What you mean to me

Description

Yifan finds it hard to express his feelings.

Foreword

 

 

Yifan wasn’t a man who would usually show a lot of affection. His mother had to ask him for hugs and kisses, and when they were given to him in return he would scowl or whine. His first girlfriend broke up with him for not holding her hand long enough, and in his second year of elementary school, Yifan promised himself that he’s never having a girlfriend again.

 

This promise was broken in his third year of high school. Well, not entirely, he never said anything about not having any boyfriends.

 

He first saw Joonmyun during a basketball game. His glance at the pale, soft man lost him a game, but won him his first crush in ages. It took him two weeks to manage to talk to him again when he noticed the man eating alone after Jongdae left the table to study. This quickly became a ritual. Yifan once made the mistake of lying that he watched anime just to impress him, but it only earned him an hour long rant from Joonmyun on exactly why he didn’t like the new Sailor Moon adaptation compared to the old one. As much as Yifan didn’t care, he enjoyed the sound of the other man’s voice a lot, and the image of Joonmyun in a Sailor Soldier outfit wasn’t that bad either.

 

Conversations in the lunchroom became conversations in cafes, then turned into whispers in movie theaters. Whispers turned into short comments on anime episodes from Joonmyun, who wanted to make sure that Yifan understood every important detail. Those comments turned into breathless moans and reassurances under the covers in Yifan’s bed, until the cycle would start all over again.

 

He’s already comfortable enough to hold Joonmyun’s hands in front of other people, and while Joonmyun assures him he doesn’t mind that it only lasts a few seconds, Yifan wants to prove that he loves him.

 

By actually saying I love you, which is something that Yifan has never actually said to someone before.

 

He supposes he’s told his mother he loves her a few times, but he’s expected to tell her things like that. Never in his life has he had to prove to something that he loves them. Their six month anniversary is growing near, and Joonmyun already promised to treat Yifan to a special meal. The taller man groans to himself when he’s finally alone in his room and decides that telling Joonmyun that he loves him isn’t as good as a present as a free meal.

 

*

 

Joonmyun holds the frame in his hands and lets out a laugh. A very loud, beautiful one that makes Yifan smile back at him. “What is this supposed to be?” He asks, shaking his head.

 

“It’s us. I drew us, I know how much you love my art.” And Joonmyun laughs again. The style is extremely crude and childish, but Joonmyun can’t help but find it adorable. He remembers that he once found Yifan scary, when they first met. But now, while most people see an aggressive basketball captain, he sees a gentle giant. Its become a running gag between them, but he didn’t actually think Yifan would give him a drawing for their six month anniversary. The taller man points at what seems to be himself. “See? I’m wearing my uniform, and there you are with a shirt that says ‘otaku nerd’ next to me.”

 

Joonmyun also notices the fact that Yifan drew his hands extremely large. “Its because you once said I had hands and I looked it up, and drew it.” And Joonmyun laughs so hard he attracts the attention of the entire restaurant.

 

Time passes and their orders have been eaten, both of them finished their wine glasses, and Joonmyun is staring at him with cheeks so pink and cute that could make a grown man cry. Yifan feels a hand on his thigh, and he stares at it then back into Joonmyun’s eyes. The short man only smiles and says, “I love you.”

 

Ok, here we go Yifan. Make it count.

 

“I care about you too... man.” Yifan blurts out, and Joonmyun’s expression changes from love to his famous ‘are-you-ing-kidding-me’ face.

 

“Man? Really?” He asks, scoffing. “What’s next? Are you going to call me ‘dude’ in bed?”

 

Yifan stammers in respond. “N-No, of course not. , I panicked ok.” But Joonmyun is busy drinking what’s left of his expensive wine.

 

“Joonmyun-” He starts, this time taking a deep breath before saying anything. “We have a saying in basketball... Ball is life. And if ball really is life then... You are my ball.”

 

Joonmyun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and Yifan can swear his life came crashing down that very moment, until he hears a laugh coming from the other man, and it everything suddenly doesn’t seem so terrible. “Alright, that was pretty cute. I can accept that.”

 

Yifan his lips and tries again. “I know I’m not very good at these sort of things but I- uh... I really care about you, Joonmyun.”

 

The other man closes his eyes and smiles. “I already know you love me. Not just anyone would miss game practice just to make me a mixtape in time for my birthday.”

 

“Yeah, that mix was fire.” Yifan agrees, giving himself a mental high five. “And I wouldn’t buy just anyone a pair of pikachu .”

 

“Too bad we ruined it, well... You did. I actually wanted to wear them in public.” Yifan’s eyebrows rose at that, Joonmyun gave him the face again. Seems like Yifan will have to leave those fantasies to his right hand. “But thank you, it was a nice gift, and I really love your drawing.”

 

“I love you.” Yifan blurts out, finally getting out of his chest. He searches through his pockets for a crumpled piece of paper and starts to read. “I love you a lot and I know I’m not the best at showing it, I’ve never been, but I’ll do my best to show you that I love you every day of my life, even if it means making a fool of myself. Even if it means missing practice, and even if it means making sacrifices. I love you...”


Joonmyun’s entire face is pink this time, not only his cheeks. He doesn’t respond, but his crescent eyed smile tells Yifan everything he needs to know. To some, six months isn’t enough to know that you want to spend your entire life with someone, but they aren’t those people.

Comments

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tarofroyo
#1
Is the foreword the story or will there be more...? Either way, this was so funny! I cringed/laughed through this whole story. Kris is such a fail but it's so cute. I love this kind of krisho.
"You are my ball"
oh my god.
AdriannaAS #2
awwww.....that was adorable....good job author-nim....give ur self a pat at the back...

p.s. love the anime reference