Chapter 20

SeulGi sits on her usual table. She tries to take her mind off things through sketching. Tracing roughly patterned lines and figures, trying to make at least something out of it.

Something that is not Irene.

Even the smallest orbs remind SeulGi of Irene’s eyes, even the slightest curves remind her of Irene’s smiles.

SeulGi scratches her head as she buries it on the table instead. She gives up all thoughts of giving up on the brunette.

It doesn’t help when SeulGi raises her head back up and sees no other than the girl she’s trying to avoid.

Why must life be against her?

When SeulGi sees Irene, she quickly bows her head again and forces her shaking hand to trace anything on the paper.

When she still slyly gazes up and sees Irene walking to her direction, she buries her head lower as she takes the paper out the sketchpad and crumples it hard.

She tries to do anything just so she won’t look up anymore.

But all attempts fail.

“SeulGi.” Says the voice that makes her heart tick and stop both at the same time.

SeulGi only sighs as she brings herself to raise her head, but not look directly at Irene.

“Yes?” SeulGi compels her voice not to tremble, her eyes still on her sketchpad.

And SeulGi finally brings her eyes to look at Irene – oh, how hard it was to do so – when she hears Irene say,

“Go with me later.”

SeulGi studies Irene’s face before saying, “Excuse me?”

She wants to make sure she heard the brunette right.

She – SeulGi – to go with her – Irene?

Something’s not right.

No, the equation of SeulGi and Irene in a sentence is not right.

Not anymore.

“Go with us later.” Irene says, eyebrows already burrowed because she had to repeat herself.

“Us?” Why did even SeulGi ask?

“Yeah,” Irene shrugs, “SuHo and me.”

SeulGi’s eye twitches by the mere mention of SuHo’s name, but SeulGi already trained herself in not showing dismay. So she skilfully asks in a monotone voice, “Why?”

Irene’s eyebrows only meet further, “Because I said so.”

“Why not go with him alone?” SeulGi sighs as she doesn’t want to hear anymore of this conversation. This is pointless, she thinks.

SeulGi hears Irene click her tongue in irritation, “Mom said go with me whenever I’ll go with SuHo. A chaperone of some sort, maybe. I don’t know. Go ask ‘Mom’.”

SeulGi grips her pencil harder as she tries not to let her feelings get the best of her again. Though she feels her ears get hot as her heart thumps harder in her chest.

What torture is this?

She bites her lips hard so the anger seething inside of her won’t reveal itself.

She sighs – along with her frustration – as she closes her eyes.

She puts on her best smile before finally looking up at Irene again,

SeulGi says – words bitter but not to Irene’s ears,

“I’d love to.”

---

SeulGi doesn’t.

She doesn’t ‘love’ any part of it.

Walking way more behind Irene than she already was doing before is stupid.

She feels more stupid because now, she walks behind Irene and SuHo.

Her hands keep safe inside her pockets as she lowers her gazes at the ground she walks on because it’s easier and less painful to look at.

Apparently, she becomes the third wheel.

She knows her presence brings discomfort to all of them with the way SuHo would turn his head time to time to check on SeulGi, looking if she was still able to follow or asking if she was still fine.

But SeulGi was never fine.

How can she? When she sees how Irene’s shoulder brushes against his, or how Irene whispers something so close to his ear?

How can she be fine when she witnesses how SuHo makes Irene laugh, or how he tugs her closer when they walk?

SeulGi can only roll her eyes in disbelief that this was happening to her.

She thought being a servant out of her own will was hard enough, but with the way things turned out – her unintentionally harbouring feelings for Irene but not Irene having the same,

SeulGi now thinks that being the neglected one is harder.

---

SeulGi thanks the heavens that the torturous day was over.

She groans as she flops to her bed, the only haven in this hell of a mansion with Irene.

She crawls up to reach her pillow – kicking off her shoes in the process – as she muffles her face on the soft cushion.

She just wants this to end.

She doesn’t know what it is she wants to finish – her feelings or her jealousy or her anger, or all – but it has to stop.

SeulGi admits that she had herself got out of hand, that she let the situation get out of control.

She never wished to feel like this – to be like this.

So, why,

Did she let herself?

---

When SeulGi thought that it would only be the first and last time that she’d accompany Irene and her lover boy, SeulGi is once again proven wrong.

“You’ll go with us on Saturday.” Irene says as they answer one of Irene’s assignments, “SuHo wants to watch this movie and my parents don’t like the idea of us alone yet, so you’ll go with us for the meantime.” Irene finishes it without a problem, not even budging from her place, nor even looking at SeulGi.

So it makes SeulGi uneasy again, because Irene has no problem.

When all SeulGi has are problems.

Problems on seeing Irene, problems on looking at Irene, problems on living with Irene, problems on being with Irene.

How can Irene be so nonchalant about it?

“Can I say ‘no’?” SeulGi raises her eyebrows, she knows the answer, she just can’t help herself.

“Do you think you can say ‘no’?” Irene replies.

SeulGi sighs for the hundredth time that day,

The day that seemed longer than any other days.

---

Saturday comes and SeulGi has never loved her bed more than she did that darned Saturday.

She doesn’t want to get up and get dressed and go anywhere but her bed.

She’s only forced to finally stand up when she hears Irene shouting at the other side, yelling at her to get going already.

The blonde only grunts in annoyance and defeat as she pushes herself to get up and get going.

---

The last time they had a movie – back in Daegu – Irene held her hand.

The last time they had a movie – still in Daegu – Irene handed her purse for SeulGi to hold.

The last time they had a movie – still back in sweet Daegu – Irene sat the farthest to SeulGi.

None of those happened that darned Saturday.

For Irene held – not SeulGi’s hand – but SuHo’s arm.

For Irene handed her purse – not for SeulGi to hold – but for SuHo to keep safe.

For Irene sat – not farthest to SeulGi – but the nearest to SeulGi as Irene sat herself in between SeulGi and SuHo.

SeulGi’s pretty sure the movie’s interesting, but the constant whispers from Irene to SuHo and vice versa that she hears – and she knows the whispers were soft enough – irritates her.

Doesn’t Irene feel as stupid as SeulGi with SeulGi hanging around? Doesn’t Irene feel as awkward and as off with someone tagging along?

Why can’t Irene just reason herself out to her parents that it’s as awkward as to have SeulGi around SuHo and her all the time?

That even when they eat after, SeulGi would be on the other side alone. That when they walk and shop after, SeulGi would be behind alone. That even when they need to ride SuHo’s car, SeulGi would be silently be sitting at the back alone.

Does Irene hate SeulGi that much to do this? If ever Irene was aware. If ever Irene was aware of SeulGi’s feelings.

Which SeulGi convinces herself that Irene was not aware, because if Irene was,

Then maybe Irene would not have let SuHo steal a kiss from her in front of SeulGi.

---  

SeulGi’s sure she’s going to cry.

Once they stepped foot in the house – right after Irene slapped SuHo’s arm for kissing her – SeulGi runs to her room.

She quickly locks the door as she bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling. She jumps to her bed and immediately silently sobs on her pillow.

She doesn’t care if Irene will call to her – if ever Irene will, which the brunette doesn’t do as much anymore.

She doesn’t care if Irene will knock at the door, or command her, or shout at her.

SeulGi just needs to vent all her pent-up frustrations out. She just needs to let all these pathetic feelings out.

She just needs a good cry and hopefully, hopefully,

Along those would be her feelings for Irene.

---

But feelings don’t go away very easily.

Rather, feelings don’t stay away.

Because the moment SeulGi opens her eyes the very next morning, Irene’s already standing by her door.

The spare key still jammed on the doorknob.

How stupid of SeulGi, of course Irene has an extra key.

“You slept pretty early last night.” Irene says as she walks closer to a disoriented SeulGi.

SeulGi doesn’t answer. She only covers herself with her blanket and turns the other way. Hoping it would send Irene mad and stomping off.

But Irene really loves confusing SeulGi, because Irene does the exact opposite.

Because SeulGi feels the blanket be brashly taken off from her as her knees instantly curl near her chest from the sudden cold.

Because SeulGi feels weight being put on the other side of the bed.

Because SeulGi prays hard that her heart stop beating for a while when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

“You didn’t even check up on me.” Irene says in a soft voice.

SeulGi feels Irene’s breath hit her neck wi