The night air is cold as it hits our faces and tousles our hair, the sun had set hours ago and the moon was high and big enough to light up our way. Soft giggling could be heard from the passenger seat if you listen hard enough through the strong wind but it’s always easy for me to find his voice. It’s velvety deep, true music to the ears. I took a brief look at him and grinned at the bright smile that greeted me.

“Having fun?”

“Yes.”

And that was all I needed to speed us up a bit more, knowing how much he loved the thrill of an evening drive as we went past the speed limit with our headlights off – the usual. Soon I could feel him kneel in his seat, his hands on the windshield to steady himself up and once he’s settled he spreads his hands wide like a bird, a soft smile on his lips as he looked ethereal under the moonlight as if flying. He looked beautiful, breathtaking – the usual.

It had been years since we’ve met, a rollercoaster kind of relationship that started out with an innocent friendship and inevitably bloomed into an odd romance. Kyungsoo had been sixteen when we first met, a handsome looking senior that everyone had their eyes on. His lips were the most perfect heart shape I’ve ever laid eyes on, his eyes looking like they could see through your very soul and voice that could rival that of a mermaid. And there was me, a plain tanned skin new transfer student who’s a year younger and is being attracted to a man for the very first time. I ought to have doubted myself, or maybe shuddered at the thought of myself being gay but a kind smile from Kyungsoo and a soft ‘good morning’ was enough of a reason for me to accept the realization.

What’s there to be ashamed of when you’re sort of maybe being attracted and falling for such a gorgeous person? It was a bit later that I found out that Kyungsoo was addressing the person behind me and not me then.

===============

“If you don’t hold on you’ll fall off.”

He chuckles, a sound that had always sent tingles down my spine.

“Better hold onto me then,” he smiles as he briefly cards a hand through my hair.

“Even if you told me not to, I’ll always hold onto you.”

===============

Kyungsoo had looked like the epitome of innocence and purity -  at least to my eyes because rumors have it that he’s quite the . I could remember how much I flinched at their choice of words and how hard I had clenched my jaw in irritation. They were snickering as they told about the tales of his escapades, how he had bent over eagerly for different men and begged them to take him. It was ridiculous really, not when I’ve seen the way his cheeks turned pink to red gradually as I hinted my interest to him, or how he’s become too fidgety from embarrassment when I had asked permission to hold his hand and he nods, his teeth nibbling his lower lip nervously I had to keep myself from pulling him into a deep kiss.

“Really, now?” I asked with the most passive expression I could have borrowed my face from Sehun at that very moment.

“Well, duh! I speak from experience,” one had replied as he puffs his chest out, a proud smile on his face.

“Must have been one heck of an experience,” I could only chuckle in false amusement as I got up to excuse myself, choosing not to waste any more time in humoring people who didn’t think twice about other people’s reputation they’d be ruining as long as it’s a benefit for their own.

It was later that I found out that those spreading rumors about him were the same people Kyungsoo had so politely rejected, that he hadn’t even had a boyfriend or girlfriend yet since forever and that he’s a . It was then that I became hyperaware of how red his lips were and how soft his skin had looked.

I was his first for everything.

I must say that guy’s words couldn’t have been any truer even when he spoke from imagination.

===============

“Where are we going?”

It’s a kind of question he had always asked on our drives and I couldn’t help but chuckle, couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up my chest at how much of a mess his hair had become. He looked beautiful though, like always.

He’ll always be the most beautiful to me.

“To the end of this road,” I answered and enjoyed the way the lights of the passing cars danced on his face, illuminating his features just the right way that he had seemed glowing.

“It’s a long drive.”

Kyungsoo never failed to amuse me as much as I never failed to fall deeper in love with him with each second of the day.

“Babe, I’d gladly go to the ends of the world with you.”

===============

Dating has come naturally for us but it’s more of me dragging Kyungsoo around with the other shyly laughing and giggling and blushing as we go. Along the way I’ve found out how closed off of a person Kyungsoo really is, how shy and awkward he is around strangers and how he’s been worried and upset about the rumors about him – that he’s jumping from man to man, how he’s an easy catch who will bend over gladly for anyone, how he’s keeping a list of the men he’s been with over the years.

There was an inexplicable anger bubbling up in my chest as I scowled at this before asking him how he found out about the rumors and it was the only time I’ve seen him frown, his eyes turning glassy.

“Rumors spread like wildfire,” was all he had replied with before he’s pulling me up so we could walk around the park instead, an obvious attempt to evade the topic that’s making him uncomfortable. Kyungsoo was right though, rumors do spread like wildfire – quick, uncontrollable. And it doesn’t choose who hears it nor does it choose who it hurts.

It’s fire; it is bound to hurt someone – or everyone.

And maybe it’s because people are drawn to the new transfer student who’s been branded with the nickname Kai for some weird reason but people were pining for my attention all of a sudden. Love notes in my locker, love confessions. I was suddenly very popular. Some says it’s because of the tanned skin, some says it’s the pretty face. But where there is good, there is bad. Stories starts spreading of how I’ve bluntly turned down confessions and even ripping love letters in front of their owners. It was harsh to say the least.

“So I’ve heard you’ve been quite the heartbreaker,” Kyungsoo comments over lunch as I munch over his delicious cooking.

“Oh you know me, I love making girls cry,” I mumbled over a mouthful of food, bits and pieces flying in Kyungsoo’s direction and all I received is a chuckle and a fond look as he hands over a bottle of water.

“Good thing I’m not a girl.”

“Like I’d let a tear fall from your eyes, hyung.”

And sometimes I wonder what the big deal about those rumors is. Why would they matter when the only person you care about knows the truth? I wouldn’t mind the judging stares, not when the most important pair of eyes is seeing the truth. With that, I am content.

===============

“Keep your eyes on the road, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes just as I grinned but did as I was told.

“It’s always hard to keep my eyes off of you.”

“Cheesy bastard,” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Only for you.”

===============

Arguments are a sign of a good relationship they said and I couldn’t have agreed more. With Kyungsoo’s insecurities seeping through his skin, doubting himself whenever we spend time together, questioning why we were even together. It’s frustrating to say the least, especially when he’s belittling himself so much it makes me angry at him at times.

I wanted him to see what I see, how much of a beautiful person he is despite other people’s words, how people are actually rolling their eyes at the accusations of him around. No one believed them because they know Kyungsoo. They know how he’d gladly help a classmate through a difficult lecture, how he likes it better to blend in the background rather than bask in the spotlight, how nervous he gets when he’s called to answer a math problem on the board, how the littlest and kindest thing he had done outweighed the rumors.

Everyone else could see the Kyungsoo I fell in love with.

Except for him.

“Kyungsoo look at me,” I said gently. Kyungsoo had kept his head down. Stepping forward, I cupped his face to lift his head so we’re looking eye to eye. I saw all the emotions swimming through those brown orbs, how he’s looking at me as if I was a dream, like I shouldn’t be there in front him and holding him.

When a person doubts about you being theirs know that they’re the most genuine, because no one else would treat you as dearly as those who are afraid to lose you.

I was afraid to lose Kyungsoo.

The scared look in his eyes screamed he felt the same.

“Kyungsoo,” I said with a smile and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. I heard his breath hitch. “You’re beautiful because you’re you.” And I meant it. If it isn’t Kyungsoo then there’s nobody else.

Because it’s Kyungsoo, it had to be Kyungsoo.

===============

“Why are we together, again?” Kyungsoo had asked.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because sometimes I think I don’t deserve you,” and I could practically sense him pouting and frowning. Leave it to Kyungsoo to overthink things.

“You’re thinking too much again.”

A pause.

“You can’t blame me.”

I couldn’t help but smile just as I stopped the car, the ocean breeze slapping against our faces and the salty smell wafts through our nose. We’ve reached the end of the road. I’m still with Kyungsoo, and I don’t think I would be going anywhere else if it isn’t him beside me holding my hand.

“We’re together because I’m me – I’m in love with you,” I replied, a smug smile on my face at his confused expression. I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached over to place a sweet kiss his lips. “We’re together because you’re you…”

I could see the slightest change of color on his cheek under the moonlight. He’s heard of this speech before, for five years and counting.

Kyungsoo looked so beautiful, so perfect.

“Because it’s you, it has to be you.”