:: Last Goodbye ::

He was crying at the corner of the room while hugging himself. . He squatted down, hugging his knees close to his chest; he continued sobbing. He’s being like that for hours already. I couldn’t do anything more to coax him. The only thing that I can do is watching him from my side; tearing up my heart bit by bit with every tear he drops.

“Jaejoong-ah…If you ask me…I really want to change this fact…but…” He stood up immediately ignoring me.

“Jaejoong-ah…” I ran after him.

“You love me, don’t you?! DON’T YOU?!!!” He yelled at me.

“I only see you…” I answered.

“Stay here please…I’ll be better…I’ll be good…” He begged. The tears rolled down off his eyes. I extended my hand to wipe the tears but he dodged away. He brushed it off nonchalantly.

“It’s too risky…Even if I’m here…I cannot promise you that you’ll be happy…”

“I DON’T CARE!!!!!” He raised his voice at me.

“Even if it’s too painful…just endure it a little bit more…that feeling…it will stop one day…”

“I don’t want it to stop…” He’s trembling.

“…If only you’re here…it’s paradise for me…where you and I are together; its paradise…you said it to me before…” He held onto my arms with both of his hands. I closed my eyes tightly; can’t bear to see him in pain.

“It’s hurts…” I opened up my eyes.

“I love you so much…that it’s hurts…” He loosened up the hold slowly.  He turned to the other way round with his back faced me. You’re becoming even more fragile, Jaejoong-ah. I’m the one should be blamed for all these.

“I can’t send you off like this…” He looked down while I’m listening.

I know that I always hurt you. Every time you said that “it’s okay”, I know you’re dying inside. Jaejoong-ah…I want to love you more like you’re always do...I’m sorry that I had to leave you like this. I’m sorry for not fulfilling all promises I made to you.

I watched Jaejoong disappeared into the store room. He came out a while after bringing a big plastic bag with him in one hand and a box in his other hand. I followed him with every step he took from behind. I watched his every single act.  

“I can’t send you off yet…just a little bit more…I want to look at you, just little bit more…” Jaejoong requested. I faked a smile and nodded. If this can repay you for what I’ve done; I’m more than willing to do.

“I’ll be here until you’re ready…”

Jaejoong entered into a small room that used to be my personal office before. He took my stuff and put it inside the box one by one. The thing that reminds him of our memories; he will perceive it a bit longer before put it away halfheartedly. He continued with the same action until he packed all my belongings and forced them into the box.

We’re back into our room once again. I heard him took a deep breath gathering all the strength he had left and continued packing everything. He threw all my clothes into a suitcase and shoved all my stuffs inside the box. The box weighed more than it could bear so I stopped Jaejoong. He didn’t say anything and just carried it away to the first floor. I’m waiting him back here as I’m giving a last look at our room.  I scanned each place not miss even a spot.

I can see Jaejoong’s face everywhere and the memories we created together flashed back into my mind piece by piece. I laid my eyes on the bed; the place that we shared our warmth together. I could still feel his heart’s beating against my chest. I held back the tears and keep myself strong. I have to be strong…I don’t deserve to cry because Jaejoong suffered more than I did.

I remembered the promise I made to him on the first day we entered into this room; that he could count his life on me; that I’ll make him the most happier person in this world.

…and I miserably failed…

I heard the sound of his footsteps. He came in just to take the suitcase and the plastic bag. He spread a white cloth on top of our bed and went out while rolling the suitcase with him.

He stopped at the corner of the staircase. He looked up at all the pictures hanged. He put down one by one until he left with the hardest one to reach. He tip toed trying to lift it up. I watched over him with a nervous feeling. I saw his legs shaking.

“J…Jaejoong-ah…” I tried to catch him but I was a bit late.

He tripped down couple steps and injured his knee. I ran over to check his condition but he blocked me with his hand.

“Don’t do anything…you’ll only hurt me even more with your cares…” I stunned.

He was right. I was the one who stubbornly asked him to forget me but I guess my love’s reaching out for him unwittingly. He used the wall to pull himself up. I can only hold my breath and watched over you. I can’t do anything but that because I fear that you might break, Jaejoongie.

He gathered all the stuffs inside his arms and pulled the suitcase down. He left his wound untreated. It makes my heart ached. I fully understand what he meant just now. That injury won’t hurt him more than I already did. His heart wounded and that what eating him alive.

The house now seems to lose its soul. Everything was covered with white clothes. The wall now emptied and no other color decorates it. It’s just a dull worn out white color. I searched for Jaejoong’s figure and I caught him standing right in front of the main door. The door was opened but Jaejoong glued his feet on the floor. His eyes were staring outside the door. It was bright day but what Jaejoong see is the creepiest loneliness.

He changed his sight to me and the sorrow mirrors from his eyes.

“Just a little bit more…” He said to me.

I arranged my steps towards him and every step I took; it seems like I walks on the torn path. The torn jabbed underneath my feet but the pain sneaked deep into my heart. I approached him and his eyes never leave me. Those pretty eyes were looking at me like it was just a waste to look at other part other than me.

His gaze shot straight into mine. It comes to my mind that the time of separation is nearer.

“Yunho-ah…” His called my name softly. I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers together.

“Thanks for loving me until this second…” His lips quivered. I tightened our hands and twitched it gently.

“This warmth…” He mentioned about my hand’s wrapping around his.

“Your warmth…my body got used to it…I’m so scared that I won’t survive…” He bit onto his lower lips.

“…but I have to live even if I don’t feel like to, right…even if I don’t have you…” Jaejoong tried to control his breathing; not willing to let the sadness engulfing him. 

“Jaejoongie…do you wanna know what the best paradise is…?” I tagged him along with me as we’re stepping out of the door. I know he was not ready to let me go and he was afraid to let me go. He didn’t even face the front and just letting me to take him where he should be. His eyes were on me; never want to leave me.

“…the night with my arms around you…when our hearts’ beating together in unison…when I hear you said that you love me…that was the best paradise…” The tears were flowing out of his eyes disobediently.

I wished you’re mine forever, Jaejoong-ah…I wished that I could freeze that moment so that I can have you forever…without you; my life it’s a total hopeless…I want you to look at me with your loving eyes until my heart freeze…

I moved closer to his face and locked our lips together. His tears wet my face but I don’t mind. I want to give him the last kiss that can save his life without me in it. We broke apart and with still holding hands; we’re making our way towards the waiting car.

I feels like my hand is slipping away from him and I looked down to see what’s happening. We’re still holding hands but my hand…

“Yunho-ah…You’ll come to me, if I call you right…?”

“Will you be happy if I come to you like you wish?” I asked him back. I looked down to his feet.

“I…” His voice strangled.

“I’ll cry if you don’t come…” He murmured.

“You’ll stay by my side, don’t you…?”

“Will you be happy if I’m around you all the time…?”

“It annoyed me at first…” Jaejoong seems lost in the middle of his words. His eyes’ wandering around but not me.

He clenched at the hem of my shirt and shot straight to me eyes; pleading.

“Please don’t go…Please don’t leave me…”

“Jaejoong-ah…”

“You’re here now…I have you now…” He cut me off; doesn’t want to hear me.

“Your parents are waiting…” I changed to a different topic. He gazed at me; looking very upset.

“Then tell me something…”

“Tell what…?”

“Tell me what I wanna hear…you know it…tell me…”

“Jaejoong-ah…I’m sorry…”

I placed a deep kiss on his forehead instead. Jaejoong burst into tears and walked away.

“I love you…with all my heart…” I blurted out inaudibly.

**********************

:2 Years After:

“I’m going out omma…I’ll be back before midnight…” Jaejoong told his mother while putting on his shoes.

“Jaejoong-ah…where are going?!” Mrs. Kim screamed. Jaejoong just waved at her with the smile not lack from his face.

“Just let him go…where else he wanna go…he’ll be back when he tired…” Mr. Kim appeared from behind.

“He’ll never find what he wants to see, chagiya…Yunho will never come back even if he cried out his whole heart...” Mr. Kim let out a heavy sigh.

“You think I don’t know about that…but what can you do…? There’s no cure for the broken heart…”

“Yunho has been gone for two years…but it feels like it’s just yesterday…poor Jaejoongie…he couldn’t accept it…”

“At first I’m really grateful that Jaejoong wasn’t in that plane with Yunho.  But now…I rather let him dies in that plane crash…he’s no different than a living

corpse…”

**********************

I walked around and around like a lost child that has nowhere to go…I walked around hoping that somewhere in some place that I can find him. When I can’t find him; I just cry…

My tears’ flowing along with each memory I reminisced. Every memory is so precious to me. Even the common things that we used to do are so important to me not to forget.

*Flashback

The hand that was holding onto mine is slipping away. He’s getting disappearing on our way to the car. I don’t want to close my eyes. I want to capture his every movement. His heartthrob smile…his piercing eyes…his lips that used to be mine…his big strong hand…everything…

I closed the car’s door and he’s still there. He sent me his last smile before he disappeared into the thin air like a mere dust and flown along the winds.

My life turns upside down ever since I lost Yunho on that fateful date. It was really hard for me to cope with the life without him. The night comes like any other night but it’s no longer the same for me. I filled the night with the overflowing tears; crying over him.

Until one day…he suddenly appeared…

…convinced me to let him go ever if it’s the hardest thing to do ever…

*Flashback End

But…how can I handle my heart that filled with tears and hurts? My heart couldn’t bear any pain anymore…it’s severely damaged…

“Yunho-ah…though I’m screaming your name…though I call your name forever…you’ll never answer me…”

Please forgive me…our memories are too precious for me to just forget…even if it’s really hurt; I don’t want to be cured…because for me…you’re still alive in this memories…

I still love you no matter what people said…I would cry a thousand years if I have to…because only when I’m with you…I’m in paradise…

“Yunho-ah…it’s really hurt…” I clutched on my shirt at the left side.

The sky is covering with the dark heavy clouds. Loud thunder erupted, startling me but it’s just that. It can no longer freak me out. I continued walking searching for someone who I know will never come back to me. But somehow…somehow I still wish that he can come to me and comfort me with his hug saying that ‘everything’s will be alright’.

“Yunho-ah…! Do you hear me…?! I’m calling out to you like a crazy!!!”

The rain suddenly poured down hitting me mercilessly. I increased the speed of my walking; not feeling going home yet.

“Yunho-ah…” I called for his name while wandering around.

“I won’t say a thing…I won’t mad at you…I will stop crying if you come…please~!” I cried out loud.

Thanks to the heavy rain; people didn’t even paid attention to the pity Jaejoong. Even if they did, Jaejoong’s mind already fixed; that he’s already left alone in this cruel world; without his loved one.

“Yunho-ah~!”

:End: