thirty-three
I am because we are (Ubuntu) [Permanent Hiatus]!! Do not miss the a/n at the end ;)
Happy Valentine's and enjoy ♥
Word Count: 3117
It was a cloudy day, sun barely up in the sky with its rays peeking through. The park was filled with different people alike – people jogging, exercising, chatting; children playing and running around; parents with their toddlers. There were picnics – of couples, of families. There were animals scattered about – dogs running around, cats strolling, birds flying.
It was all beautiful and Baekhyun walked mindlessly but at peace, basking the serenity around him. Although his surroundings were loud and chaotic, it all oddly made him feel.. calm; like it was all music to his ears.
Sundays were never really days he liked all too much; it was a time when he’d spend most of his day cooped up in his small apartment. He’d rather be surrounded by the chilly air coming in his glassless windows than be surrounded by families and happiness he had always longed for. Today, however, he thought of taking the time to go out for a mindless stroll. A first time in a long time.
A lot of things had happened for the past days, weeks, months. It was amazing, how a little less than a year, a lot of things can change. And all of it he had his new friends to thank for. Of course, with all the secrets he has been keeping, excuses he had made, lies he had said, guilt was eating him.
It was a painful mix of selfishness and guilt. But hey, in his twenty-one years of living, the happiness he had always longed for is here. Yeah, he’ll be selfish. Because once this is all gone – goodbye.
He chuckles at himself as he watched a family adorably play ring-around-the-rosie with their little children from afar. Before, these scenes would bring him heartache. A painful heartache as he had no such memory. Probably the only memory he has was of his mother feeding him once and blurred – still a pleasant one to remember.
Images of Tao’s parents appear in his head along with images of Minho and Junmyeon, the acting ‘parents’ of the group. He remembers when Tao’s mother gushed upon his arrival. His father’s happy welcome ‘hello’ when he arrived during dinner. He remembers all the times Junmyeon fussed over him, over the smallest of scratches he had. And of course, how can he ever forget the warm ‘fatherly’ hug Minho gave him.
A wider smile made its way to his lips. This time, images of Chanyeol’s unexpected caring and affectionate-self came barging into his head. The memory of his confession. The voice saying the three meaningful words echoed. The memory of the two cats. The memory of Luhan and Sehun. The memory of their grandmother.
These were all small gestures, seeming meaningless acts, shallow details of his life. And yet they meant the most. They were far.. far more meaningful than what they appear to be.
Baekhyun inhaled and exhaled just as slowly as if smelling the fresh air around him.
Yeah. He’ll be selfish.
Lost in thoughts as he walked the park’s pathways, he fails to notice the girl approaching his way with a mischievous smile. He was only brought to attention when he bumped, rather harshly, on the person apparently on his way.
Rubbing his forehead as it hit rather painfully on something, he hears laughter and looks up.
“Hello again!”
“Stranger?” Baekhyun says in disbelief. It was the girl he met at the gift shop, the only person who knew about his secret.
“My name is ‘stranger’ now?” She teases amusedly.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I just.. We’ve never really exchanged names...” He says embarrassed with a tint of pink on his cheeks.
Chuckling, the girl replies. “True. Although for some reason I prefer this arrangement, don’t you think?”
Baekhyun his head in cute confusion.
“Sharing a secret to someone you don’t know, oddly feels lifting, does it not?” She smiles with eyes crinkling. “I don’t know you, you don’t know me, and although we know little personal things of each other, the whole thing feels oddly securing.”
Strangers. Baekhyun could not help but agree. This ‘stranger’ is the only person who knows of his secret. They know nothing more of each other so what is there to fear about, what is there to judge, right? Remaining anonymous has its perks.
Smiling, he nods his head in agreement. “True. You’ve got a point.”
They walk side by side in moment silence, appreciating whatever is around them.
“So, what brings you here?” Baekhyun asks first.
“Nothing, just thought I’d get a breath of fresh air. You?”
“Same.”
And silence again. A smile makes its way onto Baekhyun’s lips as he found it funny how the silence between him and the stranger felt oddly comforting. Of course, not in the same way as the silence between him and Chanyeol just.. to walk with someone who knows…
“Have you told them yet?”
A little startled at the sudden question, he answers sadly with an unconscious pout on his lips. “No.”
Sensing the sudden turn of calm demeanor to that of sadness, she asks gently. “Don’t you have plans on telling them?”
“I’m pretty sure now I’m going to lose them if I do.” Baekhyun smiles bitterly.
“But.. the longer you keep, the more painful it’ll be.”
“I know.” He shakes his head. “One day maybe, I’m just not ready yet.. is all.”
In an attempt to divert the attention from him, he throws back a question of his own before she could reply. “How ‘bout you? How is it going getting your love back?”
It was her turn to turn sad. “Mmm… Haven’t attempted yet.”
Baekhyun his head cutely, pauses their walk to look at her in question.
“It’s not easy.” She chuckles. “Like you, I’m too afraid to face the truth. Like you, I’m too afraid to get rejected. And like how you think, I’m pretty sure that’s how I’ll end up.”
“But hopefully I’d at least get to talk to him. To at least be able to apologize.. even though I know it’ll all probably be too late.” She mutters last.
“Well then, fighting for both of us!” Baekhyun says a little too enthusiastically, holding his fist up to do the ‘fighting’ gesture which all elicits laughter from the girl.
“Yes, fighting for the both us.” She returns.
♠♠♠
“So, have you gotten the group gifts now?” Kyungsoo asks startling Baekhyun.
They were at the café’s backroom – Baekhyun was busy baking some Mint Choc-Chip cupcakes as Kyungsoo sneaked in. He will never get tired of startling Baekhyun, too amusing.
“Yeah. Had them for a while now.” He says giddy.
“Well someone’s excited.” Kyungsoo teases.
“Aren’t you? It’s the first time we’re spending the holidays with them. It’s been so long since I last celebrated it.. more like never.” He mutters the last unconsciously, missing the odd look Kyungsoo gave him as he heard.
Pouting, Kyungsoo feigns offense. “But you celebrated it with me for two years how could you.” And sniffs pretends.
“But I didn’t spend it with you on the day itself.” Baekhyun mutters. He panics after a moment though as he realized what he just nearly revealed. “I-I mean..”
“It’s still different when you’re with your family compared to your friends. Yeah.” He nods rather defensively. “Right? I mean… I feel this… this friendship kind of loneliness and it’s just diff–“
Seeing the suddenly defensive Baekhyun, brushing off his earlier muttering, Kyungsoo laughs. “Ok ok. I get it, I get it. No need to be defensive.” and proceeds to engulf Baekhyun in a tight hug. “Awww~ My Baekkie is so thoughtful~ Such a precious friend yo
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