A Flyer, A Guilt

Miss Pariah

"What's wrong, young man? You seem upset over there," the manager commented, noticing Jiyong's solemn expression. "Do you not like work? Did something bad happen?"

Jiyong stared at his manager. He had been keeping up with a fake smile during the entire day, and he was surprised that out of all the people who noticed, it was his manager who found out first. His initial response was to tell his manager that he was just feeling a bit sick, but he later thought that he could receive some advice from the old man.

A week had passed since he had taken the kids out to a terrible lunch. The day had basically ended with them finishing their lunch and walking away on their own separate paths. They wouldn't even look behind them just to see if the other was heading home safely. No one had said a word; they had only gave each ther silent goodbyes.

"Sir, what do you think of—" He was just about to talk about teenagers. Teenagers. Didn't the manager despise teenagers? Then what would he know about them?

"Think of what? Jiyong, don't keep me hanging," the manager said, giving him a small smile.

"I was just…The weather. It looks like some kind of warning," Jiyong said, changing the topic.

The manager looked out the window. "What? It's cloudy and snowing. I see nothing bad."

"But everything looks gloomy. Christmas and New Year's Day is over. Everything is just…white," Jiyong pointed out, resting his chin against the the handle of the mop.

"You see all that? I just see snow."

"That's what I said. Everything's white."

"Jiyong, snow and white might be related to each other, but they aren't the same thing." The manager looked up at the sky with a soft smile. "Valentine's is coming in a month. Maybe that's why you look at this whether with such a negative attitude." His expression faded. "So that day is already coming, huh…"

Jiyong paused for a moment. He let his manager reminisce about the past until he received some kind of sign to continue. When the manager turned around and walked back into the employee's room, Jiyong knew that the conversation had ended for the manager. 

What luck I have, Jiyong thought sarcastically, sighing. He began mopping the floor, but stopped when he felt the need to look outside.

It was still white.

* * *

At five, Jiyong took his break and stepped outside, taking out his pack of cigarette from one of his thick pockets. Despite the cold wind blowing, he managed to lite his lighter. He carefully brought the fire close to his cigarette, which he put between his lips. He gave it a few brief draws, and when the smoke started rising from the other side, he placed the lighter back into his pocket. He inhaled slowly, removed the stick, then exhaled, watching the cloudy puff of smoke rise and disappear into the sky.

Apologizing was hard; Jiyong knew that. However, he didn't know that it was that hard. A simple reconciliation seemed to not exist for teenagers. He saw the kids as lazy brats who didn't care about the world, taking the blows of society like fools. He didn't even see a look of sincerity in their eyes. Rather, they were almost always empty or cold, glaring or drooping.

He raised the cigarette back to his mouth and inhaled. 

Damn them, Jiyong thought, exhaling. He coughed for a moment, feeling a need to cough for no clear reason. Damn them for being kids.

He paused, then chuckled to himself. Why was he getting so worked up on this? This had nothing to do with him. He was Kwon Jiyong, for crying out loud! He didn't care about people. He just needed to live his life. Didn't he say that he wasn't going to be involved? Didn't he say that he was going to start anew? Didn't he say he wouldn't…

His heart anxiously pounded against his chest. He groaned and clutched the right side of his shirt, pounding his fist against his chest, hoping that the beating would slow. Whether it was bad health or not, Jiyong began to notice that he was feeling more stressed out. His body ached, and he wasn't quite sure why it did. He would've went to the hospital, but going to the hospital meant the possibility of seeing his old friends, which he clearly didn't want. If his friends came, then Jiyong's life would be over.

"Jiyong! Don't you think it's time to get rid of that and come back in? Minah is back here to work," the manager said, popping his head out of the door. Jiyong stared at his manager, sighed when he heard Minah's name, then got up.

"I'm coming, sir," he replied, crushing the cigarette with his foot. "Is she already at the counter?"

"Of course, of course. Oh, and another girl wants to see you," Manager Kim said.

Jiyong looked up at him. "Who?"

"The scary-faced girl. Long, bad hair that covers her face? She's small," the manager said, describing what Jiyong defined Jieun. The employee gave his boss a small nod, and picked up the cigarette to dispose it. Once he did, he walked back in the room, eventually entering the store.

As the manager had told him, Jieun was waiting for him. She was roaming around, hiding her face from Minah, who didn't even bother to hide herself from Jieun. The two girls knew who had more power over the other, establishing a silent agreement to not to recognize each other. Jiyong cleared his throat, greeting Minah with a small nod. Minah bowed half-way, but she looked away with a calm expression. He walked over to Jieun, who was startled to see him.

"Hello, Jieun. How are you?" Jiyong asked. He smiled at her, hoping that she would grow more comfortable.

"G-Good," she stuttered. She paused, then rubbed the back of her neck. "I-I wanted to thank you for lunch last week."

His smile grew bigger. "That's thoughtful of you. You're the only one who actually gave me proper thanks for paying your meal."

He made sure that he was especially loud for Minah to hear him. Minah scowled, knowing that she would have to thank Jiyong later. He smirked, then glanced back at Jieun.

"So, was that all?" he asked her.

"U-Um…" Jieun bit her bottom lip, then glanced behind her. Jiyong looked past her shoulder. He saw Chanyeol and two of his other friends hanging outside, waiting in the cold for Jieun to come back. Suddenly, Jieun gave him a small flyer. "On this day, we have this event at our school. I want you to come and see us do…um, to do some stuff."

It was obvious that Chanyeol had set her up to this, which meant that the sneaky boy had plans for Jiyong. Right when Jiyong was about to refuse, he saw an odd bruise mark on her collar bone. Her tiny body shook with fear, as if she was afraid of failure.

Wow, they cornered me good, Jiyong thought, realizing his tight situation. If he didn't go, then Chanyeol would happily beat her up some more. Though if he did go, he knew that he was going to be in for some kind of foul treat.

"Yeah, yeah! You should go!" Minah agreed, speaking up. At that moment, Jiyong realized that Minah's long hair had covered one side of her face so that Chanyeol, who was still waiting outside, wouldn't recognize her. Still, he knew that even though she was hiding from him, she was also into the plan.

Sneaky little bastards, he cursed. He looked at Jieun and gave her a fake smile. "Sure, I'll go."

Jieun looked up at him, her eyes wide with fear. Her face had paled like the snow outside, completely white and cold. Her lips trembled. She tried to say something—anything to stop Jiyong from coming—but no words came out of her purple lips. It was only her brown orbs that spoke what she desired: Don't come. Please, don't come.

Don't look like you're afraid of this. You chose this path. Now I'm going along with it, he thought to himself. "I'll post this flyer on the shop, too. Lots of people would like to come."

"I…"

"Jieun, why don't you run along now? It looks like your boyfriend is waiting for you," he told her, pointing out the window. He spotted Chanyeol eyeing him, as if he was watching his every move. 

Jieun bit her bottom lip. She hesitated for a moment, but when she saw Minah give her a serious look, she only nodded meekly and walked out of the store. Jiyong watched her from indoors, observing her behavior and Chanyeol's. When Jieun's mouth opened, Chanyeol began to smirk with pride. He gave Jiyong a cheeky look, made a sign with his two fingers slicing his own throat, and walked away with his group, his large arm wrapped around Jieun's thin shoulders.

"That guy is totally planning on revenge," Jiyong muttered. He walked over to the counter, where Minah was fixing up her hair.

"You noticed, but you still agreed to go along with it?" Minah asked.

"Was that the wrong thing to do?"

"Heck yeah! Why would you sacrifice your life like that?"

Jiyong kept quiet. "Did you think that I was going to go?"

"What? Were you planning on not going?" Minah gave Jiyong a long stare. "You're so dumb for an adult."

"Well, what would you do?"

"Flat-out reject the offer! It's stupid and you're stupid for accepting it."

Jiyong chuckled softly. "You know, you're also part of this. You're the one who encouraged me to go."

Minah pressed her lips. She looked away with a look of shame rising with her burning cheeks. She played with the register, opening it and closing it while tapping her other fingers against the counter. She had the same look Jieun had just minutes ago: guilt.

Jiyong heaved a sigh and checked the clock. He rotated his neck and pulled out a cigarette. Placing it between his two lips, he began walking out to the front of the door. Minah finally looked up, her eyes following Jiyong's every move.

"Where are you going?" Minah asked curiously, her head almost poking out of the counter.

"Out," Jiyong said. "I'll be right here, don't worry. Just going to smoke for a bit."

"Now? It's not your break, though—"

"I'm going out to chase away the teenagers. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do," Jiyong lied, getting a bit annoyed at Minah. She kept shut, nodding her head like a child who was just yelled at for causing trouble.

When he stepped outside, a gush of cold air hit his face. Luckily for him, it was snowing, which meant that he didn't need to deal with the cold droplets falling against his bare skin. After all, he wasn't even wearing a proper jacket outside. 

He fished out his lighter from his pocket, and carefully cupped his hands near the end of the cigarette. He lit it, slowly at first, until the light flickered and touched the end with upmost delicacy. The drug burned away, a thin layer of smoke rising into the gloomy weather. He inhaled slowly, then exhaled as he felt his stress and worries drift off with the smoke. 

Why was he so involved in this drama? It was annoying as heck, and he just wanted to crawl out of it. But every time he tried to escape, the number of arms got bigger and the sound of pleads and cries just got louder. These kids—these poor, dumb kids who couldn't do anything for themselves—kept asking for help without doing anything. What would help do when they, themselves, didn't try to change them? No matter how ashamed or guilty they feel for doing the things they did, wasn't it their fault for doing it?

But they're only kids, Jiyong reminded himself. Yes, they were poor, little kids lost in a large group of students who picked on them. So they must be given some sympathy, right? They…

"You smoke?"

A voice interrupted Jiyong's thoughts. He looked up, and saw Jiho and his three other friends standing behind him. Everyone but Jiho stared at him with sparkly eyes, awed by the fact that their role model did what they had always wanted to do: smoke and chill.

"Can I have one, King Kwon? I know how these work!" Kyungsoo exclaimed, taking his hand out.

"You're eighteen?" Jiyong asked him, his eyes a little wider than usual.

Thinking this was impressive, Kyungsoo pressed on. "I'm seventeen, but turning eighteen later! Give me—"

"Fat chance, kid. Wait until later. Follow the law," Jiyong said, pointing at a random sign. 

Suddenly, he began feeling like he was being stared at. He slowly looked at Jiho, who had his eyes on the flyer Jieun had given him. It was sticking out of his little pocket, and the colorful poster didn't help drive Jiho's attention away from it. Jiyong awkwardly pushed in the flyer, catching Jiho's piercing gaze.

"A flyer?" Jiho asked. "A date?"

The three other friends froze. A date? For their king? Did this meant that their would be a Queen Kwon, too? Did that mean that they had to bow down to her like how they did to King Kwon?

"A flyer," Jiyong repeated. "No date."

Their little hearts eased as they let out a deep sigh.

"For what?" Jiho questioned him.

"That's my little secret," Jiyong told him with a small smirk. He spotted Jiho's frown.

"Your secret?"

"My secret."

"Without sharing secret?"

"Without."

Jiho slightly gritted his teeth. "Are you going to do anything with Jieun?"

Am I? Jiyong wondered. He was impressed with how quickly Jiho caught up to the situation. "I don't know. Maybe a little walk-around with her?"

"So it's a date?" Jiho asked again.

My, my. So many questions. Jiyong groaned and got ready to dispose his cigarette. "Not a date, Jiho. I wouldn't date a high school student."

"You don't know that." Jiho began to grow hostile. "You're a weird guy. Who knows, maybe you have a for liking high school girls."

Appalled, Jiyong blinked his eyes. He began to wonder how low Jiho thought his standards were. He watched Jiho's three friends lunge towards their bad-mouthed friend, covering his eyes, mouth and ears. 

"He didn't mean it, King Kwon! We swear!" Wonshik declared.

"He's just a bit moody because he got another detention! It's nothing big! Really!" Changshik added.

"I…It's fine," Jiyong said. "Really, it's fine…"

Jiho, who was stumbling over his own shoes and struggling to push his friends away, finally managed to pry their hands off his face. He growled at them, glaring at the ones who had prevented him from thrownig more questions. He dusted his sleeves and stared back at Jiho.

"So?" Jiho asked. "When is it?"

Jiyong hadn't looked at the date. He pulled out the flyer, reading the messy handwriting on the paper. 

"Oh," he said. "It's apparently tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, huh," Jiho muttered. He nodded his head. "Okay. Thanks. Come on, guys. We're leaving."

The three others whined, but they ended up following Jiho. They made their way up the hill, disappearing from Jiyong's vision.

Alone, Jiyong stared back at the paper. As he continued to read it, he heard the door open behind him. He didn't look back until he heard his manager's voice calling for him. When he did look back, the manager examined his face and scrunched his eyebrows.

"What's wrong, Jiyong?" the manager asked. "Do you feel ill?"

Jiyong paused, then pulled out some extra money he carried in his pocket. Faking a smile, he looked at the manager with a peculiar look that confirmed his bad mood.

"Manager," Jiyong started, "may I have the day off tomorrow? Oh, and can I buy the box of alcohol and some more cigarette packs…?"

Tomorrow, he wasn't going to go. He wasn't going to go and have some kids beat him up to death.

But tonight, he was going to dine. He was going to drink like a thirsty animal, smoke until the room was filled with layers of gray gas, and go crazy to the point where his mind would think that he had traveled to insanity. He was going to drink and smoke; he was going to embrace the night as if it was his last day of life.


Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait. I was going to update this last week, but I had the cram in some ACT time and fell too sick to write. I was feeling a bit better, so I decided to write. I'm hoping to get in another chapter soon as apologies for the long wait, but I can't make any promises on that. Hopefully it'll be longer than today's update because I feel that this update was too short, but it just might be me.

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Thank you!
500sunny500
11/14/15: I'm just letting you guys know that the sequel to "Miss Pariah" has been posted. Check the foreword if you want to check out the sequel!

Comments

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UaenaExoticInspirit
#1
Chapter 35: This story is amazing! I read the last chapter with tears in my eyes. This is definitely one of the best fanfics I have ever read. I kinda regret not reading this earlier lol
GreenFlash #2
Chapter 35: While i read this story i thought i was reading a plot for a drama or something. And i really hoped till the end that GD and IU would finally end up as a couple •_•
But i really liked the story. It was really well written and emotional:)
BangMind
#3
Chapter 35: Omg I thought Minah and Jiho would end up together (they had some romantic scenes too ;(
The saddest part was IU and GD :((( the last chapters were kind of rush and I hate how GD depends on other's health condition :/
I hate that last line, too T-T
BangMind
#4
Chapter 24: OMG. this fiction needs more subscribers.
It's so freaking awesome how you painted a beautiful picture with all four beautiful people (but they have flaws, too. which even makes it better and realistic).
I think people tend to read only about their idols, so when you try to tell a lot about Jiho and Minah I think that's why the story doesn't get the population it deserves. (I'm really glad to read though because I'm a fan of all four haha)
This story is going really well. I really love your writing! I love GD's character so much :) and of course the rest three as well.
And get well soon, author-nim? (I saw your status just now ^^)