The sun’s barely showing across the horizon, but she’s up and grabbing her towel for a shower already.  Ever since she was 16, this was the same routine, every morning.  After a hot, soothing shower, she sits herself in front of her vanity table.  She flicks the light switch on the wall up and the light shines down.  The 18-wait, she turns 19 today. The 19 year old turns on her curler wand and grabs her blow dryer, drying her hair for the day.

          As she does this, she lets her music play softly in the background.  When her hair’s all dry and nicely curled, she pulls it back in a loose pony tail so it won’t be in the way as she starts to apply her makeup.  First it’s the concealer then a little foundation on the back of her hand.  She mixes two together before applying it onto her skin.  She hides the redness in her cheeks and blends the foundation under her eyes. 

          The girl sighs before looking at herself in the mirror.  Her head slowly shakes and she reaches for her eyeliner pencil.  She runs the tip of it across her eyelids and grabs her blending brush before blending the marks on her eyelid to create a smoky eye look.  After finally getting a decent look, she throws her used makeup wipes in the trash and returns to her vanity table. 

          She picks up her eyelash curler and begins to curl her long lashes before adding layers of different mascara.  With a small smile she sets it down and applies lip balm before coating it with red lipstick.

          Then she stares at herself in the mirror in front of her.  She takes mental note to re dye her hair when she notices her black roots growing out.  From the mirror, she makes out the time on her digital clock sitting on her night stand.  “7:21” she sighs and gets up.  She’s not satisfied with the look but thinks it’s decent enough.  Quickly, she slips into her school uniform and grabs her backpack off the floor before leaving her room.

          From the kitchen, she can hear her parents arguing again.  Frames clash on the ground and she jumps when she hears a door shut loudly, and the sound ricochets through the house.  Her brother comes running down the stairs, “—breakfast, Seojin.” She says but the boy ignores her leaves the house quickly.  Sighing, the girl grabs a piece of wheat bread and a container of fruits for the day before leaving the house to catch the bus.

          The school may have a code on clothes and make up, but no one really cares to follow it.  If the teacher’s don’t make an effort to stop it, no one’s going to be actually following the rules. 

          The prettied up girl makes it to class at the ring of the second warning bell.  Whispers and gossips of her familiarize themselves around her.  The male students holler and pick at her skirt, as she walks past.  Girls stand in annoyance and roll their eyes at the attention given to her, but she could care less.

          “Seonah.” A girl chews her gum annoying and slips into the seat next to her.  The girl fakes a smile at her “best friend.”   “What’s up, Mae?” The girl chimes.  “As your best friend, I thought it should be me to tell you that there’s another rumor stirring up about you.  This one seems unrealistic though.  People are saying that you and Kai hooked up after ditching cram school on Friday. But that’s impossible right, cause you know I like him and…” She quickly blows a bubble but it fails and pops around . 

          Seonah rolls her eyes and looks out the window.  “Hold up, I’ll be right back—this gum, ugh!” Mae gets up and leaves the room.

          Friday.  Seonah thinks, and a small smile appears across her face.

~ ~ ~

     “Gosh! Noona! Can’t you do anything right!?” Seojin shouts while throwing clothes into his backpack.  “Mom and dad are fighting again because of you! Why can’t you just be an obedient daughter and listen to them, dammit!?” He yells at the older girl.  There’s so much shouting, yelling, things being thrown on the ground and things being kicked about.  “I’m staying at a friend’s house for the weekend.” He tells the girl harshly before bumping into her shoulders as he walks past.

     “You can’t even raise your daughter right!” Seonah hears her father yell.  “Is it my fault she was born with no brain!?” Her mother retorts and the girl closes her eyes.  “It’s your fault…it’s always your fault.” She mutters as her father continues to shout more insults.  “She’s useless! No job! No money! She with school! We’re just wasting money on her going to cram school!” She hears. “Well, at least she’s out of the house and doing something!”

     “Just marry her off and she’ll be out of the house forever!”

     Seonah’s throat begins to burn.  It gets dry and it’s harder for her to swallow.  Without knowing, her eyes fill with tears before the crystal droplets streams down her cheeks. 

     BAM.

     The door to her parent’s room swings open, startling the girl.  “What are you doing here!?” Her mother said annoyed, “Get to cram school.” She stated before leaving the wounded girl alone.  “Ya! I am not done talking to you!” Her father follows after her mother and they get drawn into another heated argument about how they weren’t even talking to begin with. 

     The only thing she wanted to do now was run and leave this place behind.  She ran down the stairs and slipped into her worn out converses before quickly leaving the house. 

     School was out at 6 and she returned home hoping food would be set out on the table for her and her brother when they returned from a tired day of studying, but no.  They weren’t like every family out there, and she should have remembered that.  It was probably close to 7:30 now.  Her stomach grumbles loudly as she hugs it tightly.  Skipping cram school, she walks aimlessly around a neighborhood that she did not belong to, but wish she did.

     The houses were huge, gates were tall, grass were trimmed.  Her eyes wander the environment before quickly landing on a lonely playground.  She drags her feet over and sits down in a swing, kicking her feet lightly.  The feeling of being a child swarms around her.  She closes her eyes and imagines being a carefree child again, a child who never had to worry about anything because she was just too young to understand.

     But now she knows better.  School just isn’t her thing.  Studying never kept her focus. 

     “She’s useless!”

     “Just marry her off and she’ll be out of the house forever!”

     And a tear slips from her eyes, unknowingly.  Seonah hangs her head low and brings her hand to .  She sinks her teeth into the back of her hand before she starts crying.  She tries to be a good daughter; she tries to do well with her studies, but it will really never be enough.  She never hears words of encouragement from her parents, and they’ve stopped saying “I love you” so long ago, she doesn’t even remember that last time it was said to her.  Nothing will ever be enough for her parents. 

     She wishes she could be the perfect daughter.  Smart and beautiful, that’s just what every parent wants in a daughter.  But she just wasn’t born lucky.  She made an effort to be pretty.  She ran every day, woke up earlier enough to make herself beautiful, and studied even though she had no clue what she was doing.  She attempted everything her parents wanted her to do, but she never did reach that level of appreciation.

     “Fancy meeting you here.”

     Seonah suddenly hiccups and turns her head away to the side.  She wipes her cheeks and under her eyes where there is no doubt going to be marks of eyeliner smeared under.  She takes the sleeve of her thin cardigan and wipes her nose. 

     “Um, are you okay?” And Seonah bitterly laughs, “I’m fine, Kai. Just leave.” She mutters in a hoarse voice.  “You know. The phrase, ‘I’m fine,’ is the number one, top lie-”  “Just shut up and leave!” Seonah finally shouts, breaking down again.  “Just leave me alone.” She begs silently. 

     She hears Kai getting out of the swing next to her and suddenly her swing stops moving.  “Seon-Seonah.” The name rolls off his tongue smoothly and the girl shivers.  Kai grabs her hands gently to pull them away from her face but the girl quickly shrugs him off.  “What don’t you understand about the phrase, ‘leave me alone!?’” She shouts sending the boy falling back on his .

     “Geeze! I’m sorry! What the hell’s wrong with you!?” Kai stands up angry when he was just trying to help out.  “Everything’s wrong with me!” Seonah challenges as she finally moves her hands away and looks up at the startled boy.  “Can’t you see!? I ran away to get away from everything and I have to meet you.” She scoffs before shouting, “What the hell did I do wrong to make my life this way!” She sniffs and stands from the swing.

     She starts walking away from Kai, but he catches her by her wrist and spins her around.  “Seonah-”

     “Just stop, Kai!” She yells.  “We’re nothing but classmates! We don’t associate with each other so you don’t need to find out what’s wrong with me when you see me in tears!” she says angrily.  “I’m-I’m trying to be a good classmate! We’re supposed to look out for each other!” Kai shouts at the girl, “Just talk to me!”

     The girl doesn’t know what happened, but like a switch being flicked she throws her hands in the air, “I try, okay!?  I’ve been trying all my damn life to be perfect.  To being the smart and beautiful girl-daughter that any parent would want but I just won’t cut it.  Studying does nothing to me.  It’s tiring and boring, and it does not make me smarter.  I try to find a job so that I may be able to pay for my tuition next year but no place ing wants me! Like, , I can’t even get hired at a fast food restaurant.

     Not only that, but my parents get into argument every ing day about me! Me! Do you know how that feels like!?  All I ever do is try but I get nothing in return, and it ing hurts!”  Her eyebrows her caving and her eyes are dark and determined.  “Also, I try so hard to be pretty. I exercise every day for this body; I wake up before the sun is even rising to make myself at least decent looking. But instead I get noticed as the ‘.’” She chuckles bitterly, “ironic since I haven’t even had my first kiss yet.” She mutters under her breath, but Kai hears it clearly.

     “And now, I feel like . I know I look ugly as hell with mascara running down my cheek, my face is probably cakey as hell too.” She rolls her eyes and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands.

     “Seonah-”

     “Don’t touch me.” She growls and takes a step back.  She brings her backpack around her front and pulls out her make up wipes before wiping her face of everything.  “I’m just so sick of everything.” She curses, and a few seconds later, she shoves the used wipes back inside her bag.  “I’m going to go find a rooftop to sit on-”

     “-Seonah-”

     “Dammit, Kai! What don’t you understand about ‘don’t touch me!?’” she glares at the taller male.  “You basically know my life story! Send a text out to the world already, and leave me alone.”

     But Kai grabs onto her wrist tightly and pushes her back into the swing set.  He kneels in front of her so that they’re at eye level, “You’re pretty with make up on.” He says before noticing the girl roll her eyes.  “But you’re beautiful without it.” And that was the honest truth.  Seonah was pretty with make up on, but at that moment, she was beautiful.  Her natural bare face and vulnerability, quickly drew Kai in.

     “You don’t need make up to make you pretty.  You don’t need people to tell you you’re worth it, if you believe in yourself, as cheesy as it sounds.  If school’s not for you then drop out.  Find something you’re interested in—modeling! You wrote that you wanted to be a model in our classroom elementary journal.  Seonah, you don’t need to try to be someone you’re not.  You don’t need to lose yourself for others who won’t notice you.

     You don’t need to bend until you break—heck, you’re already breaking and what? What’s after that?” he asks, “you bend, you break then you shatter, and hell, I do not want that for you.”

     Seonah lets the words slowly sink in.  The tears don’t end and she becomes a water work as Kai continues to feed her with the words of encouragement she’s been missing out on.  Kai loosens his hands around her wrists and wipes her cheeks, “you don’t have to try so hard.  Just fall in love with yourself, and everything will fall into place.”

~ ~ ~

          “Ya…Lee Seonah, you’ve been dosing off ever since first class started and that was 3 hours ago...you haven’t even touched your fruits and break’s going to end soon.” Mae nudged her arm and the girl turns her head over to the girl who’s been spreading rumors about her for the longest time.  “By the way—Kai’s at the door.  He’s been calling your name for a while now.” Mae mutters bitterly before Seonah looks over, and sure enough, he was leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pant pocket.

          He smirks at the girl who rolls her eyes as she gets up from her seat.  She makes her way over as girls whisper things about her.  “She did sleep with him then.” One says loudly as she walks pass.  “Yes, we did sleep together! And I would do it again!” Kai butts in and grabs Seonah’s hand dragging her down the hall as the students watch them leave.

          “What are you doing?” Seonah hisses as she pulls back from Kai’s grasp.  “Saving you…” he mutters with a scoff, “you could be a little more thankful.” He says under his breath.  “Umm, anyways…here.” He pulls out a card from his pocket, “my noona works for a fashion company and they’re currently looking for models for the fashion line.  I-I kind of showed her your picture and she wants you to come in and audition as one of the models.” Kai says shyly.

          Seonah’s eyes move from his eyes down his arm and to his outstretched hand with the card.  “Just take it.  If you get in, you can leave school.  You can travel the world and do what you’ve always been wanting.” Kai reasons before the girl hesitantly grabs it from his hand.  “Um…” she’s lost for words for a moment before releasing her lip, “Thank you.” She says in a soft whisper.

          “Yeah!” Kai takes a step back, “No problem!” he grins before chuckling, “Also, if you don’t want to go home, my mom says that you can come over for dinner again-”

          “No! No, it’s fine.  I don’t want to intrude on you guys again.  Your family is different…nice.  I wouldn’t want to ruin that.” She says blankly before looking into his eyes and smiling, genuinely.  She turns on her heels and starts walking back to class but Kai calls her name and the girl turns, “Hmm?” She hums tilting her head to the side.  “Wipe the makeup off.” He tells her before she chuckles, “Mhmm, okay.” She waves her hands in the air before turning around and waving her hands back at him, “thanks, Kai.” She calls out before walking back to class.

[A Month later]

          “Don’t you understand!?” Seonah shouts to her parents, “I don’t need money! This won’t cost money! I don’t need anything from you anymore!” She says as she holds a plane ticket in her hands, “I’ve only ever wanted to be loved by you guys.  To be cared for and given encouragement to, but no, I got nothing in return.  I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter for you guys; I’ve pushed myself way past my limit for you guys but you two never notice!” She reaches for her suitcase and looks back at her parents.

          “But I’m done trying.  Tell Seojin, I said goodbye.” Seonah rolls her suitcase towards the door, still wishing for that last second plea for her not to go, but she’s once again, left with disappointment.  “I’ll always love you guys.” She says loud enough for her parents to hear before she leaves the house without looking back.

          Seonah went in just like Kai said to.  She auditioned and was taken by surprise when she was called back 3 weeks later for a formal interview.  And a week later, she was handed a plane ticket to Paris, France for professional modeling training. 

          “Didn’t I tell you, you’d get in?” Kai chuckles as he rolls her suitcase across the airport floors.  Seonah giggles softly, “Mmm, whatever.” She mutters with a fast beating heart.  She nears the entrance with sweaty palm.  “This is it.” She says and stops.  The two turn to face each other, and Seonah gently takes her suitcase from Kai’s hands. 

          “Umm…” She looks from the ground and back at him, “Thank you, for everything.” She says shyly at the boy who taught her how to love herself, the boy who found her when she was at her breaking point and patched her back up, and the one who stayed with her and was able to make her laugh again after so many years of painful emptiness. 

          “You say that as if you’re not coming back.” Kai says and the girl shrugs, “maybe I won’t come back.” But Kai doesn’t like that answer.  “You’re coming back.  I’ll make sure you come back.” He says finally and Seonah chuckles, shaking her head.  “We’ll see.” She sings before glancing behind her.

          Kai lets his eyes wander from her eyes down her beautiful side profile. She’s a natural beauty with stunning looks that’s absolutely breath taking when she has little to no makeup on.  He clears his throat, getting her full attention again.  “You have your passport and extra cash on you, right? Don’t forget to exchange the currency once you arrive in Paris, and also call me when you land—I don’t care if you have to pay extra for international calls.” he scolds the girl who smiles with crescent eyes.

          “I’ll be fine, Kai.” She pats his arms and takes a step back.  “I need to go now and find my gate.” Seonah finally says.  The male nods his head, not wanting her to go, but won’t hold her back.  “Have fun…” Kai says shyly as he rubs his nape.  The girl nods with a small smile.  “You’re so awkward!” She laughs before surprising him with a hug.  “I really am thankful for that night.” She says softly.  “Thank you for stopping at the playground and bothering me.” She chuckles shakily. 

          Kai wraps his arms around the girl’s waist, giving her a gentle squeeze.  He chuckles as well before pulling away.  “Just remember, Seonah.  You don’t need to try so hard.  Just fall in love with yourself and everything will fall into place.” He says as the girl grabs her suitcase again.  Seonah nods her head and smiles.  “I’m gonna go-”

          “Oh…also,” Kai looks away for a moment before sighing and looking back at her, “If you come back and you haven’t had your first kiss yet…I’d like to take it from you.” He mutters quickly and almost inaudible, hoping she wouldn’t be able to catch anything he said but was wrong.  Seonah’s eyes doubles in size, “You-wait, what?” Her cheeks flush red but Kai shakes his head.  He grins cheekily and pushes her towards the entrance.

          “Don’t forget my words!” He backtracks away from her.  “Hurry and go!” He shoos her away before the girl slowly obeys.  With one last wave, she turns around and starts towards the check in.  She heard the male clearly, her heart beat increased, but what was it supposed to mean?  Did Kai like her?  Did she like him?  Seonah wasn’t going to lie, she’s attracted to him, but was there something more?

          Seonah turns around one last time as the girl checks in her suitcase.  She sees Kai standing with a smile on his face, bouncing on his heels.  What an idiot.  She thinks.  “Ms. Lee.” Her head turns back.  “Suitcase is in, if you could just move through the doors now.” She smiles politely before Seonah does the same. 

          She bites her lip and turns around to wave at Kai.  I can love myself because of you.  She thinks as Kai childishly waves back with a wide grin plastered on his face.  I won’t forget your words.

[7 years later – 25 years old]

          “Heyjin!” The girl waves and drags her luggage across the hard surface.  She kisses both cheeks before they embrace in a hug.  “Omo! I haven’t seen you in half a year and you’re already so pretty!” Hyejin chimes.  “How’s the business here?” Seonah asks as she hooks her arms around the older girl, “It’s good! The collection’s doing very well this season and I already have the next collection almost finished.  You’re going to be my model right?” She asks and Seonah brightly smiles, “Of course I am!” She slaps the girl’s arm, “Who do you think I am? You’re the one who gave me this life.” She chuckles.

          “And look where you are now.” She says as some fans flash cameras their way.  Seonah smiles at them and waves, sending the male population into a swoon.  “Oh! I also saw the interview that you did with InStyle Paris.” She nudges Seonah’s arms teasingly.  “My brother’s going to be so happy you’re back.”

          Seonah sinks her teeth into her lip.  “Mmm…” She hums, thinking about him.  They haven’t seen each other in 7 years; they’ve lost contact with each other after a year, so to hear that Kai’s going to be happy that she returned caused a string of fireworks inside her chest. She her lips and remembers what he muttered the day she left.  “He’s not in a relationship or anything?”  Seonah asks Hyejin who frowns, “Oh no! Are you kidding me? He says he’s too busy with the company for stuff like that, but let’s be real now…” she chuckles as she pops her trunk open, “he’s just waiting for you to return.”  And Seonah turns her face in embarrassment. 

          “Are you going back home…?” Hyejin asks and Seonah stiffens.  She hasn’t been home in 7 years who knows if they still live-  “They still live there. Your brother graduated from college 3 years ago and he lives in an apartment with his girlfriend.  I think Jongin says that he was doing something with computers.” Hyejin shrugs, “…Jongin says that your parents are lonely-”

          “Since when did he start going by Jongin?” The model asks confused.  Hyejin chuckles, “Ever since he started working for the company.” She replies.  Seonah nods slowly, “I can go for a drink right about now.” Seonah suddenly comments and Hyejin nods slowly, getting the message.  “Yeah! Sounds good! I’m DD so have as many as you want.” She says.

          At the bar, the girls talk and Seonah drinks lightly.  “The new collection will be out before fall comes, hopefully, if everything goes, of course.  I already have everything scheduled for photoshoots and interviews.” Hyejin squeals, “I’m excited for this collection.” She smiles and Seonah does the same, drowning down a shot. 

          The ringing of a phone goes off and Hyejin stands up, “Aish,” she pulls her phone from her bag and answers, “Yeah?”

          Seonah turns her head.  The thought of her family never fully left her mind after Hyejin mentioned it in the car.  She feels guilty for leaving them but after she debuted as a model, money from her paycheck would always be sent out to her family back in her homeland.  She just wasn’t going to forget about them that quickly even after everything they’ve done to hurt her.

          The past 7 years changed her, living away from home and in a new country changed her.  She’s forgiven them, her classmates and everyone who’s done harm to her.  She was back in Korea to start a new life as a model, a new girl, a new Lee Seonah.

          “Hey, my mom wants me to drop by a market to get some things for tonight’s dinner.” Hyejin says while throwing some cash on the counter.  “Mmm…you can go ahead.” Seonah answers with a smile.  “I’ll be over in a bit.  I just need to do something.” She finally says as she also gets up from her seat.

          “Sounds good, then!” Hyejin hugs the younger girl quickly, “We’re eating dinner at 7.  Jongin will probably be over around that time as well, so come early or a bit after 7 so you can surprise him.” Both girls laugh before Seonah leans in and kisses Hyejin’s cheeks from habit.  “I’ll see you in a bit then.” And they both go their separate ways.

          Seonah hailed a taxi and arrived at her house—old house—her parent’s house half an hour later.  Her booties meet the cement ground and she grabs her bag from the taxi, “Can you wait out here for me?” She asks and the driver nods, “Yes! Anything for you.” He smiles and she returns it genuinely before closing the door.

          She gathers up the courage and walks up the front porch of her house.  She notices that paint chippings and loose nails.  That’s dangerous, she thinks before shrugging the thought away.  Seonah her lips, tasting the mint from her lip balm she applied a few moments ago.  She went to war with herself as she lifted her fisted hand up and finally knocked on the door.

          She takes a deep breath and takes a step back when she hears the T.V. being lowered and footsteps a moment later.  “This is it.” she cheers herself on as the door opens.  “Can I help you?”

          Seonah takes a moment to think.  Her mother looks the same but older.  Wrinkles line and forehead.  She’s thinner that she used to be, 7 years ago. 

          “Omona!” Her mother suddenly gasps covers with her hands.  “Seon…Seonah.” The girl’s name comes out in a shock gasps.  “Oh…” her mother quickly fixes herself before opening the door wider, “Come in.” She says and the model does.  She looks around the house that hasn’t changed a bit.  Dishes are still piled in the sink, cups left on the tables, frames hanging crookedly against the wall.  “What are you doing back?” Seonah hears before she turns to face her mother.

          “Yeo-yeobo!” She hears her mother call for her father.  Loud thumping comes from above before heavy footsteps come down the stairs.  “What’s wrong?” Her father’s booming voice cuts through the air, making the girl turn.  “Seo-Seonah.” Her father stops midway and stares with an agape mouth.  Seonah gives a small curt bow to her parents after her father comes down and stands next to her mother.

          The three of them stare at each other in silence before Seonah clears .  “Are you guys doing well?” She asks nervously and her mother quickly nods her head, “Yes! Yes, we are!” she smiles just faintly, “Tha-thank you for sending money twice a month—we don’t need it-”

          “I don’t care if you need it or not.” Seonah cuts her mother off, “I want to give it to you.” She says more calmly.  “I know things between us weren’t the best 7 years ago, but I want to apologize for everything that I’ve done to disappoint you.  I wasn’t the daughter that I should have been-”

          “-No.” Seonah stop and looks over at her father’s sudden objection.  “It wasn’t you-it was us.” He hangs his head low for a moment before looking up with a sigh.  Seonah could see the wrinkles around his eyes and how they droop now; it’s sad.  “You are the first born.  We didn’t know what to do.  We pushed you beyond your limits thinking it would be the best for you.  I never thought about your feelings because we were too caught up in trying to give you and your brother a decent life.

          After you left, your mother and I fought endlessly until Seojin finally spoke up about everything.  He might have yelled at you, but he saw the painful things we did and said to you.  We changed.  For Seojin, we stopped our nagging and gave him more freedom—Seonah, I’m sorry we were so harsh on you.  I’m sorry that you had to go through our mental beatings and emotional abuse.”

          As her father kept spilling his apologizes, crystal tears fell from the model’s eyes.  Her heart ached for these words she’s been yearning for years.  She drops her head and covers her face in her palms.  “Seonah…” She hears softly before looking up.  Her vision is blurred but she lifts her arms and quickly engulfs her mother.  “Eom-eomma.” She hiccups as her mother soothes and her daughter’s hair.

          Seonah’s mother takes a deep breath and blinks her tears away.  “I’m sorry.” She whispers into Seonah’s ears.  A hand rests on Seonah’s shoulders, “We’re sorry.”  She hears her father say before they let the girl freely cry.

          After a few minutes, Seonah pulls away from her mother’s wet shoulders.  “S-sorry…” She croaks as her mother softly chuckles, “No worries.”

          When her father clears his throat, she looks over at him.  “How long are you going to be in Korea? We heard that you’ve just finished a show in Germany.” He asks and the girl nods.  “After Germany, I went back home to Paris.  I’ll be in Korea until Hyejin-eonni’s next collection is finished.” She sniffs, “But who knows,” she says with a shrugs, “I might end up staying here.” Seonah answers with a small smile.

          “Where are you staying for tonight?” Her mother asks, gently grabbing her hand.  “With Hyejin.  They’re having dinner at-oh!” Seonah looks at the wrist watch on her left hand, “Dinner right now—I-” But she’s cut off when her mother shakes her hand and runs into the kitchen.

          “Go have dinner with them!” Her father says before her mother’s voice rings from the kitchen, “Yes, go! And here, bring this.” She quickly returns into the living room with a tub of kimchi.  “I made this for Seojin and his girlfriend, but he’ll understand.” She says and pushes the tub into Seonah’s hands.  The girl secures her arms around it shocked.  “Are-are you s-sure?” She stutters and her parents both nod, gently pushing her towards the door.  “We don’t want to keep you back, so go and have a nice dinner! Let Jongin know that we’re going fine as well!”

          Seonah’s stumbling outside as her parents stand by the door and wave.  “I’ll call to let Seojin know you’re back. Maybe we can go out and eat, with his girlfriend too!” My mother smiles brightly and from the light coming from inside the house, Seonah’s able to pick out the glassiness of her mother’s eyes.  The girl smiles brightly and quickly waves a hand before trotting back to the taxi.

          After giving the address to the next destination, Seonah falls back on the leather seats.  “Family?” She hears the driver ask before she nods.  “Hmm, yes. The family I’ve missed for 7 years.” She answers.  “You look happy.  It’s nice to know you’ve all made up?” He asks in a hint of a question and the girl chuckles.  “I’m sorry,” the driver apologizes, “My sons are big fans and my daughter, she’s 11.  She wants to model just like you when she’s older, but she’s a bit chubby and doesn’t have confidence.” The driver explains and Seonah just shakes her head with a smile. 

          “You don’t need to apologize, sir.  If I didn’t want anyone to know about my family, I wouldn’t have done the interviews.” She answers.  During the 40 minute car ride, the two of them talk casually.  The driver shares stories of his kids, especially his daughter who’s determined to make it big in the modeling industry. 

          After a quick photo with the driver, Seonah steps out of the taxi, grabbing her things.  “Thank you, Mr. Lim, for making this such a taxi ride to remember.” The model chuckles as the driver joins, “Thank you, for the gift.” He holds his phone and shows the picture of them together to her once again.  “One of my sons has already messaged me.” He says and Seonah smiles.  As she closes the door, she leans down to the open passenger seat window, “tell your daughter this for me, will you?” She says with a smile, “You don’t have to try so hard.  If you love yourself, everything will fall into place.” Seonah repeats her life encouragement before waving at the driver and turning her back.

          Her fingers press the doorbell before she hears footsteps shuffling closer.  Seonah props the tub of kimchi comfortable in her arms before the door swings open.  “Miss.” The maid smiles and Seonah does the same.  “Are they eating already?” She asks and slips off her shoes.  “Yes, yes. They’re seated in the dinner room-is this…?”

          “Kimchi, yes.” Seonah chuckles, “I brought kimchi…my mother made it, actually.” she says proudly before the maid takes it from her hands.  Seonah slips into comfortable slippers before making her way to the dining room.

          “Noona!!” She hears a low voice and freezes.  Seonah tip toes towards the frame of the door and pokes her head in.  She sees Hyejin immediately turn her head and grin, nervously. Seonah notices how Hyejin’s leaning back against her chair as an older and more handsome Jongin stands, leaning towards her.  His hands are out and it almost looks as if he might just hit her, but Seonah knows better than that.  Jongin would never hit a girl.

          “Your surprise!” Hyejin literally screams and points to the girl poking her head out.  Her eyes widen when she sees Jongin whip his head over.  Seonah lets out a nervous chuckle as she fully comes into view.  She rubs her nape shyly and shrugs, “hi—oh!” She remembers the parents in the room and she quickly bows, “hello, Mister and Misses Kim.” Seonah greets before they both laugh, “Dear, come eat. Don’t need to be so formal.”

          “Hold up!” A sudden voice stops and Seonah freezes, looking over.  “No.” He shakes his head with furrowing brows, “You guys eat—I need to talk to her.” Jongin suddenly says and makes his way over to the girl.  He grabs her wrist and drags her through the large house before making it to the back.  He gently pushes her into the swinging chairs and crosses his arms over his chest as Seonah looks up at him, baffled.

          It’s as if she never left, and they’ve never separated because he begins to give her a lecture about how much a pain she is for never contacting him.  The model wants to object and argue back but she doesn’t; she lets him have his lecture because she misses this so much, and all she wanted was to be lectured by him again.

          Seonah takes in his features that’s so much more masculine now, his sharp jawline and dark, dreamy eyes, the way his dark chestnut hair is ily swiped off to the side.  She takes notice of the fitted suit he’s wearing.  It’s just dinner, why are you dressed so nicely? She asks, mentally.

          “Idiot.” Jongin flicks the model’s forehead, “And you’re not even listening to me.”

          Captivated and in the moment, she reaches up and tugs on his tie.  The tall male stumbles forward and end up on his knees in front of her.  Their eyes meet as Seonah pulls the tie closer to her before she leans her head in.  Everything happens quickly.  Their lips met and a spark of fire ignites in their bodies.

          The kiss is slow and sweet. It was nothing heated or lustful.  Jongin brings his hands and cups the girl’s cheeks.  Seonah could feel him smiling as she holds him still by his tie.  She tilts her head one way as Jongin goes the other.  She opens and giggles against his lips before he lets his tongue slide through.  It catches her by surprise but doesn’t pull back just yet.

          The male’s hand slides down her back as his right hand goes around and cradles her neck, pulling her closer to him.  Seonah’s caught up and bound inside his strong arms.  She finally pulls away and takes a deep breath.  Jongin smiles and softly chuckles as he looks lovingly at her, “7 years, you.” He tightens his arm around her, squeezing her tightly.  The girl squirms and chuckles, “You got comfortable quick though.” She mutters against his lips before grunting and struggling her way out.

          “I stole your first kiss, right?” Jongin raises a brow.  The girl looks at him astonished, “really?” she scoffs, “you didn’t steal anything.” She says as she pulls him up and the two settle next to each other on the swing.  Seonah smiles to herself before leaning her head down on Jongin’s broad shoulders, “I gave it to you.” She whispers softly, almost inaudible but the male catches it and smiles.  “Then I won it.”

          Seonah hooks her arms around his, boldly, “And who’d you win it from?” She challenges before the man quickly replies, “The rest of the male population, of course!” He shouts out before the two falls over in laughter.

          “Ya! Kim Jongin! Mom wants you to bring her inside.  She’s probably hungry!” Hyejin shouts from the glass doors.  The two of them found themselves on the grass, hand in hand.  Jongin clears his throat, “Have you seen your parents yet?” He asks her and she nods, “Mm…my mom made kimchi. It’s probably sitting at the dinner table right now.  My mom also says that they’re doing well…do you visit them?” Seonah asks and the boy nods, “From time to time.” Was his simple reply. The male gives her hand a gentle squeeze before he sits up.  Jongin pulls her up to a standing position.  He holds the girl steadily as they make their way over back to the house. 

          The two slip inside the house and slowly make their way over to the dining room.  “When are you planning on returning back?” Jongin asks softly.  The girl slides her hand down his arm before stopping in the middle of the large hall.  “I am leaving after dinner tonight.”  She replies shyly.

          The look Jongin gives her is priceless.  He lets go of her hands and flings them in the air, “You’re leaving today? How long have you been in Korea!? You can’t just come visit me the day you leave! I haven’t seen you in 7 years and—really? You’re going to do this to me, right now?”

          He continues to blabber on and all Seonah does is nod and even though she is absolutely paying no attention to him.  She tries to hide her smile but seconds later, she bursts into a soft laughter.  She grabs onto Jongin’s arms again and leans over, chuckling with amusement. “What? You think this is funny—”

          “I just arrived today, Jongin!” Seonah regains her composure but she’s still grinning at his reaction.  “I’m not leaving Korea unless it’s for business reasons.  I’m staying here.” She tells him as she draws circles with her thumb against the back of his hands.  It calms him and his heart rate comes back down to normal again.  “You idiot. I’m going to…”  But Jongin stops causing the girl to only snicker, “to what? I just arrived today; do you not want to see me already?”  She tilts her head to the side and pouts adorably.

          The girl watches as he makes a movement again.  He rolls his eyes and swings his arms over her shoulders before pulling her into his chest, “You act as if we’ve known each other our entire lives.” He mutters.  The girl lifts her head, “you basically know my entire life.  Even if we’ve only talked for a semester before I left school, makes no different.  Jongin, what you did for me,” she pulls the man to a stop again, “the words you encouraged me with, I’m very thankful.” She spills out her feelings and smiles shyly, “You taught me how to love myself, and when I learned to love myself, I was able to love others.” She says as she shyly looks up at the tall male who went silent.

          Then suddenly, he raises a teasing brow and smirks, “Are you confessing something?” He asks and the model puffs her bangs, “I’m going to eat.” She mutters with an eye roll as she slips her hands out of Jongin’s, but the male chuckles and grabs hold onto them before she fully lets go.  “I’m just joking!” He pleas, softly chuckling at the girl’s reaction.

          “I accept.” He says as the girl turns to face him again.  “I didn’t confess anything, so what are you accepting?” Seonah mutters boredly but quite intrigued.  “Liar.” She hears Jongin snicker before adding, “I accept your heart.”

          And even though her heart flutters to those words, she scrunches her nose, “So corny.” She turns her head and smiles brightly without him knowing.  From behind her, she hears Jongin scoff.  She can practically feel him rolling his eyes at her before she hears his hurry footsteps reaching her. 

          “Finally! You two are here!” Mrs. Kim sings as they present themselves again.  “Sorry for taking so long.” Seonah bows before Jongin suddenly pulls her up and close to his side.  “Mom, dad…noona.” He says lowly.  Seonah, lost, looks up confused at the male.  Jongin squeezes her arm lightly before grinning to his family, “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

          Seonah pushes the male away from her.  He’s falling over as Hyejin coughs water out, and Mrs. Kim stands with a smile while Mr. Kim looks at the young couple confused.

          And freeze time.

          Years ago, who knows where the now model will be if it wasn’t for Jongin.  The kid she once knew as Kai, grew up handsomely, raised in a well off and well-mannered household.  Why he stopped that night to comfort her is still fuzzy to the girl but it stopped bothering her.  She didn’t want to go back there to a time where all she felt was pain and hurt, where she tried so hard to be the person she’s wasn’t. 

          Seonah is truly grateful for Jongin and his kind words though they’ve never spoken much until that night.  His words are her encouragement and even now she still keeps them close to her heart, also spreading the inspiring words to those around her.

          “You don’t need to try so hard.  Just fall in love with yourself, and everything will fall into place.”

          And unfreeze time.

          Seonah stumbles as Jongin tumbles to the ground, laughing.  Hyejin stands up in protest, “You’re not taking my model away from me!” She points to her younger brother.  Mrs. Kim rushes over to the girl and engulfs her in a sudden hug, “Oh congratulations!” She sings before turning her back to Seonah, “Honey!” She scolds her husband for still sitting in his seat, clueless.  She then turns to her son, sitting on the ground, laughing as he slaps his thighs, “Jongin, get up will you?” She says but the man once again ends up rolling on the ground as his sister continues to lecture him.

          Seonah opens to speak but Mrs. Kim is talking about a wedding already and how she’s so excited for the both of them.  She’s telling the model to not worry over much because everything will be taken care of.  Her eyes move down to Jongin who’s regained his composure just a bit and she begins to open again, but stops.

          She can’t find it in her to object and tell them the truth.  Is it because his family is all so happy, excited, and if she tells them they weren’t getting married they’d be disappointed? Or was there a bigger reason as to why she didn’t want to burst out that Jongin was just fooling around?

          Seonah could feel her insides melting and heart fluttering.

          Did she want to spend the rest of her life with the man who taught her how to love?

          Yes.

          She wanted to spend the rest of her life with a loving 25 year old male whose mental age was 5.

Hi, hi, hi! It's Miyoung, I hope this oneshot was at least to your liking. Jongin's a little cutie here, but let's get on with what the actual oneshot is supposed to mean. I already spoke about it in the forward, but I'm going to repeat myself because if someone continuiously repeats something, then it's obviously important (otz, teacher mode). Anyways, no matter what you're going through, there's always going to be someone who feels the same, or who'll be there for you, someone who'll stay by yourself. Don't push them away, they're just trying to help.

I know that many girls go through a lot of phases as they grow older and discover who they are. I'm speaking very generally, but what you go through and finding your inner self, I guess, is going to be a difficult road. I mean, I'm still trying to find who I am and I'm a little shy of 20. My parents (being Asian) are sooo strict you don't even know. I'm sharing a lot, but, I don't know, I just want to help those who go through the same thing. Anyways, You don't need to try so hard. Everything that I want to say is already in this oneshot. Changing yourself for someone who might not even care is honestly just dumb. I tell myself all the time to not have a care in the world about what others might think about me, but I'm still struggling. Just know that you don't have to try so hard to be accepted into something, or as someone. Like seriously, just love youself and appreciate your true beauty.

And I could blabber on and on about this and that but you're all probably sick of this, so I'll just stop. Just remember, "You don't need to try so hard. Just fall in love with yourself and everything else will fall into place."

Much Love,

Miyoung:))