The cheers and chants filled the stage as Jongdae hid behind the tallest member, Chanyeol, in attempt to calm down his anxiety. He laughed and joked around with the others to reassure them that he was fine and that he was just tired from all the practice and work. 

 

They bowed down and up, shouting their saying of "We Are One!" and waving with their fingers in an L shape. Guards trudged them down the steps and helped them walk out of the stage from the sea of fans and back into the room they first came from. 

 

All members immediately settled on some chair and began to wander around their phones with water being chugged down their throat. Jongdae sat near Minseok who was sitting at the end of the sofa provided. He sat quietly, biting his lip as he stared down at Minseok's knee. The older one looked up from his phone, the web comics and tweets boring him.

 

He looked over at the younger and watched him clench and unclench his fists. Minseok placed a hand on top of them, caressing the middle of Jongdae's thumb and forefinger, leaning into the younger's shoulder. Jongdae started to shake a little and pick at his lips. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them, looking over at Minseok  with pleading eyes. Before the older could say anything, Baekhyun's loud voice boomed around the room.

 

"Manager is here! It's time to go!"

 

All members stood up, Minseok holding onto Jongdae's hand as the other faked a smile; pretending to be okay. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After closing the door from his shared room, the male dropped to his knees. His eyes widened as he stared at the floor, a familiar feeling coursing through his body. He had the whole room to himself, Yixing was in China and the other members where sleeping. Jongdae continued to stare at the ground, his body shaking as his eyes began to get fuzzy. He closed his eyes and felt tears prick the corners, slowly proceeding down his cheeks and onto the ground. He leaned down, head in between his arms as he choked on air and tried to silently cry. 

 

He hasn't been this scared in forever. 

 

Jongdae choked on air. He wrapped his arms around himself, trembling with every breath he took. His head swayed in different places, his choking getting louder. The male clamped a hand over his mouth and quickly got onto his feet, moving away from the door. He stumbled to his bed and sat on it, hands shaking as he tried to rub his arms. 

 

He didn't ask for this.

 

Why?

 

Why was this happening?

 

Small whimpers eased their way out of Jongdae's lips, followed by unwanted hiccups and silent sobs. The male pulled at his hair, silently screaming into the void. 

 

He was spinning. He could feel it as he tried to calm down.

 

He couldn't.

 

He knew he never could.

 

He didn't like this.

 

The feeling of insecurity eating him up.

 

His anxiety getting the best of him.

 

He hated it.

 

Jongdae rubbed his eyes in attempt to stop his tears, running his hand around his body to feel his phone. He took the mobile and shakingly pressed the speed dial. He coughed and sniffed as he waited for the line to pick up.

 

One ring.

 

Please

 

Two rings.

 

C'mon, please.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hyung!" Jongdae cried out silently, clutching his phone to his ear as if his life depended on it.

 

Well it kind of did.

 

"Jongdae? What's wrong?"

 

"Please hyung, I need you. Right now–" hiccup "Please hyung.."

 

"Okay okay, I'll be there in a few minutes or seconds. Hold on." 

 

Jongdae nodded to himself, staring at the screen before chucking his phone on the other bed. He felt ashamed and burdened for having to call Minseok but he was so scared. A few seconds later, just as Minseok promised, the older male walked into the room and shuffled over to the younger who shook violently. 

 

"Jongdae..." Minseok murmured softly, eyes looking all over the younger with care. He sat next to Jongdae and pulled him into a hug, feeling the younger's shakes and hiccups.

 

"I'm so sorry..." Jongdae blabbered, repeating the words as he clutched onto Minseok. He sobbed and hiccuped into the arms wrapped around him.

 

"Shhh...it's okay. It's okay Jongdae. Don't be sorry." 

The younger of the two continue to shake, squeezing his eyes shut as he continued to apologize. Minseok's heart ached at witnessing his friend in this horrible state. He knew Jongdae had anxiety attacks and would constantly panic out of nowhere. Usually, these reasons would be because he overthought or felt too pressured for reasons Minseok could not understand. And it hurt so much to hear your friend slowly wallow in his attack, usually hearing from the other room or by watching and not knowing what to do.

Minseok couldn't say he understood because the elder didn't suffer from such things. He wasn't able to help Jongdae out in their training years when he found out Jongdae suffered from an anxiety disorder. He didn't know how. He would usually watch from across the room as the younger drowned in his shaking or repeated tapping with panicked and blinking eyes. 

Surprisingly, Minseok was the only person who knew about it. He would have thought the company knew but Jongdae had once said that he hid every fact that told he had a disorder. Till today, no one has found out. Not even his fans or friends (besides Minseok).

Minseok, through the years, found different ways to calm down Jongdae from his attacks. It would almost always be the older talking nonstop about various things. Or they would get caught into a debate and would try to see who was right and wrong. These tasks would ease Jongdae's mind into thinking about the random topics Minseok would throw at him. Some of these were either serious or funny and adorable. 

But right now, seeing Jongdae in this certain state; he had no idea what to do. Out of all the attacks he's seen, this was probably one of the biggest. He has never seen Jongdae cry so hard and shake uncontrolably. 

He finally shushed Jongdae, pulling him closer into his chest as he began to sing softly. This was a song he found by pure accident and had fallen in love with. It was English and he had learned the song from constantly listening to it. But he had no idea what the lyrics meant aside that it sounded like a really nice soft song. 

So he sang it, hesitantly starting off with a few words that would catch Jongdae's attention.

"I wanna sleep next to you....but that's all I wanna do right now." His voice was soft and a bit shaky, watching as Jongdae went stiff. He hummed softly to fill in the words he didn't know on how to pronounce. Jongdae had stilled, silent but still crying. He wasn't shaking as bad. 

"I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone...I wanna sleep next you but that's all I wanna do right now." He squeezed the younger, mumbling against his hairs as he softly blew air on Jongdae's thumb.

"So come over now," He uttered, continuing to blow air with a soft hum, "and talk me down."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minseok watched as Jongdae's chest fell softly. He had managed to calm down the younger with the song. He watched with a crestfallen face as the younger twitched in his sleep. It sort of appeared as if he was having a nightmare with his ragged movements. Minseok softly the younger's hair, humming lightly.

He sighed silently, walking to the door with an unreadable face. He looked back at the younger, silently whispering.

"You are perfect yet people tell you otherwise. Such a shame, really, that you can't see how I see you. It's heartbreaking to see you fall apart little by little and no one being able to help you out. I'm sorry, Jongdae. I really am."

He walked out of the younger's room, closing his eyes as a single tear threatened to fall from his eye. 

 Before actually putting Jongdae to sleep he had uttered that he wanted to kill himself. Minseok was devastated by those words and had continued singing until Jongdae was still and heavy in his arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_{^{A/N: The song was Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan and I've actually had this happened to me in real life. Only, I wasn't really there to lull them to sleep. It was virtual.}}