Time stands completely still.

All the air has been knocked out of my lungs and I feel like I'm watching my life unfold from outside my body.

She's here.

Victoria Tuan is here.

Mark Tuan's sister.

Jongguk's mother.

Kai's ex-fianceé.

The person who used to be the center of his world.

Now, she's in mine.

"Victoria Tuan, meet Seo Iseul."  Kai says, his arm wrapping around my waist.  If that’s supposed to reassure me or something—well, it isn’t.

Victoria doesn't say anything.  She's staring at me with huge eyes, her lips slightly parted.  I don't say anything either.  I'm just silently staring back at her, biting my lip to contain myself.

Do not do anything stupid now, Seo Iseul.

"And of course, meet Kim Jongguk."  Kai drops the bomb at last, and Victoria's hand flies to . 

Her professional composure is gone.  She's looking at all three of us in with eyes that shine and rage with every single human emotion on the spectrum, and her hand is quivering, her whole body is quivering, tears are welling up in her eyes, and I actually fear that she might drop down and faint right before us.

A soft whimper escapes her and she lifts her hand, nearing it to touch her son, but quickly drops it back down.  I can see her balling her fists tightly... as if her life and emotional containment depends on it.

The latter probably does.

I look at Kai, wanting to see how he's handling all this, but as usual, his face gives away nothing.  His lips are pressed firmly shut, his jaw is neither clenched nor relaxed, and his eyes are as hard as jade and as black as granite.  They're opaque, and you can't see what he's thinking by looking at them at all.

"And I'm Kim Jongin, of course.  Or maybe you know as Kai, but anyway—remember me?"  He says, his voice eerily calm and perfectly contained. 

As soon as the words leave his lips Victoria spins around on her heels and runs out of the dressing room area, barely stifling a sob.  I watch her go, feeling numb.  Oh God.  What happens now?

"Kai," I call softly, chewing my inner cheek.

"Hmm?"  He hums, answering, but not quite looking at me.

"What—"

Suddenly, Victoria reappears.  Her eyes are red and visibly b with tears, but somehow, she manages a bright smile.

"Welcome to The Song, Jongin.  Would you please follow me so we can talk in private?  I have other customers wanting to use the fitting room." 

Without waiting for a response she quickly turns around again and walks off.  Kai remains perfectly impassive as he sets Jongguk down, who is strangely silent as well.  I wonder what's going through his mind right now as I slowly turn to Kai, unsure of what else to do.  Because oh my God—

Victoria Tuan is here. 

Victoria ing Tuan is HERE. 

In flesh.

"Seul."  Kai whispers gently.  "Can you take Jongguk for a while?" 

Nimbly, I nod.  Kai sets Jongguk down on the floor gently and squeezes his son's shoulders with a guarded smile.  "Wait for a while with noona, okay?  Appa is gonna talk to appa's friend for a while."

The word friend comes out so easily, without any hesitation, that I wonder how I feel about it. 

“Why is she crying appa??”  Jongguk asks, gazing up at his father with wide eyes.  Does he remember even a fragment of her?  He doesn't know a thing, does he? 

“I don’t know, Guk.  Maybe she just didn’t expect to see me.”

Jongguk doesn’t reply. 

"Baby," Kai turns to me now, looking me straight in the eye, "take my card and buy whatever you want.  I'll be back soon." 

I nod wordlessly, still in shock and unsure of how to react.  Breathe in, breathe out.  This is how I'm keeping myself together.

"Hey," he says softly, "don't worry."

I force a smile and nod.  Again.

"Don't worry."  He repeats, more sternly this time.  "Don't worry about a thing."

"I'm not."  I finally say, giving him the widest, brightest smile I can manage.  "Go.  She's waiting."

Kai smiles and pats my head before running off.  I turn to Jongguk.

"Let's go." 

I pay for the dress and exit with my head thumping loudly in my chest.  .  Just… .  What’s going to happen now?  He’s not going to fall back in love with her, is he?

"Jongguk,"  I say at last after steadying my racing heart a little, "can we sit down for a while?" 

Jongguk nods, looking at me unsurely and we sit down at a nearby bench by the glass railings of the mall.  Finally. 

"Noona, who's that?"  Jongguk asks, and it takes single fiber in me not to break down crying in front of him.  He doesn’t remember her at all.  I don't blame him, though.  He was still a baby when she left.

"Who's that?"  Jongguk repeats more persistently. 

"That's... that's appa's friend, I think.  I've never met her before either.  Let's just ask appa who she is later."  I say, playing safe. 

"Why was she like... sad or something?"

"Um... was she?"

"Yeah."  He nods.  "What do you think they're talking about, noona?"

"I don't know."  I say quietly.  "Jongguk, can you hug noona?"

"Hug noona?  Why?"  Jongguk looks at me with surprise. 

"Noona is... I don't know, noona just needs a hug."  I say, holding out my arms.  How do I explain why to him?  I don't even know why I said that—I guess I just need to feel some sort of... reassurance right now. 

“Is noona sad too?”  Jongguk asks as his tiny arms slowly wrap themselves around me.  I hold on to him tightly, taking one deep breath at a time.  Am I?  I don’t think I am.  Again, I’m just… scared.

“No, Guk.  Noona is just tired.”  I reply, my words muffled as I press my face down to his shoulder. 

“Oh.” 

For a while, Jongguk doesn’t say a word.  For a while I try to make myself relax, I will myself to just calm the down and don’t overthink, I tell myself to just act normal about this— and then that short while ends.

“Noona, I think appa’s friend cried when she saw me.”  He says, and I slowly pull myself away to look at him.  “Did you see?”

Answering his questions is like answering open-ended questions on tests about something you remember only halfway about.  You know what to say but at the same time you don’t.

“Did she?  Maybe she…”

“Or was it when she saw appa?”

“Maybe!”  I say quickly.  “Maybe she remembered something about appa… or something.”

Oh God, I .  I really at answering open-ended questions like this.  This is why I chose to deal with numbers!  There’s only one possible answer, and if you know how to answer it, you know how to answer it.  Not like this. 

“Where do you think they went, noona?”

I laugh a little, hoping it sounds breezy instead of like a dying choke.  “Yah, I didn’t see either, how do you think I’d know where they went?  Let’s just wait for appa here, okay?”

Jongguk continues looking around but nods a little distractedly.  I sigh quietly to myself.  To him, I might seem calm and well put together, but little does he know that if it weren’t for him, I would’ve totally lost it already.  Heck, I don’t even know what I might do if he wasn’t here to force me to hold myself together.

“Noona, while waiting for appa can we look around first?”  Jongguk asks, standing up.  “Does noona still need to sit down?”

“N-no, I’m fine already.”  I quickly stand up and plaster the brightest smile I can manage on my face.  “Where do you want to go, Guk?”

KAI’S POV

Well... this is a surprise. 

It really is. 

Meeting her in Hong Kong in her own store where my—our—son had just barged into the fitting rooms yelling obnoxiously for his babysitter? 

Not exactly the so-we-meet-again-scenario I had in mind. 

I’m not even going to say what a coincidence.  Nope.  This is more like—what a ing disaster. 

Could there be a worse time for us to meet?  Couldn’t it have been when it’s only me, without Jongguk and/or Iseul around?  That would complicate things a lot less and give me more time to think about the million dollar question: do I introduce Jongguk to his mother?

Because he knows nothing.  He was just a baby when she left, so he wouldn’t even have the faintest suspicions.  He has asked about his mother a couple times but because I told him that his mother left repeatedly he eventually stopped asking and I guess he just—just came to terms with it.  I told him that she is now working overseas and that was mostly it.  But now that she’s here, within his reach, what do I tell him?  Do I even tell him anything?

I silently eye the woman in front of me, trying to decide.

Trying to believe it.

She’s… here. 

She’s really here. 

After six years… we meet again.  Me, and the woman who was once my whole life before she decided to run away from it.

It’s been six years since she left me—mad, bitter, and resentful.  Now here she is.

“I…” Victoria hiccups, her trembling hands clutching tightly on a wad of tissues, “Jongin, I…”

I nod at the cup of tea in front of her.  “Drink.”

Victoria takes several deep breaths to steady herself before doing so, only to set the mug down again.  I watch her wobbly movements and sigh to myself. 

After I went out of the fitting room area to follow her, it turns out that she didn’t exactly go anywhere.  She was just standing there in front of her shop with her palms over and her shoulders heaving up and down unsteadily, so I decided on where to go.  I went out, gestured for her to follow me, and lead us to the first place I saw where we could sit down and have a talk—which is this coffee shop.

Now here we are, sitting across each other, with our drinks and a stack of tissues on the table.  I really didn’t expect Victoria to cry this much because she isn’t the person to cry and come on—she left by her own ing choice man, but her she is, bawling her eyes in front of me, so I’m doing her a favor by simply shutting up.

“I’m sorry.”  She finally says, finally drinking her tea.  “I just—I didn’t—“

“Did anything happen before I came?”  I ask, getting a little impatient.  “Why are you crying like this?”

Victoria lowers her gaze.  There’s a beat of silence before she answers.

“I—I asked her if he was her son.”

Huh.  Now that explains a lot.  She must be feeling like .

“Oh.”  I take a gulp of my espresso, letting the warmth seep into my veins. 

Truth to be told, I don’t know how I feel.  This is all so sudden.  I’m annoyed, yes, like why the is this woman here when I’m on a trip with my son and Iseul, but other than that… I’m not sure.

Am I still mad at her?

Am I still hurt?

Are all the long lost memories going to be flooding back?

Victoria’s eyes flicker up to meet mine briefly. 

“And so when you came and you said… that… and I realized that he was actually my son and how I didn’t even recognize my own son I just—“  I watch her firmly bite on the insides of her cheek, “—I wanted to slap myself so bad.  I didn’t even recognize him.  I didn’t recognize my own son.”

“If it helps, he didn’t recognize you either.”  I mumble.  Oh .  I shouldn’t have said that, huh?

“Well he was six months old when I left him, Jongin, so that’s a valid excuse.”  Victoria says with an edge to her shaky voice. 

“He was six months old when you left him too, you know.” I quickly backtrack.  “And he’s six years old now.  It’s understandable if you didn’t recognize him right away.”

 “No.  I should’ve.”  She sighs.  “He has your eyes.” 

“Well, maybe you’ve forgotten what they look like.”  I say without thinking how it would sound.   

Victoria looks up and meets my eyes properly for the first time.

“Maybe.”  She agrees.  “It’s been a while.”

“It has.”  

For a moment, we don’t say anything.  She sits there looking at me, and I, at her. 

It’s been a while, but she looks the same.  Her hair is shorter, and of course now she dresses better, but other than that nothing about her has changed.  Her face hasn’t gotten any rounder or slimmer, her eyes haven’t gotten any darker, her skin hasn’t gotten any more tanned, and her lips are still the same natural, no-lipstick shade of red I fell for many years ago.

She’s still so… Vic. 

And like it or not, try as I might to prevent it, looking into her eyes as she sits opposite me is bringing a tidal wave of memories back.  Like it or not, I’m starting to remember… a lot.

Flashes.  The thrill.  The pounding of the club music.  Motorcycles.  Rides at 2 AM under the stars.  Her arms.  My waist.  Alcohol.  Fireworks.  Snow.  Kisses.  More kisses… Her eyes, and her hands clutching the pregnancy test kit.  Two lines.  All the food she craved—peaches, ice cream, anything spicy…

Jongguk.  Jongguk, Jongguk, Jongguk…

.  . 

It’s all coming back to me now.  . 

I ball my fists.  Squeezing my eyes shut, I drop my head.  No.  No.  I don’t want to remember.  I don’t want to ing remember anything.

Vic dabs her nose gently before placing the crumpled wad of tissues down once and for all.  “How have you been?”

I lift my head and maintain my best stoic expression, trying to look wholly unaffected. 

Because I am.  Or at least, I will be. 

“Great.”  I say, shrugging nonchalantly.  Now’s here where I start.  “I can see that you’re doing pretty well yourself.  I’m glad something good came out of running away the next morning right after I saved your life.”

“Jongin...”

“And I’m glad you put the 10 million won you cracked into good use and didn’t waste them either.”  I continue mercilessly, watching her reactions closely.   I don’t do hello-how-have-you-beens.  I dive right back to where we left off. 

“I’m sorry,” she blurts.  “I’m sorry, okay?  I’m sorry for running away, I’m sorry for taking your money, I’m sorry for leaving Jongguk—“

“Oh, don’t be.  I love having Jongguk with me.  I’m glad you left him with me instead of taking him along with you, getting hit by a late realization that you couldn’t do it, and ultimately leaving him somewhere with no one to care for him.”

Vic inhales sharply.  “Jongin, I would never—“

“At least you did one thing right,” I say coolly, drinking my coffee.  “I’d rather you ran off with my money than my son.”

“Jongin, please.”  She whispers, hanging her head low.  “I’m sorry.”

The long subdued anger and bitterness I once felt for this woman has resurfaced.  Finally.  I finally got to spit it all out in her face.  Call me a jerk, a sadist, whatever, but finally saying all this to her and seeing her hanging her head low in guilt and shame like this is oddly satisfying. 

It’s like I’m finally getting my revenge that is way overdue.  But it doesn’t matter.  I was angry, I was bitter back then, and I felt like absolute , so if there’s any way I can make her feel like that too then… let’s bring it on.

She deserves to feel that much, at the very least.

“It doesn’t matter now.”  I shrug.  “Saying sorry won’t change anything.”

“You’re right.”  Vic says.  “But at least I got to say it to you at last.”

I look at her in mild surprise.  “What, were planning to apologize to me after you conveniently, successfully left me one morning and ran off my money?  Vic, I’d rather you didn’t.”

“No!”  She cries.  “I wasn’t thinking, back then.  I’m not going to lie Jongin—looking back, there’s a high chance that I still would’ve left you.  But I wouldn’t have done it that way.  I wouldn’t have ran away with your money.  I would’ve done things the, the right way, and left in the best terms I could manage with you and Jongguk.  Six years ago I was scared and stupid.  Now I know better, Jongin, which is why I’m apologizing.  I’m sorry.  I really, really am.”

Damn it.  Why is she saying all of this?  I don’t want to deal with apologies.  I don’t want to deal with emotions.  I just want to talk for a while, slam everything she did in her face, then get up and continue life without her.  I’m doing perfectly fine. 

“I have no excuses.”  She continues.  “I’m a horrible person and what I did reflects that perfectly.  And I’m not trying to justify myself now—I just want to say sorry.  I regret everything I did to you.  So if you want to continue—if you want to continue cursing at me—do it.  Have your go.  It’s been six years.  Six years too late.”

This is what I loved about her.  Her common sense.  Her rationality, and how level-headed she always was.  She was the sensibility I needed in my rash nature.  And she was kind, so together, it made her a good person.  Which is why when she left just like that the next morning, everything hit me a hundred times harder.  I never, ever expected her to do it.

“I’m sorry, Jongin.”  Her quivering voice speaks up again.  “Look, I can—I can pay you back now.  I don’t know what I was thinking back then, but if it makes things any better let’s just treat it as a loan or something and—“

“Forget it.”  I cut her off.  “It’s fine.  I don’t need you to pay me back.”

“No, I want to.”  She says, lifting her chin.  “It’s something I thought of doing for a while now, actually, and seeing how we’ve met again…”

“Don’t.”  I say sharply.  She doesn’t get it, doesn’t she?

“But—“

“There’s no point in doing it.  It’s not about the money, Vic, it’s about what you did.  So you know what you could do now to make things better?  It’s to leave things as they were once we get up, leave this coffee shop, and continue on with our own lives.  Let’s stay out of each other’s way and live like we have been living for the past six years.” 

Vic stops and drops her eyes to the table again.  “I’m sorry.”

I sigh and try not to curse again.  Damn it.  Just… goddammit.  Just why the did we have to meet again.

“We’re both doing well now.”  I murmur.  “Without each other.  Let’s keep it that way.”

She nods.

We sit in the thick, tense silence for a while.  Finally, she breaks it.

“Then let’s just… catch up, Jongin.”  She looks at me with glassy eyes.  “How’s Jongguk?”

“He’s fine.”  I reply.  “He’s doing great, actually.”

Vic smiles a little awkwardly.  “That’s great.  Does he—does he ever ask about… me?”

I can’t help but snap again at that.  “Of course, what do you expect?”

“U-uh, right.”  She stammers.  “What do you tell him?”

“The truth, of course.”  I look at her incredulously.  “That his mother left and is now working overseas.”

“Right, of course.”  She nods quickly.   “S-sorry.  Oh God, I don’t know how to do this.  Um, okay… so… do you still do what you do?”

I give an offhanded scoff.  “Do you think I can stop doing what I do?”

“A-Are things going… are things okay there?  Does Jongguk know?”

“They’re fine, and no, not yet.”  I trace random figures on the table absentmindedly.  Deciding to shift the focus from me, I ask, “And your clothing line?”

“We’re… we’re growing.  We’re slowly tackling the overseas market and the shop you visited was our first in Hong Kong, actually.” Vic smiles faintly.  “So, well, you saw how it was.  What do you think of it?”

I shrug indifferently.  “If Iseul can finally find a dress from your shop then I have no complaints.” 

Vic blinks cluelessly for a second before clocking in.  “Oh, her name must be Iseul then.  She’s your…”

“She’s Jongguk’s babysitter.”

“That you bring to Hong Kong.”  Vic states, raising an eyebrow.  “For…work?”

She sounds skeptical and slightly accusing. 

“We’re having a meeting here.”  I explain briefly.

“Is she really just a babysitter?”

“What’s it to you if she isn’t?”

“Nothing.”  She says quietly, visibly shrinking.  “I just… I just want to know who my son is spending all his time with, I guess.”

.  Now I feel a teeny bit bad.

“She’s… she’s…”  I struggle to find the words to say.  “She’s not.  She’s not just a babysitter.” 

A knowing smile graces her thin lips.  “I knew it.”

I shoot her a look.  “What do you know?”

“The way you had your arm around her back at the fitting rooms was a dead giveaway, if you didn’t realize.” 

Oh… right. 

Vic bites her lower lip.  “Is she with Jongguk now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think you can… call her and bring Guk here?”  She looks at me hopefully.  “I really want to meet my son.” 

The word ‘no’ nearly escapes me, if I weren’t quick enough to stop myself.  I squint at her.  My defenses have immediately shot up.  Is she going to try to get joint custodiansh—

“I’m not going to take him away from you, if that’s what you’re thinking.  I’m not even going to ask for joint custodianship.”  Vic says, taking a deep breath.  “This may sound heartless and unbelievable but I—I don’t think having a child is… is right for me at the moment.  Don’t get me wrong, I care about him, and there’s always a space in my heart reserved for him, but I… I don’t know if I actually want to be… you know, tied to him, you understand?  Like—“

My brows furrow in concentration as I listen to her, and without knowing it, I’m actually trying hard to understand how she feels.  I’m trying to listen to the words she can’t say.

I think I get where she’s coming from.  She cares for Jongguk, and to a certain extent, she loves him—if not, she wouldn’t have cried like that back there—but… but parenthood isn’t for her yet.  She’s content with the career woman life she has now, and she just… she realized that she doesn’t want to be tied down by a child just yet.

“Like, maybe it’s because I worked myself to death before to achieve all this, maybe it’s because of the career I have now, maybe because it’s been so long… maybe I… I just…”

I don’t know how feeling like that is possible, but maybe in some cases when… when you’re not meant for parenthood yet it is.  If that even makes any sense…

Whatever.  Bottom line is, I’m relieved.  She doesn’t want Guk and that’s a good thing. 

“Jongin, say something.”  Vic pleads, making me zone back in.  “Please.  I really just… I really just want to talk to him.” 

I narrow my eyes.  “How long?” 

“What?”

“How long are you going to talk to him for?  You don’t deserve a lot of time because you were the one who left him six years ago.”  I say, my voice hard.  “If he gets attached—I don’t want you to disappoint him again.”

“Just a couple of hours, Jongin, come on.”  Vic says, furiously biting down on her lips.  The tears are threatening to spill again, I just know.  “Just a couple of hours—then I promise I’ll stay out of your lives again.”

My eyes bore into hers for several more seconds before I finally nod, almost imperceptibly.  “Wait here.  I’ll go get him.” 

Without waiting for a response, I get up and pull my phone, ready to text Iseul, when Victoria stop me.  “Wait!”

I look at her questioningly.

“What do we tell Jongguk?”  She asks, and I resist the urge to physically smack myself.  How could I forget?! 

“I always thought that I would tell him who his mother is when he’s older, along with the truth about the reason why she left, and hence the truth about me.”  I say, shrugging.  “It’d be sensible and practical, and he’ll also cope with the information better.  Anyway right now I don’t think he really thinks about it… especially with Iseul always around.”

I’m aware that the last part might not be the most sensitive thing to say, but hey—facts, right?

“Oh.”  Victoria seems to realize this too.  Biting on her upper lip now, she slowly nods in acceptance.  “You’re right, I guess.” 

“And I don’t want to inflict such a heavy amount of shock on him without any prior preparation.  Let’s just tell him you’re a longtime friend.”

With that, I head out.  Calling Iseul, I press my phone to my ear and wait for her to pick up. 

“Hello?  Kai?”

“Hey.”  I say, once she picks up.  “Where are you?” 

“Oh God, I’m in a mess.”  She says immediately, sounding agitated.  I furrow my brows.  Only Seo Iseul can be in two messes at once.  “We’re at this huge bookstore.  Jongguk is making a scene asking for this huge Marvel Comics book that has those fancy buttons that can make stuff light up and produce sounds and do you know how much it costs?  Over 200 bucks!  I don’t even want to convert it to Korean Won!  Kaaaaaiiii, I’m tired of arguing already.  Can you help meeee?”

Despite everything, I smile to myself.  “I’ll be right over to you, babe.  What floor is it on?” 

“What floor was The Song on?”

“2nd.”

“Then this is on the 3rd.  We only went up one escalator.”

“Got it.” 

“Hurry!  You need to— NO, JONGGUK, NO.  Yah, appa is coming okay?  Just go look at… this or something— wait, Kai, you still there?  I’m hanging up.  Hurry!”

The call disconnects and I chuckle softly to myself.  That short phone call was so… Iseul.  It was so refreshing. 

I find the huge bookstore she’s probably in and head to the children’s section right away.  Before I can spot any of the two people I have in mind, I hear them first.

“Noona, noona, what about this one??  This is Phineas and Ferb!  Look!  This Perry can make the Perry sound!” 

“What Perry sound—“

Iseul’s words are interrupted by a faint, weird sound that sounds like a woodpecker pecking on wood or chipmunk munching or something.  Then follows a burst of Jongguk’s high-pitched giggles. 

“That!  Can you do it noona?”

Just then, I stride into the scene, finding Jongguk and Iseul sitting on the floor of the isolated corner.  “Hey.”

“Appa!”  Jongguk greets petulantly.

Iseul immediately whips her head over at my direction.  “Kai!  Tell him we can’t get all this!”  She gestures wildly at all the children books dumped messily on the floor.  I seriously do not know how they haven’t been kicked out yet.

I cluck my tongue.  “Jongguk, you already have enough books at home.  Yah, let’s go.”

“Go?  Go where?”  He asks.

“Go meet appa’s friend.”  I say, trying to make it sound as if it was that simple. 

Upon hearing that, Iseul shoots up to her feet.  “Meet appa’s friend?”

“Yeah.  Um... just Jongguk.”  I add, a little uncomfortably. 

The concern in her eyes return and I instantly know that all the worries she felt before have resurfaced.  She looks at me searchingly, asking for an explanation.  , I want to kiss her.  I always want to kiss her.  I want to kiss her and convince her that it’ll be fine but how can I…

“Jongguk, you want the book?”

“I want the Phineas and Ferb one!  More buttons!”  Jongguk nods excitedly, picking it up for the floor.

I look at the mess around us.  “Tidy up all the other books first.  Return them to where you got them and when you’re done, appa will by the Phineas and Ferb one for you.” 

“Really?  Whoo!”  Jongguk immediately springs to his feet and starts taking all the books into his arms.  With him successfully occupied and rushing around, I turn to Iseul.  How the do I comfort her?  What the should I—okay, it.  Just do something, Kim Jongin.  Taking her hand and rubbing the insides of her palm with my thumb, I drop a gentle peck on her lips. 

“She just wants to meet her son.”  I whisper extra softly, making sure Jongguk can’t hear.  “Don’t worry.”

“Aish, I don’t have the right to worry either.”  She mutters, her eyes downcast.  “I’m not part of any of this.”

I don’t know how to respond.  So leaning down, I gently tip her chin upwards and kiss her on the lips.  Softly.  Slowly.  Extra delicately.

“Kai…” she whimpers softly, her eyes closed.  Oh God, I love seeing her like this.  I love seeing her unravel at my touch.  I kiss her again.

“’What?”

“Not here.”

“Oh.” 

Fair enough.

Pulling away, Iseul takes a deep breath.  “How long are you going to take?  Should I head back first or what?”

There’s still a thread of uneasiness in her eyes but she’s masking it pretty well this time.  I look at her intently.  “I really don’t want to leave you.”

 “But I can’t be there with you, Kai.  You know it.”

“I don’t like the idea of you walking around alone.”  I tell her seriously.  “I don’t like the possibility of what happened on the subway earlier today to happen again.”

Her smile flickers, and I know that she feels the same way.  “No, I’ll be fine.”

Huh.  Yeah, right.  THAT’S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY RIGHT BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS THOUGH. 

“No, just, no.”  I shake my head with finality.  “You know what?  You’re going with… hold on, let me check with D.O.” 

Without waiting for a response, I call D.O. to check if he can stay with Iseul for the time being.  “Hey, hyung?”  I say, once he picks up.

“Kai.  What’s up?”

“Where are you?”  I ask.

“I’m at Stanley, why?” 

“Stanley?”  I echo.  “What are you doing at Stanley?” 

“There’s a new arms dealer here who has gained some reputation in the market.  Why?”  He repeats. 

“I need someone to stay with Iseul.  We’re still at Causeway Bay—“ 

“Kai, It’s fine.”  Iseul interjects, shaking my arm.  “I’ll be fine.  I’ll just walk around a little and go straight back to the hotel to get ready for the dinner event tonight.  It’s still happening right?” 

I pause.  “Yes, but I can’t let you wander around alone.  Do you know how many gangsters there are in Hong Kong?  The Triads, the Chinese mafia, originated from here.  Seo Iseul, you can say whatever you want, but I’m not letting you walk around unprotected.”

“Are you guys splitting up or something?”  D.O. asks, reminding me that he’s still there.  “Where are you going?”

“I’m staying here, it’s her that’s going to be going around.”  I tell him.  “Is there anyone still at Causeway Bay?”

“I think Luhan went with Sehun to check out some of the girls at the Window.  That’s nearby, right?”  D.O. says, and I close my eyes. 

The Window was a place where girls sat behind this huge glass window and wait for men to come over, look around, and pick out anyone they like for… various purposes.  The reason why Luhan and Sehun went to the Window was probably to pick out an for tonight’s event.  

“Appa, I’m done!”  Jongguk’s cheerful voice suddenly pulls me out of my thoughts.  He runs over with the huge Phineas and Ferb book in his hands.  “Let’s pay!”

“Let’s pay.”  I nod, smiling at him.  “Lead us to the cashier, Guk.”

“Kai?  Yah, did you hear what I said?  You should try calling Sehun or Luhan.”  D.O. speaks up again. 

“I’ll try calling Sehun.” 

“Kai, there’s no need.  I can manage.  I’ll go straight home so you don’t need to bother anyone to take care of me.”  Iseul tries persuading me again.  “Seriously, I’m an adult, Kai.  I can take care of myself!”

Oh God, she really doesn’t know anything, doesn’t she?  She doesn’t know how full Hong Kong is with mobsters, and she doesn’t know the stakes of running into one—especially when there’s a high chance she has already been seen with me.  There’s no way in hell am I going to let her go around alone.   I shoot her a look, but she simply glares back at me.

“Thanks, hyung.”  I say to D.O., hanging up.  I turn to her.  “Where’s my card?”

She hands it back to me.  “I’m serious.  You don’t need to call anyone to accompany me.”

“Iseul—“

“I’m just going to explore a few more shops here at Causeway Bay before heading back and I want to look around in peace, okay?  I can’t do that with a guy trailing around me.”  She says, and my eyebrows shoot up.

“A guy?  So did I make you uncomfortable this whole afternoon?”

“No, no, with you around it’s fine.”  She says, blushing a little.  “But the other guys…”

“Just pretend that they’re me.  You’ll be fine.”  I say, paying for Jongguk’s stuff.  “Here, Guk.”

“Yaaay!  I can’t wait to show Yi Han!!”

“What the—of course I can’t, Kai.  They’re different!” 

“Different?”  I smirk a little.  “So I’m different?”

“Aren’t you?”  She retorts.

“Different how?” 

She bites her lip.  “Different like…” 

“Like…”

“Different like… I can do this!”  She sings, hugging my arm with a mushy smile on her face.  Oh , I’m doomed.  She’s too cute.  I’m DOOMED.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  I challenge, raising an eyebrow. 

“That… I’m comfortable with you.” She answers, still with that cheesy smile.  “So it’s okay if I make you wait around me while I shop like the picky, annoying person that I am.  Ble!”

I roll my eyes good-naturedly and try to shake her off me.  “I think you’re really starting to forget that I am still your boss, Ms Seo.”

“Mmm, of course, of course.”  She says in a sing-song voice, obviously not giving a towards what I’m saying.  “Well boss, to be fair, it’s actually really easy to forget because you act more like a b—“

She breaks off abruptly and quickly coughs three times in a row, a sure sign that she nearly said something wrong and is desperately trying to cover it up.  What was it she was saying?  More like a—

Oh.

Oh. 

I think I know what she was about to say.

Like a… boyfriend.

“Anyway!”  She chirps brightly as she lets go of my arm, patting it, “Don’t call any of the guys okay?  I can go around myself.  I’ll manage.” 

She thinks I’m really going to allow that?

“Okay.”  For now.

“Okay?”  Iseul repeats.

“Mmhmm.” I hum noncommittally, shrugging as we walk.  “If that’s what you want.”

Her eyes widen.  “Wow.  Okay, great then.”

No, not so great if you realize what I’m about to do.

But does she realize?  No, probably not.  I’m distracted by Jongguk shaking my arm vigorously. 

“Appa, where is noona going?  Noona isn’t coming with us?”

“No.”

“Why not?”  Jongguk frowns.

“Because noona doesn’t know this friend of appa’s, Guk.  So rather than sitting there doing nothing because I don’t know this person, I’d rather look around Causeway Bay and buy all the cute stuff I want!”  Iseul declares, somehow in maximum high spirits again or very impressively faking it.  “I want to go to Lush!”

“What the hell is lush?!”  I ask, wrinkling my nose.  “I swear, if you come back with some type of vegetation—“

“I want to go to Lush too!!”  Jongguk seconds quickly.  “Appa, I don’t know your friend either.  Jongguk wanna go around with Iseul noona.  More fun!” 

I feel like I’ve just been punched in the throat.  My jaw drops open but nothing comes out.  I quickly look down at the ground, trying hard to ignore the stab Jongguk’s words had just delivered to a human part of my heart. 

, if only he knew... if only he knew who my ‘friend is’.  If only he knew.

Even Iseul is stunned.  And she even looks pained too.  She's looking at me with glazed eyes and I know that she's also feeling a certain degree of secondhand pain.

But Jongguk doesn't know.

"Jongguk," Iseul finally says in a strained voice, "appa's friend knows you.  And she wants to meet you.  So you go with appa okay?  I'm going to the toilet.  You guys go ahead and... catch up with each other.  See you back at the hotel later!"

Everything comes out in one huge unstoppable rush that I barely realize what she's saying. 

"Yah!" I call, side stepping her to block her path.  "Where do you think you're going?"

Iseul knits her eyebrows.  "The toilet, Kai.  I really need to go and I think you should get going too."

"Don't do anything stupid."  I say, peering at her closely.  "Just look around and go straight back, you hear me?  Don't talk to strangers.  If there's a weird guy at the pedestrian crossing who's persistently trying to hand you a flyer just keep walking.  Don't even say no, Seul.  Just look straight ahead and WALK.  And for ’s sake, sit down on the subway.  Find a seat.  You can barely even reach the railing, okay?  I don't want—"

"Kai."  She interjects, smiling calmly.  "Calm down.  Can you even hear yourself?  It's like you're sending me off to war or something.  Just calm dooown, I can get back to the hotel safely in one piece."

You don’t understand, WOMAN!  We're in In Hong ing