Chanyeol groaned as his hand messily groping the night stand, trying to find his phone to turn off the blaring sound of his morning alarm. He rolled on the bed and pulled the duvet back covering him, didn’t really want to wake up since he knew he didn’t need to go anywhere today. The buzzing sound of air conditioner sounded a little too loud for him. He was lying on his tummy, burying his face under the pillow but it really didn’t make him feel better. Groaning again, he took his phone and cracked his eyes half open.

Another morning missed call, and an unread message.

Chanyeol covered his eyes with his arm before letting out a long sigh.

Park Chanyeol you’re avoiding me; was the content of the message today. He’s been ignoring the messages coming from a certain sender, yes, hiding behind he-was-busy-with-college-preparation excuses that he kept feeding the sender with. Well, he wasn’t lying though. He definitely was busy with the preparation. The thing was, he didn’t tell that his parent actually changed his mind about the college.

Knock knock knock

The boy couldn’t help but groaned because he was too lazy to get up and open the door, well, he’s actually not in the mood to meet anyone this time.

“Come in,” He shouted hoarsely so anyone behind the door could hear. “The door’s unlocked.” He went back to bury his face under the pillow. But somehow Chanyeol didn’t remember that his older sister would just barge inside his room without knocking, and his mom and dad usually would call him first before knocking the door.

He could hear the door swung opened before noticing the light steps coming inside his room. And when he turned his head to his left towards the door, he caught someone standing beside his bed, arms folded on the chest. Chanyeol felt his sleepiness fading into the thin air.

“I’m not sure if I am still someone’s best friend when he didn’t even tell me he’s going somewhere far in a week.”

The boy sighed. He pulled his body up and sat on the bed before bracing himself to look at the girl standing in front of him, right in the eyes. Chanyeol could see her jaw was set hard, and the b tears on her eyes couldn’t just go unnoticed.

He couldn’t. Chanyeol just couldn’t see her cry.

All the wall he’s built and the distance he kept, just suddenly crumbled down as he got up from the bed and gathered her in his arms.

Aerin wriggled and kept punching his chest with her small hand as the tears came rolling down her cheeks.

“You’ve been avoiding me and now you’re leaving!” The girl mumbled on his chest between her sobs.

“I’m sorry.” He said while gently caressing her head. “I should’ve told you sooner.” And that made the girl sob even more. Chanyeol still hugged her tightly, and sometimes playing with her hair.

He had been contemplating.

Chanyeol had been in a deep thought these past days. While busy preparing for his departure, never in a day he missed thinking about how he would tell his best friend about this. They have promised each other that they would go to the same college, but apparently his parents told him otherwise. His parents were both doctors. His sister was a doctor too. And it really was no wonder that he was expected to be one in the future.

It was some days after the final exam when his parents talked to him about the offer. A place in one of the faculty of medicine in Germany. It was beyond tempting, and Chanyeol couldn’t just ignore this chance. At the same time he couldn’t help but thinking about his promise with his best friend. And unfortunately, their latest situation made him think that he would be better off taking the chance and leave.

It was not wrong to be selfish after being selfless all these past years, was it?

Aerin pulled away from the hug before looking at Chanyeol in the eyes. “Did I do something wrong to you, Chan?” She whispered.

“No, Aerin, no.” He shook his head. But Aerin noticed how he avoided her eyes.

“Chan, look at me.” She tugged his hand. “Look at me, Chanyeol. Look at me and say it to me.”

The boy heaved a sigh, but he was still avoiding her eyes. “No, you did nothing wrong, Aerin.”

“Then why?!” She raised her tone as she gripped his wrist. “You’ve been avoiding me as if I were a plague. You ignored my calls and messages and saying you were busy when you used to have time for me no matter how busy you were. You didn’t even tell me anything about this. Am I still your friend?” Chanyeol stayed silent listening to all her rant. “Park Chanyeol, answer me!” She was shouting now, “Look at me in the eye and answer me!”

“It’s because I ing fall in love with you, goddamit!”

Aerin loosen her grip on his wrist as she tried to process what he has just shouted at her. “There would be no different if I weren’t there for you anymore because you already have someone taking care of you!” Chanyeol said, still with a high tone that actually made her shiver. “You’re dating your personal assistant, aren’t you? And you never told me anything about it when you said you’re still my best friend.” Aerin slowly pulled her hand as she tried to arrange her breath. Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair frustratingly. “I was just trying to save both of us.” He whispered.

Aerin squatted down and hugged herself. “I’m sorry,” She muttered. “I’m sorry, Chan.” Chanyeol turned his head at her because he noticed that her voice was shaking. “I’m so—sorry,” and worries quickly spreading in his veins.

Sigh. He knew he shouldn’t be like this. “It’s okay, Aerin.” He kneeled down in front of her and embraced her with all his might. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Sweetheart, I’m so sorry for snapping at you.”

“No… Chanyeol,” She gripped on his shirt, “I’m sorry.” Aerin started crying. “I’m sorry,” She sobbed.

“No, Darling, it’s okay… ssh… don’t cry, it’s okay…” Chanyeol tighten his hug and rubbed her back. “You know you never did anything wrong.” The boy started talking to her gently. This was actually what he worried the most if he saw her. He was worried if he might lose his control, and he did. He worried that it might affect her like this. Chanyeol didn’t want to blame her but he sounded like he did earlier, and what worried him the most was, blaming her might be triggering her episode. “Ssh… ssh… darling, don’t cry, it’s okay… everything’s okay.”

Aerin sneaked her hands, circling her arms around his waist. “You always know I love you too, but it’s—“

“Hey,” Chanyeol pulled away to see her face. He gently cupped her cheeks, “You love me as your best friend. You told me that all the time, and I know no one could ever come to replace me and take that place away from me.” He said, trying to smile although his heart felt like it was ripped in two. He wiped the tears that came rolling down her cheek.

 “I am greedy. I have that special place in your heart but I crave for more. And I got angry with myself for that.”

“I avoided you, yes, because I don’t want our beautiful friendship ruined because o