February 18, 2014:

Today was your favorite day of the year. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, just the right weather. It was the almost the end of winter and beginning or spring. Every time this day passed by in a year, you’d feel lucky and there was no explanation for it. But those were just excuses for why you were always happy on this day.

You’ve always been in a great mood on this day since what it seemed like forever, except for this year.

It was his birthday, the day he came into the world and brought a smile to many faces, the day you were going to confess.

And who was “he” exactly?

Jung Hoseok. Hoseokkie. Hopey Hope. J-Horse.

And where was he exactly?

Probably 160+ miles away from you.

And why was he there?

Because everyone has a dream, and he wasn’t going to let anyone stop him from following his. Even you.

You were well aware of his dream, he wouldn’t stop talking about it. 24/7. Progress started to show once you both hit high school. He had a little dance group that practiced after school from  4-7 PM. Three hours a day, five days a week. He didn’t practice on the weekends because he had to work. Most people would wait until the end of high school or close to the end of it to get a job. But he was impatient. And yet he was also willing to put so much of his life dedicated to one dream: music.

So with that being said, you didn’t see him as much as you wanted to. On most days, you would only see him during lunch or passing period. Your parents pushed you to taking higher level classes; Hoseok however, were in average level classes. Everyday was just texting back and getting replies sometimes a little or a lot later than when you sent your text. He was constantly busy, he couldn’t make time for you, only dance and school at the time but he kept saying that you were one of the most important people in his life so that still meant something.

But then, it was your guys’ third year, or at least the summer of it. Even if you two didn’t have school anymore, he still was just as busy.

“More time for me means more time for dance and music.”

He always said that, and at first you found it reasonable but he seemed so rushed that he wasn’t as similar as he was before. You had nothing against his dream, you were actually very proud of him for being so dedicated and determined.

Until.. it was July 1st.

That day was the day he had joined a dance competition/jam with his dance group. His group members knew you, they were actually friends with you but of course, they also didn’t have time for you. And the more you thought about it, the more you were reminded of your past. Loneliness. You brushed it off for the first couple of months because you were taught that nothing lasted forever.

But it felt like forever since he was by your side.

That jam was a big step towards his career. You weren’t able to attend it because you didn’t have money at the time. Yes you had a job but you also had to take care of family since your mother was sick often and your father worked six days a week and only came home on Sunday nights because his workplace was so far. He didn’t get paid that much either.

You told J-Hope that you weren’t able to make it, and he completely understood your reasons. He was your best friend, why wouldn’t he. But you missed out on so much in those few hours.

He actually won 3rd place in the competition, and an audition to join a music company called Big Hit Entertainment. You weren’t too familiar with that company but only heard of a few artists from them. You were so happy and excited for him. That is… until you heard the news.

“I met someone.” he said.

At first you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t even know what he meant but that.

“What do you mean?” you asked worriedly.

“I met this girl.. she dances too and we ended up talking and getting to know each other.”

“Oh.. I see.”

“Yeah.. she’s really cool too. I think it’d be good if you met you.”

An instant “no” was about to be said but then you realized that if he’s happy, you should be happy for him. You said sure to his idea, but the real question was, “why do I care if he did? Or.. why does it hurt?”

You didn’t know how to explain to yourself what this feeling was. You even tried to research it in psychology books since you had it for class but nothing close came up except for the topic of how happiness and dopamine works.

“Dopamine: A chemical/drug that makes you feel happy.”

And then you realized, Jung Hoseok, was your drug.

—

It was a few weeks after the whole dance competition and the day that you were going to meet Hoseok’s new girlfriend. Or well, his first girlfriend. He didn’t really know how to really be in a relationship, he used to say, “What’s in movies can’t be imitated in real life.” and he was hopefully right about that.

And so you met her, and she was beautiful, and kind, and smart and funny. Pretty much everything you wanted to be. You tried to hide the fact that you were insanely jealous of her but it was for J-Hope’s sake. And that mattered a lot more than how you felt about it. Because it was his relationship, not yours.

The two of them seemed perfect together, they matched up like a pieces in a puzzle. You hated it, you hated the pain it gave you, you hated not being yourself around him. You being yourself meant you exploiting your feelings to him and right then was the worse time to say it.

So you didn’t do something about it. Something about yourself.

You could’ve taken the bad route, which was to get angry at him for not knowing that you had feelings and hate everything he liked.

But you didn’t, and it was great that you didn’t.

You decided to take up dancing classes, which didn’t work out too well. Ballet wasn’t really your thing. And neither was jazz dance but it was the only option there. You stuck with those classes for a semester then didn’t need to take it anymore. There seemed like no more options except to take classes from some outside source. Until one day, someone came up to you, but it wasn’t just some stranger, it was one of J-Hope’s dance members.

He was just around campus wandering around after practice, then he noticed you all by yourself behind temporary buildings at the school dancing. He saw how frustrated you looked trying to dance. So he decided to talk to you about it.

“Hey __________!”

You turned around and saw your friend walking towards you with a sheepish grin on your face.

“Hey Jimin.” you replied.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked curiously.

“I’m..” you shrugged, “I’m trying to dance.”

His grin grew bigger, “Can I see?”

You pouted, “But.. it looks stupid.”

“If it looks stupid then prove it to me.”

You gave in and played some music for you to dance to. You weren’t all that confident with it, in fact, you felt embarrassed. But Jimin still saw how you had passion in your eyes, and he liked it. After you were done, he gave you an offer.

“Want me to teach you?”

You eyes enlarged, “But.. won’t Hoseok know?”

“Not if you don’t want him to.” he winked.

You gave half of a smile and became a student.

~~

Jimin had been teaching you how to dance for a couple of months now, and your progress was most definitely showing. Not to mention that you were having tons of fun with him. He wasn’t too serious where it felt like he was scolding you, he just wanted you to have fun. And you did, especially with him.

One day, you two were outside by the temporary buildings after an hour of harsh practice (harsh yet enjoyable). The two of you were pretty exhausted. The dancing he was teaching you took a lot more energy than the two courses you took. It was twice as much effort put in. You both sat down on a walk way and took a short break. And then, he brought up a surprising question.

“Do you want to join us?”

“Join you? What do you mean?”

“I mean… join our group. You’re really good, and I think it’d be cool if you were in it. Plus, we have space for one more person.”

“One more person? What happened? I thought there were seven of you guys.”

“Yeah.. but.. J-Hope hasn’t been showing up to practice. And you’re almost as good as him.”

“You.. you want me to replace him?”

“Not like that.. you can’t just replace someone.”

“There’s other dancers out there who are better than me.. go ask them.”

Truth be told, you didn’t want to be a part of anything that J-Hope was so passionate about. Especially his dance group. Dance was the reason why he avoided you. The reason why you became so distant with him. And you remember hating it. It was a heart-crushing feeling that you wouldn’t dare to go towards again.

“But __________, I want you in it.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Because.. I think it’d be cool to spend more time with you.”

“But you see me all the time.”

“__________..”

You saw the look on his face, “What’s wrong Jimin?”

“It’s because.. I like you __________.. a lot.”

“What?" You were indeed astonished by his confession.

“Jimin.. what are you saying?"

That’s the thing, he didn’t say anything. Because he knew that actions spoke louder than words.

He looked deep into your crystallized eyes and felt his heart sink deep into his chest from seeing how beautiful you were, especially when he finally leaned in closer. You didn’t know how to react once you saw him gently close his eyes. You were still and for some reason didn’t want to move. You didn’t know why but you let the moment happen. You were going to let Jimin take your first kiss away.

“Don’t touch my girl!" yelled a voice from a few feet in front of you.

Both you and Jimin stopped what you were doing and saw the reaction of the person who felt the need to interrupt and stop you.

You didn’t have the greatest eyesight and had to squint until they finally walked up to the two of you.

“Hoseok—?" You asked.

“___________ what are you doing with him?" J-Hope asked.

“What happened to you? And what do you mean? He’s teaching me how to dance."

“What kind of dance? With your lips?”

You grew aggravated, “what’s with you? You go MIA for months, not talking to me since you debuted while Jimin is and you think it’s ok to yell at me like that?" You scoffed at him and stormed off away from the two of them.

Jimin and J-Hope were left alone to discuss what the hell was going on. At first there were major misunderstandings and J-Hope wanted to beat the life out of his friend but what Jimin did wasn’t intended to hurt anyone. They settled their feud then J-Hope ran after you in hopes of you not being too far. But even if you were somehow miles away he’d still chase after you.

“_________!" He cried.

You heard it but a part of you wish you didn’t.

He kept calling out for you, louder and louder. And each time, you felt yourself wanting to cry more and more. He searched all around the school for you, science building, math buildings, bathrooms and even the dance room. But no, you weren’t anywhere near there.

It seemed like you were in your own world, trying to escape the reality Hoseok had put upon you. Except, he finally figured where you would be, out of all places he felt so stupid to not even think about it.

He ran across the school as fast as he could. He had such high hopes for you to be there. Even if you weren’t there, there was no chance of him missing out on what could possibly happen. By the time he had finally got to where he wanted, you were gone.

“Too late.. I’m too late.” he said as he fell out of breath.

“…No you’re not,” you said from behind a corner.

He turned around and saw you looking down at the cemented floor, looking somewhat upset.

“__________…” he said as he went towards you.

He repeated your name again, “__________,” and grabbed you by the hands, “I’m so sorry.. I just.. I didn’t know how to react and I couldn’t take seeing that. I thought I was going to lose you __________, I thought that—”

“Stop.” you interrupted him, “Just.. stop.”

He grew disappointed, “But ________..”

“You thought you were going to lose me? Well where did you go the past couple of months? Where were you when everything went wrong and I had someone else come to me. Why were you so upset at Jimin? He’s one of your closest friends and you thought it would be ok to just hurt him like that?”

“_________…”

You began tearing up, “And you went off to go out with some girl you knew for only 3 weeks when I’ve known you for almost 10 years and I’m nothing to you? I haven’t gotten a single call or text from you, I thought that you and I were over with.”

“_________, why are you saying all this?”

“Why am I saying this? Why haven’t you noticed this?”

“Notice what? That my best friend is suddenly blowing up on me because I’m being overprotective of her?”

“You know what? Forget it. I just don’t know why you had to interrupt me and Jimin, we were perfectly fine until you showed up and .. it doesn’t make a difference about what I’m saying does it?” you looked up at Hoseok and saw how empty his eyes looked, “I.. I could’ve kissed him, Hoseok. I could’ve finally lost my first kiss instead of waiting for you to do it..”

Then, it was over. The wait, the pressure, the pain. It was all done.

And instead you felt your heart twist around with strings pulling it in all directions. Was it wrong to feel this way? It felt so warm and tender that you couldn’t even mentally grasp onto what was happening. All you could think about was how all of this made you feel and how wonderful it was.

What was it exactly?

It was a kiss. Your first kiss.

And was it what you wanted? You weren’t sure. He disappeared for so long, you forgot what it was like to miss someone without believing that they were going to come back.

So you pushed him off, you didn’t want to kiss him just because he saw you like this, you wanted it to be meaningful, not just a kiss.

He gave you a face of shock, “___________, what’s wrong?”

“What.. what are you doing? You have a girlfriend..” you asked desperately.

“I left her. She wasn’t who I wanted to be with.”

“Then..” you asked, “Who.. do you wanna be with?”

He soft and smooth hands cupped your cheeks and pulled you in towards his face so he could land his bliss-filled, magical kiss. And this time, you knew it was different, it was heaven, it was wonderful, it was.. Hoseok. It was him, it was finally him.

He slowly and gently let his lips caress yours as he took them off in moment. He looked into your tear-filled eyes and saw how beautiful you looked with your skin glowing against the rays of the sun.

“You, _________.. it’s always been you.”

“But you went out with—”

“Someone who isn’t you, and will never be you. And no matter how you try to be someone else, I will still want to be with you. The same person I fell for in elementary school.”

“But I thought that-”

“That I didn’t like you? __________, I was scared to face you when I knew that I wasn’t living the truth. And I didn’t even know how you felt about me.”

You looked at him overwhelmed with everything he was laying out in front of you.

“I even saved my first kiss for you __________, because I hoped that you were going to be the one who I got spend it on. And.. I guess my wish came true.”

You were overly ecstatic with all the things he was saying. So you thought, “This.. this can’t be happening, this can’t be real. This is.. like a dream.”

“Does it feel like a dream?”

“God I hope not.”

You two both smiled at each other and held onto each other as you felt the heat radiate from his body.

“This is really happening..” you smiled.

“Yeah it is..”

You pushed him back a little bit, “Don’t get my hopes up,” you said with a smirk.

He gave the same look back, “I wouldn’t lie to you __________, especially if you decide to be my new girlfriend..?”

You couldn’t help but blush at how silly he was being. Girlfriend? You’ve never been anybody’s girlfriend. But to finally be Hoseok’s? The girlfriend, the significant other, of Mr. Jung Hoseok.

And to that question, it was obviously, “Yes. I..I will.”

He cupped you by the cheeks and squeezed your face as hard as he wanted to.

“Then you better not kiss Jimin this time.” he said half-jokingly.

“Then don’t play with my feelings!” you teased back.

You two laughed it off and saw how happy you made each other.

“Thank you, for telling me the truth Hoseok. I’ve really missed you.”

“I missed you too _________. I’m glad to have you back.”

“I’m just glad to finally have you.”

“Why did it take you so long to say this?”

“I thought that you would forget about me once I’m an idol, so I didn’t want to waste time.”

He smiled and gave a soft peck onto your forehead, letting you witness euphoria in such an unrealistic manner.

He whispered into your ear, “But, you’re finally mine.”

And you watched him take you away from the world with his arms as he embraced you softly and kissed you into another dream, your new dream.