thirty-three

I am because we are (Ubuntu) [Permanent Hiatus]
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!! Do not miss the a/n at the end ;)

Happy Valentine's and enjoy ♥

Word Count: 3117

 

 

It was a cloudy day, sun barely up in the sky with its rays peeking through. The park was filled with different people alike – people jogging, exercising, chatting; children playing and running around; parents with their toddlers. There were picnics – of couples, of families. There were animals scattered about – dogs running around, cats strolling, birds flying.

 

It was all beautiful and Baekhyun walked mindlessly but at peace, basking the serenity around him. Although his surroundings were loud and chaotic, it all oddly made him feel.. calm; like it was all music to his ears.

 

Sundays were never really days he liked all too much; it was a time when he’d spend most of his day cooped up in his small apartment. He’d rather be surrounded by the chilly air coming in his glassless windows than be surrounded by families and happiness he had always longed for. Today, however, he thought of taking the time to go out for a mindless stroll. A first time in a long time.

 

 

A lot of things had happened for the past days, weeks, months. It was amazing, how a little less than a year, a lot of things can change. And all of it he had his new friends to thank for. Of course, with all the secrets he has been keeping, excuses he had made, lies he had said, guilt was eating him.

It was a painful mix of selfishness and guilt. But hey, in his twenty-one years of living, the happiness he had always longed for is here. Yeah, he’ll be selfish. Because once this is all gone – goodbye.

 

He chuckles at himself as he watched a family adorably play ring-around-the-rosie with their little children from afar. Before, these scenes would bring him heartache. A painful heartache as he had no such memory. Probably the only memory he has was of his mother feeding him once and blurred – still a pleasant one to remember.

 

Images of Tao’s parents appear in his head along with images of Minho and Junmyeon, the acting ‘parents’ of the group. He remembers when Tao’s mother gushed upon his arrival. His father’s happy welcome ‘hello’ when he arrived during dinner. He remembers all the times Junmyeon fussed over him, over the smallest of scratches he had. And of course, how can he ever forget the warm ‘fatherly’ hug Minho gave him.

 

A wider smile made its way to his lips. This time, images of Chanyeol’s unexpected caring and affectionate-self came barging into his head. The memory of his confession. The voice saying the three meaningful words echoed. The memory of the two cats. The memory of Luhan and Sehun. The memory of their grandmother.

 

These were all small gestures, seeming meaningless acts, shallow details of his life. And yet they meant the most. They were far.. far more meaningful than what they appear to be.

 

Baekhyun inhaled and exhaled just as slowly as if smelling the fresh air around him.

 

Yeah. He’ll be selfish.

 

 

 

Lost in thoughts as he walked the park’s pathways, he fails to notice the girl approaching his way with a mischievous smile. He was only brought to attention when he bumped, rather harshly, on the person apparently on his way.

 

Rubbing his forehead as it hit rather painfully on something, he hears laughter and looks up.

 

“Hello again!”

 

“Stranger?” Baekhyun says in disbelief. It was the girl he met at the gift shop, the only person who knew about his secret.

 

“My name is ‘stranger’ now?” She teases amusedly.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry, I just.. We’ve never really exchanged names...” He says embarrassed with a tint of pink on his cheeks.

 

Chuckling, the girl replies. “True. Although for some reason I prefer this arrangement, don’t you think?”

 

Baekhyun his head in cute confusion.

 

“Sharing a secret to someone you don’t know, oddly feels lifting, does it not?” She smiles with eyes crinkling. “I don’t know you, you don’t know me, and although we know little personal things of each other, the whole thing feels oddly securing.”

 

Strangers. Baekhyun could not help but agree. This ‘stranger’ is the only person who knows of his secret. They know nothing more of each other so what is there to fear about, what is there to judge, right? Remaining anonymous has its perks.

Smiling, he nods his head in agreement. “True. You’ve got a point.”

 

 

They walk side by side in moment silence, appreciating whatever is around them.

 

“So, what brings you here?” Baekhyun asks first.

 

“Nothing, just thought I’d get a breath of fresh air. You?”

 

“Same.”

 

And silence again. A smile makes its way onto Baekhyun’s lips as he found it funny how the silence between him and the stranger felt oddly comforting. Of course, not in the same way as the silence between him and Chanyeol just.. to walk with someone who knows…

 

“Have you told them yet?”

 

A little startled at the sudden question, he answers sadly with an unconscious pout on his lips. “No.”

 

Sensing the sudden turn of calm demeanor to that of sadness, she asks gently. “Don’t you have plans on telling them?”

 

“I’m pretty sure now I’m going to lose them if I do.” Baekhyun smiles bitterly.

 

“But.. the longer you keep, the more painful it’ll be.”

 

“I know.” He shakes his head. “One day maybe, I’m just not ready yet.. is all.”

In an attempt to divert the attention from him, he throws back a question of his own before she could reply. “How ‘bout you? How is it going getting your love back?”

 

It was her turn to turn sad. “Mmm… Haven’t attempted yet.”

 

Baekhyun his head cutely, pauses their walk to look at her in question.

 

“It’s not easy.” She chuckles. “Like you, I’m too afraid to face the truth. Like you, I’m too afraid to get rejected. And like how you think, I’m pretty sure that’s how I’ll end up.”

“But hopefully I’d at least get to talk to him. To at least be able to apologize.. even though I know it’ll all probably be too late.” She mutters last.

 

“Well then, fighting for both of us!” Baekhyun says a little too enthusiastically, holding his fist up to do the ‘fighting’ gesture which all elicits laughter from the girl.

 

“Yes, fighting for the both us.” She returns.

 

 

 

 

♠♠♠

 

 

“So, have you gotten the group gifts now?” Kyungsoo asks startling Baekhyun.

 

They were at the café’s backroom – Baekhyun was busy baking some Mint Choc-Chip cupcakes as Kyungsoo sneaked in. He will never get tired of startling Baekhyun, too amusing.

 

“Yeah. Had them for a while now.” He says giddy.

 

“Well someone’s excited.” Kyungsoo teases.

 

“Aren’t you? It’s the first time we’re spending the holidays with them. It’s been so long since I last celebrated it.. more like never.” He mutters the last unconsciously, missing the odd look Kyungsoo gave him as he heard.

 

Pouting, Kyungsoo feigns offense. “But you celebrated it with me for two years how could you.” And sniffs pretends.

 

“But I didn’t spend it with you on the day itself.” Baekhyun mutters. He panics after a moment though as he realized what he just nearly revealed. “I-I mean..”

“It’s still different when you’re with your family compared to your friends. Yeah.” He nods rather defensively. “Right? I mean… I feel this… this friendship kind of loneliness and it’s just diff–“

 

Seeing the suddenly defensive Baekhyun, brushing off his earlier muttering, Kyungsoo laughs. “Ok ok. I get it, I get it. No need to be defensive.” and proceeds to engulf Baekhyun in a tight hug. “Awww~ My Baekkie is so thoughtful~ Such a precious friend yo

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exocholic
[Ubuntu] Hello! Just to let everyone know, a little update on the last chapter, it's already on the works! It looks like it's going to be a very long chapter though. So I may have to see if I'll update with what I currently have or just the whole last chapter in one go. But finally getting there! 😭

Comments

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MyLipsOnEXOs
#1
This fic is definitely the perfect one for winter. If anyone scrolls the comments they’ll see how often I reread this! At this point I would buy a physical copy of it.
Maya1990
#2
Chapter 95: When I saw in the title that it's in permanent huatus I went to the last ch to see where did it stopped and I swear to god I cried .... the pain I felt was REAL, the last 1000 words broke my heart 💔 now I want to read the whole thing knowing very well it will get me depressed
JuliaByun #3
Chapter 95: August 2023 and I still long for this story 🥹 I keep coming back because it demands my attention. I hope you’re doing great and well authornim ❤️❤️
walkinginmoonlight #4
Chapter 95: Ahh sometimes I get reminded of this fic and just how like, lovely it is? It's been years since I've last reread it, but I still remember it fondly, gosh the times when it had just started I still clearly remember. I was just reminded of aff being a thing today and had to try and remember my login.. I cannot remember if I commented on this chapter already but! Even if it's not the complete end, it's half of the end, so we've come pretty far since the beginning 😊 I know updates went from quick to rather slow, but seeing it's been awhile I got a bit worried so checked your twitter, and it's nice to see you're still doing well! Or, seemingly doing well. That you're still around and still enjoying our EXOs~❤️ so I hope you are doing well! And thank you for the very memorable fic 😊
MyLipsOnEXOs
#5
I've lost count of which rereading this is but this shall definitely always be my comfort fic. Whether it's the writing style or the details or the flow or the characters or maybe all of that together, there's just something that has me always coming back.

I read this for the first time in 2018, 5 years later it still holds a special place in my heart. I usually avoid starting new fics that haven't been updated recently, but just like my very first comment on this fic "It's on permanent hiatus but the foreword has me entranced so I will read it", the story is truly entrancing and gosh I'm grateful I read it!
Exofanland #6
Chapter 95: had to reread the last few chap bc its been so long and yes i am still crying my eyes out.
dreaming777
#7
Chapter 95: Hi there, I've left my aff account for so long an happy to see this update!!!! And truthfully I didn't expect I would still bawled my eyes out 😭
uwuness
#8
i keep coming back here just to check if authornim's have an update but no rush authornim, i can still wait :)))))) i'll reread this again because i'm missing this so much~

take care always~
uwuness
#9
i miss this so much 😭
hearteututu #10
Chapter 95: I’m back after many years and this made me cry so much. I really love this story and can still remember every scene vividly. Tysm for this wonderful and heartfelt chapter 💕