12:30

 

  

 

 

 

 tick tick tick

 

    “Yoseob-ah..”

 

    Dujun whispered as he walked slowly towards the bed.

 

    “Y…Yoseob-ah answer me”

 

    The man called the name of the person he loved most out softly. His shaky voice was as blue as the clock on the wall; the clock which had stopped for hours.

 

    “No…”

 

 

    —————

 

    “Dujun-ah”

    “Hmm?”

    “Do you love me?”

 

    Yoseob asked with a playful smile on his cheeks. The dimples Dujun fell in love with since years before showed up clearly. Dujun left out a giggle and pulled the other boy over the couch he’s sitting in and kissed him gently.

 

    “THAT was the most foolish question I’ve ever heard in my whole life.”

 

    Yoseob chuckled and rolled over the couch so that he was laying down with his head on Dujun’s lap.

 

    “You are free after lunch tomorrow right?”

    “Uh-huh why?”

    “Let’s go out”

    “You mean a date?”

 

    The small boy’s face got blush as he flipped his head away from Dujun.

 

    “Don’t just conclue stuff by your own, you dummy.”

    “Haha So now I’m a dummy?”

    “Yeah you’re the dummiest dummy ever existed”

 

    The fake angry voice and the red ears of Yoseob got Dujun laughing even harder.

 

    “Then it’s not a date then? Ah..I was thinking of taking my little boyfriend out for some fancy dinner and even made a reservation…but I guess I’ll just cancel it th-“

    “NOOOOOOO WHO TOLD YOU I DON’T WANNA GO YOU DUMB”

 

    Yoseob yelled as he got up and changed his position to sitting on Dujun’s lap completely, facing the older man.

 

    “But that kind of stuff is called a date, Yoseob-ah. You said you’re not gonna go on a date, then we can’t go”

    “I’m kidding!!! Let’s go on a dateeeeee”

    “Hmmm but only people in love would go a date though~ Who would love a dumb headed person like me?”

    “I dooooo Dujun-ah I loveee you so let’s go on a dateeee”

 

    Yoseob’s cute expression got Dujun’s heart weak every time. Dujun finally smiled and hooked Yoseob in for a kiss.

 

    “Umm Dujun-ah I left my laundry in the ro-“

    “Don’t care”

 

    Dujun whispered between their kiss, before giving Yoseob another loving kiss.

 

    It was a long night

 

—————

 

    “…..”

 

    Yoseob opened up his heavy eye lids and looked over to the other side if the bed. The smell of Dujun’s sport shampoo and the soap they shared are still on Dujun’s pillow, but the guy himself was nowhere to be seen.

 

    Yoseob slowly sat himself up and left out a soft cry to the pain in his lower body. He closed his eyes to remember every part of the ream he had last night…and many other nights.

 

    This dream again…

 

    “It’s been so long, isn’t it…?”

 

    He said to himself with a dry smile on his face. It was so long ago, the last time Dujun loved him. The last time Dujun was the same Dujun before he changed. And how did he change? Yoseob didn’t know either.

 

    Yoseob grabbed his phone and found his way to Dujun’s number. He stared at it for a while before dialling his boyfriend with his heart still wavering with fear.

 

    (Hello?)

    “H…Hi Dujun-ah”

    (Didn’t I tell you not to call me when I’m at work?)

    “Y..yeah I remember”

    (Huh)

 

    Yoseob was silent. He was always silent when Dujun’s angry. Dujun was just…so different that he’s scary.

 

    (Well, why did you call me?)

    “It’s just…do you remember what today is?”

    (Today? Why? What is it again now? The first day we held hands, or the first day we kissed? Come one we’re not five anymore, Yoseob.)

 

    “…”

 

    The small guy couldn’t answer. The sobs in his throat were too big that he couldn’t even afford to say a word. The voice of Dujun’s pretty secretary giggling his boyfriend’s name was like a knife opening wounds in his chest.

 

    “It’s…it’s my birthday…”

    (…)

    “I was gonna ask you if you can make it out during your lunch break and meet me at 12.30, but I guess I was just being too selfish…haha”

 

    He spoke as tears ran down his soft cheeks slowly. Dujun did not answer, instead he whispered something to his secretary with a soft laugh. Yoseob said ‘I love you’ like every time and hung up the phone before Dujun made any reply.

 

    “Alright…I guess this is really the end”

 

    His voice was cold and emotionless when Yoseob whispered to himself. He got down from the bed and dressed up as quick as he can. His hands dialling another emergency number on his phone.

 

    “Hello…this is Leo-shi, right?”

 

    —————

 

    “Hey!! Yoseob-shi”

 

    A young man, around five years younger than Yoseob, shouted as he waved to the smaller man entering the cafe. Yoseob looked at him and smiled politely.

 

    “How are you doing?”

    “I’m doing great, Yoseob-shi. And even better as I’m with you now.”

 

    Leo answered with a bright smile. Yoseob wanted to say the same since the guy in front of him looked so happy, but he couldn’t make himself do it. And he regretted it so badly.

 

    “Um..are you okay, Yoseob-shi? Did you fight with your boyfriend?”

 

    Yoseob looked up into Leo’s eyes, the blankness in the small guy’s eyes is too obvious that Leo got even more worried.

 

    “N…no what makes you think like that? haha”

 

    Yoseob laughed it out with a fake giggle, and turned to a waiter walking by them to order some water and the cafe’s signature cinnamon rolls.

 

    “Well…you normally reject me when I ask you to give me a chance to be with you, but today you were the one who called me.”

    “…”

    “And…you don’t look happy at all.”

 

    Yoseob didn’t know where his tears came from. He didn’t even know why he cried. The next time he realised, He was already sobbing unstoppably.

 

    “I…I’m sorry, Leo-shi. I know I look like a bad person right now that I’m just using you like I’m playing with your feelings. I didn’t mean to do this. I…I just don’t know what’s going on with Dujun anymore. He’s so…so different. I-“

    “It’s okay Yoseob-shi.”

 

    The sweet voice Leo always used when he talked to Yoseob got the tiny man feeling more emotional. Leo was so similar to Dujun in the past. He was so sweet, kind, and so caring that he cared of Yoseob even more than himself.

 

    Leo was Yoseob’s junior from his musical crew. The guy just passed the audition into the team last year, and from the first moment he saw Yoseob in the audition room, he always found at least a moment to stare and smile at his senior. Yoseob noticed it from the first place, and he tried to tell the boy many times that he already had a boyfriend that he loved so much and wouldn’t leave him for any other men, Dujun. Leo was just too stubborn. He kept insisting that he wouldn’t give up even though it would be a one-sided love forever.

 

    Yoseob never actually cared or got sentimental over Leo’s everlasting passion of him. Until now that he wasn’t quite sure anymore that Dujun loved him like he used to.

 

    “Thanks, Leo-shi.”

    “It’s nothing, Yoseob-shi. You know I just want you to be happy.”

 

    And there’s that sweet smile again. Yoseob looked away, feeling his face blushing a little. But as he started to feel relieved and lifted the corners of his lips up for a smile, Leo’s cry in shock, a sound of someone screaming with fear, and the pain on his cheek changed the brightness that finally came to him today into an awkward gloominess.

 

    “D…Dujun”

    “Huh…so when I’m not free, this is what you do, right? Come to find another man?”

 

    Dujun’s belittling words did not get through Yoseob’s consciousness at all at this moment. The only thing the small guy could feel was the pain on his cheeks and his teary eyes.

 

    “You…slapped me”

    “Is this the reason you changed, Yang Yoseob? Because you’ve been cheating on me all this time? You slu-“

 

    The heart-stabbing word was stopped right before it was said. Everyone’s eyes were on the three good-looking guys in the corner of the cafe. Dujun slowly wiped the whole jug of iced-water off his face. He was gonna continue talking when he felt a hard push on his chest and saw Leo walking pass him and pulled Yoseob’s jacket’s hoodie up to cover his small face.

 

    “You might hate me for loving your lover more than you do, and you might say that this is not my business, but really…what kind of boyfriend are you, Dujun-shi?”

 

    Leo whispered with a calm, but strong voice as he took Yoseob to the exit.

 

    “Wait, Leo-shi…”

 

    Yoseob told the younger man to stop and turned around to look at Dujun. Yoseob’s face was, though, not sweet and loving like any other times before. His eyes were empty, and his voice was raging as he spoke each word, stomping and clenching Dujun’s heart piece by piece.

 

    “You called me a cheater, right, Yoon Dujun? Well I’m gonna tell you something you might be a little too selfish to acknowledge about yourself.”

 

    Yoseob could feel his tears running down. He could feel his voice shaking badly and his heart hurting like it’s gonna burst, but he couldn’t stop the overflowing grave in his heart anymore.

 

    “You remember the first day you met your secretary at my father’s reunion party? That girl, Kim Misun, the only daughter of Korea’s Apple Inc. share holder. Then you might remember yourself smiling, touching her hands and skin like I, your FIANCE, wasn’t there. Then you might remember when I walked away so I wouldn’t see that disgusting scene anymore, and then got blamed later for being too PROTECTIVE and STUPID.”

 

    Yoseob was yelling the last sentence with anger when he remembered how sweet Dujun’s smile to the lady was. Dujun couldn’t do anything but looked down on the edge of his leather shoes.

 

    “And did I say a word when you got that girl to be your secretary? Have I ever said anything when you came home late smelling like women perfume? Have I ever said a word when you came home drunk to have with me, then called Misun’s name like I was her? NO! NEVER!!”

 

    The gossiping in the shop changed from about Yoseob to Dujun; about how bad he was despite his good looks, and how Yoseob was too good for his boyfriend.

 

    “You know…when you said…you wanted to cancel or engagement to focus on working…and not having me pulling your work back, I was crying like hell. I looked like , and Leo was the one taking care of me and asking me if I was okay…when you was just being a jerk and tell me it would go away soon.”

    “Y…Yoseob-ah”

    “I didn’t even oppose the idea of the cancellation…you know? I just thought you were not happy with me. Maybe Misun was made for you, not me, but I just loved you too much to leave. You can’t do anything to help yourself, Dujun. You can’t do laundry, you can’t cook, and you don’t know where to buy groceries. How can I leave you? I cared about you every single second I live, but do you ever care about me, Yoon Dujun?”

 

    Yoseob’s voice was cracking like hell. He was sobbing so hardly that Leo wanted to pull him in for a hug so bad, but it wasn’t a right time. Leo knew, and always knew, that he could never be in Dujun’s place.

 

    “And now that I’m trying to be happy for myself…now that I’m gonna let you go with Misun and do whatever you want to do with her without me as a burden…you came and call me…a ?”

    “…”

    “even on my birthday…Yoon Dujun…my birthday…such a good present for your lover…isn’t it?”

 

    The teary eyed Yoseob sobbed over and over again. He wanted to just walk away, but his obstinate heart just won’t let go. He pulled out a box of watch from his bag lying on a chair next to his, and put it on the table.

 

    “And this watch…thank you for giving it to me…but from the name and a heart in the back of it…it was meant to be yours”

 

    Yes, the watch…the watch that scarred Yoseob’s heart every time he saw it. He knew that Misun bought it for Dujun on their secret little anniversary last year. But that day was a week and a few days before his birthday, so maybe Dujun was just too lazy and gave the watch to him without looking thoroughly.

 

    “I…I’m sorry, Yoseob-ah…I”

    “No need to say sorry, Dujun-ah”

    “…”

    “Because it won’t take anything back. Not the old stupid Yang Yoseob.”

    “…”

    “Let’s go, Leo-shi”

 

    Yoseob breathed in and out slowly, and called the younger guy next to him calmly. Leo took Yoseob’s hand and walked him out the front door, leaving Dujun in the middle of the cafe, with people taking pictures of the who couldn’t differentiate true love and lust.

 

    —————

 

    “…”

 

    Just like he thought…Dujun didn’t come home that night. Well yeah, after what he said in the afternoon, no one would be so callous and come back.

 

    Yoseob lay down on his bed, his head still thinking of Dujun. What is he gonna do now? Leave? No, he knew that within not more than two days, he would return to Dujun looking even more pathetic. He didn’t want to stay either. How would he look if he was the one humiliating Dujun in public, but then still lived with him?

 

    “uhhhh”

 

    He screamed to get the frustration out off his head, but the more he did it, the more he felt like crying.

 

    Dujun owned too much of his life.

 

    No

 

    Dujun…was his life.

 

    “H…What do you want from me, Yoon Dujun?”

 

    The small man finally started crying. He’s too dumbfounded right now. It would all get better if he left and went to Leo, but what if one day Leo changed like Dujun too?

 

    “I…I hate this…all of this…”

 

    His cries were heard through the wall to his neighbours. Yoseob tried to sleep for over five times, but his head kept pushing him up from doing so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    It’s already midnight.

 

 

 

 

 

    Yoseob stood up and walked to the mirror. He stared into his own eyes in the reflection, and left out a hateful grin.

 

    “Yang Yoseob…you’re so pathetic.”

 

    He said as he opened a drawer below the mirror and took out a big bottle of pills.

 

    “Your life is just…pathetic.”

 

    He whispered to himself with a repulsive voice, but his eyes were crying like hell, and gulped down a handful of the drugs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Yoseob took a deep breath and walked back to the bed again. He lay down slowly, closing his eyes and reminded himself those happy days with Dujun.

 

 

 

 

    He smiled as he slowly fell into a deep sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Goodbye Yoon Dujun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    tick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    tick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    12.30 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Dujun looked at the cold body on the bed. Yoseob was still smiling, like everything was good and he was finally happy. He sat down next to the big bed he and Yoseob shared for years, his hand opening a small drawer next to their bed. He smiled bitterly when he touched something heavy and dusty waiting for him in the deepest corner.

 

    The man closed his eyes while he put the object next to his head, thinking of every he did wrong from the beginning, and how he let Yoseob slipped away. He wished he could turn back time, but it was all too late to fix everything.

 

 

 

 

 

    Yoseob’s gone…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    *BANG!!!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    If he could turn back time, Dujun swore he would love Yoseob better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    And if he could turn back time…Yoseob wished he would have never…EVER meet Yoon Dujun.