“Jiyong…”




She tried to push him away… but he just hugged her tighter… hours that she wasn’t by his side seemed like years to him… too much for him to feel for he already experienced being away from her in years…





“I’m sorry… I really just can’t take it anymore Dara-ah…”





His hot breath lingered to her neck… sniffing her sweet scent as he closed his eyes… a smile that curved on his lips for he knows she’s not just some illusion… that she’s again here in his arms…





Dara couldn’t do anything but to succumb to her feelings too… she then wrapped her arms around him caressing his back and resting her head on his shoulder…






How cruel can it be for them to always have a stolen moment… the once freedom they have ended up to a forbidden love… if only she didn’t become selfish and went back… patching up things even if she knows would be impossible… being with him once again and saving the love that she almost killed…but now… having him here with her seems like wrong…






The happiness that she should feel always been replaced by guilt… hunting her and stopping her heart to love him… but she can’t… after all she’s just a human… vulnerable from being selfish… for she doesn’t want anything else… aside from the least person she should love and that’s Kwon Jiyong…






--






He released her after somewhat an eternity… seeing her bothered face makes his heart shattered in pieces… he knows she’s been suffering… he knows he’s the one adding up more to that suffering… but he can’t do anything about it… he’s too selfish to let go… always thinking about his heart… always trying to convince her to listen to hers too…






And in the end… they are both the one suffering from it… they should be happy but the pain overcame that happiness… why does everything ends up like this…? He thought…







Maybe if he only waited for her… maybe if he only didn’t let his emotions get over him… maybe if only he gave her a chance… and maybe if he didn’t push himself to love someone only to replace her in his heart… for always until the very end… she would always be the woman that his heart has been wanting…






--






Silence…






They went back to her apartment for no matter how she wanted him to go home he wouldn’t… he’s too childish to let go of this night being with her…







She sat on the other couch while he’s across her… her head bowed down while he just watch her…






"Why didn't you tell me that you're moving out... I should've helped you..."






He broke the silence first.






"I don't want to bother anyone... plus it didn't cause me a hard time... I only got my clothes..."







He nodded... really wanting to start an argument.... another silence hit them and once again he broke it first.






"Are you and Seunghyun..."







He hesitated to continue... Dara just look at him wonderingly.







"Do you have something for Seunghyun...?"







He said bowing his head on the process... Dara got the idea and quickly her brows raised...







"What do you mean...? We're just friends.. That's all..."








He sighed and kinda felt relieved... she still as innocent as before...








"Nothing...."






But still jealousy inside him still didn't subside... knowing that even if she doesn't feel something for Seunghyun, the latter has something strong for her... bothered that once she hears it from Seunghyun... her feelings would change....






Silence enveloped them once again







“Dara…”






He called her silently… somehow lessened the deafening silence inside her apartment… she looked up to him seeing his now almost teary eyes… only to her he could be this weak… just like her to him…







He slowly went to her side and seated beside her… she stiffened a bit when he reached for her hand and held it tight... intertwining his fingers with hers and holding it up to his lips and kissed it… caressing his face with both of their hands locked with each other…







He looked at her after closing his eyes savoring the warmth of her hand with his… she just let him… feeling calm and happy even the guilt is still there…








“Please wait for me… please don’t ever let go of me… you promised me back then that you would never leave me right…? Please don’t ever leave me again… I love you too much to lose you again….”






His voice is pleading… totally desperate from the situation they are both having now… being stuck between happiness and guilt… if only he could slice his body and heart in two…







“Jiyong-ah… Sohee needs you…”







She said weakly… which made him a little furious…







“But I need you… and I know you need me too… Just please be strong for me… I’ll do everything to right everything… I’m serious Dara… I only need you in my life and no one else… please just wait for me…”







He reached for her face and caressed it gently… she flinched… her heart fluttered once again… what does he mean by waiting…? She thought…







“I just don’t want to hurt everyone…”







She said as finally a tear escaped her eye… he pulled her to him… hugging her once again… patting her back to make her stop crying…







“I know… sssh… I know…”







For he knows he’s the one to be blamed for hurting everyone around them… how could even their moment could bring heartaches to the woman he loves… is this how everything now suppose to happen…? Would he never be able to give her happiness…?







“I’m sorry for making things hard for you… I just want to love you Dara-ah… that’s all…”







He said still cooing her… he could still hear her soft sobs… could feel the constant vibrating of his phone inside his pocket but just ignored it… another reminder of the reality he doesn’t want to go back to…







And soon after… he felt her breathing even… her sobs stopped… she already fell asleep in his arms…







He scooped her up to his arms… careful not to wake her up… made his way towards her room and laid her down her bed…







He decided to lay down beside her… pulling her towards him… wrapping his arms along her waist and resting her head on his chest… if only every night he could be like this with her…







Tears started to fill his eyes as he listened to her breathing… she only wants her… could totally forget anything just to have her… but he can’t… blaming his stupid conscience to bother caring about others… blaming himself that no matter what he does she sill always be in pain with him.







“I’m sorry… I love you too much….”








He whispered as he kissed her head… muffled sobs escaped his throat…







She’s just right here… in his arms… but still too far for him to reach and grab… too far for him to be with… maybe a love that will never succeed…







He lowered his body… his face now facing her… leaned a bit to land a soft kiss on her lips… another stolen moment…








“I’m sorry for hurting you…”







He whispered once again… seeing her tired face makes him want to kill himself… it’s all because of him… and seeing her happy face whenever she’s with Seunghyun wants him to bury himself together with his feelings… thought that he would never be able to give her the same happiness as back then…







“Would it be better for you if I just let him have you…?”






Asking her not really expecting an answer… after a while he felt another beep from his phone… He shifted his position... now facing the ceiling… he sighed and wiped off his tears…








“I really don’t want to let go of you… but if it will cause your happiness… maybe I could kill my heart just to let go…”







He turned his head to see her face once again… smiled to himself and caressed her cheek







“I love you… I would never get tired telling the same thing to you… I will wait… for now… I’ll let you go… But I’ll always wait… even it will cost me three more years… I will still wait just to have you back again… I will never stop loving you… until the time comes for us to be free I will continuously love you…”







He touched her lips.







“I’m sorry… but I’m too selfish for loving you…”







He said as his lips found hers once again… closing his eyes… memorizing her soft lips… for maybe he would never feel her lips again…






--






He glanced back… taking one last look to her sleeping form… promising himself never to look back once he went outside her room…







For now he will let go… giving her back the happiness that she deserves… for she doesn’t deserve any heartaches… doesn’t deserve to be a victim of a selfish love… for now he would keep himself loving her from afar… until fate give their love a chance… until it would give them a chance to freely love each other again…







--






Her eyes flutter open as she heard the door closed… she slowly sat on her bed facing the door…






She had heard all of what he said… completely awake the moment he laid her down the bed… her heart terribly hurts… clutched to her chest to stop from hurting but it keeps on throbbing hard…






Too weak to fight for their love… always playing the victim… always thinking that she’s the one hurting… for in the first place… he is…







The moment she left him… she already broke his heart… until now that they’re almost together again… she still breaks his heart… everything that she does always ending up to breaking him… to hurt him… and to kill his heart…






“I’m sorry Jiyong-ah…”






--






He went to Sohee’s place after receiving tons of missed calls… and when he arrived… he saw people gathered outside her apartment… an ambulance parked right in front… he started to feel nervous…






His eyes widen when he saw Sohee being taken out from her house… laid on a stretcher totally lifeless… he quickly ran to her as some medics stopped him…






“Are you a family of her…?”







One asked… all he could do is nod… seeing her pale face made him weak…







“What happened..?”






He asked nervously as he reached for her hand… thank God she's still alive... he thought






“She tried to commit suicide sir… she called us and when we arrived we saw her lifeless on her living room…”






The medic said as they got her inside the ambulance… he quickly rode it with her… and stayed seated at her side… holding her hand with still trails of her blood…






“Why do you have to do this…?”







He mumbled as another pain inside his heart hits him…