Chapter 23

Irene wakes up to the sound of her ringtone. She answers it mindlessly for she knows who it is.

“Good morning, SuHo.” She says as she rubs her eyes.

It has been a routine, SuHo calling to wake her up or sometimes, it’s the other way around.

It’s cringy, Irene knows, but it’s somehow sweet, nevertheless.

They end their minute conversation as they need to both prepare for school already.

A smile stays on Irene’s lips from the phone call, and only for it to be taken away when she remembers what happened yesterday,

What happened to her and SeulGi yesterday.

She immediately feels her heart thump twice more beat than normal, and she instantly feels her face get hot.

She curses herself internally as she remembers how she was not able to control her damned lips from touching SeulGi.

Why did I do that?

She smacks her forehead and buries her face in her hands.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She mutters.

How will she face SeulGi now? With all the embarrassment eating her – devouring her whole?

And that will soon be answered because she hears her door opening, and her heart constricts harder.

“… Good morning, Irene.”

Irene breathes first before making herself gaze to where the voice came from.

“… Good morning, bear.” She clears first before greeting SeulGi back.

“Breakfast in bed?” SeulGi shrugs as Irene sees how the former’s eyes wander the room.

“Sure.” Irene timidly nods.

What is this atmosphere?

SeulGi walks closer to her and Irene makes sure she acts normal. Why would that little thing about yesterday even bother Irene?

She’s kissed a lot more people before, how is slightly kissing SeulGi’s skin be any different?

But SeulGi is really good in confusing Irene because then SeulGi sits by Irene’s bedside again, muttering her name – only with that simple mumble of her name is enough to make her question whatever action she does to and with SeulGi,

“Irene,”

And SeulGi is really good in confusing Irene because then Irene feels her ears flare when she somehow heard – and she’s not sure if she’s heard SeulGi correct – SeulGi ask,

“… Do you want me…?”

Irene looks at SeulGi as Irene chokes on absolutely nothing, goes dry and the only thing she’s able to respond is, “W-What?”

Irene feels the same heat spreading fast all over her body – spreading like wildfire, faster than wildfire. The same heat in her face consumes her heart and she hears her chest blaring and her insides blazing.

But that fire was quickly extinguished when the same confused look transfers to SeulGi as SeulGi says – clearer,

“… Do you want me… to feed you?”

When Irene hears it, finally, and when she truly understands what SeulGi whispered, she doesn’t understand why she feels disappointed and burning mad.

“No,” Irene says sternly, the embarrassment she’s been feeling early in the morning consuming her again. Why would she even think SeulGi asked that?

That same embarrassment then turns into a violent fury for Irene feels stupid – because SeulGi made her feel stupid.

And so Irene says, with the same cold tone that she’s been giving SeulGi, “I want you,”

She grips the front of SeulGi’s shirt – pulling SeulGi closer to her, the same intensity her tight grip mirrors the one in her eyes – making her next words meaner than they already are,

“Out of my room.”

Irene immediately sees the confusion in SeulGi’s eyes turn to – what she wants to believe is – pain.

She sees SeulGi look down before the latter timidly nods,

“… Okay.” SeulGi nods one last time before gently pulling Irene’s hand – the one with the wounded finger, the one that had hurt SeulGi the day before – away from the blonde’s shirt.

And Irene knows she feels guilty – of course she does – but with how SeulGi messes with her mind – and with her heart – constantly drives Irene to insanity.

So with one last of SeulGi’s nods, SeulGi stands up and leaves the room.

With Irene only chewing on her lips once more as she watch SeulGi walk away.

---

Irene sees SeulGi prepare her – Irene’s – things in the living room.

Surprisingly, SeulGi’s not humming.

And Irene wonders if it’s because of what she did earlier.

But why would SeulGi act indifferently? Irene has always been like this to her.

Right?

“Hey, bear.” Irene breaks the silence between them.

SeulGi warily turns to her, “Y-Yes?”

And Irene decides to rid of the guilt pressing on her by asking – sincerely, “Have you eaten already?”

She sees SeulGi’s eyes widen for a moment before SeulGi looks back at Irene’s things, SeulGi replies, “Y-Yes. Thank you for asking.”

Irene unintentionally smiles at how SeulGi almost tripped after.

“Are you alright?” Irene continues to smile – not knowing why.

SeulGi clears , “… Yes.”

And Irene knows that she really is going insane because then she holds SeulGi’s hand – and she’s thankful that SeulGi jerks but does not pull away, Irene says – still with a smile, “Let’s go to school.”

And Irene admits that she really is going insane, because then SeulGi finally smiles at her – the same, bright smile Irene has become fond of,

SeulGi says a cheerful, “Okay.”

But soon that bright smile’s taken away again, for a phone rings.

Though it’s not SeulGi’s this time.

Irene quickly lets go of SeulGi’s hand as she says, “I-I’ll just take that.”

Irene need not look at the caller I.D, “Hey, SuHo.”

Her eyes – like routinely – turns to SeulGi, and SeulGi’s not able to return that stare as the blonde is already looking away – a bit lip and a clenched hand on sight.

Irene hears SuHo speaking and she hums as answers, but her eyes can’t help but continue studying SeulGi.

She sees SeulGi move and continue packing their things, then carryng their bags before going outside.

Irene unintentionally sighs as she focuses back to SuHo.

---

The ride to school is covered with silence once more. Just like what their rides the past weeks had been – after their trip to Daegu.

Irene still cares the least bit what runs through SeulGi’s mind, but she does care what SeulGi types on the latter’s phone.

Irene doesn’t understand how it should affect her in any way when she has a fair share of sending messages to people.

She groans slightly, making SeulGi look at her for a brief second.

Irene continues to look outside, not minding what SeulGi thinks when Irene did that.

Because SeulGi didn’t ask.

And Irene eats her thoughts, because SeulGi finally asks,

“Are you alright?”

Irene decides to look back, her mind wandering but her thought blanking with how SeulGi looks and asks so concerned at her.

And Irene’s only to mumble a subtle,

“I’m fine.”

And she really wishes that she is.

---

Irene’s sure she’s fine when she immediately runs up to SuHo, who has been waiting for her. She’s sure she’s fine when she somehow sees the same sturdy and unexplainable emotion painted on SeulGi’s face.

“Hi! Good morning!” She latches herself onto his arm as she wastes no time in pulling him inside the campus as she doesn’t want to witness – and she’s not sure why – SeulGi waiting for SeungWan again.

“Hey, good morning to you, too.” SuHo says, “Why are we in a hurry?”

Irene bites her lip, “We might be late for class…?”

He chuckles, “There’s plenty time, no need to rush.” He pats her hand, and Irene smiles as she feels assured – safe.

But that safety slowly crumbles when she hears an annoying voice cheerfully saying,

“KkangSseul! Good morning!”

Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Don’t look back.

Irene reminds herself over and over.

And her tolerance is growing thinner and thinner by the second because even in a sea full of murmurs and whispers of different people, she still hears SeulGi – she hears SeulGi happily respond back.

---

“I’m not going home with you.”

Irene blatanly says as she hold onto Suho tighter once more, her shoulders slightly brushing SeulGi’s as the shorter girl walks by the taller one. Not even a bat of an eye was given to SeulGi as Irene says the words sternly.

Though she hears SeulGi ask, “M-May I at least know where you’re going?”

“Somewhere.” Irene hastily says, urging SuHo to keep up with her pace.

But Seulgi’s stubborn, because Seulgi continues to ask, “What time will you be home?”

Irene scoffs, but she does say, “I’m with SuHo, SeulGi. I’ll be fine.”

And Irene’s the one to stop walking first when she hears SeulGi say – pleads,

“Please go home early.”

She clenches her hand first, as she feels the same warmth taking over her again.

She finally turns back to SeulGi, and she hates how SeulGi looks at her.

How SeulGi looks at her with full of concern, full of worry, full of longingness for her.

How SeulGi looks at her with pain, hurt, and discomfort when she sees SeulGi chancing upon their – SuHo’s and hers – entwined hands.

How SeulGi still looks at her like SeulGi’s in love with her.

No, Irene can’t handle all these.

So she brushes her feelings once more, by saying yet again – bitterly and heartlessly,

“It’s not your business.”

---

Irene goes home late again.

Why listen to SeulGi?

After saying farewell, with SuHo kissing her cheeks goodbye, she goes up to the front door.

She looks for the keys as a smile stays on her lips.

Soon, that smile disappears.

For she sees the lights of the living room on, like it had always been whenever she’ll go home late.

But with no SeulGi in it.

No SeulGi waiting for her.

She knows it’s bound to happen. She did go home rather very late.

And she does expect this to happen.

So why, does she feel bothered?

So angered? So mad? So, so infuriated?

Irene runs up to the stairs as she clumsily leaves her things behind.

Is SeulGi sleeping already?

And her anger was at its height when she holds the doorknob of SeulGi’s room to check if the latter’s sleeping, only for her to hear soft murmurs and light laughter on the other side.

She wastes no time as she immediately bust the door open.

Irene sees SeulGi lounging comfortably by the blonde’s bed as she holds a phone to her ear.

She sees SeulGi shot right up when the taller girl sees her, her name awkwardly dangling on SeulGi’s lips, “I-Irene.”

Irene keeps her hold on the doorknob – her hold that gets tighter and tighter – as SeulGi says to the person on the other line,

“SeungWan, I’ll call you back.”

Irene bites her lips.

For SeulGi stays up late, not waiting for her, but talking to SeungWan.

“Irene. You’re back.” SeulGi says as she sits up straight.

Irene doesn’t reply.

Not because she can’t, but because she doesn’t know what to say.

So SeulGi continues to speak, adding more fuel to the fire already blazing inside Irene. For SeulGi asks,

“Do you need me for anything?”

Not a ‘Where were you’, or ‘Why did you just arrive now’.

Not the same worried ‘Don’t go home late’ or SeulGi’s usual concerned, ‘I’m worried about you’.

And Irene feels more knives stabbing her when SeulGi indifferently asks, “Do you need help with your assignments?”

“You weren’t in the living room.” Irene mumbles, discarding what SeulGi just asked.

“What?” SeulGi tilts her head closer, the same comfortable look plastered on her face.

Like she doesn’t care if Irene even goes home or not.

“You didn’t wait for me.” Irene says, words appearing pathetic even to her own ears.

She sees SeulGi’s face changes from an unconcerned one to a surprised one.

And Irene’s changes from a shocked one to a disappointed one to a maddened one all in just a split second.

Because SeulGi says, the words that Irene never thought will be thrown at her,

Because then SeulGi says – nonchalant and undisturbed,

“You were with SuHo, right?”

---

Irene slams the door after that. She didn’t reply or say anything back anymore.

She’s already convinced that SeulGi is an .

For making Irene feel different things – to make Irene feel disappointed in a way, for Irene to feel anger in more ways than she thought she could even have it.

She feels sting on her eyes.

No, she’s not crying. She’s not one to cry over petty, pathetic things.

But that sting keeps on hurting and hurting her when she hears by the other side of the door,

The same soft whispers SeulGi shares with SeungWan.

---

SeulGi’s already by the car door like every other day when Irene goes outside, though she’s not looking at Irene.

SeulGi’s looking at her phone.

Irene’s lips instantly twist and her eyebrows rise by the sight.

“Get in.” She commands agitatedly.

She sees SeulGi getting dishevelled by her sudden tone and command so SeulGi only nods and gets in before her.

Irene closes the door rather loudly for anyone’s liking, even making the driver jump a little from shock.

She turns to look outside but she makes sure that she sees SeulGi by the corner of her eyes.

And she sees SeulGi not even once look at the phone all through out the ride.

Irene internally smiles when she notices it.

The said smile wavers when SeulGi sharply turns her head back when they almost reached the school.

When Irene turns back to Seulgi, Irene sees SeulGi constantly tap and rub tbe blonde’s knees.

Like SeulGi’s troubled.

Irene sees how SeulGi looks back, then at her, and then at the driver, then looks outside again.

And SeulGi’s tousled state stops when she says, “I-Irene. May I ask the car to stop?”

Irene burrows her eyebrows together as she looks to where SeulGi’s looking, and she can’t pinpoint what it is SeulGi’s looking at with how the car continues to move. So she only asks, “Why?”

“I… I just forgot I need to go somewhere before heading to school.”

“Where?”

“Just… Just somewhere nearby.” SeulGi’s tensed eyes are also speaking, “Please.”

And it gnaws on Irene with how SeulGi said it.

She doesn’t like where this is going – Irene’s sure she doesn’t like where this is going. Where SeulGi’s going.

But she says, “Go,”

And she lies, “I don’t care.”

SeulGi’s face immediately brightens up – and Irene’s heart contracts – as SeulGi says, “Thank you!!”

SeulGi turns to the driver, “Mr. Kim, please stop the car. Thank you so much.”

The car stops and SeulGi leaves, not before saying happily once more,

“Thank yo so much, Irene. See you at the house!”

Not at school, not at the front