There is no way you cannot be smiling if you see the one you love the most waiting at theat end of the aisle, facing towards your wayfacing, anticipating the last few steps until you can come close, and you see the most beautiful person you've ever seen in your life like you've never see him everyday. Clad in silk grey suit, a slightly darker shade of grey bow tie, his hair in an updo, in your eyes he is the perfect person in the utmost meaning of such word. You never knew "perfect" really exists until this day happened. 

Then you realized something was off.

He was smiling, but you can see right through his eyes that celebration for such ocassion isn't in his vocabulary right now. He was nervous, beyond expression, beyond words, and beyond actions. The light that used to shine through his eyes whenever he is smiling is just a distant memory for you.

And you think, no, you EXACTLY know why.

You continue walking towards him and as the distance is closing in, you feel your chest tightening, your heartbeat is accelerating, and you wanted to just stop and breathe for a while but hundreds of people were intently watching your every step. You know this was your ultimate dream, in a church, walking down the aisle towards him, into a bond that will last through eternity, and tears well up in your eyes but you try to fight them back because you can't be too emotional. You have this fear in your heart and you can't explain how turbulent your soul is right now.

If only you can hold his hands.

If only you can smile.

If only you can finally say that he's yours.

Only that you can't.

Only that you have to be as stiff and durable like a fortress right now.

Only that you'll need to walk away after all this.

Only that you'll be giving a hand to him when you reach the end.

Only that you'll be giving your sister's hand to the one you love the most.

As you arrive 2 steps away from him, you look into his eyes and try to bargain. You silently beg him to bail you out of your misery. But you know too well that both of you are suffering. You tried to make your plea come across to him through your watering eyes, but alas, nothing can be undone. It's almost the end. You bow your head down, hand your sister to him, swallow the lump in your throat, and watch their retreating backs as they make their way to the altar. 

Never have you felt so abandoned in your life than now. 

Never have you felt so broken in your life than in this particular situation.

Never have you wished so hard in your life to bring back the time and undo everything.

Never have you silently cried in your whole life while you're shattering into pieces and the small pieces keeps on getting pounded by an intangible hammer.

Never will you be in his arms again.

After an hour of a suffocating ceremony, you did your best to make up a smile for the newly weds. But you can never look at him like the way you did before. And you can't see the pain in his eyes when he tried to look your way, only because you were too scared to give yourself away, to break down, and to cry.

You immediately excuse yourself after the ceremony. Some excuse you made up while the wedding ceremony was going on. You had to visit your father's tomb. In two days you