An update, which as promised, is longer than the previous one. It's to clear up some cliffies! Enjoy!

~~

Surprisingly enough, it is Luhan who first recovers from the shared shock that rippled through all the people present in the room at the moment of Jongin’s truth bomb. Brows scrunched together, he swallows and his lips before saying something. “Jongin-ah…” he begins, clearing his throat uneasily. “What do you remember?”

The expression on Jongin’s face is unreadable. He’s still awash with the calm from the sedative, but his unease is threatening to break through it.  “I tried to kill myself, didn’t I?” he asks tentatively, raising his wrists slowly and eyeing them warily. “It’s why I have these scars.”

Standing beside Luhan, Minseok makes a choked sound of surprise. Jongin glances at him and takes his reaction as an affirmation, looking down at his lap so his fringes cover his eyes. “Why?” he asks quietly. Dr. Gongchan is silent but alert at the conversation taking place.

“Why what?” Luhan stalls, pursing his lips worriedly.

Jongin looks up at his hyungs with an expression bordering on anguish. “Why didn’t you tell me? But more than that, why did I do it?”

The psychologist takes that moment to speak up, in his usual calm and soothing tone. “Jongin-ah, your friends didn’t tell you because its better for you to have remembered things on your own. People who get amnesia of any form get unwarranted stress from having to face such memories before their minds are ready.”

Jongin nods warily. “But I still don’t remember, I only surmised from the physical evidence,” he weakly motions to his wrists once more, “and what I felt in here.” He points to his heart, biting his lower lip apprehensively.

“Then it is only expected that you reacted the way you did.” Dr. Gongchan replies quietly.

“Can’t any of you at least tell me why? I should be prepared to know, right? At least I’d know why I did what I did.” Jongin sighs wearily, his sheets petulantly as he does so.

Luhan and Minseok look unsurely in the psychologist’s direction before Dr. Gongchan adjusts his coat and speaks up. “It’s probably best to start from what triggered this. What do you remember about your friend, Taemin?” He motions for the two elders to sit down on the watcher’s bed, as he sits on the chair beside the bed.

Jongin’s eyes are unfocused as he tries to wade through his murky memories. “We were training for a dance showcase when he…”

There is silence as the three others wait patiently for Jongin to sort through his mind.

“When I…” the recollection takes a different turn, one closer to the vital truth everyone has been tiptoeing around since the incident. “Brokedown. I remember not being able to go to rehearsals, but I don’t know why. And Taemin, he was there, taking care of me, telling me…” he trails off, and unbidden tears well up in his eyes.

“I told him to leave, to seize our dreams for both of us.” Jongin’s lip quivers, and he sighs deeply. “The next thing I remember about him is seeing him here, and he seemed so strange, so different. He was speaking of things I couldn’t quite understand, but now that I think about it, make some sort of sense.” Dr. Gongchan nods encouragingly and Jongin continues, “He left, didn’t he? Taemin became an idol, he went after our dreams and he got it. But what about me? Where did that leave me?”

Minseok looks to the farther wall, trying not to show his tears in front of his dongsaeng. “Broken. It left you even more broken. Which is why you…” he says in a rush of words, but Jongin understands.

“What happened to me?” he asks despondently. “Why wasn’t I with him?”

Luhan opens his mouth to answer, but he glances at Dr. Gongchan at the last minute. The psychologist nods when he sees the hesitance in the elder’s eyes. “You were… depressed.”

Jongin’s eyes widen a fraction, but soon a somber expression clouds his face when he feels a tightening in his chest as if said illness was waking up from within him. But he knows that it wasn’t waking up, that it’s always been with him even when he didn’t remember it. The heavy feeling that wasn’t because of his physical injuries finally makes sense.

Soon, there’s a hammering in his head and Jongin winces. “Agh.” He grimaces.

Dr. Gongchan asks concernedly. “Jongin-ah, what’s wrong?”

“My head hurts.” He wheezes out.

The psychologist frets. “I think that’s enough for today. Don’t force yourself, you’re still recovering physically, and it’s taking a toll on your health. Your memories will come back in their own time, okay, Jongin?”

Jongin nods and breathes hard when the pain flashes through his head again.

“You should get some rest.” Dr. Gongchan murmurs. “I’ll be leaving now, I’ll see you soon.” He bows to Jongin and the hyungs as he leaves.

“We’ll talk when you wake up, okay? Get some sleep.” Luhan says to his dongsaeng, who nods and manages to fall asleep after a few moments.

Luhan sighs as he smooths the frown on Jongin’s forehead. “We should tell Sehun.” He says to Minseok.

Minseok nods slowly. “There’s something that I’ve been meaning to ask him as well.”

--

They find Sehun in the cafeteria, picking at the sandwich he bought to eat.

“I’m sure I taught you not to play with your food.” Luhan sighs as they sit across their dongsaeng.

Sehun looks up in surprise and sees something in their expressions of his hyungs. “Is there something wrong? How’s Jongin?”

Minseok shakes his head. “He’s fine… for the most part. He’s sleeping right now.”

Sehun wrinkles his nose as he catches the ambiguity