Most people know me as Chanyeol’s ex best friend, the tall and lanky, drummer in a band – not really a bad boy but hangs with the bad kids, Park Chanyeol.

We were best friends, at one point. But when he joined the band he’s now in, things changed. I was left behind, too slow for the cool kids. I didn’t think it would happen, best friends are meant to stick together, but that’s bull. I wouldn’t say Chanyeol was my only friend, but after we stopped being friends, the others sided with him. I was an outcast, most people stayed clear of me – I could have moved schools, but I didn’t. I was bullied, called names and pushed around and away. If there was something lower than dirt, I was it.

I sit here, during lunch, at the back of the gym. No one comes back here unless they need equipment, and no one gets it this late into lunch. I stare at my half eaten sandwich and lean my head onto the gym wall. The bright sun behind my eyelids as I close them – probably a good thing I didn’t see the ball flying at me, hitting my cheek at a strong impact. I wince in pain, opening my eyes to watch the ball bounce away and a guy run up, he pants and looks at me as my cheek goes red.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to, I swear! I kicked too hard and-“He rumbles on as I stand from my spot, walking away with some speed. He calls after me but I keep going, I can hear people calling for him. I glance over my shoulder to watch him pick the ball up and go back to his game.

I walk into the first aid bay, the nurse looking up at me with raised eyebrows as she looks me over, letting out a soft sigh.

“Did you get punched again?” She asks and I shake my head. I walk over to the bed, sitting down so she can take a look at my cheek. “Well, it looks bruised but you should be fine.” She says, grabbing an ice pack from the mini fridge. I take it from her, holding it to my cheek, the cold stinging a little.

I stay in the first aid bay during the rest of lunch, holding an ice pack to my cheek, watching the nurse play games on the computer. I play on my phone while she does this, but close to the time the bell rings, the door slides open and the kid from earlier walks in with a bloody nose. He glances at me and then the nurse; she stands and goes to him. I slide off of the bed so he can replace my spot.

The nurse does what’s needed to stop the bleeding and gives him an ice pack to press onto his nose. I can’t help but notice him looking at me when the nurse looks away. I can feel his eyes on me. I recognize him as the newest transfer into our school. I shift around a little, holding onto my phone tightly as the bell for the ending of lunch rings out and I rush out of the room, leaving my ice pack behind. I stayed clear of everyone the rest of the day, keeping to my desk and doing my work quietly. Slowly the school day came to an end and people went home. I waited an extra ten minutes behind everyone so I could avoid the rush and people. I finally go out to my locker and take my bag, slinging it over my shoulder before closing the locker door. I turn a little and jump back, breathing in sharply as I just notice the person standing next to me, he steps back a little and holds his hands up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says; it’s the kid from before. I look around, at the empty hallway and then back at him. I shrug my shoulders a little.

“I’m Jongin.” He says and I nod slowly, staring at him, he stares back, waiting for a reply but I say nothing. He, Jongin, waits for a moment before speaking again. “Are you going home?” He asks and I nod my head a little. I look up at him to see a smile and he steps aside to let me past him. I start to walk and he walks with me. I realize instantly that he’s going to walk with me, until what point I’m unsure. We leave the school building and yard, walking down the street. I haven’t walked with someone for a while, I haven’t had someone talk to me in a while either, besides teachers and the nurse – especially someone not telling me to go to hell and that I’m disgusting or dirt. We walked a bit more before stopping at a road to cross, cars going by.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jongin speaks up as another car goes by and I look at him, watching him walk away. I don’t say anything, just watching him leave. I cross the road in silence and make the rest of my way home, alone.

Empty, dark and lonely, that’s how I live. My parents work a lot and live in a different house, in the city closer to work – they come home sometimes, well my home. I sit in the living room, my homework on the coffee table, half done, and my noodles steaming. I slurp some up as I continue my work. My day ends after I complete my homework and finish my noodles, falling asleep on the couch in the living room. I slept there often, usually more than my own room.

I’m awoken by the sounds of people shouting and laughter. I frown as I sit up, rubbing my eyes with my hands before I stand, stumbling into the kitchen and glancing at the clock that hangs on the wall, six in the morning. I sigh and stumble away and upstairs, taking a shower and changing into my school uniform, pulling a jumper over the top of my shirt and back downstairs to gather my things and leave. I do this a lot, getting up very early before school so I can stop by the corner store.

I walk down the street, slowly stretching my muscles as I go. I turn the corner and into the corner store, looking through the aisles instantly, picking up a few things before going to the counter and paying, greeting the old man that owns the store with a bow and leaving.

I open the packet that a meat bun is wrapped into, walking down the street and towards school. I rip a piece of the bun off with my teeth, chewing the sweet bread a little. I stop at a crossing, waiting for the light to go red to cross. I bounce on my feet, watching the cars go by. I don’t even notice him until I cross the road, stopping when I feel something press into my ear, an earphone, music blasting. I turn and look up at him, Jongin. He waves his hand, pressing the other earphone into my free ear. I frown, confused and he continues to play the song, a soft melody with soft voices. He points down the road, towards our school and places his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to turn around and pushing me, walking me down the street.

I don’t know why, but I let him do this. I don’t know why, but I let him lead me to my locker, I let him take my bag and put it inside and pull me outside, and to the back of the gym. I let him sit me down and he sit in front of me. I let him. We sit, me listening to songs on his phone and him just sitting there, watching me. It was odd, his eyes staring at me.

Another song finishes and I take the earphones out, finally deciding to speak. “What are you doing?” I ask and he blinks in shock, leaning back a little – as if he thought I couldn’t actually speak. “I’m hanging out with you.” Jongin says with a blink of his eyes, smiling a little. I blink back at him, looking at the earphones I hold in my hands.

“Why would you want to hang out with me?” I ask before looking up at him again, his smile slowly falling from his lips. His brows furrow as he stares at me.

“You seem lonely.” He says and I shrug my shoulders a little. I avoid his eyes that pierce, shifting in my spot to lean against the wall of the gym. I hear Jongin sigh and hear the rustling of clothes, I glance at him as he lies on his back, his bag under his head.

“I’ll be honest, I was curious about you,” He starts to speak, closing his eyes. “People have talked about you before, gossiping, I guess.” He says and I look at him, frowning a little. “But I don’t believe what they say.” He says before sitting up suddenly, grinning at me like a child. “You seem nice.”

“Jongin, are you over here?” A voice calls out; I know it instantly, that booming, deep voice. I stand as quickly as possible, leaving my bag and running around the corner of the gym, pressing myself against the wall as if it would make me disappear. I can hear Jongin and Chanyeol talking, I’m breathing too quickly to focus on their words. I look at my hands as they shake; my chest tightens – sweat drips down my neck. I space out as I stare into nothing, a hand on my shoulder bringing me back; I look up to see Jongin. We say nothing, he just looks at me with a worried expression, his hand slides off of my shoulder and he puts my bag next to me.

“I’ll walk with you later.” He says before walking away, leaving me alone again. I let out a loud sigh, leaning my head against the wall – sliding down it to sit on the ground, next to my bag. I stay there most of the morning, until it gets closer to class time and I get up, walking into the building and going to my locker.

I stop there, opening it and blinking in surprise as paper falls out. I bend down, picking it up and looking it over, it’s an envelope with a sticker of a heart on the front. I look around a little as students rush around to get to class in time. I set the letter in my locker and grab my books, leaving it there as I go to class.

The day speeds by, classes, students and teachers and soon enough it’s lunch time, probably the time I hate the most, while other’s love it.

I go to my locker, behind everyone else. I stop there and open the door, glancing at the letter than still sits there, sticker side up. The hallway becomes empty and I take the envelope into my hands, turning it over to peel the opening. I glimpse around the hallway for anyone else, I’m clear. I take the letter out and unfold it, reading the words carefully, ‘meet me behind the gym after school’ it says. I stare at it for a moment before folding it back up and putting it into the envelope carefully, moving it to the back of my locker. I take one of the meat buns I had bought earlier in the day and walk out of the building, making my way to my usual spot.

I turn the corner and stop, staring as I see figures sitting there, in my spot – it’s mine because no one else goes there but there they are, sitting, talking and laughing, in my spot. I frown as I stand there, watching them. I frown more when I realize who it is. It’s as if my body has a mind of its own, I walk up to them and tap Chanyeol on the shoulder, he looks up at me, his usual goofy grin falling from his face. His eyes go wide, like he’s surprised to see me, or maybe that I’d actually come up to him. He looks back at his friends, who all stare at me with the same surprised expression – taking a quick peek at them, I don’t see Jongin, and I sigh in relief, for some reason.

Chanyeol stands up and so do his friends – they walk away, leaving Chanyeol to stand there, still staring at me, I stare back. Chanyeol clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak but doesn’t. He stands there, his brows furrowing, in thought, I’m sure – before he finally speaks. “I didn’t think you were here today.” He says and I blink at him, raising a brow towards him in question. “I- I didn’t see you so, I didn’t think you came in…so we came here.” He says and I nod my head once. I can see his jaw clench, sweat drip down his forehead. I stare up at him for another moment before I let out a soft sigh and sit in my spot, against the gym wall. Chanyeol stays there, standing. I ignore him, opening the packet to my meat bun and taking a bite of the bread.

“Oh, Chanyeol, I- I uh, didn’t think you’d be here.” Jongin says as he turns the corner, standing awkwardly, a drink in each hand. Chanyeol turns his head a little to look at Jongin, and then back at me, Jongin again and then his eyes go wide and he stares at me.

“Why are you staring at me? Chanyeol, you were taught that it’s rude.” I say and I can see him swallow, he looks away and practically runs away, leaving Jongin with me. After a moment, the other sits in front of me and puts a drink he was holding into my lap. I pick it up with my other hand and look it over a little. I rest my meat bun on my knee and twist the cap off of the drink and take a sip, shrugging at the taste – good enough. I go back to eating my bun and look at Jongin, who is looking at me with a worried expression.

“What is it?” I ask and his shoulders shrug. I sigh softly and look around a bit, it’s not often I feel like talking, to anyone. That’s why I usually don’t, a lot of people think I’m mute and don’t ask questions as to why I never say anything. “Why’d you bring me a drink?” I ask and Jongin looks at me, his cheeks flushing red. I raise a brow towards him and he stutters.

“N-no reason, I thought y-you’d like a drink, is all.” He says with a reassuring nod, for himself – it didn’t reassure me. He stares at me with a smile, a tight smile that says ‘believe me’ in it. I smile, and slowly start to laugh, shaking my head before leaning it against the gym wall. He stares at me, like he’d never seen someone laugh before.

“Can I ask you something?” Jongin asks and I shrug my shoulders as a yes. Jongin shifts in his spot, moving closer a little, he leans in and chews at his lower lip before speaking. “Are you in love with Chanyeol?” He asks, and after hearing the words, I can’t help but start to laugh, coughing on some of my meat bun. I hit at my chest, taking a few desperate sips of the drink Jongin brought me. I gasp in some air and stare at Jongin, his expression gone from curious to terrified.

“No, Jongin, I don’t.” I say and he blinks a little, nodding his head once. I sip my drink a few more times and clear my throat. “Why do you ask, anyway?” I ask and he leans back and shrugs his shoulders.

“Everyone seems to think you do.” He says in a soft voice and I frown at his words. I go back to eating and we sit in silence, I try to ignore the thoughts of why people would think this, but they’re disrupted by the sounds of people walking and talking near us. A friend of Chanyeol’s turns the corner and calls for Jongin, he looks at me, like I’m the one to decide if he goes or not. I tell him he can and he goes off, and I’m alone – again, as usual.

Lunch ends and class is back in session, I spend it doing my work, and doodling on the side of my book, as I like to do. The school day comes to an end and I wait for my classmates to go before I leave the room. I finally get to my locker and open it, my eyes going to the envelope that waits for me. I take it and my bag, packing it with my things before leaving.

My feet take me to the back of the gym, but I don’t turn the corner, instead I peek around it and see no one. I wait a little longer and sit down, leaning against my bag. I yawn softly and my vision becomes hazy. I lie on my side, my head on my bag and then everything is just a dream as I fall asleep.

I shiver myself awake, groggily sitting up and rubbing at my eyes, I look around the empty and dark schoolyard. I wipe at my eyes and stand, grabbing my bag as I do. I sigh and start to walk away, heading home. I walk through the busy streets; I check my phone to see it’s almost nine at night. I walk alone and sleepily, shaking my head a few times as I go. I stop by a store and go inside, buying instant noodles and using their free boiling water to make it. I sit outside the store with my meal and start to eat, blowing cool air on the steaming noodles a few times. I enjoy my cheap and cardboard-tasting meal. I close my eyes as I stir the noodles and broth, falling asleep a little as I do – but I’m woken up but the thud of something dropping onto the table and my eyes shoot open and I blink away the sleep in my eyes to see Jongin standing there, a drink on the table. He sits across from me and takes a sip of his own drink.

“You shouldn’t sleep outside.” He says and I shrug, starting to eat again. He’s out of his uniform and he looks different, but the same, all at the same time.

“How’d you know I was here?” I ask and Jongin smiles a little, shrugging his shoulders. I frown and lean back a bit, playing with my chopsticks. “I didn’t, I was inside and saw you sitting here, so I came out. It’s late; did you just come from school?” He asks and I nod my head once, sighing softly.

“I fell asleep, and woke up a few minutes ago.” I answer and Jongin lets out a soft chuckle, I kick his shin softly, more of a tap and he laughs more. I can’t help but smile. We sit, drinking and eating, talking and even laughing.

I haven’t felt like this in a while, this freedom to smile and laugh – to talk even. I haven’t had someone to do this with in such a long time.

I finish my noodles and we start to walk, it gets later, by the time we get to the lights to cross the road it’s almost eleven. I look at Jongin and he glances at me, then back at the lights. In the light of the moon and street lamps, his hair radiates and his features look milky, I stare at him for a moment, and he starts to walk across the road, I follow, in some sort of trance. There’s a pit in my stomach and it’s filled with nervous butterflies, it’s an odd feeling. Jongin walks me all the way home and when we get to the front door, his arms wrap around my shoulders in a sort of awkward hug, awkward because it’s suddenly so hot and I’m sure my cheeks are red.

I thank all sorts of gods for the fact it was too dark to see. Jongin lets go of me and says goodbye, walking away as I mumble my own bye. I watch him go and shake my head before entering my house, closing the door and leaning against it as my heart races and I'm alone. I wait for a moment before I go to my room, not stopping until I get there; I fall onto my bed and stare into space, falling asleep after a while.