I blink, and blink again, and blink again.  I must’ve misheard him somehow.  I must’ve.

“Huh?”

The ahjusshi in front of me sighs.  “They’re mobsters!  Don’t you know what mobsters are?” 

I think a fly flew in my ear.  What is that he just ing said?

“N-no?” I ask.  I’m too confused to think right now.

“Aish, where have you been?!  It means they’re—they’re the mafia okay?  You’ve seen movies about them right?  You know, those guys who launder money, trade weapons, explosives, and uh… drug trafficking, women trafficking— uh, not that I’m insinuating anything okay?  But you get the gist.  Basically, they earn a ton of money from doing that.” 

My head is spinning more than I can bear.  What… the... actual … oh my God.  Oh my God.

So… all this time… I’ve been working for a… mobster?

I quickly grab his drink that’s just been refilled without thinking.  “Women trafficking?” I echo, suddenly going numb.

“Yeah, but obviously not you if they’re being nice to you okay?  Anyway, what I’m saying is, they’re not security guards!  They’re—“

“What about you?  Are you a mobster too?”  I ask, instinctively leaning backwards.

The guy hesitates.  “Well, I’m in a gang…. but compared to them, I’m nothing.   Honest!  This is just a product of some bad decisions I made in college!  Aish, why did you have to ask huh?” 

I cannot… ing… handle this!  I close my eyes and slowly count to 5 to steady my breathing.  “Okay, okay, so you’re telling me that— Kai is a mobster?“

Please don’t let it be true.

Please. 

Not Kai, at least.

Please don’t let Kai be a mobster…

The guy inside me gives me an incredulous look.  “Honey, Kai?!  Heck, he’s the boss of all of them!!”

.

"He's the worst out of all them.  It's like he's mechanically programmed to kill."  The guy shivers.  "You haven't met him, have you?" 

Ironically, I shake my head no. 

"Then I suggest you don't.  He's ruthless and you'd better not take your chances getting on his bad side.  It doesn't help if you're a girl either.  It's a well-known fact that he's rough with them, you know? Both in business and in bed.  There aren't many girl gangs, but I heard that he met one undercover in a bar before and they had something to do with this mission he was on, and he wiped the whole gang out!" 

"He... did that?"  I echo, clutching the counter.  

"And I heard Minah passes out everytime he's done with her."  

That does it.  I stand up abruptly.  I can't take it.  I can't take it anymore.  

"Hey, you okay?"  He asks, and I stumble backwards, trying to escape from reailty.  The music suddenly drowns out, like I’m hearing it underwater.  Memories of him returning with a bruised lip, or a scar, or late at night with anger in his eyes flood through my head.   Him leaving at the most irregular, indefinite times.  The dark windows of his Aston Martin.  The gunshots I heard in the background of our call once, and how he said it was in a video game.  How he fought those guys in the alley, like he’s been doing it forever.  How they knew him and feared him…

“ISEUL!!”  A voice suddenly yells from behind us, and the ball of thought I’ve been forming shatters.  All my efforts to stay calm goes right down the drain.  .  .  What do I do now?  My breathing hitches and the numb feeling returns and I just don’t know what to do oh my God, oh my God, oh my—

“Iseul, let’s go.”  D.O. suddenly appears beside me, tugging on my wrist.  I try to yank my wrist away.  Frowning, he tugs harder and I let myself be whirled over like a lifeless doll.  “Chan and Baek have— yah, what’s wrong?”

I look up at D.O., my breath quivering.  I take in his wide eyes that seem genuinely concerned.  They… they look so innocent.  How could he be… a mobster?

D.O.’s gaze suddenly travels behind me and rests on the guy sitting beside me.  “Iseul.. did he say something wrong to you?  Did he do anything to you?” D.O. whispers, crouching a bit to look me in the eye.

Seeing him so close in front of me suddenly wakes me up from my numb trance and I push him away vehemently with all the energy I have left in me.  Shocked, D.O. stumbles backwards a bit and I quickly hop down from the bar stool. 

“Iseul—“

“Don’t come near me.”  I warn, holding out my hands. 

D.O.’s eyes widen.  “What are you—“

“I’m not going with you.”  I tell him, before turning around and walking away as quickly as possible.  I push past all the lingering people.  Past people grinding on each other.  Past people chatting over drinks.  I have to get the hell out of here.  I have to.  I have to.  I don’t want to end up in this circle, but I’m already sort of a part of it, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to leave when I’m already so emotionally invested in this, so first, I just have to get the hell out of here and get some fresh air—

“Iseul!”  D.O. yells, and in a flash, he’s caught me by my arm again.  He looks over at the place where the ahjusshi who was talking to me sat—except that now he’s gone.  “Did he tell you?” 

“Please tell me it isn’t true.” I beg.

D.O. sighs, his eyes downcast.

“.”  I whisper, taking a few steps back from him.

“No, no, Iseul—you can’t run away like this!  Come with me.  Please.  I’ll explain.  I’ll tell you everything you want to—“

“So it’s true?”  I interject.  “You guys are mobsters?”

D.O. sighs and looks down at his feet.  “Yes.”

“D.O., I can’t talk to you right now.  I—I’m in shock.  I want to go home, but I can’t because my home is—“

“Don’t say it.”  D.O. whispers, his voice low and dangerous.  And suddenly, I see it.  The mobster side of him.  I try to wriggle away.  “Don’t say it here.  Please, trust me one last time and let’s just go back and talk this over okay?  The others are already waiting.”

I shake my head and yank my arm out of his grip, and run right into a throng of people.  I try to make my way across, when suddenly—

“Iseul-ssi?” 

I turn around instinctively at the sound of my name.  “Yes?”

To my surprise—and at the same time, prediction—it’s Minah.   She’s looking at me with her arms crossed, and I can tell from steady glare she’s giving me that she’s silently assessing me right now.  100% sure.

“So you are Iseul.”  Minah says, walking over.  For some reason, tonight, her camera-ready makeup and perfect hair doesn’t intimidate me.  Not even the unfriendly, judging gaze she’s giving me. 

“So?” I ask. 

“So I’m gonna get straight to the point.  What relationship do you have with Kai?”

Hmm, which one should I tell her?  Babysitter-employer?  Pretend married couple?

“Nothing.”  I say, raising an eyebrow.  She doesn’t need to know.

“If it’s nothing than why has he been saying your name all throughout the night?”  Minah asks, her voice rising.  “Everything I do, all he moans is Iseul, Iseul, and Iseul.  And you expect me to believe you when you say you’re nothing to him?”

“I—“

Suddenly, D.O. appears, pushing throw the crowd.  “Iseul!”

I curse, then try to run away, but before I know it, D.O. has his hand on my shoulder and suddenly I’m 3 feet up in the air in his arms. 

“What the hell?!” I hiss, kicking.  “Put me down!”

“No.  You’re just going to run away.”

“And you think I shouldn’t?!  I need time to think, at least!”  I flail wildly.  “Put me down!!”

“Iseul, please!  You should let us explain!” 

“Then explain, goddammit!!” I yell.

“We will.  Back at Kai’s place.”

And with that, he carries me out of the HOC underground club.

“PUT.  ME.  DOWN!!” I scream, just as D.O. pushes the door open.  All 5 heads turn to us from the living room area, and D.O. finally does.   I hop down and glare at him

“D.O. what the hell?!  We told you to get here first!”  Chanyeol asks, standing up.  Beside him, I see Kai who seems a bit more sober now.  He looks at me, with knitted eyebrows, from head to toe, then to D.O., then back at me.

D.O. plops down on the floor.  “She knows.”

All of them look straight at me and suddenly I feel like Dory in the middle of all those sharks who were trying to eat her.  Was it Dory?  Or was it a piranha?  I can’t even remember!!  I must be Dory!!!

“Knows what?”  Kai asks, his eyes steady on me.  The sight of him is a punch to my gut again.  Kai is a mobster.  Kai is a freaking mobster boss.  And he was just right here— a few hours ago, watching a Kdrama with me—

 “That we’re mobsters.”  D.O. says and I flinch a little at that word.  It still gets me— how I’ve been working for a mafia boss or something, and to think that I’ve nearly—

“What the hell?!”  Kai curses, standing up.  “How the ?!”

“I don’t know, it was just some guy from one of those street gangs.  I don’t know what happened but—“

“I was sitting at the bar, like you told me to.”  I say, interrupting him after I finally find my voice.  Kai’s jaw tightens.  “And I was trying to look at you guys over at the VIP section, then suddenly this guy beside me was like ‘I wouldn’t stare at them if I were you’ or something, so then I asked why.  Then he said something like ‘because they’re them!  Don’t you know who they are?’ and I said of course I did, and I pointed at you guys one by one to show him that I did.  Then somehow it got to me saying that you were security guards—“ My voice falters and Kai’s eyes widen a fraction.  “Then he asked me who lied to me.  Then… he told me.  That you guys were mobsters.”

The silence hangs over the room like a dark cloud, ready to spill.  The tension is so obvious and thick that you could cut it with a knife.  No one is looking me in the eye anymore.  Chanyeol and Baekhyun sink back down to the couch, silent. 

I shake my head.  “Say something!”

“Well… the truth is out now.”  Suho mumbles. 

"I'll say something alright.  Why in this ed up world did you even think of going with them, Iseul?"  Kai yells.  "What the hell were you thinking?!   What did you want to do there huh?"  

"Oh so now it's--" 

"AND ALL OF YOU!"  Kai barks, turning to look at his five friends.  "What the hell were you thinking?!  WHY THE DID YOU LET HER COME ALONG?!" 

Baekhyun speaks up.  "I just thought--" 

"AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO HER HUH?  That place is a ing lion den, goddammit!"

"YAH, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW, IS IT?"  I find myself yelling.  "You all got some explaining to do!!" 

With that, Kai shuts up. 

"You've got to be kidding me."  I sigh impatiently.  “Can’t any of you explain?  Explain why you lied, explain about this mobster job of yours—I don’t know, explain something!” 

“Go back to your places guys.”  Kai orders, keeping his gaze on me.  “I’ll talk to her alone.”

A rumble of mumbled debate among them takes place before final ly one by one trudges out of the connecting door on the side where they first appeared from, probably crashing at Chanyeol’s place.   Baekhyun is the last to exit, and he gives me a glassy look before he shuts the door behind him. 

Once alone, my heartbeat starts to accelerate again as Kai looks at me with his arms crossed from across the room, as I’m still standing rooted on the spot near the door where D.O. let me down.  Subconsciously, my hands tug at my tight dress, trying to get the skirt to go lower.  For about 3 seconds, Kai’s penetrating gaze follows like he’s drinking in the sight of me in this skin-tight mini dress before he catches himself and meets my eyes again.

And I can’t help but notice how he’s biting those thick, luscious lips of his. 

“Get changed.”  He orders abruptly and I jump.  “What the hell were you thinking, wearing that outfit?  Don’t you know how—” He pauses.  “How ing tight and short that dress is?”

“I was going to a club, what do you expect me to wear?  My college clothes?”  I snap, walking over to the pantry instead of my room as I’m told.  I need some water.  That orange shot I drank before has really dried my throat.  “And aren’t you used to seeing women dressed like this anyway?”

“Are you kidding me?  Minah’s different!  It’s what she does, goddammit!”

“Whatever.  The next time you see her you can tell her that you and I have no relationship whatsoever, by the way.”  I say, now walking briskly to my room.  

“Yes we do.” Kai says, narrowing his eyes.  “In working terms, of course.”

“What if I quit?” I ask, slowly walking towards him, and Kai stops dead.

“No.”  He says, a thread of worry detectable.  “You wouldn’t.”

“I might just would.”  I cross my arms.

“Iseul, you can’t be serious right?”

“Why can’t I be?”  I ask rhetorically.  “I mean, who in their right mind would stay working for the boss of a transnational crime group in full knowledge of it?!  And you lied to me, for God’s sake!”

“I had to!”  He spreads out his arms.  “What would you do if you were me?!  I needed a babysitter, and I wasn’t going to get one by going around telling people that I’m the boss of what might just be the most feared mobster group in Korea!  Iseul, Jongguk himself doesn’t even know!”

“He doesn’t?”  I whisper. 

“He will, when he gets older.”  Kai walks right up to me.  “Iseul, you’re not really quitting right?  You—“

“Tell me about this job of yours first.”  I cut.

Kai sighs reluctantly.  He opens his palms.  “What do you want to know?”  He asks, sounding resigned.

“What you do, what role you play, the work environment, everything!”

Kai bites his lip.  “Iseul, it’s not the nicest thing to hear about.”

“Yeah I know, Kai, but I need to know something about what I’m going to be dealing with here!  Or you can’t tell me?  Again?!”  I ask, my pitch rising.  “Even after I know?!”

“Yes I can.”  Kai says, then his eyes darken.  “Okay then, let’s start from the beginning.”

“The beginning?”

Kai smirks, his eyes fiercely cold and hard now.  “I’m Kai, leader of the Aces, or, as we call ourselves, EXO.  The HOC, apart from being one of the largest luxury hotel chains all over the world, is also one of the largest and oldest underground secret society—or, with a more honest term you may prefer—transnational crime organization.  We have a structure based on a deck of cards just like our name.  On the very top, we have the Joker.  That’s who you met as Jongguk’s grandpa.”

I gasp loudly.  “So… he isn’t really your… father?”

“My uncle.  He’s my boss.”

“What did he come for?”

“He wanted to meet you.”

Instantly, I feel my blood go cold.

“Below the Joker is us, the Aces.  Me, Suho, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, D.O. and Sehun.  We call ourselves EXO-K, and we have a brother group in China, where HOC members and units are also abundant.  They’re called EXO-M.”

Oh God, there’s a lot of them.

“Below us, the Aces, there are the Kings, Queens, and Jacks.  They’re basically our operation officers and well, they do stuff.  Then below them is the Diamonds, Hearts, Spades, and Clovers, and each group has a function of their own.  For example, Diamonds are snitches, most Spades are hackers and cyber security keepers… that kinda thing.  And at the very bottom is a Red-and-Black, an RNB or RAB for short.  They’re newly initiated members who basically are our first line of defense and occasionally get missions to pick up stuff. 

I’m speechless.  There’s even a legit structure in this thing!!  Seizing my silence, Kai goes on. 

“So for me… basically, I make sure everything is running well and do the more important, secretive, illegal stuff.   Big things.  Launder money, smuggle them somewhere, conduct black market activities usually consisting of trading weapons, explosives, drugs, make deals and—well, you get the idea—all in which the main goal is to obtain money.  As much as possible.”

It all clicks.  “Of course that’s why you’re so rich.”

Kai shrugs.  “But it’s not that simple.  Everybody wants money of course, so sometimes things go out of order and the way to deal with it is to simply… eliminate the complications.”

“Eliminate…” I echo, trying to read between the lines.

“I fight and kill people.”  He nods almost imperceptibly.

“A… lot?”

“A lot.”  He confirms. 

I lean on the wall behind me as my knees turn into useless jelly.  Just what in the world have I gotten myself into?!

“The world I live in is mean.   It’s either you kill, or get killed.  Over time, it becomes more of a defense mechanism, and because of it, things like… trust and mercy and forgiveness and emotions… they die too, slowly.  The underground societies never stop.  There’s always something happening somewhere and you’ve no time to think—all you’ve got to do is act on predatorial instinct of become the prey.  And because everyone here has connections, connections to people all the way to Russia and the US and Brazil and back to Korea, once you get in here…”  Kai pauses, “you can never really leave.”

A dark note ending his explanation resounds dully in my head.  I can’t think about anything anymore.

“I…” I pause.  “I need to go.”

Kai lets out a humorless laugh.  “Of course you do.”

I stop and turn back around to him, trying to say something, but he beats me to it. 

“You know…  For a ing second, Iseul, I actually thought that you, by some miracle, would stay.”  Kai is slowly stepping towards me, and I’m already leaning on a wall, so all I can do is just stand there and watch him approach me like a prey.  His eyes burn with angry fire that flash like daggers.  “But you’re just like everyone else.  You’re exactly like Jongguk’s mom!  Even after having a baby with me— when she found out— and not even from an old guy at some club, but because I was ing protecting her from another mobster group when they attacked us right in the middle of our own ing house back then—“ His breathing is ragged and labored as he continues to approach me.  “She left.  Me, a mobster with zero knowledge about parenthood, with a baby boy of 3 months… left us alone right the next morning.”

He’s coming closer, and closer still, and I can’t look away from him even though his eyes could kill right now.  “And today… you’re doing it again to me.  Only this time, you want to leave instantly.  Tonight.”  He growl, banging a fist on the wall behind me. 

“Kai…” I whisper, unsure of what else to say. 

“You’re all the same.”  Kai snarls.  “Are you going to take my money too like what she did?”

Tears start forming in my eyes.  “Kai, honestly—“ 

"How much do you want, Seul?" 

"Kai!  That's not what I want!  I just--"

“If you wanna leave then leave!  Go!  Just go!”  Kai yells in my face.  “Go and let me do all the explaining to Jongguk tomorrow morning!  Just make me tell another lie to my son—that’s all alright!  Go and make Jongguk tell that lie again to his friends when his mother doesn’t show up anymore on any school activities!  Go and break his ing heart, Iseul.  Just go, Iseul!  Go!” 

“Kai, please…” I whisper, and for some reason—maybe out of fear and frustration and anger—I start crying.  Why the am I crying!  He’s just yelling at you, Iseul, you can take more than yelling!  “I—I—“

“What?” Kai snaps.

“I don’t want to go, but—“

“But what?  You scared of living with someone like me?”  He taunts, his voice shaking with anger.  “Because I fight and kill people and—“

"No, Kai--"

"If you're going to leave you should've ing done that 5 ing months ago!!  Before you became Jongguk's pretend mom, before you moved in to my place, before I let you ride my own car, before I--"  Kai breaks off, his jaw clenching, "before I ever ing trusted you, goddamit."

"Kai just ing listen to me will you?!"  I plead, my voice rising higher.  

Kai continues rambling like I never said a thing.  "It might not have occured to you, but I--"

“But I feel like I don’t know you all over again!”  I scream frustratedly, cutting him off.  “Because suddenly it turns out that the person I’ve been living with isn’t the person I thought I’ve been living with!  And I don’t know if I can handle it now!”

We glare at each other, chests heaving up and down.  

Kai breaks the silence first.  “Is that the only reason you want to leave?”

“Isn’t it enough?” I ask, anger starting to bubble too.   “Isn’t it a ing enough to want to quit because I—“

“It’s not when I have a million for you to stay.”  Kai answers, his voice deep and heavy. 

I swallow. 

“First off, if you quit, you’ll no longer have a place to stay and you’ll have to go looking for another job.  Second, I don’t think that other job is going to grant you the pay and accommodation and flexibility that I do.  Third, Jongguk will keep asking for you, I guarantee.  So I will annoyingly try to hire you back.  Fourth, you’ll be missing out on a lot of fun because honestly—do you even feel like this is work right now?”

“But—“

Kai continues.  “Fifth, your new workplace probably won’t have a strong wifi like I do here.  Sixth, the toilets wouldn’t probably be as clean either.  Seventh, you won’t be able to watch Korean dramas freely anymore.  Eight, you’ll have to pay for transport and food.  Nine, your boss could be a whole lot worse.  Ten, the job could be a lot worse.”  Kai rattles on, panting slightly by now.

I raise my hand to dab the three stupid teardrops that have somehow escaped from my tear ducts but Kai beats me to it.  He lightly grazes his thumb on my cheek and near my nose, wiping them away.  That familiar heart thumping feel returns and I quickly clear my throat.  “Go on.”

“There might be erts that try to hit on you, and worse yet, I won’t be there to beat them up for you then.  You might get the night shift and end up dead tired in the morning.  Then you’re going to have to show up at uni looking like a zombie with 30 day old eyebags which will freak that boyfriend of yours away.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”  I deny.

“Your new apartment will probably not be as comfortable as this.  The landlord could be a .  The heating system could .  The taps and AC might be leaky, and the hot water could take ages to heat up.  Worse yet, your neighbor could be anyone—from a rookie emo rock band who rehearses in their apartment to a hormonal teenage boy who awakes you with sound of him ing the life out of his girlfriend every night.  Or, even better, boyfriend.” 

“Or my neighbor could be Kim Jongsuk’s cousin who could eventually introduce me to him.”

“You need more?”  Kai asks, his dry lips.  Oh God…

“I need something good.”  I tell him.

“Don’t you realize, Iseul, that because you’ve been here a while, people already have their sight set on you, and have already begun associating you with me?  They might be watching you—like what happened with the weirdo who called you and planted a hidden camera in the bathroom of your old apartment—to get to me.  Don’t you realize that to stay safe despite all this, the best thing for you to do is to stay here with me?  Because I know how to survive this world and so I can protect you better than anyone else can?”

I don’t answer. 

“When you’re alone, you’re a sitting duck.  But with me around…” Kai shakes his head.

“But why would they still want to get to me if I no longer have anything to do with you?”  I snap.

“Because, Iseul…” Kai sighs, “for them, you’ll still be a bait.”

“A bait?”  I echo.  “For what?”

“For me.”  Kai answers.

I look at him, not quite understanding.  “But you’ll no longer be around me.”

“Yeah but the thing is, once I hear about them catching you or something,” Kai looks at me dead in the eye, honest and undoing, “I might not be able to stop myself.”

“From what?”  I ask, nervous from his intense glare.

“From running over to save you.”  He replies, and immediately, my heart goes into overdrive again.   Shut up, Kai, just shut up!!  And let me live without worrying if I’ll fall for you and your stupid mouth!!

“Why?”  I ask, not sure of what to expect.

“Because I…” Kai pauses, biting his lip.  “Because I need to know that you’re okay.” 

“Why?”  I ask again quickly, like I’m trying to push him back into a corner before he runs away with the emotionless mask on again. 

“Because you ing matter to me, you idiot!” Kai yells, taking me by surprise.  His hand slowly drops down from its firm anchor on the wall behind me and slowly creeps around my waist, resting on the curve of my back.  “Which is why I want—no, I need you to stay.”

I could feel myself falling for it.  Nearly.  But suddenly I hear that old ahjusshi's voice--the one from the bar--repeating itself in my mind,

"It doesn't help if you're a girl either.  It's a well-known fact that he's rough with them, you know? Both in business and in bed."

"He's the worst out of all them.  It's like he's mechanically programmed to kill."

"And I heard Minah passes out every time he's done with her."  

Instinctively, I arch my back and look away from him.  No Iseul.  You can't fall for this.  You can't fall for him!  Get up!  Get up and don't be such a weak !!

"What's wrong?" Kai asks, sensing my hesitation.  "I know, I know, coming from a mobster like me I know this sounds like bullcrap but it's not.  I swear." 

I swallow, my heart and mind engaged in a fiery battle.  What is he, Jekyll and Hyde?  How is he being so soft and gentle now? 

"Iseul, please say something."  Kai bites his lip.  

I blink unsurely at him.  How can he an angel and a devil at the same time?

"What else did he tell you?"  Kai asks, peering closer at.  I'm not getting out of this alive, I swear.  It's gonna be either my h