Chapter 27.
 

Kyungsoo had never had an issue when it came to setting exam papers – instead, he found that coming up with the questions often had a semi-therapeutic effect on him. It was oddly calming to be able to go through the topics he had taught, refreshing himself while simultaneously using his brain to consider and then come up with what to include in the exams he was writing up for his students.

However, Kyungsoo was currently finding it extremely difficult to focus on the words in front of him for several glaring reasons:

The presence of Kim Jongin in his classroom, however, was the primary distraction in that moment.  

He had arrived several minutes after the lunch bell had rung, worn school backpack slung over his shoulder. He hadn’t bothered knocking or even asking whether it was alright for him to be in the classroom during lunch before sitting down at his usual spot at the back of the class and Kyungsoo had struggled for several seconds, shocked – internally at war with himself as his brain rushed to figure out how he should react towards the teens sudden intrusion.

In the end he had settled for a simple “What are you doing here, Jongin?”

Of course, the platinum haired youth’s response had been exasperatingly simple – “I want to do some exam revision.”

Kyungsoo had struggled to repress a huff at the lacklustre answer. “But why here, Jongin? Its lunch and you should be eating. Also, the library is open to all senior students for studying, you know.”

Yet again Jongin’s reply was simple. “I thought it would be better to study in here, seeing as you are right with me in case I come across something I don’t understand. After all, don’t you always say that you’re always available to help students?”

Kyungsoo couldn’t think of anything he could say to argue con – which was probably why he felt so fiddly and agitated as he settled back into his seat after muttering a feeble “Alright then.”

For the next twenty minutes he tried in vain to refocus on the task he had set before him. It was all for naught it seemed, however, with Kim Jongin there within the class. Kyungsoo found himself looking up every minute or so, his curiosity at the teens troubled expression growing exponentially greater with each passing second. In the end, it simply became too much for him to bear.

“Is something bothering you, Jongin?”

Jongin looked up from the page of the open textbook he had been staring at blankly for the last five minutes slowly, his expression unsurprisingly guarded.

“Why do you ask?”

Kyungsoo sighed, pushing his glasses further up his nose before answering. “You’ve been frowning since the moment you sat down, but it clearly isn’t because you’re fretting about the stuff you’re studying – it’s pretty obvious to me you’re not focussing on school work in the slightest.” Kyungsoo smiled then, gently. “I can tell the difference between a student thinking about school work and a student whose mind is occupied with other matters. It wasn’t too long ago that I was a teenager in school too, after all.”

Jongin stared at him for several moments, his expression guarded. It was clear that he was doing some quick thinking – most likely considering whether or not it was safe for him to talk freely to his English teacher. “Recently… ever since the school camp… I’ve been feeling a little off –” he spoke slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. Kyungsoo leant forward, listening intently. It was rare for Jongin to speak honestly, after all.

“Feeling off as in physically off colour? You might have caught something – it did get fairly cool at nig—”

“No, not off as in sick.” Jongin cut him off swiftly.  “Off as in how I feel emotionally. Like in my head. And in my heart.” Jongin looked momentarily disgusted at the mention of what he probably felt was a major weakness. “I feel off… confused, like that”

Kyungsoo considered what he had just been told for several moments. “Isn’t it just because you found yourself in situations you couldn’t control?”

Something akin to surprise flashed across Jongin’s face – as quickly as it had appeared, his expression had returned to that of impassiveness, however. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, new experiences in terms of interacting with people. Like opening up or speaking honestly to someone, or being treated as an equal or a friend. Things you haven’t dealt with before so you have no understanding in how to react because it isn’t the norm.” Kyungsoo paused for a moment in thought before turning red at his own directness. “Sorry, it’s not right for me to speak so hastily.”

Kyungsoo looked up to the teen, expecting the usual look of uninterested disdain. However, he was jolted by the wide eyed look on Jongin’s face. Had he struck a nerve? He instantly bit his lip nervously.

Instead, Jongin’s words were half breathless and rushed – “What does it mean?”

“What does what mean?” Kyungsoo responded in confusion.

“Feeling off because of the new experiences. What does that mean?”

Kyungsoo tilted to his head to the side as he considered the teen. Jongin’s expression was marred by the furrow between his brows, his plump lips were turned down and his eyes were intent. All his body language indicated he was hanging to every word he was hearing, and Kyungsoo found himself feeling mildly uncomfortable by the teen’s intensity. Not because it was inappropriate, but because it was simply so unusual for Jongin to sport such a look on his usually cold face.

“Well, it’s a reaction to change…” Kyungsoo paused for a moment before finishing simply. “Doesn’t it mean that you’re simply growing up?”

It made perfect sense to Kyungsoo, but from the look on Jongin’s face he didn’t understand. Instead, he looked agitated, angry almost. “What kind of reason is that?” his voice was cold. “That doesn’t clarify anything at all.”

“I’m sorry –” Kyungsoo began quickly, feeling as if