ISEUL’S POV

Within the few seconds in which Kai’s car completely fades out of view, the spaces between the seconds seem to last longer. 

It’s like the world is being stretched into slow motion just to magnify the pain and it’s so horrible—it feels horribly disorienting and suffocating.  I’m sitting here, and I know I’m still on the ground, but as reality begins to sink in and the seconds return to normal, everything begins to seem so, so confusing. 

What?

What am I supposed to do now?

Where do I go from here? 

Who do I even turn to—God, this is hard.  My brain is refusing to work and my heart hasn’t recovered.  I don’t know—I really don’t know what I’m going to do now.

Kai left.

Kai is really gone.

And Kai really wants me gone.

What am I supposed to do?  He just—he just wants me to go like that?  Numb and confused and with no kind of explanation of any sort?  B-but… why?  What did I do wrong?  I mean, I guess I know what I did wrong but—but it doesn’t make any sense… AND SUZY?!  Is this about Suzy??  Why is he—she’s his cousin right?  But would it be possible if they—

Scalding liquid pain hotter than any kind I’ve ever felt before fills my chest and before I know it tears are leaking out of my eyes again. No.  They wouldn’t, right?  I mean it wouldn’t make sense.  They’re cousins.  Half-cousins or whatever, they’re cousins!!  Kai wouldn’t… Kai wouldn’t be with her right?

Oh God. 

I don’t know anymore.  I don’t know.  The thought of him being with another woman is just too much for me to handle.  The prospect of him kissing another woman, calling her ‘baby’, and then telling her the three words I never got to hear—.  No, I can’t take it.  Run me over with a truck; it would hurt less.  Kai…

I press my eyes close and take a deep breath, and then another one, and then another one, and try to order my thoughts when—

“Seo Iseul?”

I look up to look at the not-entirely-unfamiliar voice that is speaking to me.  Hovering above me with his body just slightly bent is Dae.  Dae, Kai’s driver.  At the thought of that, I close my eyes again.  .  Kai.

Breathe, Iseul, breathe.

“Please get up.”  

With these legs that feel as weak as jelly?  How? 

I stare blankly at nothing in particular, and I must’ve looked so pathetic because Dae extends a hand to help me up.  “Please get up, Iseul.”  He repeats, bending down a little.  “I’m serious.  You’re sitting in the middle of the driveway.”

Oh… I am?

I blink and look around me, shaking my head a little as a sorry attempt to clear up my thoughts a little.  “U-um…”  Slowly taking Dae’s hand, he helps me get to my feet.  “I… uh…”

“Let’s step inside first, shall we?”  He interrupts, gesturing towards the building.  “I’ll tell you what will happen—”

“Dae.” I cut off, tugging my hand, making him halt.  “Can you… explain?  Do you know why Kai—Kai did that?”

What’s left of my pride, if still any, is completely blow away when Dae sighs rather impatiently before shaking his head.  “This is clearly a personal matter between you and him.  I do not know.”

Tears aren’t even falling anymore.  “But he… and Jongguk, what will happen to—”

“I’m about to tell you what’s going to happen, Iseul.”  Dae interjects.  “Let’s first step aside, please.”

.  The lack of sympathy in his voice is painful too.  But I guess… I guess that’s how everyone here are, huh?  The word feelings must not exist in their vocabulary.  Weakly, I nod.  What else can I do?  Taking a deep breath to contain myself, I follow him back into the building.

Being back inside brings back the fresh memories.  Just minutes ago, before the universe exploded, Kai was standing here with his hands in his pockets, facing the door.  I was running to him, the universe still aligned, my heart still whole.  And then when I reached him, when he took a step back when I tried to reach out to him, that’s where it started.  That’s when the first stars started falling.  Combusting.

Dae clears his throat.  “Iseul, we have made several alternate living arrangements on your behalf for the time being, as we know the situation you are in right now is… shocking.  For now, we have found you a place in Mapo-gu that is connected to the Mapo station—”

“What… how…” I breathe shakily, looking at him, a million questions leaping to my throat.  “How… so fast?  Did Kai… did he have plans of firing me already?”

Lips pressed firmly together, Dae neither shakes his head nor nods.  “That is Kai’s personal matter, Iseul.  I am simply doing what I have been told to do.” 

Instantly, I feel like collapsing back down to the ground again.  Did he?  Did he plan this already?  Everything is confusing again. 

Breathe.  Breathe. 

“As I was saying, we have arranged a room for you to live there temporarily.  Everything—the moving process, water, electricity, internet, and other basic needs will be taken care of by the House.  This support will last for a month, if you agree to it.”  Dae continues, and even though he’s speaking at a normal pace, I’m having a hard time keeping up.  “Also, you will receive up to three months’ worth of payment in cash to help fund your basic needs like food, transportation, et cetera.  Last, to help facilitate you find a new job, and as the fulfillment of a previous agreement you have made with Kai, you will receive a reference letter from the hotel chain, referencing you as a previous employee of the HOC.  When you have found a specific place to apply, you may request for an additional letter of recommendation from the HOC via email.”

In spite of myself, I laugh bitterly.  “Wow.  You guys really thought this through, huh?  I guess the plan to kick me out has been there for a while.” 

Everything is so ing well prepared already.  As hard to believe as it is, Kai has apparently had it in his mind to toss me over the gutter for a while now.  I mean, right? 

Wrong.

My laughter fades slowly as my brain tries to reason with my own thoughts.  I just… No.  It couldn’t have been premeditated.  Just yesterday Kai was asking me to stay... shaking my head hysterically, I say, “Dae, I don’t understand.  I don’t understand.”

“Not all things here are to be understood.”  Dae replies, expressionless as ever.  “To help you accept your situation, the House will also grant you a sum of hush money—”

“No!  Not that!”  I scream, clutching my head in frustration.  Breathe, Iseul.  After taking a deep breath, I try to explain.  “I don’t care about that, Dae!  I—Kai—last night, he just—”

“I’m telling you, Iseul, I am not aware of Kai’s personal matters either.”  Dae cuts in, sounding rather crossed.  “No matter what you ask me, my answer will not change.  I have nothing to say.”

“Okay, okay, fine!”  I quickly say.  “What about Jongguk, Dae?  What’s going to happen to Jongguk?  I promised him chicken after school, and right about now is the time he gets off—is Kai going to pick him up, Dae?  Does he… does he already have a new babysitter for Jongguk?”

I should know better than to ask things I don’t want to hear answered. 

If Kai has a new babysitter for Jongguk already... then I want Dae to lie to me and say no.  Oh God, I’d rather he lied.  Because I can’t handle it— at least not now, not yet, not when the wound is still so fresh.

“Iseul, for the last time,” Dae starts off, his tone pinched, and I hold my breath in anticipation, “that is Kai’s personal matter.  I do not know.  Kai does not grant me such information.”

“But he told you what to do, right?!”  I counter.  “He must’ve said something, Dae, at least tell me if he already has someone new—”

“This is House policy, Seo Iseul.”  Dae firmly states.  “Kai has nothing to do with this.”

That does it.  I recoil in shock, feeling like I’ve been slapped for the fiftieth time that day.  

Idiot. 

You ing idiot.

You should know when to stop, Iseul.

Stop.

Stop begging.

I bite my lip, repeatedly telling myself to stop.  Stop.  Just let it go. 

Kai has nothing to do with this anyway.

Stop!! 

Breathe, breathe.  It’s okay Iseul, it’s okay.  Breathe.

“This is what happens to everyone the House has to get rid off, Iseul.”  Dae continues, although I wish he didn’t.  I close my eyes.  Shut up.  “We take care of cases like this all the time.”

The words drop like an anchor to the pit of my stomach.  .  I’m just another case then.  I’m just another case closed in their books.  I’m…

Okay.  I’m okay.  I’ve got to be okay because even if I’m not, they’re not going to bat a single eyelash at me.  To them, it doesn’t matter whether I’m okay or not, because they’ve taken care of their problem already.  I have to be okay for myself.

“It’s best if you just go with it, Iseul.”  Dae speaks up again.  “No matter how hard you try, the situation will not change.  And if you try to resist… the consequences may be harsh.  You are aware of the HOC’s true powers, right?  You know what we can do.”

They’re threatening me.  I can’t believe this… they’re really threatening me.  How did I get so far at the losing end of all this?

That’s when I realize. 

Maybe I’ve been here from the start.  I’ve been here all this time, and I just never realized. 

.

Aaaarrgh!!!  Why the did I ever— I want to scream.  I want to scream so badly, I want to let out all the confusion and pain and anger and frustration because this , this balls, everything is such a mess and—

“Iseul?”  Dae peers at me.  “You need to agree to this arrangement first.

At that, something in me snaps and I burst out laughing again.  “You need my agreement to this?  Are you kidding me?!”

His expression is unfazed.  “We need your explicit agreement for this, Iseul.”

“You have it!”  I yell, spreading my arms.  God, this nonsense is driving me crazy.  “Can I even disagree anyway?  I can’t, can I?  Fine.  You have it.  Take care of me like your ing policy tells you to.”

I can’t explain why I’m mad right now, but all I know is I am.  I am ing mad at everything, I feel like I could burn this goddamn place to the ground.  What the hell is this feeling?

“Okay.”  Dae nods once.  Then, narrowing his eyes at me, he says, “Iseul, I hope you know what this means right?”

I don’t even want to answer him.

“You are no longer associated with Kai, Jongguk, the rest of the Aces, or the whole HOC for this matter.  For people who know, due to certain circumstances, know our true operation but are not bound to us forever, for people like you who we call ‘run ins’, we take care of them according to our policy, which involves the hush money and the relocation.  With that being said, we expect you to continue living your life as if you were never associated with us.”  He pauses.

 Run ins… policy… continue living… never associated… wow.  I’m getting a headache.  This is really too much. 

Mercilessly, Dae continues.  “Which means do not come back here, do not look for anyone from the House, do not start spreading information about the House, do not—”

“Why don’t you just kill me?”  I ask before I can stop myself, my voice a lot heavier than I expected to be.  “Huh?  Isn’t that how you guys take care of people you need to take care of?”

“That is true.”  Dae replies without hesitation, and a shiver runs down my spine once I realize what we’re really talking about.  “But your case was different.  You were only related to Kai.  Not the House as a whole.”

Kai.

Goddammit.

Just as I was beginning to forget about him.

“Your case is similar to that of Victoria Tuan’s, Iseul.”  Dae tells me.  And at that, I look up.  Victoria?  Oh… right.  She was given the hush money, wasn’t she?  When she first ran away, she was probably tracked down to be relocated.   But then at the end, coupled with the amount she took from Kai, she got enough to move to China. 

Which was probably fine by the HOC.  As long as she was gone. 

“Did you hear what I said?”  Dae asks, interrupting my thoughts. 

I nod.  “I guess.”

“Then I hope you get my point.  Ah, and there’s one more thing you should know.” 

I look at him.

“Keep in mind that if the House finds you being a disturbance, a hindrance, or a threat to our organization in any way… the House will most definitely take further actions.” 

Dae’s voice is neutral.  But even with that, the firm undertones of a warning are clearly present, and what he’s really saying is this— if I do anything wrong, I will most likely end up dead. 

.  There goes my plan to burn this building, am I right?

Normally I would’ve snorted at the inside jokes I make with myself but today, not even that can brighten my mood.  “I know.”  I say quietly.

“Good.”  The look on Dae’s face softens a little.  “We’re not— don’t say things like that, Iseul.  You’re not a bad person.  It’s… it’s okay.  We know.”

If that’s supposed to comfort me, I can’t say it is, but it is doing something enough to make the emotional dam in me break again.  My lip trembles.  “But… but Kai thinks… Kai thinks I was trying to—”

“Whatever happens between you and Kai is a matter between you two, Iseul.”  Dae immediately says.  “I told you.  I don’t know anything related to him, I’m just doing what I have to.”

I bite my lip and inhale deeply, trying to calm myself down.  “Fine.”

Dae stands there silently for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to another.  Finally, he holds out a hand and says, “I’m going to need your card, please.”

“My—oh.”  I bite the insides of my cheek as I take out my HOC access card from my bag to hand to him.  It’s done.  It’s really done.  I’ll never get to go up there again—

“But—wait, if you take my card, how am I going to get my stuff?” I ask Dae.

Dae shakes his head.  “That will be taken care of.”

Oh.  Right.

Of course it will.  I forgot who I’m dealing with here.

People who know how to handle everything.  Of course it will be taken care of as well.

I sigh.  That means… back there, before I went down about half an hour ago was the last time I was ever going to set foot in that place.  Dammit.  I didn’t even get to say goodbye. 

Slowly pulling it out of my pocket, I hand it to Dae.  Then he takes it and puts it into his.  And then it’s done.  I officially have no access to… that place, his place, the place where so many things happened and so many memories were made, from the first days of my job there where Kai gave me a tour of his home up until the yesterday, the last day, where Kai acted like he didn’t have today in mind already.

I’m just… so…

Sad. 

My mind wallows in the sadness as Dae proceeds telling me about what to do next.  He tells me about the so-called arrangements the HOC has made, and the car that’ll take me to the apartment building right away and all that I couldn’t care less about, so I cut him off.

“Dae.”  I say, my voice hollow.  “Just give me the address.  I’ll get there myself.”

Dae frowns.  “I just said it to you.  It’s the Tojeong apartment building in Mapo, near the….” He starts talking but I’m not tuned in.  I nod wordlessly, soullessly, until he finishes.  “There will be someone there waiting for you, so just wait here for the car, okay?”

I scoff.  Wait here, he said. 

“For someone who really wants me gone,”  I say, “you’re really holding onto me a lot.”

With that, I don’t wait.  I turn around and walk out the building, this time without falling.  Without any tears streaming down my face.  Without holding onto something that wants me to let go. 

Move, Kai said.  Let go.  Leave. 

Iseul, I never said I did.

I shake my head furiously, trying to clear it. 

That’s right, I’ll leave. 

I don’t know where I’m going to go, because I’m definitely not going to Jae right now.  No, I don’t want to even see her at all.  Why?  Because, ing Jae, she’s in the HOC too.  I think I’ve had enough of the HOC for today.  I don’t have the energy to talk to her and find out if she knows anything about all this or not because she sure as hell act like she didn’t when I saw her this morning.  I don’t want to see her right now.

Which means my current plan is to just get out of here first, and then the rest… I don’t know.  I don’t know anything. 

So with a head full of nothing, a heart in pieces— already done breaking, and legs that don’t even know where to go, I walk out and leave the HOC behind me. 

KAI’S POV

“She left, boss.”  Dae reports, his voice crackling through the line.  “She didn’t want to be taken there.  She left.”

Dammit.  Dammit, dammit, dammit.  I sigh and close my eyes, trying hard to keep myself together because in approximately three minutes Suho is going to pull up in front of Jongguk’s school, and I need to be mentally ready to face my son.  Dae’s report is not what I need right now.

“Did she… did she say she was going to go there though?”  I ask, fighting the urge to obliterate everything within my sight.  Why can’t today just end already?

“It seems so.  Maybe she just wants to be left alone for a while—”

“Left alone?  Left along?  Wandering alone?!”  I yell incredulously, my pitch escalating.  “Not even over my dead body, Dae.  I want a unit of men following her!” 

“But—”

“Do it, Daehyun!”  I shout.  .  Why is he even resisting?  I’m going to go crazy at this rate. 

“Yes, boss.”  Daehyun immediately says, his voice quiet.  I take a couple of breaths to calm myself, but even breathing is a labour now. 

“I asked you to keep her safe, didn’t I?”  I ask, sighing as I bang my head on the window again.  “Do it.  Keep her ing safe.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Also, notify Jae that Jongguk and I are coming.  I’ll be there to explain.”

“Yes.”

With that, I hang up. 

And hear Suzy sigh. 

Oh God.  She’s still alive.  I want to put a gun in my mouth again. 

“Kai, you know I didn’t tell you to fire her so that you can do… this.”  She says. 

“You didn’t tell me not to either.”

Suzy is silent for a moment.  “Fine.”

Baekhyun clucks his tongue.  “You said you want Iseul safe too, right?  Which is one of the reasons you wanted her gone?  Kai’s doing exactly that, Suzy.  He’s keeping her safe.  He’s doing exactly what you want so stop being a to him.”

I whirl around to look at him, anger rising again.  “I’m not doing this to listen to her, Baekhyun, I’m doing this for Iseul and myself!” 

“The point is she should stop being a to you, Kai.”  Baekhyun replies blatantly as if Suzy isn’t even there.  “That’s what I’m trying to show her.” 

Oh.  Well.  Whatever.

“I get it, I get it okay?”  Suzy snaps.  “That’s why I said fine.  I get it.  I won’t stop you again.” 

Baekhyun tsks before relaxing back on his seat and staring out the window.  “As if you can.”

“What?” 

“Look.”  Baekhyun impatiently says.  “Theoretically, he’s your Guardian, and okay—maybe you can.  But realistically?  Kai’s not like that, Suzy.  You know that.  You’re his childhood friend.”

Suzy doesn’t reply and I squeeze my eyes shut, because goddammit Baekhyun, why are you bringing that up again now?  Shut up.  I need everyone to shut up.  I’m agitated as it is already about Jongguk—

“And he’s your childhood friend too.  You guys are cousins, for ’s sake.  Just keep that in mind whenever your control freak wants to make a show again.”

“Byun Baekhyun, I am not a control freak.”  Suzy scathes.  “I’m just trying to—I’m just trying to do my job, okay?  The HOC literally stands for House of Chaos right now because someone somehow managed to infiltrate it—”

“Aish, SHUT UP!”  I yell, kicking the leg space violently.  “Shut up.  We all know the House is in trouble and we’re going to fix that, Suzy, but right now I need to find the words to tell my son about how the woman he loves the most in his life is gone and I’m the reason behind that.  Since you don’t know how attached Jongguk is to Iseul, you’re welcome to watch him scream and figure it our yourself.” 

Apparently anger works like a charm and it shuts her up effectively.  For the rest of the ride until Suho pulls up outside of Jongguk’s school gates, I stare out the window, looking at nothing in particular.

“Kai, we’re here.”

I sigh.  I still don’t know how to do this.

“This is .”  I mutter flatly, pressing the button of my seatbelt.  “This is all .”

Suho looks at me with a smile that is meant to be comforting and says, “Go.  He’ll understand.” 

Understand?  Kim Jongguk?  On Seo Iseul’s out-of-the-blue disappearance?  I should appreciate Suho’s effort to life to me, at least.

But here goes nothing. 

“Like hell he will.”  I mumble, stepping out.

Jongguk spots me walking over first and immediately pushes past the security guard who is supposed to keep children waiting inside.  “Appa!!”  He cries, his soft hair bouncing up and down as he runs towards me with his arms outstretched.  .  .  I can’t do this.  

“Jongguk!”  I call, my voice thick, spreading my arms too.  “Be careful, don’t run—oof!”

I stumble backwards as Jongguk collides with me at top speed.  He wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me.  “Appa picked me up!”

He sounds so happy, I feel like I could die.  Okay, Kai, focus.  You can do this.  Focus.

“Yeah, I did.”  I reply, hugging him back.  “How was school?”

“Good!”  He replies simply, smiling a gummy smile.  “Appa, did you come with noona?  Noona said we’re going to eat chicken after school.  Where’s noona?”

…ASKDFGLKVCZM!!  Shoot me!!  Someone just shoot me!  How do I do this?!  How do I tell him?  I’m not—I don’t know how to do stuff like this!   I’ve never had to explain anything so complicated to Jongguk before especially after Iseul came because she’s the one who mostly does the hard part in taking care of him and dammit she’s not here anymore now I—

“Appa?”

.  Okay.  Relax, Kai.  Inhale.  You are in control of the situation. 

“Uh… let’s go to the chicken place now then, Guk?”  I prompt, smiling even though my facial muscles burn because no, this is not a smile, this is fake, this is simply a biological deformation in which my facial muscles are pulled back and contracted which results in the opening of my mouth and the forming of something that could pass for a smile. 

Without waiting for his answer, I take his little lunch bag and walk, heading back to the car.  Aish!!  What do I do now?!  I can’t do this!

“Okay, but where’s noona, appa?”  Jongguk persists, jumping sideways to catch up with me.  “Huh?”

“Noona is…”  I look at him, biting my lip.  “Um, appa will tell you at the chicken place, okay?  Where’s the chicken place you want to go?”

“Chicken and Beer!  Noona knows where that is.  Where is she, appa?”

I can’t hold it anymore.

I stop short, making him stop too.  Then through gritted teeth I tell him the truth.

“Noona is gone, Jongguk.  Iseul noona will no longer be your babysitter.  Because of appa’s company, she cannot work with us or meet us anymore.”  I watch his reaction, which sort of comes slow, one frame at a time, like a video failing to load.  Dammit.  “I… it’s because of appa’s job, okay Guk?  Appa’s sorry.  Please don’t ask about noona—”

“What do you mean noona’s gone?!”  He screams, making several heads turn our way.  “No, appa, noona can’t be gone!”

.  .  I instantly crouch down to the ground to look at him at eye-level, and the minute he can reach them he sinks his tiny hands into my shoulders and start shaking me violently. 

“Appa, why—why does appa’s job make her have to go?!  Noona works for appa only!!  Make her come back, appa!”  Jongguk wails, his face stricken with grief and panic.  When I don’t reply he starts shaking me harder, his eyes searching mine wildly.  “Appa!  Answer Jongguk!!”

“I can’t, Guk, I can’t.”  I whisper, almost begging.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to—”

“But noona promised to pick me up from school!!  She promised chicken!!”  Jongguk yells adamantly, stomping his legs.  “Appa, noona can’t leave Jongguk!!” 

I don’t know how many times a heart can break itself even but today—

“Appa, please appa!”  Jongguk sobs, tears pooling into his eyes.  Oh no, no, no.  “Appa’s joking, right?  Noona is only taking a holiday for a while?”

“I wish I was, Guk.”  I choke, trying to… I don’t know, hug him, rub his back, do anything I can to try to console him.  I can’t watch him break down like this.  “Appa doesn’t want noona to leave either.  But because of my company—”

“But noona is not related to appa’s company!!”

“But appa has to listen to the company, Guk.”  I tell him, touching his cheek.  No, Guk, please don’t cry… I can’t do this to the two people I love today twice.  Please.  “Guk, let’s have some chicken first, okay?  Later when you—”

“But noona is going to take me for chicken!”

“Noona can’t, Guk!  Let me take you for some, okay—”

“No!  Appa is not noona!”

And then, before I can react, Jongguk pushes me away and immediately goes running down the lane, zooming right out of the school gates and towards the road.

“!”  I yell, breaking into a run as well.  “KIM JONGGUK!”

“Aish!”  Jongguk hisses, ignoring me completely.  , I can’t believe this.  I can’t believe this at all.  My son is running away from me. 

“JONGGUK!”  I call again, slowing down a little as I reach him.  Soon I overtake him and grab his arm, forcing him into a stop, and pull him aside.  “Yah Kim Jongguk!  Where do you think you’re going?!  Do you want to get hit by a car?!” 

As soon as I finish yelling, Jongguk immediately bursts into tears, sobbing.  .  “But—but—”

Goddammit, I’m a mess.  Did I just yell?  At him?  Damn it, l’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know how literally everything I do is wrong.  Crouching to the ground, I hug him again, squeezing him tighter this time. 

“Jongguk, Jongguk...”  I say softly, his hair.  “Appa’s sorry.  I’m sorry, Guk.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.  Appa is just worried, Guk—you ran out to the street.  Look.” 

“Appaaaa…” Jongguk wails as I wipe away his tears.  “Jongguk— Jongguk—”

“Hmm?”  I hum, rubbing his back. 

“J-Jongguk just wanted to go the ice-cream…” He hiccups, rubbing his eyes.  “The n-noona ice-cream s-shop…”

“Oh, Guk.”  I hug him again.  “Noona’s… noona’s not going to be there, Guk.  She’s—”

“Why does she have to go, appa?  Why?”  Jongguk cries, his voice thick through his tears.  “Who will take care of Jongguk now?   Who will take care of Jongguk when appa is at work?  Jongguk— Jongguk w-wants noona…”

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed and shredded through a paper-cutter when I hear every word, every sob that comes out of my son’s mouth.  I want to tell him that this is all a joke, Iseul is in fact waiting at the chicken restaurant already, and that he can stop crying because all this isn’t real.  But it is. 

“Jongguk… let’s go eat chicken okay?”  I try again. 

But he shakes his head vigorously.  “Jongguk wants noona, not chicken!”

My shoulder slump.  How do I do this?  How do I talk to him? 

I need Iseul. 

Iseul… aish.  Get a grip, Kai, get a grip.  Now is not the time to break down.  Not in front of your son like this.

“Jongguk, please stop crying.  Appa is sorry.  Really.  I know you want noona.  Appa wants noona too, Guk.  I want her to be with us so much too.”  I pause, swallowing.  “But… appa’s sorry Guk.  Appa’s job… appa’s company wants to get rid of noona.  So appa had to