I stand here wondering when it went all wrong. I am drowning. I can’t breathe. It is like I lost the ability to fill my lungs with oxygen.

Do you remember when we first met? We were young and I saw you across the room. Your beauty was on another level. I didn’t think I had a chance but then you asked me to sit next to you. I am not sure what you saw in me and chose me out of all the other girls. Do you regret doing that?

Our love story started out slow. We stole secret glances at each other all the time. We would send each other secret notes as if we were dating but neither of us were brave enough to confess. It is funny really that we went on like this for 2 years.

I loved you the day we met, I loved you more than you would ever know. If only then we confessed that it was mutual. Yet we played this game of endless flirting until our hormones exploded.

My heart felt constricted. There was only one release and that was to kiss you.

I didn’t care if you rejected me.

I had to release these feelings that were ready to burst.

I was on the verge of tears when you reciprocated that kiss.

It was heart shattering, it was painfully delightful the way you took my breath away. The way it made me feel like I left my body and was transported into euphoria.

That was the beginning of days with endless kisses, caresses, unimaginable lust, and what we thought was infinite love.

I was so high that there was no ground. No me or you, but only us. We were floating so high that we forgot the ground was so close to us.

I can’t even tell what was the one thing that grounded us.

One fight brought us inches down, the second fight was another foot, one after another until our feet felt the ground once more.

Love that was infinite suddenly felt like it was the only thing holding us onto each other.

I still wanted to see you, I still wanted to touch and kiss you, but why did it feel like this wasn’t going to last?

Two people who were so different, finally realized why they couldn’t be together.

Sure we had love but that didn’t stop the fights.

I know you were tired of it. I was too, but then one of us would say sorry.

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…

Finally we realized that word had no meaning other than this was going to continue. The fights would never end, but one thing between us could.

I left.

The pain I caused all those years were unbearable for me to see anymore.

I never meant to hurt you, I tried to compromise, we tried our best together but it still wasn’t enough. The only way to stop the pain was to move out.

You knew I was going to.

I don’t think either of us wanted this to happen but at the same time we knew it wasn’t an option.

I wanted you to live a happy life as did you to me.

Happiness wasn’t going to happen together.

The days passed without you.

Each day I felt like the air got thinner. Until it felt like I was suffocating.

So I am standing here today.

I still love you.

Jessica, you are the only thing that keeps me alive.

You are the air that I want to breathe.

Even if we have to drown together, it is still better than living without air.

*knock*

“Taeyeon?”

I need to breathe you in again.