date but you know that I am not dating anyone at the moment. So I hope-“

 

“I know you mean well, Jimin-ah but I can’t.” Tiffany quietly sniffed. She swore to God she wanted to see Taeyeon again. She always felt proud and happy watching Taeyeon on stage but things were different now. Before, she felt so giddy and proud seeing her lover perform on stage but now, even if she came, she’d only came as a friend, as an ex-member, and as a fan. It wouldn’t feel the same and worse, it’d only hurt her even more.

 

“I don’t know whether Taeyeon has informed you or not but me and Taeyeon.. We are no longer together.” Tiffany broke down. She used her free hand to cover her slowly wet face.

 

“Wh-what.” Jimin gasped, feeling shocked. She foolishly thought that Taeyeon deliberately gave her two tickets so she could give one for Tiffany secretly. It turned out she was totally wrong and now, she felt terribly bad about it.

 

“I am sorry I didn’t know. I.. I thought you two are okay now after you came here last time. I.. I was careless and insensitive. I am sorry, Fany-ah.”

 

“It’s fine. You didn’t know. But now you know and I hope you can understand why I cannot attend her concert. I am afraid, Jimin-ah. I am so afraid these feelings are unberable. She’s no longer mine.” Tiffany continued sobbing. Everytime she closed her eyes, more tears spilled out from her sad eyes.

 

“I am sorry but can you call me later? I.. I need to do something.” Tiffany made a quick excuse.

 

“Oh okay. I am sorry again, Fany-ah.”

 

“It’s alright. Bye Jimin.” Tiffany pressed the red button and shut down the call. She threw down her phone and turned her body so she was laying on her chest. Her shoulders were shaking and pools gathered on her pillow. She kept on crying and crying for some more until she got tired and eventually became unconcious.

---

 

“Why are you haunting my apartment all the time?” Taeyeon’s head moved, following Seolhyun’s movement inside her big space of living room.

 

“Waeyo? You don’t like your girlfriend continously stand by your side?” Seolhyun stopped playing with Ginger. Instead, she lifted it up and brought it with her to Taeyeon.

 

“It’s not that. I just don’t want you to disobey your main job as an idol, a young and famous one that is.” Taeyeon crossed one leg on top of another, putting her arms widely open on the couch backrest.

 

“Aww.. You are so considerate. I thought you’re annoyed of me being clingy too you.” Seolhyun saw Taeyeon’s position as a positive hint. She slowly rested her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder, making Taeyeon indirectly hugged her.

 

“I am annoyed. I just don’t show it to you.” Taeyeon chuckled, teasing the latter who looked so happy laying on her arm.

 

“Yaah, Unnie. Why are you so mean to me? Can’t you at least once in a while show your affection toward me? I am your girlfriend and yet we never even kissed.” Seolhyun showed her dissapointed face to Taeyeon that the woman felt bad.

 

It’s true that Taeyeon didn’t show her affection, not because she didn’t want to but because she couldn’t. Yes, she was known as byuntae, a ert who loved staring at someone’s . Little did people know that she could only do it toward someone she truly loved and yes, that person was Tiffany. Aside from Tiffany was simply impossible for Taeyeon despite the fact that she already had Tiffany’s replacement. Maybe yes in status but not in her heart.

 

“Awww.. Look, I just followed you in Instagram plus I liked your recent photo.” Taeyeon made a quick escape from the sensitive topic.

 

“What? Really? Show it to me!” Seolhyun was easily distracted. She slightly raised her head, wanting to see the screen of Taeyeon’s phone.

 

Taeyeon smiled, feeling relieved that her plan was succeeded. She gave her phone to Seolhyun and poved to her that she indeed had followed the younger woman on Instagram plus liked her newest photo. Seolhyun squealled in delight, feeling happy and proud that the woman she used to adore and now learned to love slowly but sure tried to escalate the relationship into a better and more decent one.

 

“You’re really following me now, Unnie. I am so happy!!” Seolhyun shrilled and went on to kiss Taeyeon on her right cheek.

 

“Now we can interact on Instagram too. People will know about our ‘good’ relationship.” Taeyeon said as she was pinching Seolhyun’s left cheek softly.

 

“Uhm. Eventually people will know that this famous idol who’s also well-known internationally is mine.” Seolhyun smiled widely. Taeyeon just smiled but didn’t say anything.

 

“Can I comment when you do Instagram live too, Unnie?”

 

“Haven’t you been doing that since the moment you had Instagram?” Seolhyun snickered and winked.

 

“But it was then and this is now. I was only your fan but now I am your girlfriend. I feel like I have more rights to do things to you now. I mean.. It’s still unbelievable that I am now here inside your embrace. I bet people would sacrifice their wealth just so they can have my place. I.. You understand it, right?” Seolhyun’s face became red, feeling shy for the blabbering she just did.

 

“Don’t worry, I totally understand. Even though people are willing to sacrifice their possession but hey, look who I’ve got here? Instead of them, I choose you.” Taeyeon sincerely smiled. She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself and lean closer. Seolhyun closed her eyes, expecting. Taeyeon’s lips were only an inch away from Seolhyun’s but suddenly an image of crying Tiffany appeared that she backed out. She decided to kiss Seolhyun’s forehead while she tried to calm herself down.

 

“Let’s save the best for later.” Taeyeon stuck out her tongue when Seolhyun opened her eyes, looking betrayed.

 

“Yaah! Unnie!!” The woman shouted, complaining.

 

“Hehehe...” Taeyeon made a fake laughter when in fact, her heart was still beating loudly, knocking out her ribs. It’s dangerous for Taeyeon that her unconcious mind still couldn’t accept Seolhyun for up until now, the owner of her heart was still Tiffany.

---

 

The collision made her surounding felt unreal.  The shock was still lingering. Some difficult emotions were traumatic, sadness, anxiety, and many more. One thing fore sure, it was all negative emotions. Taeyeon was poweless to stop the changing emotions, so she just let it continously attacking her. On one side, she was still in disbelief mode, being in denial and still couldn’t believe of what just happened while on the other sides, she knew as the impact, there were so many things she needed to take care of.

 

Taeyeon loved driving and it could even be considered as her passion so she never expected one day she would be involved in a car accident, moreover when she was the one who drove it. No, she wasn’t drunk at that time and she never used drugs. But hey, it’s called and accident because no one could predict it, right? Right. Yet, it wasn’t enough to calm Taeyeon down.

 

The accident had happened. She had tried apologizing to all the victims although some didn’t want to accept her apology due to some misunderstandings. She could understand that, maybe because she’s a public figure and yet she drove carelessly or maybe because they simply disliked her. She didn’t know which one was true. One thing she knew, the blame was all on her.

 

“Unnie!! Where are you? It’s me, Seolhyun.” Taeyeon was imprisoning herself in her bedroom after the accident. She bent her knees closed to her chest and buried her face in between it. Her chest was still hurt from the impact but her sanity was more hurt. She was on the verge of being crazy; involved in a car accident, physically and mentally hurt, and lastly no Tiffany was there to comfort her. She found herself alone when she was back to the apartment and strangely, it put her to more pain that she became numb. Too much pain to bear.

 

“Tae Unnie! Omo! Are you alright?” Seolhyun literally forced the door opened and run to Taeyeon, bending her body and hugged her closely.

 

“Taeyeon Unnie. I am so worried. I didn’t know the details and I don’t believe what media said. Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Have you checked yourself to doctor?” Seolhyun asked the questions simultanously, overhelmed by worries and fears of losing her loved one.

 

“Seolhyun-ah?” Taeyeon slowly lifted up her head with that face full of tears.

 

“Yes. It’s me, Tae Unnie.” Seolhyun smiled. She too cried. The fear swallowed her in whole and imaginations of seeing Taeyeon being hurt both physically and mentally put her into such condition. She was sad but mostly worried. Thus, when she heard about the news from Taeyeon’s manager, she left her on group practice and immediately went to Taeyeon’s apartment.

 

“You’re here.” Taeyeon reached out her hands and Seolhyun, without further ado, pulling Taeyeon toward her.

 

“Yes, I am here.” Seolhyun carefully put herself into sitting position while ensuring she wouldn’t let go of Taeyeon.

 

“I am.. I am..” Taeyeon shook her head, crying. She couldn’t even elaborate what she was feeling with words. All words were unavailable. It was like she had forgotten her own language, like Korean language was just impossible to decrypt.

 

“Shusshh.. It’s fine. You don’t have to say it now. I am here and will always be here. I have all the time of the world to listen to your story later. Let’s just sleep for now, hmm?” Seolhyun brushed the tears away.

 

She never saw Taeyeon crying before but now that she did, she felt like crying too. Seeing her loved one hurt automatically hurt her the same way. Seolhyun fully acknowledged the age difference but Taeyeon needed her now and despite her age, she too could be mature and be someone that Taeyeon needed the most. She helped Taeyeon to lay down on the bed. She laid right beside Taeyeon, hugging her.

 

“I don’t think I can sleep.” Taeyeon said quietly.

 

“It was horrible and I.. I am afraid.. There were 4 people there and they were all get hurt because of me. It’s all my fault. If only I-“ Taeyeon couldn’t continue her statement. More tears came out.

 

“I know.. It’s okay. It’s over now and the people; yes they were hurt but they are okay now. No severe injuries detected, thankfully. You can sleep peacefully now, Unnie.” Seolhyun ran her fingers through Taeyeon’s hair tenderly.

 

“Are you sure? How can you know that?”

 

“I have my way.” Seolhyun winked playfully.

 

“Thanks’ God. I need to express my apology now. Where is my phone?” Taeyeon’s bory was still trembling. Her hand was shaking as she lifted it, trying to search for her phone.

 

“It’s okay, Unnie. There’s still tomorrow. I promise I’ll even help you arranging the words.” Seolhyun smiled.

 

“I can handle it, Seolhyun-ah. Thank you for coming here. Thank you for even being here, when I need you the most.” Taeyeon slowly gained her calmness back. She stopped Seolhyun’s hand on her head and brought it to her face. Then, she kissed the back of the younger woman’s hand.

 

“I am your girlfriend. Of course I will always be here for you, during your ups and downs, your best and worst state.” Seolhyun brought her face closer until her forehead touched Taeyeon’s.

 

“Good to know.” Taeyeon closed her eyes, feeling warmth engulfing her. Maybe it’s not Tiffany, but Seolhyun was here and Seolhyun was her official girl now, not Tiffany or other women.

 

“I will still be here when you wake up. Then, I’ll listen to your story. But please try to sleep now, Unnie. You’ve gone through difficult time, you must be tired.” Seolhyun encouraged herself to kiss Taeyeon’s forehead.

 

“I am. I’ll try to sleep now then. Thank you, Seolhyun-ah.” Taeyeon smiled before closing her eyes again. She let herself be hugged by Seolhyun, didn’t want to lose the warmth on her both her body and heart.

 

‘From now on, I will learn to accept you more, Seolhyun-ah. I’ll try to appreciate you or even love you the way you do to me. You’ve done much for me and I haven’t even given my best attempt to treat you the way a lover does toward his/her girlfriend.’ Taeyeon reminded herself before she lost her presence of mind and went to dreamland.

---

 

Tiffany was just finished from studying. It was still afternoon so she planned to drop by to nearby mall to have snacks and maybe bought a thing or two. She had skipped her lunch no thanks’ to the professor and obviously, she was famished now. She just parked her car when her phone’s screen lighted up and incoming call was seen.

 

“Hello? Manager Unnie! Whoaa.. It’s been so long since the last time I heard from you.”

 

“Yeah. How have you been, Fany-ah? You live well, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I am. How about you?”

 

“I am fine, thank you for asking. But Taeyeon is not.” Tiffany frowned. She quickly turned off the radio inside her car and listened carefully.

 

“What do you mean?” Tiffany asked carefully.

 

“She’s just involved in a car crash. Her car collided with two cars in front of her.”

 

“Wh-what?! How come it happened?! Taeyeon is always flawless in driving! She wasn’t drunk at that time, was she? Is she okay?!” Tiffany grew panic. She couldn’t even imagine Taeyeon in a hospital bed with infusion hoses attached to her small and fragile body.

 

“Calm down, Fany. She is alright. Good thing her car is an expensive one that the safety is guaranteed. The airbag inflated and thankfully she used her seatbelt at that time so she wasn’t ejected from the seat. Her chest was hurt but the doctor had it checked and sait it’s fine.”

 

“Oh God! Taeyeon-ah... Are there victims?” The manager then told the complete story. Tiffany felt her knees went weak. It’s like the energy had been forcedly drained from her body. Taeyeon was the most important person in her life after her families and hearing that she was hurt both mentally due to the shock and physically made her eyes wet.

 

“Maybe you haven’t had time to see the social media. It’s already all over the internet. Good think you didn’t see it then. I deliberately called because I wanted to explain you the truth behind the accident. The social media only knew how to tell lies. I am afraid it would affect you.”

 

“I haven’t had time, Unnie. I just got back from my study and went to grab lunch. Thank you for telling me all this.” Tiffany sniffed quietly, didn’t want the manager to know how weak she was when it came to Taeyeon.

 

“Are you not coming here? I mean.. Even though you two have broke up but you’re still best friends, right? Uhmm.. She needs someone, Fany-ah and no one can understand her more than you do. She practically needs no one but you. She can only show her lowest state to you. I am afraid the accident will cause her things I don’t even want to describe. The trauma, fear, guilt, and anxiety at least still remain. Only you can do something about it, Fany-ah.”

 

“I.. I.. can’t.” Tiffany closed her eyes and all the unstoppable tears went out freely.

 

“Wh-what? But why?”

 

“I have schedule tomorrow. I gotta go to Hongkong for a store opening event. I.. I am sorry, unnie.” Tiffany’s lips were trembling although she had tried bitting it. The greed to meet Taeyeon was overshadowed by her professionalism. Besides, even if she could, was she ready to meet Taeyeon again after the abrupt break-up?

 

“I.. I saw her being close with Seolhyun lately. I am sure she’ll be there for her.” Tiffany added. She clenched her left fist. Unable to hold back anymore, tears were easily produced; it’s related to someone who’s used to be a lover, now her ex lover.

 

“Tell me, unnie. Are they an item now? I.. I saw Tae had followed her. She’s not someone who can be affected to follow someone new easily unless she has known that person well and.. She even liked some of Seolhyun’s posts.” Tiffany gulped, swallowing the sadness. She covered the speaker on her phone before sobbing. No, she didn’t want the manager to know it. Being pitied was the last thing she needed.

 

“I.. I don’t have any idea, Fany-ah. Regardless, you’ll always have a special place inside her heart.”

 

“Thank you, unnie. Please send my regard to her.” Tiffany pulled sheets of tissues and wiped her cheeks, including the corner of her eyes so it wouldn’t create more tears.

 

“Won’t you even try calling her and ask? Or perhaps simply through text message?”

 

“I can’t. It’d make me feel guiltier. Please, Unnie?” Tiffany pleaded.

 

“Fine. I’ll tell her that. Well then, I gotta go now. I want to see Taeyeon and ensure she’s okay. You take care there.”

 

“Uhm.. I will. Thank you for telling me this, Unnie.” Tiffany hang up.

 

“Taeyeon-ah... Tae.. Tae...” Tiffany threw the phone to the empty seat beside her. Her arms hit the wheel drive with her face glued to the car horn. More tears came out and this time she didn’t try to stop it. She cried her heart out; her heart screamed for Taeyeon. It was hurt.. Her heart was shattered and only Taeyeon who could put it back together.

 

“Please be alright.” Tiffany mumbled. She missed Taeyeon like crazy and yet she couldn’t express it. She never messaged her again since the moment she stepped her foot back to L.A. There was this unsaid thing between them that made them grew apart. It’s like there’s a void, gaps that couldn’t be closed. She only knew things about Taeyeon through social media and from her members. They asked what went wrong with them but she couldn’t say a word. Why? Because she too didn’t know.

 

“I love you, Taeyeon-ah even though you can’t hear this.”

---

 

“Ugh,, I am tired.” Tiffany brushed her sweat on her forehead. She dragged her small luggage near to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. She walked to the window, opening the curtain and saw how the city looked from the location she was standing at.

 

She just arrived in Hongkong, straightly flew from L.A to this city for the event. It’d only be one day event and yet she had to fly half across the globe to reach it. She sighed. The name if the city itself made her into mellow mood. She took a deep breath, wishing things were different and that she was here with her. Turning her body, she decided to take a bath to refresh herself and clear her mind.

 

Tiffany just finished bathing. She sat on the dressing chair, in front of the mirror. She smiled remembering how Taeyeon used to compliment her, saying that she looked prettiest when she didn’t wear any make up and that her bare face was perfect. She took her phone and chose to make an Instagram video. She of course ensure the bath robe was tightly knotted up. She posted it and continued dressing up. Little did she knew that one of the viewers would be the person she thought of the most.

 

---

 

“She doesn’t care about me anymore.” Taeyeon murmured, holding her phone tightly. The phone screen was still shown the page on Tiffany’s Instagram.

 

“I should stop doing this to myself. I am pathetic, still hoping for miracles to happen when it won’t ever happen.” Taeyeon shook her head. She then closed that tab and moved to another one where she got a preview of a recording of Tiffany’s answer when she was being asked about Taeyeon and the members.

 

“Lies. All lies. You didn’t get in touch with me. You didn’t ask about how I was doing after the accident and no! I am not alright! !” Taeyeon threw her phone to the floor, didn’t even bother if the screen would be cracked or if it’d be shattered into pieces.

 

“Why did you do that to me? How could you? You weren’t like this before. You said you hated liar and you also despised a person who told lies to you but what the hell did you just do?! You lied not only to me but also to your fans! They love you and they trust you! Heck! You even dragged me into this too!” Taeyeon clenched and unclenched her fist.

 

 “I am far from alright. But I had to pretend that I am. I had to ignore the impact I caused and I was even being a jerk because I posted a teaser about my upcoming MV. Haters came out and insulted me, saying things about me. Where are you, huh?” Taeyeon talked to no one. She sat on the bed, picking up the phone who fortunately still functioned normally.

 

“How dare you called yourself my best friend when you didn’t do anything to reach me! All members asked me but why didn’t you?” Taeyeon finally broke down and tears went out from her eyes.

 

“Why.. How could you do this, Fany?” Taeyeon cried harder. Good thing no one was around or else, she needed to hold back her tears longer.

 

“I thought you still loved me but I guess I was wrong. You don’t love me anymore.” Taeyeon’s voice weakened. She was reminded about how Tiffany said that the first main condition of being her lover was to stay in L.A. And it meant she had found someone new in L.A.

 

“Then I too shall learn how to move on from you.” A smile appeared and yet the tears couldn’t stop flowing down.

---

 

“I am back, Krys!” Tiffany closed the door behind her.

 

“Why are you here??! Why did you go back immediately?!” Her cousin asked her or more like shouted at her.

 

“The heck, Krys! Cool down! Can’t I go back to my own hometown?” Tiffany raised her voice. She walked passed her cousin, purposely collided her shoulder with her cousin.

 

“Why didn’t you drop by to Seoul??! Aren’t you worried about what happened to Taeyeon? Don’t you want to check up on her in person?” Kristine followed Tiffany to the kitchen.

 

“Not now, Krys. I am tired.”

 

“And you even brought Kev to Hongkong?! You said you didn’t have any relationship with him so why now?!” Kristine sat on the stool while Tiffany took a bottle of mineral water from inside the fridge.

 

“I don’t want to go alone. It’s dangerous and since I don’t have manager yet, I said yes to his offer. What’s wrong with that?” Tiffany argued.

 

“Is that why you couldn’t go to Seoul right after? Because you bought him with you?!”

 

“Nonsense! This has nothing to do with him!”

 

“And now you’re defending him! Who the hell are you?! You are not Stephanie whom I know! You are heartless! You were her best friend first then her lover. Even if you two had broken up, don’t you automatically go back to being her best friend?! Best friend cares for each other, Steph and you look so fine when she just got a serious accident days before!” Kristine burst.

 

“Yes I am not the Stephanie you used to know or Tiffany whom people knew! I have changed because I need to protect myself! I am tired of getting hurt! Why didn’t I go to Seoul? Don’t I care about Taeyeon’s condition? Am I not her best friend now?!” Tiffany paused, trying to control her breath and emotion.

 

“Do you even know about Taeyeon at all? No you don’t. I am the one who know her the most.” Tiffany looked away. She opened the bottle’s cap and drank right from the bottle.

 

“She has moved on, Krys. You and others may not know but I still foolishly in love with her that I stalked her social media account just to find what I never expected. She’s the most loyal lover I have ever had and our relationship lasted longest compared to my previous relationship. Is it wrong if I assumed she’d had difficulties to move on?” Tiffany’s eyes went blank, staring at nothingness.

 

“Steph... I-“

 

“But I was wrong. I was overconfident. I misjudged her. She hadn’t had to go through the hardships I’ve gone to. She has found my replacement; a younger and more beautiful woman who’s much better than me in that short span of time.” Tiffany’s eyes were getting watery.

 

“She doesn’t need me anymore, Krys. It really ends now. There’s nothing left for me. Not even the slightest hope. I... The only thing I can do is to wish her happy.” Tiffany’s eyebrows wrinkled as she was closing her eyes. Tears were dripping out inevitably.

 

“Have you even asked her about that personally?” Kristine’s voice softened. She approached Tiffany and held her hand, leading her to the living room so Tiffany could seat.

 

“There’s no need to. I know her best, remember?” Tiffany sadly smiled.

 

“But still, you are not her. You cannot carelessly assume something that is not 100% correct. What if she only tries to move on but still hasn’t succeeded?”

 

“She is still trying now and I know she won’t stop trying until she succeeds while me and her.. We will never go back to what we were, Krys.” Tiffany took a deep breath, composing her emotion.

 

“Why didn’t drop by to Seoul? Because she has that woman, Krys. She’s exactly whom Taeyeon needs now, not me. I purposely didn’t go there because as much as I still love Taeyeon, I don’t want to be the third wheel. That woman tries her best to get Taeyeon’s heart. I shouldn’t be that evil and snatch that chance, right?” Tiffany’s smile  couldn’t reach her eyes but still, she tried to smile to reassure her cousin that she’s okay or she would at least.

 

“Then why didn’t you stop her before she gets there?”

 

“Because it’s futile. As long as I am still here and she’s still in Seoul, we will never happen. It’s either me or her that needs to move out. And since I can’t leave my study while she cannot leave her career.. we can’t do anything about it. Me and her.. We have to eventually accept that maybe, we’re not meant to be together after all.” Tiffany exhaled, looking up to her cousin and smiled. She wiped her tears with her right palm.

 

“How about after your study ends? It’ll only take a year, right? I am sure you and her can wait.” Kristine saw a slight hope. She only wanted the best for her cousin, even if it meant her lover was a woman instead of a man.

 

“No one can predict the future, Krys. Only couple of months and we’ve become like this. Can you imagine what would happen in a year?” Kristine was stupefied and unable to rebut.

 

“You see now why I am doing this, right?” Tiffany slowly got up and went back to the front door, picking up her luggage.

 

“And I don’t have anything to do with Kev, alright? Never will too.” Tiffany added before going into her bedroom.

 

“Kev or anyone out there is okay for me, Steph. As long as you are happy.” Kristine smiled to the already closed door.

---

 

Taeyeon lifted both of her hands upward, eyes staring at the blinking ceiling. She took a deep breath and lowered down her gaze, staring to the audience who came from various countries and had gone through unberable hardships just to see her standing on stage. She offered them her widest smile and waved to the audience, bowing and saying thank you for coming, and wishing them having a wonderful christmas and new year. She bowed for the last time, telling them to be careful on their way home before finally walking foward until the curtain hid her from the crowd that still cheered for her.

 

“Taeyeon, you have a guest.” Taeyeon stopped removing her make up and turned her head sideway.

 

“Unnie!!” The frown was replaced by a smile.

 

“Why are you here? I thought I have said to my fans to go home carefully.” Taeyeon teased the younger woman.

 

“Why are you still mean to me?” Seolhyun, Taeyeon’s lover pouted.

 

“Close the door and lock it, Seolhyun-ah.” Taeyeon smiled and said.

 

“Did I do well?” Taeyeon tied her hairs and made it into a bun.

 

“You are perfect as usual, Unnie! My heart is burst and I’m still shivering from the performance. If only I could say to persons who sat beside me that the woman who’s singing on the stage is my girlfriend.” Seolhyun giggled. She sat on the couch, two steps away from the dressing chair where Taeyeon was at.

 

“You’re exaggerating. But thank you for the compliment.” Taeyeon stood up and sat beside Seolhyun.

 

“I even brought you a bouquet as an attempt to congrulate you.” Seolhyun took it from near the door and gave it to Taeyeon.

 

“It’s not that big because it’s hard to bring it.” Seolhyun bit her bottom lip, blushing.

 

“Awww.. Thank you. You really don’t have to you know. Having you here is more than enough for me.” Taeyeon leaned closer, tilted her head and kissed Seolhyun’s cheek.

 

“But I am here not only because I am your fan. I want to support you like a girlfriend does. I want to be there for you, emotionally saying that I’ll always be there for you, whenever you are and in whatever you do.” Seolhyun forced her eyes to shut, afraid seeing Taeyeon’s expression after she just said such an embarassing statement or more like a confession.

 

“I know and sincerely, thank you Seolhyun-ah. You’ve always done things outdone my expectations. I am sorry I cannot be romantic or even be a girlfriend that you want me to. I just.. Well, maybe you’ve noticed by now that Taeyeon whom you see on stage and TV is really different from Taeyeon you are with now. I.. I can’t be a lover like how you expect me to.” Taeyeon lifted her right hand after she had put down the bouquet safely. She caressed Seolhyun’s left cheek tenderly.

 

“You’re more than I’ve ever expected for, Tae Unnie. You’re like the best lover; perfect one that is and I couldn’t ask for more.” Seolhyun slowly opened her eyes and smiled.

 

“You should go to doctor and consult on a psychiatrist quickly, Seolhyun-ah. I think you have lost your sanity, judging from the statement you just said.” Taeyeon’s lips were pulled up and she finally laughed on her own jokes.

 

“Yaah!! Unnie! Why you always ruin each and every romantic moment!!” Seolhyun was annoyed that she pushed Taeyeon’s shoulder.

 

“I am sorry, Seolhyun-ah. It’s just not me being romantic.” Taeyeon’s laughter slowed down.

 

“By the way, I haven’t had chance to buy you a Christmas present. The manager, staffs, and even the CEO couldn’t stop bugging me for weeks; saying I should go practicing non-stop and all.” Taeyeon admitted.

 

“It’s okay, Unnie. I have bought you one but I didn’t bring it. I thought I would give it in a more proper place; over a romantic dinner perhaps? And please this time, don’t ruin it!” Seolhyun threatened but since her face wasn’t that scary, Taeyeon chuckled instead.

 

“It’s a promise Seolhyun-ah. I would behave this time.” Taeyeon showed her fingers showing peace sign as a hint that she swore on it this time.

 

“What do you want for chrismast?” Taeyeon asked.

 

“Will you grant whatever I wish for?”

 

“Depends. If it costs me a fortune like let’s say, a hundred grands of dollars then I’ll have to reconsider. But if its range is from $100 – $10,000 then it’s still okay for me.” Taeyeon shrugged.

 

“What if it won’t cost you a thing?”

 

“Of course I’ll say yes rightaway! Like a date with me? Or me cooking for you delicious Korean food? Or maybe a massage? Or-“

 

“A real kiss on the lips.” Seolhyun carefully said it. Taeyeon was faberglasted, unable to speak.

 

Taeyeon’s mind was in chaos. It’s normal for a couple to kiss on the lips only after a month or less than a month in their relationship but their situation was different. Almost 100 days and counting, yet the furthest would be kiss on cheeks. Seolhyun said she would wait, but still it’s unfair to her when Taeyeon didn’t keep her promise to try her best. Taking a deep breath, Taeyeon finally opened up her lips.

 

“Come here.” Taeyeon was smiling as she gestured the younger woman to come closer.

 

“Thank you, Unnie.” Seolhyun leaned down and closed her eyes. Their lips finally met for the first time. Taeyeon closed her eyes when Seolhyun’s lips started caressing her lips, deliberately opened up so Taeyeon’s lips could recaptured her lips. It was far from a messy kissing or even a passionate one. It was a proper and carefull kiss.

 

“I love you, Taeyeon Unnie.” Seolhyun immediately confessed as soon as the kiss was over.

 

“Thank you but I am sorry I cannot say it back to you now.” Taeyeon sighed quietly, feeling sorry and bad.

 

“It’s okay. Like I’ve said, I’d wait.” Seolhyun smiled.

 

“I’ll say those words back to you soon. Wait for me, Seolhyun-ah.”

 

“I will.” With that, Taeyeon encouraged herself and kissed Seolhyun again, on the lips.

---

 

“Thank you for driving me home.” Taeyeon said to Seolhyun. This time, Taeyeon was the passenger. It’s not that she still got the trauma but she’s too tired and she didn’t believe in herself to focus on driving. Seolhyun invited her to a late dinner and since she’s hungry, she didn’t say no. Right after, the younger woman drove her back.

 

“You are most welcome.” Seolhyun smiled.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to just spend the night here?”

 

“No, Unnie. You are tired and I don’t want to trouble you. Besides, you have the Christmas party to make tomorrow right?”

 

“Yeah. I’m free after new year.” Taeyeon felt touched; having a very understanding girlfriend.

 

“I will defintely disturb you after new year.” Seolhyun winked.

 

“I’ll give you permission to do that.” Taeyeon nodded.

 

“Go ahead and have a penty of hours to rest, Unnie.” Seolhyun gestured.

 

“I will do that. Thanks’ again.” Taeyeon unbuckled the seat belt. However she stayed seated when Seolhyun hadn’t unlocked the door.

 

“Don’t you think you forgot something?” Seolhyun shyly asked. Taeyeon frowned.

 

“Goodnight kiss.” Seolhyun’s face reddened.

 

“Ah, right.” Taeyeon chuckled. She then leaned forward and gave Selhyun a kiss right o her lips.

 

“See you on Gayo Daejun events, Unnie.” Seolhyun lowered down the window and waved.

 

“See you, Seolhyun-ah. Drive carefully and inform me when you have arrived.” Taeyeon bent down, hands on the opened window.

 

“Will do.” Seolhyun smiled. Taeyeon stood up and walked backward.

 

“Go inside. After, I’ll press the gas pedal and go home.” Seolhyun stuck her tongue out.

 

“Stubborn girl.” Taeyeon shook her head but obediently turned her body and walked inside the apartment building. Soon, she heard the car left.

 

“Ugh.. I am so deadly tired. Good thing I can wake up late tomorrow.” Taeyeon yawned. She waited until the elevator stopped and she could directly go to her bedroom.

 

Taeyeon immediately plugged the cable onto her phone so it would charge the battery, removed the make up, and took a long bath; didn’t forget to wash her hairs which felt sticky no thanks’ to the sweats. She changed into a more comfortable clothes; shorts and an oversize T-shirt. She smiled seeing her sleeping dog. At least, she didn’t forget to feed her dog enough food before she left for the day.

 

She unplugged the phone and saw some messages notification. She read from the top and it was from none but her manager. Right below, it was her girlfriend, telling her that she had arrived and there’s no need for her to reply and that she’d just call her tomorrow when she’s sober enough. Taeyeon scrolled down and frowned; there’s a message she never expected would receive because it’s been so long since the last time that sender talked to her be it through phone call, social media, or even email.

 

From    : Tiffany

To        : Taeyeon

“You must have arrived home, right Taeyeon? Congratulation for the solo concert! I know you must have nailed it although I’m not there to watch you from audience seats. And it might be very late, but I’m so sorry about the accident. I hope you’re alright by now but then again since you still carried on the concert, I’m sure you’re fine, right? Anyway, Merry Christmas! Hopefully you’ll have a wonderful Christmas with your loved one J “

 

Taeyeon’s heart skipped a beat only from reading the name of the sender. It beat faster when she was reading the message’s content. Her eyes roamed from left to right and when she’s done reading it; she repeated the action; reading and re-reading the same message over and over again. When she had been very sure that the message indeed from Tiffany and had even memorized the content without needing to reread it again, she locked the phone so the screen went black.

 

“What are you doing, Fany-ah? Why now? When I’ve decided to completely move on from you? When I’ve accepted the fate that maybe.. maybe we’re indeed cannot be together again.” Taeyeon felt various emotions possessed her mind and heart.

 

“Why are you doing this to me? Why are you so selfish?! Why?!” Anger clouded her logic. Taeyeon punched the pillow beside her.

 

“Why can’t you let me go? And why can’t I forget you even when you’ve hurt me so much? You didn’t even ask about how I’m doing when I was involved in accident and now you messaged me like nothing happened.”

 

“You are so heartless.” Taeyeon shook her head, feeling betrayed by that one single message.

 

“You don’t deserve a reply to me.” Taeyeon said to herself, steeling her conviction.

 

“You don’t deserve me.” Taeyeon erased the message and turned off her phone; pretending she never received the message from someone she used to cherish; someone who meant a lot for her. But it was then; different from now.

---

 

“Thanks for saying yes to the dinner although you still said no to me fetching you up.” Tiffany smiled to the comment and sat in front of the man who had spent quite much time with her.

 

“You are welcome. I am here because you said you wanted to say about the plan we’re going to do in 2018.” Tiffany said. Not long after, the waitress came and gave her the menu.

 

“How do you like your new house?” The man asked. He had odered drinks but haven’t had any food since he decided to wait for the woman to come up.

 

“It’s nice. It will take time getting used to but I think I will be okay. Besides, Krys said she’d still visit me every now and then.” Tiffany replied. Then she made her order and so did he.

 

“No worries, I too will visit you every now and then.” The man offered his kindest smile. Tiffany smiled back but didn’t say anything to reply.

 

“So, what will we do in 2018?” Tiffany cut the chit chatting and just jumped to the main topic.

 

“Jumping directly to business, aren’t we? Why are you so workaholic, Steph? Even when we’re in Hongkong, we immediately went back to L.A when you’re allowed to have fun by the management.” Kev stirred his drink with a teaspoon.

 

“I left SM because I had a dream and I’ll do my best to achieve my dream. I have sacrificed too much to leisurely being a couch potato. I don’t have time to have fun, Kev. Not now.”

 

“But the management give you off time too, Steph. We manage your time and schedule, not absorbing anything you can give us plus you are our asset, not labor. You deserve some fun with what you have earned so far.” The man declared.

 

“Thank you for the appreciation but if I want to be succeed in Broadway, I need to work my off. I gotta obtain attention from the higher managements. Being a model is one of ways. Perhaps I can be a supernumary while next time I can play a significant role. I need to grab whatever chance served on my plate.” Tiffany shrugged. She slurped her own drink through the tall straw.

 

“Don’t you think you need someone to support you? Someone you can lean on? Who is reliable and trustable enough to receive your feelings?” The man carefully asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Tiffany raised one of her eyebrows.

 

“A lover.” The man gulped, feeling nervous.

 

“I don’t need one. Not at the moment at least.” Tiffany replied almost immediately.

 

“Well not now of course, but maybe anytime soon?” The man tried again.

 

“Maybe. I cannot decide now.” Tiffany shrugged.

 

“Listen. I will be honest with you.” The man held his breath.

 

“You are one of the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. You are attractive. You are the kind of person who know what she wants and understands what to do to get what you want. You can elaborate about what you wanna be; what you want to achieve in 3 to 10 years from now which is not many people can do that.” Tiffany listened, paying her attention to the nervous man.

 

“The thing is. I... I like you.” The man confessed. His eyes hesitantly stared at Tiffany’s eyes.

 

“And I want to be more than just a friend to you. I want to be a special person for you; a person who will continously be there for you; to support you, encourage you, and help you to reach your dreams.” The man ended his long speech.

 

“I... I don’t know what to say. This is so sudden.” Tiffany conscientiously said, trying not to offend the man.

 

“I know, right?” The man scratched the back of his head.

 

“But you don’t really need to answer now. I.. I can wait. I know you probably need time to reconsider, knowing your bustling activities lately.” The man added.

 

“Thank you but I can’t.” Tiffany turned down the confession politely. The man looked surprised. He opened his mouth then closed it again. Tiffany just stayed still, waiting. She sliced her lasagna into smaller pieces and brought it to .

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