Sometimes ghosts appear at your doorstep and you just don’t know what to do.

“Hey…”

I was shocked. Why was she here, she shouldn’t be here. What if they find out? “Hey.”

She scrapped her toes across the carpeting, “W-we are at the same hotel…I mean I saw you in the lobby and well…my manager found your room.”

“Oh.” Still…why was she here?

“Could I come in? It would be bad if a fan was here.”

I opened the door wider to let her in. She left me, she hurt me, but why do I still feel a heavy pull to her. I want to touch that soft blond hair, I want to feel her soft lips on mine and I want to hold her in my arms like my life depended on it. I couldn’t…I shouldn’t…it had been 4 years with no contact and these feelings should be gone.

“Sica…” She sighed, “I am tired of this.”

I joined her in the living area of my suite and sat as far as possible from her, “Did something happen?”

She laughed and shook her head, “Nothing…but, I can’t take the fact that my company wants me to make you disappear. They take away your picture, they say we can’t meet you or hell…mention your name! I am so tired. I want to scream your name from the rooftop and tell the world that our company is for forcing you out. I can’t take all these lies and burry my feelings like this.”

“It is for the best.” I used to reason this for the past 4 years. I knew when I signed the documents to leave the company that they would retaliate and they hurt me the most by banning communication with the girls. They were my friends, my family and my love. We were all powerless to the contracts that were signed.

“I thought if I worked harder, I could get past this but every day I didn’t work, I would think about the days where all 9 of us were happy. When you and I were happy. I want that again.” She looked up and into my eyes.

“I want that too, but we know it would never work. There are too many risks and they all hurt you. That is the last thing I want to happen.” She hooked me into those dark eyes.

“Still I am here.”

Yes she was and I don’t regret the time I get to look at her in person again, “a-and I don’t want you to leave.”

A smile formed on her face as she scooted closer to the edge of the couch, “I still love you.”

I let out a bitter chuckle, “you have a way with playing with my heart.”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same. That everyday you wonder if you are living with a purpose or if you made the right decisions. I want to be that rebellious member that breaks the rules, but I couldn’t with the title as Girl’s Generation’s leader. There are so many things holding me back, but let me be selfish. Let me be reckless because I can’t live a day knowing you are not in arms reach.”

“You know what happened 4 years ago. At the time you nearly lost everything and I was the cause of it. I let my emotions take over when I heard about the termination…I even took it out on the girls. Never would I expect you to forgive me when I walked away.”

She got off the couch and went down to her knees in front of me, “It was our fault too. We were caught up in our individual activities that we didn’t see the sick game our company was playing.” Her soft hands took a hold of mine and I knew there was nothing warmer than the gaze in her eyes when she looked into them, “we don’t blame you Sica…”

I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. I was tired. I was tired of holding in all these emotions and trying to hold my head up high when all I wanted to do was lock myself in, “Tae…”

She got up and went to hold me, “Shh, I am so sorry it took me this long to find the courage to see you. I should have known you were hurt too.”

Why did I live without her warmth for so long?

“Sica, we don’t need to live with this lie.”

“But the company.” I breathed in her scent as my walls came crashing down.

She held my face in her hands and took my breathe into her own, “they don’t have to know.” I kissed her with all my heart. Holding onto the pull of my heart that told me to never let go. She kissed me back with such a force that we both fell into the softness of the couch, drinking in the intoxicating rush of passion.

If this was a fantasy, I did not want to wake, but if this was reality, I did not want it to stop.

Even if this was for one night, I will hold onto it forever.

~END~