I was washing the dishes after finishing dinner when I heard my doorbell chime. Immediately I looked up to the clock on the wall wondering why someone would be here past 10pm. With the doorbell ringing again, I quickly went to dry my hands before going to the foyer and checking the peephole. I could see the crown of the girl’s head who was on the other side but the face was blocked as she was looking down.

Thinking the shorter girl might not be any harm, I unlocked the door but as the crack of my door grew wider, my heart rate increased… why is she here?

With the door fully open, she finally looked up and I saw the sullen brown eyes locked with mine, “Sica…” She whispered as I tried to hold back the flood of fear, anger and sadness.

Clenching back the uncertain tears that threatened to fall, I challenged her gaze, “Why are you here?”

Breaking her eyes from mine, she went to play with her fingers, “Can I come in to… talk?”

The rational side of my brain was telling me to close the door. That letting her into my home was the same as letting her back into my life and last time that happened, both of us nearly drowned. Yet the thought of us going back into that dangerous water was tempting. I wanted to welcome the thrill of facing the past that breathed life into me.

Locking my eyes with hers once more, I cracked. Moving aside, I gave her enough room to step past me and into my home. Taking a few breaths that lingered her scent, I closed the door that felt ten times heavier than before.

As I turned around, I saw her already making herself comfortable on my couch so I walked over to join her. Taking a seat far from her, I leaned forward, “Taeyeon…why are you here?”

Still not making eye contact with me, she looked down at the floor, “I have nowhere else to go.”

The obvious thing would to ask her why she couldn’t go to her parents, but we both knew the answer to that question. It was because of me. When her parents found out we were together, Taeyeon was no longer a Kim. They placed all their fortune towards her older brother and prevented him from speaking to Taeyeon. That was the start of our problems in the past.

The second question would be, why not go to other friends? Yet that was not something Taeyeon was good at keeping. The little antisocial girl in front of me nearly said two words when we first met. It took a lot of coaxing/stalking to get the girl to be comfortable around me. When I found her, she was damaged to the point that she prevented any form of friendship due to most of the people just being her friend for her family’s wealth. Maybe this was the second problem of our past.

I sighed as I took in the helpless look that she tried to hide from me behind her hair, “What happened?”

“T-the...past 4...no 5 years since we have been apart,” the girl shifted uncomfortably on the couch, “I started a company. It was doing well but then my partner ran off with the money. We still owed things on loans.” Finally making eye contact with me, “I lost everything. The business, my home, most of my belongings...I am desperate....I mean I almost went to my parents to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise that Taeyeon even had those thoughts, “I see.”

Locking her brown eyes with mine, “Do I need to get on my knees to beg you for help?”

Not being able to look her in the eyes for too long, I broke the gaze and looked down, “Tell me why. Why you just packed up and left?”

Taeyeon bit the inside of her cheek as if she knew this was the first question that I was going to ask, “I had to...for us.”

I sighed in frustration, “How would that be the best for us?”

“Jessica we were growing apart. Didn’t you see it breaking? We were fighting almost every day about stupid things. How can you think that was a loving relationship?”

The old tears from the past started to surface, “You didn’t even try to fight for us. You took the easy way out.”

“Maybe I did...” She said with a hint of sorrow, “Look. I am not trying to start that storm again. I just need a place to stay until I can sort things out or the police catch my business partner. Until I get the money back...I just need help till then.”

This was a bad idea. With the jumble of emotions that I was feeling just with her presence, I knew she shouldn’t stay but within that mess of emotions, I couldn’t help but show her compassion. She was always my weakness, “Okay...until you can support yourself again.”

Seeing a ray of hope, Taeyeon’s eyes lit up, “Jessica...thank you.”

Standing up, I started walking towards the kitchen, “Did you eat?”

Taeyeon turned around on the couch to face me in the kitchen, “Jessica you don’t have to...”

I nodded knowing she was very hungry, “I will just reheat left overs. Easy enough.”

“Thank you again...I don’t really deserve this.”

After pressing the buttons on the microwave, I turned to her, “I think we both have done enough penance for a lifetime...it was wrong of me to push all the blame on you anyway. I wasn’t making the relationship working either.” With the beep of the microwave, I took out the food and set it on the table, “Eat up and get some rest. I will be gone by 7am and return around 6pm from work.”

Taeyeon took a seat at the table, “Okay.”

I looked around and didn’t see any bags, “Didn’t you have some belongings?”

“I do in storage. I can get tomorrow,” She said with a pleased smile on her face from eating one of her favorite foods.

Crossing my arms I looked at the fact that she hasn’t changed much in the past 5 years, “You can borrow some of my stuff for tomorrow. We were always about the same size anyway.”

Taeyeon just nodded as she resumed eating until she was full.

---------------------------------

I returned home from work around 7pm when I noticed my house was quiet and the spare key was gone from the door, “Where did she go?”

Turning on the lights, I looked over at the sheets folded neatly on the couch; she was always the neater one between both of us anyway.

Not wanting to stay in my work attire, I went to the bedroom to dress down into something more comfortable before making dinner. As I entered the kitchen, I noticed the phone number on the fridge, “Should I call?” Looking back up at the clock I just shook my head thinking I was stupid for worrying about a grown adult.

Pushing the slight worry aside, I opened the fridge to see it empty. I sighed thinking how inconvenient it would be to go to the supermarket after taking off some decent clothes to go out in. Maybe I should order in? Taeyeon always liked Chinese take-out. Walking over to the phone, I was about to dial a number when the door creaked open. Immediately I put down the phone and looked over to the small girl juggling several boxes and a plastic bag with Chinese take-out.

Peeking over the box, Taeyeon gave a helpless grin that caused me to go over and help her with the take-out while she brought in the boxes, “I went to storage to get a few things. I hope this isn’t too much, it is mostly clothes.”

Looking at the two measly boxes I snickered thinking that wasn’t much, “It is fine. I will clear out some of my closet. You can put your things there.”

Taeyeon smiled as she put the boxes near my room before returning to the kitchen, “I got take-out from umm you know that restaurant we always ordered from. You still like the eel right?”

I swallowed thickly at the fact she remembered my favorite dish, “Y-yes.”

Taeyeon nodded, “Let’s dig in then. Carrying those boxes is making me famished.”

After setting the table, the two of us sat and ate our meal. It was unusual how comfortable it was to have dinner with her. We were able to share a few laughs, talk about the day and subtly take food from the other’s plate without it feeling completely awkward. How could we just forget about the 5 years apart or the 2 years of fighting and return to the other 4 years of dating?

Sitting back and playfully patting her tummy Taeyeon sat with a huge grin, “I am so full.”

I laughed as I saw the little bulge she had, “That place still tastes the same.”

Shimmying to sit upright, Taeyeon faced me, “It does. I haven’t eaten there for...ah well you know, I should wash up.”

Getting up quickly, I went to put the dishes in the washer, “Taeyeon you can use the shower first. I will clear some space in the closet for you.”

Taeyeon smiled as she went to one of her boxes to dig out a few care items, “Thanks. I feel a bit gross.”

There was no doubt about it as I was checking the girl out while she whizzed around to get all her things to get ready for bed. What attracted her to me in the first place was how she could be cute without even trying. Sometimes she would waddle to the bathroom or do a random skip if she was in a good mood. Although we had a lot of history together, Taeyeon had hardly changed from the first time we met.

Pushing the sparks of attraction aside, I went to my closet to sort out my clothes. Although I had many clothes, I managed to clear out a bit of space for her things. Just as I was finishing, I heard the water of the shower turn off and some minutes later,  the smaller woman was outside with her hair dripping wet, “Finished?”

I gulped as I watched her clad in a towel, “Ah yea. I will um take a shower now.” Taeyeon nodded before leaving my room. I sighed in relief as my heart rate started to decrease, “Jessica...control yourself. Don’t do anything stupid.” Shaking my head, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and by the time I was finished, Taeyeon was already curled up on the couch sleeping.  Inwardly I sighed at the foolish girl who went to bed with wet hair but all I could do was turn off the lights and go to bed myself.

-------------------------

The next morning I rolled around in bed as it was the weekend and I didn’t need to be up for work. I used to love lazy days alone in the home and have time to myself, but this morning was not the usual. I could already smell pancakes cooking and groaned at the thought of being with her alone the whole day. After last night, I wasn’t sure how well my brain and heart were communicating. I knew that I had to make sure nothing happened between us but my attraction for her was still there...almost blocking every bad memory.

And then there were those pancakes.

Even the days of some of their biggest fights, Taeyeon was always making pancakes in the morning because they were my favorite.

Was it really the right decision to let her back in? To allow her to spark my cold heart with the warming aroma of pancakes in the morning or the alluring sight of her fresh out of the shower at night?

As my stomach grumbled, I decided the best thing to do would think this over on a full stomach since those pancakes were already cooked anyway.

When I entered the kitchen I was greeted with the familiar sight of Taeyeon huddling over the stove although I could see a plate full of pancakes, “Morning.”

Taeyeon jumped slightly before giving me a dopy grin, “Morning Jessica. I hope you don’t mind...your fridge was nearly empty so I grabbed a few things so I could make breakfast.”

I ruffled my hair slightly before taking a seat at the table, “No...it is fine. We would both starve if we both lived off an empty fridge. I hardly have time for shopping.”

“True but you must have learned to cook a few things while living alone?” Taeyeon said as she placed a plate of pancakes in front of me before disappearing into the kitchen again.

“I learned to press the microwave buttons. Didn’t you see how well I reheated your food?”

Taeyeon let out her hearty laugh as she placed a glass of orange juice in front of me and taking a seat, “It wasn’t even cold in the center. That is surprising.”

I gave her an evil side glance before digging into the delicious pancakes, “Oh god...how did I live without these for so long?”

Taeyeon was smiling proudly as she chewed her food, “I am glad you like it. Keeping you fed is the least I can do while you let me be here.”

I was hardly listening as I continued to bite into my little slice of heaven. I believe Taeyeon was using some dirty tactics since food has always been a way to get into my heart. How could I still fall for her over and over again?

Leaning over me, Taeyeon took my plate, “Are you done?”

I felt her breath tickle over the side of my face as I sat frozen, “I am full. T-thank you.”

“Good. I will go wash these.”

When Taeyeon stepped away, I let myself slump in the chair as I released my breath, “.”

“Hey Jessica did you have plans today?”

Turning around in my chair I faced the open kitchen, “No...I don’t like going out on my off days.”

“Great! There is a rom-com movie marathon today. Some of our old favorites are going to be on.” Taeyeon returned to the dining area, “Want to watch? You know like afternoon pizza binge? Almost like college?”

I laughed at the thought of us almost becoming lazy fat college students with how many pizza-movie marathons we did, “That was my plan to begin with.”

Taeyeon gave me her signature grin, “Great!” And then the girl scurried over to the TV so she could find the right channel having the marathon. I looked over to which movie was playing and I agreed this was a good movie so I joined the girl on the couch.

“Hey Taeyeon...” The girl hummed before turning to my attention, “How are things going with you know?”

Taeyeon sighed, “Nothing. It is the weekend anyway. Nothing can be done when my lawyer’s office is closed.”

Seeing the girl in a bad mood I decided to drop the topic, “How do you normally spend your weekends?”

Taeyeon shrugged, “The business was taking up most of my time. I think this is one of the first weekends I have completely to myself although I wouldn’t have wanted it to be under these circumstances.”

“You didn’t tell me what kind of business this was exactly...” I was starting to let my curiosity get the best of me. I still wanted to understand the girl.

“Clothing.”

My eyes opened in shock as I looked at the girl, “Clothing? Really? You have never been...”

“I know right. Something you would do and I would shy away from.”

“Exactly.”

“Well...you were part of my motivation for the start of this business...” Taeyeon started as my heart rate increased again, “I mean, you always had so many clothes...especially when we were going to travel. I thought of making a clothing line for the fashionable traveler. Stylish designs for clothing that were lighter and easier to pack giving the traveler more room for maybe more clothes or gifts.”

I wanted to start laughing but I fought to keep it in, “Are you saying you are a designer now?”

Taeyeon laughed, “No. My partner was. I was to handle the business end and control promotion, finances and distribution of the product.”

“How did you even find a designer for this grand idea?”

“Well every great idea comes from the influence of alcohol so every great business partner should come from there too I assumed.”

I couldn’t contain my laughter at Taeyeon telling this story.

“I was discussing this idea to my friend and this girl must have overheard our conversation. She told me she was a designer so I told her that I was interested in seeing some of her ideas. If she was interested and I liked what she showed me, we could do business together. Then BAM, the business was running.”

“Wow. So I take it you did well and she ran off with her design ideas to find fame?” I said with curiosity now that this story was much more interesting than the movie on TV.

“Exactly. She used time with me to build a portfolio and was pitching her designs to other companies behind my back. Then she had the nerve to claim that this whole business was only surviving because of her ideas. And then she emptied out company funds to run off to France with it.”

My mouth was agape with the thought of the girl doing all that, “She sounds like a real ...I hope you get her.”

Taeyeon raked her fingers through her hair, “Because she left the country, it is a bit complicated.”

“I see.” I could see the despair in Taeyeon’s eyes as she looking off into space, clearly not focusing on the movie either, “Tae...things will be alright. Don’t give up hope this early on.”

Moving her attention back to me, she gave me a soft smile, “I know. I sent in an injunction. As soon as she returns to Korea, she will be detained and forced into court.”

“Wow. Really?”

Taeyeon nodded, “Yep. Until then, I will probably be a burden...”

“You are not a burden.” I said without hesitation, “Don’t ever think that.”

“But I-“

“It is the past. Don’t worry too much about it. I was more angry that you didn’t give me an explanation before, but now that you did, I don’t have much to be angry about.” Standing up I looked down at Taeyeon, “I know it is early but how about an afternoon drink?”

Taeyeon smiled at the thought, “I didn’t know you could read my mind.”

I laughed as I went to the liquor cabinet, “I don’t have beers so hard liquor okay?”

“Not if you are the one mixing.” Taeyeon was already up and standing behind me, “We might as well be doing shots the way you mix.”

I arched my brow as an idea come up, “Why not do shots? Drinking game?”

A sinister grin also appeared on Taeyeon’s face, “Just name the rules!”

Taking a few bottles over to the living room where the TV was I thought of a few simple rules, “Since we are lonely single ladies, how about a shot every time we hear the word ‘love,’ see a ‘kiss’, and double shot for any ual scene?”

Taeyeon laughed, “Seems fair. This movie marathon got more interesting.”

Seeing the first kiss already on screen, the both of us laughed before taking a swig, “Ah I think we should order those pizzas a bit early if we are starting off this soon.”

Taeyeon laughed, “Afraid you can’t hold your alcohol Jessica?”

“Just worry about yourself Kim Taeyeon.”

It is unusual how the simplest of habits returned, the same banter exchanged, and the same comfort we had before came back in a flash.  Taeyeon and I were joking about the same cheesy love lines and pointing out every time one of us nearly spit out the shot from the other being stupid. I was starting to wonder why we started fighting in the first place. Were those sparks of arguments so important at the time to make me want to lose what I had? When I look at this moment in time, I think this was what we forgot...we forgot that we were always a goofy couple that would always make the other laugh.

“Tae-Taeyeonish.....i....I can’t anymore. My body is all numb.” I said as I collapsed on the arm of the couch.

Taeyeon scooted around on the couch enough to look at me, “Come on! One more one more!”

I laughed at the girl who was practically upside down on the couch, “I swear...I will...pash out with one more.”

Fumbling around on the couch, Taeyeon regained a normal position, “Fine. Boring Sica is back.” Taking a slice of now cold pizza, Taeyeon shoved it in while I laughed at her chipmunk cheeks.

In my haze of vision, I still found Taeyeon rather cute. Cheeks full of food was one of the most adorable things I swore I could have seen at that moment, “Tae....”

Taeyeon looked over to me, “Yesh.”

Pushing myself up, I was now sitting close next to her, “Do you think we could live a cheesy love story?”

Raising her brow, “You want that?” Taeyeon said while pointing at the screen.

I nodded shamefully, “But...it is hard...”

Taeyeon searched for my eyes, “What is hard Sica?”

“There are too many conse...conseq...consequences in life. If we live by our hormones, what about the after?” Man I felt like a philosopher at that moment.  

Taeyeon wiped her greasy hands on the napkin before taking my face in her hands, “how would you know if you don’t try? What if what you think is bad, turns out to be good?”

I could see her eyes shining with some determination, “We should...try then.”

Taeyeon didn’t hesitate when she captured her lips with mine.  After many years apart and only letting her back into my life a few days earlier, I found no regret in this action. I loved the way her lips moved against mine with a determination and desperation. I loved that she took care in laying me down so we could flush our bodies against each other because we both craved the connection.

Some would say that it was the alcohol clouding our decisions right now, but my heart knew this was right. Letting Taeyeon have me, was always right.

----------------------

It was night when I awoke in Taeyeon’s arms. I looked at the table full of alcohol and some stale pizza before turning slightly to face Taeyeon. From the glow of the TV, I could see the serene look of her sleeping face that never failed to make me smile. I loved her. Some would say love can die but I don’t believe that for a second. I still loved her...I have always loved her.

Opening her eyes slightly, Taeyeon smiled, “Sica...”

I couldn’t hold back my actions any longer so I captured her lips again into another heated kiss. She wasn’t holding back either as she held my waist tighter as we rendered the other breathless, “Taeyeon...”

Releasing the kiss, Taeyeon gave me one more peck on the lips, “Hey.”

Smiling like a dork, I snuggled into her neck, “Taeyeon...you know...even if...even if your ex-business partner does come back...” I gulped as I struggled to find the right words, “you can stay.”

Taeyeon pushed me away slightly so she could look into my eyes, “Really?”

I gave her one peck on the lips, “Really...I think this whole time, I was just waiting for you to return.”

Taeyeon pulled me tightly into her arms before kissing me on the head, “You better not take back your words...I am here to stay.”

 Somehow us punch-drunk lovers forgot about our distant past and decided to look forward to a future together because being in the other’s arms was just too tempting. Those old feelings returned along with her and I decided not to let go.

~END~