Hi! It's been a while. I don't post on AFF anymore; however, I just re-read this story for the first time in years, and my last author's note broke my heart a little. Specifically, the part at the end:

"But you know what? At the end of the day, you just have to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep going. 

It hasn't gotten much better for me, but I am living for the hope- no, belief- that things will get better.

I just need to give it some time. Everything will work out. 

Everything always works out."

This is 23-year-old Rubi, following up that everything did work out :) 

I look back on the era I wrote this fic (and wrote on this site) so fondly. Part of me really misses the way I felt emotions so intensely, in the way that only a teenager can. My 15-year-old self would've killed me if she heard this; all I ever wanted to be back then was mature. Someone who didn't feel anything, someone who could take things in stride and be utterly unaffected by other people. I used to really hate how emotionally volatile I was. 

But now, I think my younger self was just so cute. When I read the things I wrote back then I can feel how excited I was about everything. And I love that. 

Quick updates on what's going on in my life (mostly for my future self, who will inevitably re-read this, cringe at how juvenile this all sounds, and then add an update of her own):

- Am finally starting to get over my first relationship ("situationship" is probably more accurate). I'm not going to lie, it felt like someone was literally stabbing knives in my heart when he ended things and immediately started seeing another girl.  Like so so painful and humiliating and sad. The plus side is that, unlike my other crushes in the past... I've been able to see him way more clearly, as opposed to putting him on a pedestal. This has helped me get over him a lot faster than my previous romances. 

I wasn't in love with him or anything, though. He's also definitely not my first love- that title goes to the guy I wrote this fic about (who is actually getting married soon!!)

- In the process of getting over him, I've geniunely started to fall in love with the new city I moved to. I've met some awesome friends who I can see becoming close with, I'm pushing myself to go out more (something I always thought was draining, but is way more fun than I thought), and this place is starting to really feel like home. 

- I've been burnt out of one of my biggest passions (weightlifting) and haven't even wanted to enter a gym for the last year. However, I woke up a few days ago and was like... wait a sec... I feel like working out!! Woohoo!! Am going to sign up for fitness classes soon to get back into things. 

- Got my dream job that I literally fantasized about exactly when I was a sophomore in college. Although it's not really the *dream* I expected, and it makes me want to wring my hair out most of the time..... I'm learning a lot, and getting better at things. 

Anyway!! I really hope you all are doing well, too. Love y'all, and will always have a special place in my heart for all of you on this site <3

love, rubi