“The patient’s name is Kim Jongin.”

“What?” Do Kyungsoo nearly stops in his tracks but manages to disguise his hesitation as a misstep.

Zhang Yixing eyes the younger neurologist with a curious glance. “Do you know the patient, Dr. Do?” He asks as he pushes upon the doors of the room adjoining to the operating room.

“I… no,” Kyungsoo replies after a moment of hesitation and turns his attention to scrubbing in.

Dr. Zhang tilts his head and stares at him in deep thought for a moment before he shakes his head slowly. He then continues to brief Kyungsoo about the man waiting for him on the operating table. “He was out swimming at the beach when a bad storm hit. He washed up unconscious on the beach with an astounding number of injuries. They think he had just enough strength to attempt to swim back to shore but got thrown against some rocks near the edge. That’s where he got the head trauma from. They had to fly him in since the hospital there didn’t have the equipment needed for this kind of operation.” Yixing pauses to help Kyungsoo put on his surgical gloves before he resumes. “Junmyeon has already deemed him stable for surgery…” he trails off.

Kyungsoo looks up at him. “What?”

“You’re shaking,” Yixing observes, staring at Kyungsoo’s hands. “Kyungsoo, are you sure you can handle this surgery? I can do it, you know, I’m technically still in practice. It’s just until Dr.Yifan gets here. I know it’s your first surgery since –“

Kyungsoo cuts him off with a firm nod. “I can do it, Doctor. Thank you for your concern, but I can handle this.” And, with a quick bow, he pushes himself into the operating room.

Zhang Yixing sighs. He saw the flash of panic in Kyungsoo’s eyes while he was being briefed, and he wonders if the younger doctor was sure about being ready. But he trusts Do Kyungsoo’s skills. He was one of the most promising doctors in the field, after all. And between the two of them, Yixing hasn’t been practicing surgery for a longer time. He stopped doing surgeries since he became head of the department because he was never fit for surgery. He never had enough apathy in his gentle soul to detach himself from his patients. It’s too much of a doctor cliché, but one time he lost a patient he was close to on the operating table. It was more than just a cliché because that patient was his sister. Yixing hadn't been in charge of the operation, as it was forbidden, but he still blamed himself. Only the numbness from that loss managed to get Yixing through the other patients who came after. That is, up until he got the position of Head of Neurosurgery. Call it an abuse of power, but Zhang Yixing stayed away from the operating room unless he can help it. And when he did go in, it was only to assist and supervise his subordinates.

Lost in his thoughts, Yixing misses the distinct widening of Kyungsoo's eyes the moment he sets eyes on the patient.

--

Dr. Kim Junmyeon, cardiologist, greets Kyungsoo as he approaches the operating table. "Dr. Kyungsoo." he acknowledges with a nod. Above his mask, his eyes betraying his worry. "Are you certain you can handle this?" he asks in a low voice.

Kyungsoo huffs. "As I have already told Dr. Zhang, yes. Stop worrying about me and focus on the patient, Suho." he retorts to his colleague in a sharp voice, using his nickname for the other doctor to soften his annoyed remark.

"Alright," Junmyeon replies, still with obvious worry.  Despite this, he turns to one of the assisting nurses to instruct him about monitoring the patient's vitals.

Kyungsoo, in turn, looks back at the patient on the table. Kim Jongin looks badly beat up. His face had cuts and bruises, and by what Kyungsoo could see, his arms and legs bore similar gashes. He could see that the emergency respondents had already done what they could to impede the bleeding of the sustained external injuries. The machinery monitoring his vitals reflected stability, and their beeps were a quiet reassurance in the tension of the situation. Jongin was still unconscious, but the doctors hoped that the surgery would help him regain consciousness. He had sustained head trauma, but once the clotting was removed, his chances were infinitely better.

“It’s a miracle that he was found so soon, and was still alive when they found him.” He remembers Dr. Zhang's tense remark on their way to the OR.

The familiarity of Jongin is almost a long distant memory for Kyungsoo, but he can’t shake off the feelings that come with it. The bronzed skin, the dark messy hair, and even the shape of those closed eyes are enough to send him spiraling into an unwarranted flashback. His heart clenches painfully in an almost physical sense as he continues to stare at Jongin's current state.  Kyungsoo forces himself to tear his eyes away for the sake of his sanity. His heart is beating fast, a sensation he hasn't been familiar with for quite a while, and it's quite alarming.

Breathing hard to calm himself, he looks at the MRI scans tacked up to determine his surgical approach. After a short while, he nods to himself and briefs the team on how they’ll go through the operation. When he was sure they all knew what they would and should be doing, Kyungsoo indicates that they should start the operation.

He mentally begs his heart not to betray him.

Not to betray Kim Jongin.

Not this time.

Not again.

--

The surgery is well underway when something happens and all of a sudden there is continuous bleeding of unknown origin. His heart hammering in his chest, Kyungsoo calls for suction to clean off the pooling blood for him to determine the cause of the bleeding. He hears Junmyeon saying something about vitals and blood loss, but he’s lost in a haze. He goes through the motions in a furious but sure pace, ignoring his own racing heart in the process. He finds the source of the bleeding and moves to stop it.

The bleeding doesn't stop.

"No, no, no. Kai!" Kyungsoo shouts and he realizes with a shock that he's shaking uncontrollably. He freezes, knowing full well he couldn't continue with unsteady hands or he would be putting the patient in greater danger.

His heart is beating fast.

Too fast.

The frantic beeping of the machines pierces through the blur in Kyungsoo's mind.

Kyungsoo doesn't know which is faster: the beeping of the machines, or the beating of his heart. His breaths start coming out unevenly.

"Dr. Do?" Junmyeon calls his name with concerned intensity. "Kyungsoo?"

When he receives no reply, Junmyeon orders a nurse to stabilize the patient’s vitals with a transfusion, and fast.

Through the panicked haze, Kyungsoo notes faintly that Dr. Zhang has rushed into the operating room. Nurses assist Yixing with his gloves with unbelievable speed and he gives Kyungsoo and a gentle but firm nudge to the side before taking over. With steady hands, he finds and stops the source of bleeding and proceeds with the rest of the operation in silence.

When he’s sure that Kim Jongin’s vitals are back to stable, Junmyeon excuses himself and quietly leads Kyungsoo away. He helps Kyungsoo dispose of his bloody gloves and then assists him out the OR.

“Breathe.” He reminds the neurosurgeon in a firm voice, once