Chapter 30 (Final)

Irene has never held on to anything – to anyone – as desperate as she is holding on to SeulGi right now.

To SeulGi whose face is still mere inches away from hers, because she admits, ironically, that a wide distance may suffocate her.

Not when she’s finally confessed.

Not when she’s finally said all the bottled-up feelings and frustrations out.

Not when she’s finally realized that she’s in love,

“I’m in love with you.”

The words escape Irene’s lips faster than it crossed her mind, too quick that she isn’t able to comprehend what she just stupidly said,

Irene says, the words would have come off shaky, but she tries her best for it to sound like she means it.

Because she does.

So she repeats, more firmly now,

“SeulGi, I’m in love with you.”

And Irene searches SeulGi’s face for at least something. A reaction, an expression. Anything that tells her that SeulGi acknowledges what she just foolishly said.

But Irene regrets it just as fast because then she sees SeulGi’s eyes show confusion, and shock, and sadness all in one go, and Irene really does regret it,

Because SeulGi is just as quick to say, almost in a soft whisper,

“No, you aren’t.”

Irene sees SeulGi shake her head as to defy what Irene just said, and Irene can’t help but feel the familiar pain by her chest when she sees SeulGi looking so sorry at her,

“SeulGi, I am!” Irene shuts her eyes tight – because she can’t bear to look at SeulGi staring at her like that – just as tight her hands clutch on SeulGi’s shirt as to plead, beg that SeulGi believe her words, that SeulGi believe her, “I am, I am, I am.”

Every word coming off stronger than the last one just so to make SeulGi believe.

Irene breathes out, though it came as a whimper – because she’s crying again as she tries to make SeulGi at least know,

To make SeulGi at least understand, to at least realize Irene’s feelings for her,

Irene opens her eyes before finally confessing once more, sounding more and more desperate and hopeful both at the same time,

“SeulGi, I love you.”

And Irene wishes – hard – that SeulGi finally acknowledges what she’s trying to say, but what she gets is more pain when SeulGi only merely shakes her head in regret once more,

“Irene, no,” SeulGi takes Irene’s hands only to take it off her shirt, “You don’t love me.

“You don’t love me, okay?” SeulGi says, tears forming once more as she speaks – bringing more tears on Irene’s eyes as well, “You’re confused. You don’t know what you’re saying, you don’t know what you’re feeling. But what you feel for me is not love, Irene. Okay?”

“SeulGi, please–”

“I don’t want to be the rebound!” SeulGi shrieks, with more tears falling down on her face as Irene tries not to cry just as hard, “I don’t want to be that one person you run to just because you don’t have anyone to turn to anymore!”

Irene can only stand there, frozen to place, as she listens to SeulGi vent out more of herself,

“I have feelings, too, Irene!”

It pierces Irene’s heart because SeulGi thinks like that, because Irene knows that she’s the one who made SeulGi think like that.

And it cuts through Irene most because she knows she’s losing SeulGi – for good.

Because SeulGi says,

“Irene,” Irene hears SeulGi deeply sigh, and she sees SeulGi look down – as to contemplate on what to say, making Irene wonder how grave SeulGi’s words would be because of the silence that follow,

And Irene knows how severe SeulGi’s next words are, because SeulGi just has to say – just has to heartlessly say,

“Let’s end whatever this is between us.”

Her heart clenches, Irene knows because she felt it. It clenches so hard that she has to hold her chest to keep her heart in place.

“SeulGi,” Is the only one that comes off Irene’s mouth,

Because SeulGi shakes her head again before walking pass Irene to finish packing her things,

It takes a moment for Irene to understand what’s going on, because it happened all too fast and all too sudden. And she only starts moving again when SeulGi calls for her, “Irene,”

Only to say goodbye,

“I,” SeulGi starts off, and Irene finally turns to face her.

And Irene hopes that SeulGi has at least an ounce of trouble and sadness and regret, when SeulGi decides to break her heart more by saying,

“I’m leaving now.”

So Irene’s only left to lower her gaze again as she bites her lips hard to stop them from shuddering, because SeulGi just has to deeply bow and to say so formally,

“Thank you for everything.”

The bow lasts for more seconds until Irene loses count of how long she’s holding her breath as well.

SeulGi looks at her for the last time, and Irene swears – she swears – that time stopped. Because Irene really wanted for it to,

So SeulGi won’t be able to utter a shattering ‘goodbye’, so SeulGi won’t be able to smile at her one last time, so SeulGi won’t be able to take those steps away that followed,

So SeulGi won’t be able to take one last good look at Irene like SeulGi’s still in love.

And when SeulGi’s able to get a good far a distance away from Irene – SeulGi’s back sharply turned against Irene, form barely visible – was Irene only able to get a grip of herself and run to hug SeulGi.

To hug SeulGi so tight as to not let the other girl go anymore, to not let SeulGi slip away from her hold, from her touches – from her.

“SeulGi,” Irene sobs against SeulGi’s taut back, she says as she feels SeulGi’s breathing, “Please, don’t,”

And Irene feels foolish, and she doesn’t mind feeling like that – because she is,

And Irene admits that she’s foolish as she desperately begs, as she desperately tries not to choke on her words,

“Please don’t leave me.”

Irene’s hands clutching strongly by SeulGi’s stomach, SeulGi’s scent being the only thing that envelopes Irene’s senses.

“SeulGi, please don’t do this to me,” Irene continues to cry, and she hasn’t cried as hard before, “Please.”

They stay still like that for more moments until Irene feels SeulGi turn to properly face her, but Irene keeps her hold on SeulGi – keeps SeulGi locked in her tight embrace,

And she sees SeulGi smile, she sees SeulGi smile so soft, and so warm, and so gentle.

That Irene hears her heart break a little more, because how can a tender smile still hurt you?

“Irene,” SeulGi holds Irene’s face – so delicate and so careful – as Irene sees the tears that fall from SeulGi’s perfect face, but still with that darned affectionate smile,

And SeulGi’s words are the ones to bring Irene’s own tears out in the open, because SeulGi just has to confess,

“I love you.”

Irene should have said something back, should have said a reply. But the trembling of SeulGi’s hands, the ones that are cautiously placed upon her face keeps her silent,

Because she feels the same anxiety that SeulGi’s having, the same tensed feeling clouding up in her chest – making it impossibly hard to breathe.

And that constant twinge inside her chest constricts some more when SeulGi adds,

“I’m in love with you,”

SeulGi continues to smile, but Irene knows better that that smile is a traitor,

Because then SeulGi says,

“I’m the one who’s in love between the two of us,” SeulGi closes her eyes, and Irene feels her hands tremble no more, “The only one who’s in love between the two of us,”

Irene continues to watch SeulGi – SeulGi who slowly rests her forehead on Irene’s, and Irene feels how SeulGi softly shakes her head,

“And Irene,”

SeulGi who slowly flutters her eyes open to stare back at Irene – Irene who slowly reaches for her face, too, until their breaths tangle with each other’s,

SeulGi who says with a sigh, but not a hint of doubt when she confesses,

“I love you,”

Irene finds herself closing her eyes because then SeulGi is the one who pulls her face closer – and Irene sees SeulGi hesitate at first, sees the fear and uncertainty – unsure if what she’s about to do is still sane and rational – inside SeulGi’s eyes before they shut fully,

And Irene finds herself shutting her own eyes because SeulGi is now the one to pull her for a kiss – for one last kiss – because SeulGi decides to entirely break her beating heart,

“That’s why I’m letting you go.”

---

SeulGi’s fading form is the only image that burns inside Irene’s mind that remaining afternoon.

She hasn’t had the heart – SeulGi hasn’t had the heart – to compromise anymore. After what SeulGi has told her – has let her go – she finds herself lying on SeulGi’s bed, former bed, as she silently let her tears fall.

No, she’s not crying. Tears just won’t stop flowing from her eyes, and she curses herself for being so stupid and so weak.

She continues to loathe herself until she hears the doorbell ringing – and oh, how foolish for her to think it was SeulGi, to wish it was SeulGi – and she immediately runs to welcome the person back in.

Though she hides the disappointment in her voice, and the frown on her face when she sees that it’s Mr. Kim who greets her after she’s opened the door.

Irene quickly wipes her face, clears , prays that she won’t sound so broken when she speaks,

“H-Hello, Mr. Kim.” She quickly puts a smile to at least cover the uneasiness in her voice.

“Ah, h-hello, Ms. Bae.” Mr. Kim quickly bows as he starts stuttering as well, “Y-Your parents asked my wife and daughter to be your companions s-starting today,”

Irene feels her smile falter a bit but she does try to keep it on her face nonetheless, “Thank you, Mr. Kim.”

He nods as he steps aside to make way for the two new people that Irene will meet.

“This is my wife, then my daughter YeRim,” He motions to them, and back to Irene, “This is Ms. Bae Irene.”

Irene politely bows back when she sees Mrs. Kim and YeRim bowing to her as greetings.

“Please come on in,” Irene leads them inside, and once settled and oriented with how the things inside the house works, Irene leads them to their room.

SeulGi’s room, to be exact.

“Ah,” Irene pauses, because SeulGi’s scent still lingers inside, and because Irene still feels SeulGi’s taste on her lips, “T-This will be your room from now on.”

Irene grips on the doorknob strongly as to restrain herself from becoming a mess once more.

Not in front of them, JooHyun.

“That will be all,” Irene quickly turns to them as she flashes another small smile, “I will be in my room if you needed me. Please excuse me.”

With that, she hurriedly runs to her room and hopes for a clearer mind the next day.

---

“G-Good morning, Ms. Bae.”

Irene sees YeRim bow to her the second the younger girl has set eyes on her the next morning.

Even with swollen eyes, Irene can tell that YeRim is younger than SeulGi, maybe a bit too young. And a bit more obedient at least, less stubborn, yet Irene feels that YeRim is still too young. So Irene guesses that she’s just as mischievous and as energetic. YeRim does give her the same evil vibe as of Joy’s. Irene internally laughs at the thought,

“Good morning, YeRim.” Irene replies, she decides to come down the dining room instead – afraid that if she’s asked her breakfast to be brought to her in her room, memories of SeulGi will flood her poor mind again,

“Breakfast is ready, Ms. Bae.” Mrs. Kim is quick to pull a chair out for Irene.

“Just please call me ‘Irene’.” Irene awkwardly smiles, “And please join me in eating, where’s Mr. Kim?”

“O-Oh, no need, Ms. Bae!” Mrs. Kim hastily shakes a hand, “We will eat later. A-After you’re done.”

“N-No, please,” And Irene’s quick to shake her head, “Accompany me in eating,” She sighs, “It is quite lonely eating alone.”

Irene can’t believe her words, did she just hear herself whine? So dejected as if she’s been oppressed?

And maybe YeRim was able to pick it up, which Irene wishes hard that the other girl didn’t, because then she hears YeRim say, “Is it okay if I sit beside you?”

The question catches Irene off-guard for a split second, but surprisingly, she doesn’t minds as much anymore.

“YeRim!” Mrs. Kim calls to her child, “Have some manners!”

“Oh, it’s okay, Mrs. Kim.” Irene pulls the chair beside her, “Sit here with me, YeRim.”

Irene sees YeRim smile wider, and Irene somehow finds herself smiling as wide.

Maybe she is somehow thankful for the little kid, to keep her company.

A new one that she doesn’t have to think too deep nor too hard on what they are. Maybe YeRim is the younger sister she never had.

At least their relationship is not as complicated as hers and SeulGi’s is. Irene bites her lip at the thought.

Yeah, maybe YeRim could be the sister she’s never had.

---

“Why do you look like you’ve just woken up from a bad party?”

Irene throws a lazy glare at Joy the second those words come out from her devil friend, maybe having Joy wait for her by the school gate is a worse idea than going to the classroom alone.

“So, how are you feeling?” Joy asks as she swings an arm around Irene, and Irene likes to think it’s just to piss her off more.

Irene quickly looks around first, cautiously, as to see if SeulGi – or Wendy – is there. She thanks the heavens that none of the two were there. She honestly doesn’t know how to act, or how to feel, if she’s to see SeulGi early in the day.

They didn’t really part in good terms, but Irene also thinks that they didn’t part in bad terms, either.

So Irene really doesn’t know what to do if she’s ever to bump to SeulGi that day, or ever.

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” Irene feels a jab by her temple, and she quickly elbows Joy’s ribs as revenge,

“What? I’m listening.” Irene retorts.

“I asked how you are, the last time we met was when you were supposed to be dancing in a club?”

Damn it.

All other memories of the said event should have come running around Irene’s mind, but the very first one to appear is her drunken kiss with SeulGi.

And the kisses that followed,

And the heartache that stayed.

Irene swallows painfully as has gone dry as she lies, “I’m fine,”

She continues to look at the ground, yet she feels Joy’s eyes on her.

She holds her breath for whatever taunt her friend will be throwing at her, but she quickly exhales when she just hear Joy sigh and pat her head,

Making Irene not regret having Joy accompany her every morning because Joy comforts her in unimaginable ways with such a simple,

“I’m glad.”

---

Though she does regret having Joy around at times, too.

Times like eating at the school canteen during break-time – not because of the conversations, heck, Joy’s exaggerated story-telling makes Irene laugh like there’s no tomorrow.

What she doesn’t like about having Joy around at times is when Joy decides to transform into her really evil counterpart and tease and embarrass Irene for all it’s worth.

Like now, where they’re engaged in a conversation – and Irene knows that she is – but then she sees someone, a really familiar someone, walk in and that’s when Irene loses focus.

Because she sees SeulGi, who’s still supporting her trademark smile as she walks by.

And Irene feels herself suddenly asking for air, because it suddenly becomes harder to breathe. She feels her insides constrict in a way, with her heart pounding loud that she’s afraid anyone would be able to hear how it’s trying to break free.

Because SeulGi seems like she had no problem sleeping last night, or waking up with tears this morning. Because she seems like what happened yesterday was merely a dream – a nightmare – that she just woke up to and put aside like any other illusions played upon by her mind.

And Irene feels it harder to breathe, feels it harder to blink tears back,

Because SeulGi doesn’t even look her way, when all of Irene’s senses are on her – solely on her. Because Irene forgets the rest of the world as she stares at the other girl who seems to have no difficulty being in the same space, breathing the same air, walking the same ground.

Irene forces herself to tear her gazes away from SeulGi and back to Joy who continues to speak, and Irene tries her best – God knows how much she does – to give her full attention on what Joy’s talking about, but the mere presence of SeulGi makes it already hard enough for Irene to focus on anything else.

So Irene nods her head as to agree on whatever Joy’s telling her, making it appear that she’s able to follow, but she curses her eyes for averting their selves to SeulGi’s direction instead. She tries to pull her gazes back just as quick, though – she tries so hard to – and listen to her friend again. But the same thing happens over and over until she feels her heart thump harder against her chest when Joy finally says,

“You’re distracted.”

That’s when Irene is finally able to focus only on Joy, “W-What?”

“You’re distracted,” Joy repeats, “You keep on looking somewhere else.”

“I-I don’t,” Irene widens her eyes in defense, “What are you talking about.”

Joy raises her eyebrows lazily, and Irene knows that her friend doesn’t believe her one bit – hell, she doesn’t even believe herself, either.

“What is bothering you anyway?” Joy says as she starts to turn to where Irene’s looking at, and it alarms Irene so she’s quicker to pull Joy’s face back.

“N-Nothing!” Irene’s voice reaches an unusual higher tone in panic, “Continue with your story!”

Joy looks at her with a scowl, like she’s a crazy person – and Irene admits that maybe she is, with how her mind is not working properly anymore, all because of only one person.

Joy continues to observe her, to scrutinize her – and Irene tries bad not to squirm.

Irene only stops trying when Joy mercifully lets her go with a shrug, but not without a side-comment, “You’re weird.”

At least it’s better than crazy.

But Irene really swears she’s going insane, because then she steals another glance at SeulGi’s direction and she swears she’s going insane,

Because she likes to fool herself that SeulGi finally looked at her direction as well.

---

The days that followed are not much different than the first day SeulGi and Irene parted ways. The days are still off, awkward, and suffocating.

Because just when did SeulGi become a stop sign for her? A big, red stop sign that makes her halt with what she’s doing, or where she’s going, or who she’s talking to?

And it doesn’t help that whenever she’ll see SeulGi, she’ll be with Wendy, and SeulGi doesn’t even have the smallest sign of longing for Irene – not even a little that bites inside Irene.

That SeulGi doesn’t even have the tiniest sign of distress, or worry, or regret in her still-beautiful face that Irene is trying so hard to hate.

That Irene forces herself – convinces herself – that she loathes SeulGi, that SeulGi’s nothing but a jerk. The same jerk from the first day that she laid her eyes on, the same selfish jerk that does nothing but hurt her, the same stupid jerk that made her feel.

And Irene tries to convince herself that she hates SeulGi – because it seems that everything SeulGi does is to despise Irene, to give more pain to Irene,

With Irene struggling every day just to avoid running to SeulGi, and she feels so stupid – so damn stupid – for doing so.

Whenever she’ll chance upon the blonde – the blonde hair that now she hates, that she now regrets for even having SeulGi have it – she’ll swerve the other direction. That whenever she’ll see SeulGi from afar, because of the same bright hair, she’ll come running back to where she originally was. But she does see the growing roots of black hair day by day that passes, and it truthfully pangs Irene because, is it that long already? That they started to avoid each other? Started to stop talking to each other, like they really don’t know each other?

Because now she notices it? Like how you notice how long someone’s hair has grown from the last time you saw them? Because it’s been too long already?

So Irene can only bite on her tongue as she shakes the memory of why she wanted that hair colour for SeulGi – to keep SeulGi in her line of sight – and how SeulGi even thought of following Wendy’s suggestion of dyeing it back to its original hair colour instead.

She shakes the memory of how mad and furious she was when SeulGi has said it, and now she feels more stupid.

And it’s really stupid how much harm can one small thing bring,

Because then one day, she sees SeulGi with black hair.

And it really shouldn’t bother Irene – petty things such as hair colours – but then it feels like a knife cut through her because it feels like SeulGi has fully rejected her.

Why should it feel like SeulGi defied her when she fully knows that SeulGi is now out of her reach? That SeulGi is free to do whatever she wants, because she has her life all to herself now.

Not to Irene.

Not to Irene anymore.

---

And weeks continue to come by so quick – the school year almost ending – but the pain doesn’t subside even for a bit. Irene knows how to handle it, of course she does. The basics of moving on – even though it’s silly to think that they never were together in the first place, that they never even got together to begin with – and Irene knows all about it.

The problem is that she doesn’t know why it doesn’t work.

Why nothing of what she knows work, that it still is SeulGi and only SeulGi that she sees with even with her eyes shut tight, that it still is SeulGi’s voice that she hears in her dreams – and Irene dreams about her every night.

That she and SeulGi are still spending time together, that SeulGi return her feelings, that SeulGi loves her just as much.

That she wakes up feeling more down because it was all just a dream. And she wishes that it could have stayed like that.

She never thought that sleeping – dreaming – would be better than being awake.

Because she sees how SeulGi would divert her eyes away whenever life would play upon them and they’ll chance each other in the hallways. And it’s actually better if it happens – when their eyes would meet – instead of times where they would just pass by each other, like they don’t know each other completely.

Like they don’t know each other’s fears, or dreams, or likes and dislikes. Like they don’t know each other’s deepest thoughts, and each other’s stories.

When they have been parts of each other’s being.

And it’s heartbreaking when people you know become people you knew.

And it breaks Irene’s heart because she feels like she’s the only one going through an inner turmoil, an inner battle that she knows she’s losing.

When they used to talk to each other for restless nights and countless days. When they used to laugh at small things, or simply smile at the comfortable silence. When they used to yearn for each other’s company, or each other’s warmth.

And that’s what hurts, because they don’t do any of those anymore – they don’t have each other anymore,

And that’s what hurts the most,

Because they used to.

---

“Hey, Irene,” Joy loops an arm with hers.

“Yeah?”

“We’ll go to the mall after school, right?”

Irene doesn’t even think about it, she needs a diversion, badly, “Sure thing.”

Though it seems life doesn’t want her to, because Joy adds,

“But I need to meet Wendy first. I kind of borrowed a CD from her. Hey, you should totally try to get to know Wendy! She’s such a nice girl! And she has taste in music, and do you know that she bakes? And cooks? We should totally ask her to hang out with us sometimes, too! Oh! She’s just such an angel–”

“Are you kidding me?” Irene cuts her blabbering fool of a friend, because is Joy serious? How does she expect for Irene to meet Wendy when she knows SeulGi will also be there.

“What?” Joy gives her another scowl, “It’s just a suggestion. I mean, since you and SeulGi know each other, too, I thought, why not, right? What? Don’t tell me you’re still sour that she’s stealing the spotlight from you. Which doesn’t make sense because she’s not even trying. No offense, Irene.” Joy keeps on talking and Irene is only left there – mouth agape and eyes wandering. Her ears not wanting to hear anymore of Joy’s nonsense.

Irene shakes her head as to dismiss anymore thoughts swimming inside her head, “Just,” She sighs irritably, “Just get the damn CD and then we’ll go straight to the mall.”

“Oh! I know! Let’s invite them to join us going to the mall later!”

“No!!!” Irene says loudly, giving her a look from her friend, “I mean, no,

“If you want, I’ll go ahead and we’ll just meet up there.” Irene suggests, which kinds of make sense to her. Much to her relief.

“Are you stupid?” Joy narrows her eyes, “Why are you avoiding her like a plague?”

“I’m not avoiding her,” Technically, Irene’s correct, “I just don’t…. like… to wait… is all.” Irene shrugs.

Which only gets her a good, hard stare from Joy, and she stares just as hard back.

Until Joy sighs, “You really are crazy.”

And Irene finally admits that she really is.

---

Because then Joy is able to drag her that dismissal to meet with Wendy. She yanks herself off Joy’s grip but to no avail. Reasons that it’ll just be quick, quicker than Joy failing her grades and Irene’s not able to reply immediately because she just has to laugh first.

And Irene prays that her clammy hands are left unnoticed by her evil friend because she herself can feel how sweaty they’ve become and how shaking they are right now.

They near the school gate and Irene only bites the insides of in anticipation. Anticipation on what’ll happen next or what she’ll do or not do next because then life is unfair for giving her time to over-think things as they’re the first ones to arrive.

Only to be stopped when she hears a voice calling for her friend, and she just knows who owns it and who’s with the owner.

Because Joy greets back, “Hey, Wendy! Hey, SeulGi!”

And Irene’s body stiffens on its own again, disobeying her mind that tells it to move, to act normal. Her heart disobeying her brain that tells it to stop pumping unnecessary excess of blood and to stop squeezing so much, because she feels the familiar trouble of breathing.

Irene continues to be turned against the people around her, since she doesn’t know how to control her body anymore.

Not when she’s able catch a whiff of that nauseatingly addictive fragrance that she wishes hard not to be as addicting, to be as alluring.

“Hey, Irene.”

She twitches with the greeting, because she knows it’s Wendy who did. So she exhales first before deciding to at last face them. Eyes trying to fix themselves entirely on the one who called, and not on that damn, pretty girl at the side.

“Hello, Wendy.”

She sees Wendy only smile, and it actually surprises her because it is not the normal mocking ones. It’s one of those… normal ones. Though it isn’t taunting, it is neither boastful. And if Irene’s really a fool, she would have believed it has a hint of compassion in it – as if Wendy knows what she’s going through.

And Irene has to look away, because she sees SeulGi look at their direction.

She feels the mad thumping in her chest, the sting in her eyes, and the knots inside her guts as she glances away – and hell knows how much she wants – how much she’s aching – to just stare at SeulGi,

And Irene does her best to stare at the ground instead, until Joy decides to cough just to break the eerie, uncomfortable silence that shrouded them after.

“O-kay,” Joy trails off, and Irene thinks she heard the faintest indication of awkwardness on how her friend said it, “Well, we’ll be on our way now. Thanks for this!”

Irene doesn’t believe her ears, did Joy just let her evil self go? Because didn’t she just say a while ago that she’ll invite Wendy and SeulGi?

Irene quickly turns to Joy, but Joy’s quicker to grab her arm and yank her away.

“I thought you’ll invite them to the mall?” Irene asks, she has to.

“I changed my mind,” Joy shrugs as she continues to drag Irene, “I don’t like you sulking all throughout the trip, and being - quiet and awkward.”

“I’m not awkward with Wendy.” Irene defends herself,

“Yeah, I know,” Joy continues to pull at her, but briefly glances at her as Joy says, “But you are with SeulGi.”

Irene almost trip on her own foot, caught in panic, “I-I’m not.”

“Oh, who are you fooling, grandma?” Joy latches her arm around Irene’s neck instead, “You don’t even look at her,”

And Irene feels her ears get unbelievably warm when Joy adds – teases,

“When you were all over each other just the last time.”

She quickly punches Joy by the side, “We weren’t. Stupid.”

Only Joy’s demeaning chuckle is what she hears after, but when the laughter dies down, Irene can’t help but ask something so pitiful that it appears more of a whisper when she did, “Did she,

“Did she even look at me?”

Irene can’t help but curl her fingers into fists, and bite her lips when Joy remains quiet – maybe contemplating to tell if the truth is SeulGi didn’t or lie that SeulGi did just so Irene would feel even a bit better,

All she gets is a deep sigh though, and for Irene, it’s not a good sign.

But maybe Irene’s wrong, well, not entirely right, either. For Joy says,

“She’s just like you.”

“What do you mean?” Irene has to ask, because what does that really mean?

Joy shrugs, “She doesn’t look at you, only stares at the ground, or at the sky, or at that little ant crawling up a tree. Like that, really. Looking anywhere and everywhere,

“Anywhere but you.”

Irene feels her body tense up in a way again, but Joy really has to make fun of her,

“You two lovebirds should really get your act together.”

Irene gapes at what her friend just said, her fist faster than her mind into stopping it from landing on Joy’s arm, “SooYoung!!!”

“Oh, God! Don’t deny it, Irene!” Joy suppresses laughter as she raises her hands mid-air, “Anyone with eyes can clearly see that you two have a thing for each other!”

Irene feels her blood run all over her face in embarrassment, and she swears that if she can see her face, it’ll be just as red, “Good God, SooYoung! What the hell are you saying?!”

“Irene,” Joy holds Irene’s flying fist, and the sudden seriousness in her face and gravity in her voice makes Irene stop attacking her, “I’m serious, though. You two are in the verge of insanity without each other, well, with what I see, most likely you, but who knows if SeulGi feels the same? Though I honestly think she also does, with the way she still doesn’t look at you as much, too. I mean, not even a ‘hi’? Both from you or for you? And I can see the way she fidgets, just as much as you do.”

Just the thought of SeulGi missing her – just that simple thought – is enough to make Irene’s heart clench in unbelievable shades of happiness. That SeulGi is longing for her just as much as she does, that she’s missing their conversation, or their times together, how SeulGi misses her.

“Irene, you two have to talk it out one way or another. I may not know the whole story, but I assure you – and I’m saying this as your trusted and concerned friend that genuinely loves you and cares for you – with what I’m seeing right now, your little game of ‘hide-and-don’t-seek’ with each other has way more toll on you.

“I mean, Irene, you do know that I support you a hundred and one percent with whoever you date, for all I care, but you’re losing focus because of her! You avoid going to places – just because she might be there, you put more make up to hide your eye-bags from crying, you go out way too much just so you won’t have time to think about her, you force me into dates with you, Irene. I think that’s worse enough as an example.”

Joy laughs and Irene laughs as well despite the b tears on her eyes already – because whatever Joy says is somehow true, and it clenches her heart painfully yet warm at the same time from the comfort brought along with the painful truth being slapped to her.

“And as much as I want to torture you,” Joy pulls her into a hug that Irene quickly complies to, because she hugs her friend just as tight, “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“SooYoung,” Is all that Irene’s able to mumble as her hands tighten their clutch around Joy’s torso from the overflowing comfort that she’s receiving,

“Where’s that strong, stone-cold girl that I know? Where’s that y, bad- that’s ready to sack the whole town with her feistiness?”  Irene hears Joy joke and she actually whole-heartedly laughs at it.

“Thanks, Satan.”

But that moment of ease is briefly cut off when Joy suddenly pulls a bit – making Irene frown as she looks at the taller girl. Joy asks, “Does SuHo know?”

Irene glances down as she sheepishly and shamelessly admits, “Yeah.”

“Is that why you and him…?”

“… Yeah.”

“… Oh.” Is all Joy says.

“Yeah…” Irene slowly nods, “‘Oh’.”

“At least you’re still in good terms?” Joy further inquires.

“Yes, we still hang out at times,” Irene agrees, before taking the opportunity to tease Joy, “He’s a nice guy, why don’t you hook up with him?”

Which gives her a solid smack by her back, “Eww! No! It’