Promise of Love!

My Everything!

 

My alarm clock in the morning said you got to go now
The breakfast you were calling and my heart just broke down
Cause tomorrow we will be waking up separately
Wish I never heard that clock ring
See I don't want to win if my hearts got to lose
(Don't want to win, don't want to lose)

So how in the world do I choose?

I just can't get enough of you
But I'm in a rush I got to fly away

How can you measure the promise of love
When it's weighing against a chance that comes once
How can I leave when I know he's the one
When the dust settles he might not be here

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day after day, my life became more blank than ever. We spent a really long and dull time in the final exams, and we finally finished. I asked my friends to stop our plan until we finish the school, and they did. Sohyun and I went once to follow Kim seungsaeng-nim, but we reached to nothing, so we stopped.

I woke up feeling so healthy and active; oppa noticed that when we were sitting on the table to eat our breakfast as usual. Oppa looked at me happily stating, "You look so pretty today, little Ji!"

That made me fluster for a moment. I looked at oppa while he was gazing at me with a sweet smile; and I got butterflies in my stomach. He looked like somebody else in my eyes; someone who is so damn handsome and lovely. NO! He actually looked like a real man in my eyes.

This idea itself made me lose my mind. I have always seen oppa since I was so young, but it's the first time I see him so handsome and manly. I didn't know if it was him who really changed, or it was me who started to grow up and see him differently.

He wakened me by waving his hand in front of my face. I shook my head right and left, and then I looked at him again, but it was the same feeling. Even though he stopped smiling, he still looked so handsome and manly that I got really confused.

In that moment, I just realized that my eyes looked at him the same as they looked at Kim seungsaeng-nim before. And it was the same feeling but with more interest.

"Oppa~ promise me... .No! Swear by your life that you won't leave me as my parents did." As he heard my words, I could see sadness and frustration in his eyes. I hated to see that because I didn't know why it was for. I wasn't sad, but why did he looked like he felt sorry for me. I HATED THAT!

"Oppa...-" I whined with tearful eyes.

"Eunji...I don't have the control over my life. I only live like any human being, if the time to leave came, then I won't be able to do anything else than leaving. But...Eunji, I don't have to say that more and more because you know it. You must know...that if I had one million life, then I would have spent them all with YOU and only YOU, Jung Eunji. Do my eyes tell you anything rather than this?" He deeply and calmly stated making my heart fall for his words and for his eyes. Yeah! I fell for him.

His eyes have never lied to me, and my heart could never distrust them. All what he left for me was to drop down an orphan tear. The whole situation made me so weak. The life itself changed me to a weak damn girl. I don't know why? But there was something happening in my heart that made me like that.

Oppa heaved a sigh, and then he uttered some weird sorrowful words, "I am really sorry if I am the reason why you are crying, Eunji. I know that I am a very selfish man, but you were never annoyed of that. You always liked this oppa, trusted and depended on him very much without hesitance, so I feel really sorry and I feel really bad. I was never a good person, Eunji, but for you...I changed to be the best of myself. I love the life I am spending with you, but I hate the fact that I am not too good to be your oppa and the one you really love...-"

"Oppa~ stop the nonsence you are muttering. My tear was not because of you...it was just because I was touched by your words." I laughed a little stating, "It is because of you after all!"

He smiled back, and then he got up to clean after the breakfast. Therefore, I got up to help him. I asked him about his work, but he said that he took a vacation of a whole week. I got really happy and excited, and I clung to his arm saying enthusiastically, "We will spend a whole lovely week together. Yay~ I will play with oppa much these coming days. I am extremely happy!"

Oppa flicked my forehead with a wide smile saying, "Do you think that I would take a vacation just to play with you?" He teased me.

"So what? Are you going to spend your time with another one? Who? A woman?" I whined with cute facial expression, and he seemed to like bothering me as he got silent, raised an eyebrow as if saying "maybe!" and smiled a little.

"Don't dare, oppa. I am your one and only women, understand?" Those words came up in a serious mood that I myself was amazed.

My heart skipped a beat as he turned to face me and used his thumb and index to hold the edge of my chin stating with a cute smile, "Yes...I am spending this week with my woman, in Jeju Island, tomorrow, so get ready. We are heading to the port early in the morning, okay?"

I didn't pay much attention to the later words as I paid to that word 'my woman'. I actually said it thinking that he would scold me. I thought that it will annoy him, but he repeated it after me. He seriously repeated it.

"Did you hear what I said? You have to prepare yourself from today, alright? And don't act so jealous over your oppa because this makes me fall for you more and more, young lady." He alerted me as I was gazing into the distance lost in his previous words. But those later ones made me even more lost than ever. 'Jealous'? Is that being jealous what I did? 'Fall for me'? Is it the same as 'FALL IN LOVE'? Or is it more like...'fall for your charms'? Aren't they the same?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sohyun: Let's go on applying our plan today. I have nothing to do.

Me: Alright! Let's go. I just need to inform oppa first, then I will meet you in front of Kim seungsaeng-nim's house.

Sohyun: Wow! Our Eunji agreed so quickly. It seems that you are really glad that we have finished our exams, right?

Me: It's not only that. I will tell you later^^

Sohyun: OkOk...see ya!

Me: Yep! Later.

I really didn't know what shall I do today. I finished my preparation for the trip tomorrow, and I got really bored as oppa was somehow busy in his own matters. Therefore, my lovely Sohyun has saved me.

I told oppa that I am going out with Sohyun, and then I quickly took the bus to reach to my destination. I found her in the bus stop near Kim seungsaeng-nim's house, and we walked together to our hiding place where we keep our eyes on our teacher's door and wait him to go out without being seen or being suspicious.

We sat to talk waiting for him to go out of his house, and Sohyun didn't leave the chance to ask me about the thing that made me so glad today. This girl never forget.

"I don't know if it something to consider or it is me who is so sensitive to oppa's words these days. But...oppa actually said that...I am his woman, and he said that he fell for me. I am just a crazy girl, am not I?" I confessed to her without hesitation as I was really bewildered and lost, and I wanted someone to wake me up and smell the coffee(to acknowledge the facts and the true situation). And she is always the one choose for this task.

She was not smiling...she didn't smile at all, and her facial expression got so serious all of a sudden. She then asked me to tell her about the whole incident in details, and I did.

"Eunji...do you love him, too? Do you love him as a man?" She stated those words with a straight face that frightened me and made me think that I am in a trouble.

"What...what do you mean by that? Do I love him, TOO? As a man? So does it mean he loves me as woman, too?" My heart was racing really fast, and I could so clearly feel my breaths going in and out.

"According to what you have just said, it...-" A ringtone of her mobile has stopped her. She answered it, and apparently it was her older sister, Somin. She looked at me while saying, "Yes, I am with Eunji right now."

After she finished the call, she smiled at me stating, "Somin onnie asked about you. She said that she stayed true to her word as she met that Korean novelist..."Kang Ha In", I think that is her name...the one she talked about with you that time. And she is sending me a picture for her and onnie together... . Oh! Here it is!"

She smiled before showing me the picture commenting, "Wow, she is damn pretty!"

As if the time stopped for a moment, that was how I felt when I saw the beautiful face of that woman. It was so familiar...and I knew where I saw it; it was the face of the woman I dreamt of long ago. I was sure that it was the same face, the same soft looks and the same lovely smile.

I directly acknowledged Sohyun and she stood still without a motion for a whole minute. She then muttered, "You have never met her, haven't you?"

"NEVER!" I seriously and confidently stated.

Then I just remembered what Kim seungsaeng-nim said to me once. He said that it's seldom to dream of someone you haven't met or see before. This is almost impossible, so I must have seen her somewhere, but where? I don't remember...AT ALL.

"Kim seungsaeng-nim is getting out. Come on, let's follow him." Sohyun suddenly stated and wakened me from the deep thinking in that matter.

We were amazed that he didn't ride on a taxi or take the bus, but he walked on his feet. Therefore, we analyzed it sating that he maybe went to a nearby market to buy something to eat. We got really frustrated by this thought, but we decided to follow him no matter what.

After some minutes, we saw him stopping near a building. Then a strange man approached him smiling. 

"It is him...the man I bumped into in front of the police station. He is the man who resembles Seungho oppa." Sohyun all of a sudden stated as we saw Kim seungsaeng-nim meeting someone and talking to him.

I kept focusing at his face till I heard the weird mobile ringtone, and that totally distracted my attention. I quickly picked it up, looked at Sohyun who was watching them and told her that it was the other sender's number.

I could see the suspicion and fear in her tiny beautiful eyes. I didn't know why they were so. Then I just got the nerve to answer it.

"Hello, this is Jung Eunji." I calmly greeted.

"Hi, Kang Chorim. You have grown up so well. I am really happy that I am meeting you face to face again." That left me totally confused understanding nothing.

Then Sohyun gave me a gentle poke on my arm while she was staring at something on the other side. I knew that she meant to indicate me to take a look at what she was staring at. Therefore, I did look at it, and I totally understood the reason why her eyes were just like that.

He was approaching us with a wide smile and speaking to me through the mobile. He was really tall that he blocked up the sun rays from reaching to me. As he came closer, I could distinguish his features.

How could I forget those sleepy eyes of him? How could I forget that black gloomy face of him when he gave me the weird mobile I am carrying now? How could I forget the husky voice of him when he told me to use the mobile to know about myself? Even if I forgot, my inner mind didn't as it gave me a picture of him in my dream. Yeah! I saw those eyes in my dream. That is the other one whom I dreamt of and couldn't define his identity. He was so familiar because I saw him BEFORE. I did.

"I am Yo Jisub...the one who gave you this mobile; I am your oppa's hyung, too. I think you have already discovered that, right?" He stated gazing at me. And I gave him the startled face as an answer. I was really speechless; no one can blame me for that.

"I am really sorry that I caused you all that confusion and hardship, but I really needed to do that. Don't blame me because I have just given you the key, and you had the free choice to try it on the door or not. You chose to do so, didn't you?"

Finally, I could reveal a reaction. I silently shed tears gazing at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew many important things from him. Yeah! I cried a lot, but he was so kind that his eyes got tearful. I didn't know if he was affected by my tears or he was regretting his mistake that he didn't reveal at all.

I wanted to meet him to know about myself, to know who I am, but he refused to tell me. He justified that by saying that he would never betray his younger brother. He told me that I have some important facts, for sure, so I can use them to know what I want to know.

"It is your choice!" That was his say in the end of the meeting.

He informed me about some important facts that I haven't reached to, yet. He said that Kim seungsaeng-nim is his best friend on whom he depended in take care of me while I was in at school. He even said that in the day when I confessed to Kim seungsaeng-nim, he asked him to bring me to that place so that he meet me and give me the weird mobile. However, the things went out of their plan, and the man who helped them from the start was feeling so bad and depressed that he decided to end his life, and he did. He couldn't reach to him in the right time.

He said that he met me accidently while I was walking to the beach and he was chasing his friend to prevent him from committing suicide. He also was the one who called Kim seungsaeng-nim to come to me and take me home as he was really worried about me. Then the things went as they did.

He admitted it; that he was always worried about me. Although he trusted Seungho oppa in taking care of me, he still watched over me.

That was all what I got from him, and before he left, he asked me if he could hug me for once. I was still so unusual to him although he seemed to be so close to me and oppa. But I finally agreed, and I hugged him for the first time, but it didn't look as a first time for me. His hug was so much like oppa's, or I have just experienced it before. It might be because of the two reasons. He actually told me that he knew me since I was five years old. But then he and oppa separated because they had a conflict over something related to me. And that conflict was arising again whenever they met, so that's why oppa was really upset whenever he met him.

I kept all this meeting a secret, and I didn't tell oppa anything about it. We left early in the morning, took a taxi to reach the port and embarked for Jeju Island. Before getting on the ship, I was really happy and excited, but while I was on it, I felt sick. I really got so upset and I even cried. That feeling of horror grabbed my heart and made it so hard for me to breathe well. I clung to oppa's arm so tightly that I didn't left it till the end of the trip.

He felt really worried, and he didn't stop patting my back and humming a tune for me to sleep. I slept in his embrace, and I couldn't even lift up my head. I didn't know what was that feeling that struck me or those pictures that appeared to me while I was sleeping between his arms.

It was so dark, and there were hundreds of people running around like a bunch of idiots. They were all so frightened, and I could hear their voice while shouting, "We are sinking; we will die. Please my merciful god...please help us." Yeah! Many of them were praying and crying silently while others were so chaotic running in all the directions. I could see oppa looking at me with a wide smile and humming a tune in my ears. He even whispered to me, "Don't panic, my little girl, we are going to survive. I promise you that we will survive and we will have a happy life together. I will even call you Eunji...do you like it?"

I saw myself as a very young girl; I was attached to him so hard. Although I cried really bad, he didn't get upset, and he continued in humming and smiling to me. I called him, "Oppa!". Once and twice, I called him but he couldn't hear me. I raised up my voice and cried, "OPPA!"

Then I waked up to find myself calling his name while I was between his arms. He gently held my head and kindly said, "We make it there. We are in Jeju, now. Get up, sweetie, let's go."

I didn't believe that we finally got there; I really got through a hardship in the whole trip. And that weird nightmare bothered me a lot. I thought that if I told Sohyun about it, she would make a whole story. That girl is really clever, but her ideas goes supernatural sometimes. She is actually a lover of watching mysterious movies, so she is totally inspired by them.

As we reached to the hotel which has a view over the sea, I checked my mobile to see a message from Baekhyun saying, "Sorry, Eunji. I still didn't reach to anything, but I will complete working till I find something. Sohyun told me about what happened yesterday, and I hoped I was with you, but I am glad that you almost reached to what you want. Spend a good time in Jeju, and come back happy!"

I smiled widely. Then I checked Sohyun's message, "Eunji, my lovely friend, just forget about your plan in knowing the truth, and have fun in this trip. I really want you to be happy always and forever, so...please be happy, my soulmate!"

That message made me smile and drop down some tears. Yeah! That is how the real friends are.

Oppa noticed me crying silently, so he got worried and approached me wondering, "Why are you crying? Is there anything bothering you my baby?"

I shook my head right and left and looked at him stating with a thin sad smile, "I just missed my friends!"

He laughed and got up saying, "Stand up now and forget about your friends. We are going to get back after a week only, so let's not spend it on crying."

I sniffed repeatedly before jumping over his shoulders and enthusiastically saying, "Who said that I will cry the whole week?"

Yeah! That was my intention. I would forget about everything except for oppa and I, and I will spend a happy time with him. I even shut off my mobile and threw it in the deep of my bag.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have to admit it...I spent the best and most beautiful days in my life with oppa in Jeju. We went to every place in it. And we experienced all kinds of fun. We played, strolled over, sang, danced, ran, swum in the sea, practiced in the morning, and tried all kinds of weird things that this island provided for us.

I liked the beach the most, so oppa took me there every day in the morning. And we went to a nearby rural restaurant every night to eat and watch the various performances there.

It was the fifth day, and we were walking at one of the streets at night. I noticed a small store in one of the sides, and there was a statement written, "Rent two bicycles with the price of one...special for the lovers! Have a sweet trip around the island!"

I looked at oppa, used my cute face and pointed at it saying, "I want this. It has been a while since I rode one. I am afraid that I even forgot how to."

Without a word, he headed to the owner and rented two.

I had a really hard time in the beginning in how to ride it, but oppa was there to guide me. I really had fun as we went on riding them close to the beach. That was so refreshing and nice; it gave me so sweet feelings. The breeze was tickling our faces and the happiness was fondling our hearts. Oppa asked me to express myself by shouting out what I wanted to say to him. I was hesitant, so he started by shouting out, "Forgive me, I am sorry...I love you!"

I laughed out as I thought that it was really funny, but he looked at my eyes and repeated them again by shouting them out even with a higher voice. I then did the same in my turn, "I want to have you forever. No matter how much I say it...it will never express my heart. I LOVE YOU...even if I repeated it thousands times, it won't convey what I have in my heart for you, oppa."

He felt it; I knew that he felt it. He smiled widely and I could see his sparkling eyes in the dark night. I could notice his lovely smile that was drawn on his face. I then shouted again with a full heart and mouth, "Oppa~ YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING!"

That was the word I have always wanted to convey to him. I always wanted to show it through actions, but I couldn't. He could show me his endless love and care, but I was always such a spoiled and selfish kid.

In the hotel, before going to sleep, oppa and I preferred to sit for a while in the hall that has a very charming view to the sea. We sat there so close to each other; he was surrounding my shoulders with his long arms, and we had our heart-to-heart talk.

"Oppa~ was I a trouble-maker when I was young?" I asked with a thin smile.

"Uhmm...let me say this: you was a little DEVIL!" He teased me with that, so I playfully poked him in the waist.

"Oppa~ if you had had the chance to go back in the time...to the time before you took me, would you have done it again? Would you have taken me?" I gazed at him while asking this meaningful question, so I could see what effect it left on him. It looked like a heavy load that caused pain to him, and I just didn't know the reason till he gave me the whole answer.

"No!" He said it while gazing into the distance. Then he turned his face to do the same as I was doing, gazing at my eyes. That made me so awkward, but I didn't draw back and stayed still to hear and feel the rest of his answer.

"I would have watched over you from a distance till you get older...till you become eighteen for example. Then I would have come to you, and...-"

"taken me in? When I am eighteen?" I interrupted.

"No...I would have made you love me as I loved you for long years. Then I would have sat with you just like we are doing right now, and I would have confessed to you saying...I LOVE YOU, JUNG EUNJI! I love you as a man, so will you accept my heart and stay forever with me?"

It made my heart race so fast, and it increased my body temperature and the heat of the blood inside my whole weak body. I could feel it, but I ignored it. I felt the effect of those honest words on my heart, but I just looked away and gave him a funny comment with a shy laugh, "Wow! That's so cheesy, but I am sure that I won't accept it. I would have rejected you."

"What about now? Will you accept my heart, Eunji? Will you love me as your man...and will you love me...for the rest of your life?"

Yeah! He was so serious this time. It was the same state as before. He was deeply gazing at my eyes and causing butterflies to flutter in my stomach. But it was different this time; it was much clearer for my heart. I could understand his real heart and his eyes which were, unlike before, so bright and full of love.

Yeah! They were full of LOVE just like the heart I carry inside my chest. It was shouting out, "I love as a man, father, brother, mother, sister, friend...I LOVE you as MY EVERYTHING! But I was hesitant and afraid. I was afraid that I will lose the feelings I have for him as my one and only OPPA. I don't know anything about love rather than the feelings it leaves me with.

I knew that he was so serious in the way he looked at me and in the time he left for me to give an answer. I felt like crying; I wanted to shed tears and express my heart, but I didn't want to make him regret it because I liked it. I really LIKED the whole matter. But I just didn't want to give an answer and stop it. I just didn't have the right answer...I didn't.

"Oppa~ what's the difference between yes and no in such a question?" That was the only thing I could give as an answer because I really wanted to know about it.

"They both will make me love you more and fight anything to stay beside you." He totally caught my heart and soul by those words. I never knew that love can do this to me.

"Oppa~ is it why you hated it when you knew that I love Kim seungsaeng-nim?"

"It is why I am feeling all kinds of pain in my heart. It is why I cannot sleep at night. It is why I am so selfish and want you to be only mine. I know that...-" He directly and so honestly answered, but I hushed him at that exact point because I didn't want it to reach to this point.

My heart felt it...oppa was planning to reveal it all. I knew that he felt as if he was carrying mountains of regrets and mistakes on his shoulders, but I was not ready yet. I wasn't ready to be struck by the damn truth.

"Oppa~ stop it. You are making it so hard on me this way." With tearful eyes, I stated.

"That's why I want to tell you about something that will make it much easier for you...and so hard for me. But I don't care anymore because I am not causing pain to myself only, but you are also affected by it. And I hate it." His eyes got tearful like mine, but they carried much more pain and sorrow.

I released a sudden and shocking move to prevent him. I just stood up and folded my arms in front of my chest protesting, "Just don't utter a word, oppa. I know everything. You have an older brother, and he joined you in doing something bad...to me. He was the reason I got to the orphanage. I don't know what happened to my parents, but I was probably the only survivor on the ship that sank while my family and I were on it migrating with many others to this country. And..."

He was totally shocked. He never knew that I may ever reach to those facts; I could actually see that on his eyes. I could also see the pressure and hardship on his features.

"When did you know all that? Do you really know everything?"

"I know enough to make me sad but more attached to you. So...if there is more, don't tell me. I am happy with what I've got. Even if my parents are dead, I still have you, and that is more than enough. I have never seen them and I don't remember them, so I should not feel any bad or sad." I honestly stated.

He heaved a sigh, and then I quietly told him the whole story without much details. He was really shocked, but he could believe it -as he told me- because his hyung has informed him that he will help me to know the truth.

"You still don't anything then. Let me reveal this...I was not that very good person before meeting you. I just...-" He started to set his truthful words, so I drew back and cut him.

"Oppa~ I don't care. You are my lovely oppa, and that's enough...-" He suddenly grasped my face with his sweaty hands, and directly stared at my widened eyes. He already gave me goosebumps by that sudden move, but still...nothing was more frightening than that shout, "Your mother is still alive!"

That froze the blood in my cold body and made my tears get crowded in my eyes as if it was their last resort to drop down rather than get burnt inside.

He released his hands of me and heaved a very long sigh before looking away and quietly stating, "I was actually a very bad son to my parents that they died so young. I was also really bad towards my hyung that I caused him a lot of troubles. And the biggest mistake I've done was...kidnapping you."

Kidnapping me? He must have lost his mind, or he must have been kidding? These were the only things I could think of before he completed his words.

"We were really poor. Hyung was working day and night but he could barely afford our living. I was still in high school...I was eighteen. I got enough of the poverty we suffered from. And I have thought of kidnapping a little kid from the kindergarten near my school to get money from their parents. I then went on planning this; I even kept watching your kindergarten daily till I made my choice, and it was you. I have searched about your family, and I found that they are quite rich, your father was dead and your mother was not the strong kind of person. Then I decided to do it."

I was already quietly shedding tears and I totally disbelieved it.

"After kidnapping you, hyung knew it, and he was extremely furious that he repeatedly hit me to death that day. He totally got mad, but he didn't leave me alone in that problem. After days, we knew that this reached to the media, and people everywhere in the country knew about it. And in those days, the illegal migration started...to save us. Hyung tried his best, and he called the old friend who could help him. And we made it out.  Our ship sank before reaching to the beach, but fortunately, hyung and I could swim to reach to it. You really were in a bad state, and hyung forced me to leave you in one of the orphanages there. I was really attached to you that I couldn't do it, so he did it by himself. And then I went to take you back...to adopt you, and they were accepting single fathers that time. And after I went to the orphanage, I realized that you were seriously sick, so I stayed with you in the hospital till the day you got back to the orphanage. And I adopted you. You can tell how hyung was mad at me. He thought that he would be able to return you back to your mother one day, and he intended to, so he didn't want me to get so much attached to you, but I was already so."

He took a glance at me before completing, "Your mother's name is Kang Ha In...she is a novelist. She is in the country now...she is in Korea...in the city that we live in. That's why I took you to Jeju. I wanted to have a good time with you...tell you everything about who you are...and tell you how much I love you. Then you can do whatever you want...you are totally free. Let us sleep here today, and we will go back tomorrow, alright?"

What did he expect me to say? Did he imagined that I would thank him and leave, or curse him and go. I just couldn't feel of anything around me. Everything was so clear now, but I could see nothing rather than darkness. Weirdly, the memories I got with oppa have all crossed my mind in seconds, and I felt dead, but I was still alive and conscious.

"What?! Don't stand so frozen like this. Do what you have to do. Hit me...curse me...kill me, do whatever you want, but don't stay silent like this."

"You tell me...what shall I do? Can I hate you? Please...make me hate you! Say something that will make me hate you forever." I so weakly stated as my silent tears continued to fall down in groups. I could barely breathe, I could barely see, I could barely talk...but I could never hate him. Why? Why I couldn't?

He gently held my head, and calmly said with a wide smile, "I love you, so I don't regret it." He then placed a deep kiss on my forehead, and I could feel his warm tears touching my pare skin. I got totally mad, so I pushed him away, but that wasn't really strong as I originally myself wasn't.

"You are such a liar! You regret it. Your words before, and your stupid tears tell it all." I shouted as hard as I could. I shouted to let him feel the fire inside my heart, and to let him know that...it really HURTS...I was really HURT.

He ignored my words and left me going to his room after saying, "Good night!". It was actually a fake dry "Good night"...I could feel that he was burning even more. The days he spent in cursing himself and regretting his mistake are not few at all. Yeah! I still defend him...I still search for excuses for him.

That fake dry greeting was so teasing that I must have hated him...but my stupid heart couldn't hate the sweet heart of him. My eyes couldn't stop shedding tears over him, and they couldn't sleep all the night...just because they wanted to see him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to hug him tight...but I just kept it inside me and waited the sun to appear in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the morning, oppa and I were surprised of Ji Sub oppa arrival. He said that he could reach to us by his own ways. And I couldn't believe how much I was happy that he came; I really needed someone to sit between oppa and I while we were in such a situation.

He talked to oppa for some time in the kitchen while I was sitting out in the hall. Then while we were eating our breakfast, he told me that I don't need to hurry up and go back because Kang Ha In- my so-called mother- got back to her country. Therefore, he would take me to meet her by himself. And I just accepted it as I didn't have any other choices.

I felt strange. Although my eyes missed oppa that much, they felt really sorry for me, and they refused to take a single look at him.

We were totally silent sitting in the hall. But I could feel my tears fall down endlessly, and I could feel my heart catching fire and screaming silently. I just wanted to breathe regularly, but it was really hard that I excused and went out to catch some oxygen. It didn't feel any better, but, at least, I could feel something cold rather than the heat that spread in my whole body. I could feel the cold breeze tickling my bare skin and fondling my forehead and cheeks. It seemed as if it was cheering me up; I really liked it.

After some moments, I heard heavy footsteps coming towards me, and it grasped my heart. For a second, I thought that it was oppa...for a second, I hoped it was oppa, but it wasn't him.

"It really hurts...I don't feel the same as you do, neither do Seungho. But...the thing that may hurt even more is regretting mistakes. Believe me...I am not defending my younger brother, but I am telling you the truth. The pain that Seungho went through for more than 11 years could have killed him, but he had you and the strong heart of him. I know him more than anybody in the whole world, and you also know how much he suffered, don't you?" Ji Sub oppa stated as he stood next to me.

"And I love him more than anybody in this whole world...and that's why I am feeling really hurt right now. I love him that I cannot find a way to hate him, and that really hurts, too. You don't know about that, do you?" I gazed at his sleepy eyes and emotionlessly said.

"If you love him, then why do you search for a way to hate him? I don't really know about this kind of love, Eunji!" He kept directing his deep gaze to my weak eyes.

"It's this kind of love which makes me beg you to say that it was you the bad person from the start. It's the kind of love that makes me want to kill you because you were the reason I knew about the real past of me. Do you get it now, Ji Sub-ssi?" I stated my strong words with a low and quiet pitch and tears glossing in my small eyes.

I waited for upset and sad looks or some wise words of him, but he gently pulled me to a warm hug. And he even kindly patted my hair and tried to cheer me up by saying, "Things will get better! Believe me, things will get better with the days passing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We prepared ourselves to go back, and Ji Sub suggested to take me directly to where my real mother lives. And I liked that; I really wanted to end that weird and painful feelings that have been swimming inside me for days.

We reached to the port which was the destination of oppa as he wanted to go back by the ship. Oppa gave a tight hug to his hyung, and then Ji Sub whispered something to him and went a little bit far leaving us alone.

He approached me so calmly while I was looking down. He stood still and silent just like I did, but I could feel his looks burning my heart. I could feel him looking so sadly at me, but I never knew what was going inside him in that moment because I didn't looked up at him...and he didn't utter a word.

 

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

 

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

 

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

 

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

 

And I will swallow my bride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

 

That was exactly what I wanted to say to him. That was exactly what my heart had for him, but it never told him. I didn't look at him, and he didn't speak. But our hearts made it all...they communicated and loved each other as they have always done. My heart assured his that it still in deep love with him, and his apologized and silently cheered up mine promising it that it would wait...it would wait forever for me.

Yeah! Our hearts were much braver than us. They could reveal the love and sorrow to one another. They could do it all when we stayed silent there. For me, it wasn't enough...it wasn't enough at all. For me, I wanted to hear his warm voice to comfort me...I wanted him to say anything...good or bad...love or hate...just anything! But he has never done that...he didn't.

As we get on the plane heading to where my mother lives...to where I lived my very first five years in, Ji Sub oppa assured me that she will know me. He said that I have two evidences...my heart-shaped birth mark under my armpit, and the other thing was hidden in a small fabric pocket. It was a piece of the clothes the uniform I wore to the kindergarten when I was young; my name was knitted on it by hand, and I supposed it was my mother's doing.

Looking at it, it gave me a mixture of odd feelings...sorrow, pain, anger, longing and love. Among all those, I had the feeling of ''It's not me!". Yeah! I actually couldn't believe it till that moment. It felt weird...it felt weird to finally know who I really am, and it was a little bit disappointing, but I needed to win over my weak self; I really wanted to do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

This is the eleventh chapter, and the next one will be the last. Therefore, please look forward it and cheer for me^^ Eunji and Seungho are not feeling good at all, but what will happen to them next? Will the love and care of 11 years win? Or their will be another ending? Stay tuned…we are almost there!

Enjoy reading!

Thanks^^

 

 

 

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June_reahee #1
Can you translate your novel allow beautiful ??
June_reahee #2
Can you translate your novel allow beautiful ??
KaihleeLo
#3
Chapter 12: The ending was cute!
reemgamal #4
Hi i like this story can i translate it to my language and ost it on my page on facebook plz
Luveunji4ever #5
Interesting storyline! Do continue on it and will support you as a reader(:
KaihleeLo
#6
Chapter 2: Keep going, hwaiting~!
KaihleeLo
#7
Checking this out because I saw your post on my wall. And bless you I love Seungho, Eunji, and Sohyun. Before reading I thought you may like some review service. I'm a reviewer/owner at BLK's review shop. Fill out a form + follow the rules if you'll like a review~ I'm unavailable but you can still request from me personally since I'm offering it to you~ Hope to hear from you soon so I'll be able to start reading ^^

Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/795353

If you don't request that's fine too xD I'll totally read this on my own when I have time~
bettyrich
#8
Chapter 1: oh... what a crackship! But it's interesting since they are 93 liner :D could you please make a longer story for each chapter, authornim? >,<
look forward for your next update :D hwaiting!!!