Dream

I was in the elevator to your place. Chanyeol sent me to come get you before going to the club. I wasn't sure if he was just lazy or if he wanted something to happen while I was here with you. Who knew what that scheming giant was thinking. When the doors of the lift slid open, I strode to your unit. I had been here countless times with Chanyeol, sometimes alone. But I had never been over alone and at night. I pushed the door bell and heard it resonate in the apartment. I cleared my throat, looking down at my shoes. I was nervous and I didn't know what for.

Suddenly, the door opened and I snapped my head up in surprise. I saw you snatch a wad of tissue out of nostril. You looked pale and tired. You didn't look too good in the afternoon either but I thought it might have just you being too tired. I dropped my eyes to your outfit. You looked hot in that tight black dress. It showed off your curves and your legs. I felt like I was violating you, so I quickly looked back up at your face. My heart was thundering in my chest and I swallowed with difficulty. You were doing things to me without even having the intention to do it. 

"You're early," your voice was soft and slightly muffled. You stepped back, opening the door wider for me to enter.

After I had doffed my shoes, I turned to you. I spoke after you closed the door and had turned to me, "You're not going to the club like this. You're sick," and partly because I didn't want any guy looking at or touching you. 

But you merely brushed me off as you walked into your room, "I've been worst." You had always been stubborn; one trait I liked about you. You weren't a pushover like other girls. I followed you into the room as you explained, "Besides, you guys want to go and I don't wanna be a party pooper." Another trait I liked about you was that you thought of others before yourself, making it a good and bad thing. 

Seeing how you were so set on going to the club, I fished out my phone and dialed for Chanyeol. You were about to get your purse when you turned around, probably wondering why I was so silent. You quirked an eyebrow at me in question and I shrugged as our eyes locked. Just in time, Chanyeol picked up the call. 

"Hey! Got her already?" He asked. 

"We're not going, Yeol." 

"What― Kai!" You hissed, stretching your hand out to grab my phone. 

"Why―" I ended the call, ignoring the fact that I had just cut him off in the middle of his speech. 

You smacked my chest with your hand instead, since you couldn't snatch my phone now. I rolled my eyes playfully as I instructed, "Change out now, we're staying home." Just as I was going to walk out of the room, you called out. 

"No, wait!" I turned around. "You're going! I'll just stay behind." 

A small smile crept on my lips. You were still thinking about how much I wanted to go. But the truth was that I wanted to go because you would go. And right now, I didn't want to go because you won't be going. I wanted to stay here because you were staying. "Cute," I murmured at how thoughtful you were, but still oblivious to how much I wanted to be with you. 

I stayed outside the room for a few second and I didn't hear any movements from within. So I decided to tease you, knowing how red you would go even without being in the same room as you were. "I'm going to undress you if you don't start changing!" 

I heard a bang and I sniggered. You probably hit your leg on the bed or something while running to lock the door. "O-okay!" You stuttered. 

I waited outside while you were changing. Just when I was about to knock on the door to ask you to hurry, you flung the door open. I could see that you were as shocked as I was, because your eyes were wide open. I took in your new change of clothes. You were wearing a black shirt and gray sweatpants. And even though it wasn't as y as what you were wearing before, I thought you looked even more attractive now. You were in your own skin and you were comfortable. I didn't feel like I was you with my eyes now, too. You started to squirm and it reminded me that I was probably staring at you like a lecher. I blinked, snapping out of my daze. 

"I'll change too," I said uncertainly, my statement sounded more like a question.

You nodded quickly and stepped out of the room. When I got into your room, I locked the door and took a deep breath. Your natural scent hit my nostrils and I felt giddy. I walked over to the wardrobe where I had kept some of my clothes at. As I took out a shirt from the pile, I saw Chanyeol's clothes too and I thought I should probably call him to explain what was going on. While pulling out my shorts, I held onto the phone to my ear with the other hand. 

"Yah, you hung up on me while I was talking!" Chanyeol yelled through the phone. 

"Sorry," I apologised breezily. "She's sick, so I'm not letting her go." 

He blew a raspberry and I was amused how it still translated well through the receiver. "If only you were as thoughtful towards me."

"Whatever," I mumbled as I wore my shorts.

"So you're gonna stay over?" 

I stalled. Finally, I answered honestly, "I don't know." 

"You want to, right?"

"Yeah, but―"

"Just do it, Kai. Even if you think it's inappropriate, just stay over to take care of her. Do it for me, then." 

I was done changing and I just stood at the spot by the wardrobe where I had been changing. I sighed and nodded even though I knew Chanyeol couldn't see me, "Alright. But know that I'm not doing this for you." 

"Sure, Kai," Chanyeol laughed, hanging up on the phone. 

I hung my clothes on a hanger and left it on the hook behind your door. Taking a steady breath, I left the room. I stood by the couch and you lifted your head to face me. You looked tired and ready to sleep. 

"Have you eaten?" I asked, suddenly awkward. 

You gave me a look and told me, "It's almost 10, of course I've eaten." 

"Right." I mentally slapped myself. Why did I even ask that question? I started to feel nervous and unsure after that slip up. You were going to think I'm stupid. I was fidgeting, even. 

"Wanna watch a movie together?" You proposed, smiling gently at me. You moved slightly and patted the spot where you had been sitting on. You invited, "Come, sit."

All in a matter of moments, the awkwardness and the uncertainty flooded out of my system at the sight of your smile. I couldn't resist, so I went and sat beside you. Our thighs were touching and the side of my body was pressed against yours. I stretched my arm behind you, resting it on the backrest of the couch. I felt you stiffen and I internally smirked. Pretending I didn't notice that, I stared at the television screen which had a list of movies to watch.

I mumbled, "What movie?"

From the side of my eye, I saw you turn to me. You gave me the privilege, "You can choose."

I knew you were staring at me but I didn't want to catch you in the act. You were definitely going to stray away from me for being too embarrassed. So I let you run your eyes over my face as I basked in your attention. I never really liked having too much attention on me. Even when hot girls gave me their compliments and praises, I thought it was useless. It didn't feed my ego but it also didn't made feel anything in particular. However, you were different. Your stares and attention made me feel confident yet nervous. Just like how I liked and disliked how you made me feel all at the same time.

Just before you started to realise that I was taking too long to choose a movie, I regretfully let myself close off to the feeling I got from your stare. I suggested, "Harry Potter and the Azkalabam?" 

"It's Azkaban," you corrected as you rolled your eyes teasingly.

I was embarrassed of my mistake but seeing you tease me like that amused me. I was the one who usually did the teasing. I chuckled quietly, nudging your leg with my thigh playfully. You froze in your spot for a moment. Regaining your composure again, you lifted a shaky hand and pressed 'play.' Attempting to stay relaxed, you leant back, only to freeze again when you came in contact with my arm. 

"I'll go turn off the lights..." You murmured as you walked to the switch. 

My eyes were fixed on the screen even though I was paying more attention to you. You took your seat again and I gulped, feeling hot all over just realising how close we were. I watched as the movie started, this time letting myself focus on the movie instead of the girl next to me. I didn't even know you were sneezing until I heard a sound that sounded like a spray from a spray bottle. Had you been sneezing all this time? 

I ducked my head and whispered into your ear, "Are you cold?"

You stilled at the intimacy and I backed away. I felt your eyes following me as I stood up and walked away. I entered your room and grabbed a spare blanket from the wardrobe. Chanyeol and I had to get our own blankets to put in each other's apartments or there wouldn't be enough blankets for all of us when there was a sleepover. I didn't want to ruin your bed that was so nicely made, so I took mine instead. Your eyes were on the screen when I came out. Even though your eyes were droopy and half-closed, you seemed to be focusing on the movie. You were probably only half-conscious. I draped the blanket over your body and you looked up at me. I sat down again. You were pressing your nose into my blanket. 

"Are you cold?" You asked suddenly. "I mean, we can share the blanket..."

I scanned your face and stopped at your eyes. You were being sincere and hopeful. That small spark in your eyes made an end of my lips tug into a playful smirk. I nodded and you lifted the blanket, creating an opening for me. I moved even closer to you, my thigh slipping under your folded leg. You were partly sitting on me and I felt flushed all over. I was going to deal with my rapid heart rate when you pressed yourself closer to me. 

"Whoa," I breathed. "You're so cold." I found your hand and flitted my own over yours. 

Your hand was cold as though you had been soaking your hands in a bucket of ice water. I took your other hand and felt it in my palm. This was very concerning. I didn't like it at all. I couldn't take it, seeing you so sick and cold. My heart ached. 

"Do you have any medicine you can take?" I asked worriedly.

You shook your head, murmuring, "It's okay though. My flu usually goes away after a few days."

I stared at you, wondering if I should let this one go. You never liked it whenever we worried about you. Your eyes seemed to plead me, asking me to believe you. I sighed, cursing myself for being too soft for you as I gave you a pass. However, since I couldn't do anything to make you eat medicine, I took your hands and placed the palms in line with each other. I cupped your hands from the outside in my own calloused ones. 

I continued watching the movie, sometimes rubbing my thumbs on the sides of your hands, sometimes smoothing the pads of my thumbs on your palms. I hadn't even noticed I had been doing that. It felt so natural, like I had been doing this forever and could do this for forever more. Halfway through the movie, you were struggling to keep your eyes open. Three-quarters into the movie and your head was already nodding off. 

You looked so cute that I had to bite my lips from chuckling. It didn't help because I still laughed though. I moved my hand from yours and brought it up to your head. Pushing your head towards my shoulder, I whispered, "I'll carry you to your bed after the movie."

You hummed as you snuggled closer. You tilted your head so that you could bury your face into the crook of my neck. Your nose tickled me but that wasn't as noticeable as how your lips grazed my skin. I was frozen. My skin pricked at the intimacy and I wondered if this was how you usually felt. Or was my reaction a hundred times worst than yours? 

I had troubles paying attention to the movie. You had moved your head down to my chest and I had to hold your head to my body, not wanting you to slip your head even lower and hurt yourself. Eventually, when the movie was over, I carefully slid my arms under your neck and your thighs. I left the ending credits playing, considering to turn it off later. You were light in my arms as I carried you into your room. I sat lightly on your bed. With one arm still holding up your body, I used the other hand to peel away your blanket. 

I set your head down gently on your pillow and moved your body to lay on the bed instead of on me. I covered the blanket over you and quickly left the room, not wanting to be a creep who stared at girls as they slept. I turned off the TV and laid on the couch. I covered myself with the blanket that was left on the couch. I was almost going to succumb to sleep when I heard the door of your room opening. It was probably half an hour since I settled on the couch.

Your feet padded softly against the floor and I knew that you were trying to make as little noise as you could. Little did you know I was alert now. You entered the kitchen and I got up too, following you as I wondered if you were okay. You hadn't even the lights when you got to the kitchen. But I knew that you were pouring yourself a glass of water from the sound of water gushing out of a spout. 

I leant against the door frame. My voice was low and husky as I asked, "Are you okay?"

The sound of glass hitting against each other reached my ears and I knew I had scared you. You turned and answered with a cracked voice, "Yeah." You cleared your throat and spoke again with a smoother but muffled voice, "Was just thirsty."

I hummed, watching your sillhouette. You were drinking the water you had poured before you mumbled, "Sleep on the bed, Kai."

At once, I rejected the offer, "No." I desperately wanted to be on the same bed as you were. But I couldn't because I would feel like I was eating into your privacy. Realising how mean I might have sounded and how the emotion of hurt was emitting from your being, I flustered, "I-I mean... It's not very nice to... You know... Share a bed with a girl." 

"I'm not just any girl, Kai," you muttered to yourself. I heard it and I was glad I did. It made me remember that you liked me back. It reminded me that I should do something before I missed the chance. You weren't any girl to me and I wanted― needed you to know that. 

"No. No, you're not," I blurted out. You had to know that you weren't just any girl; that you weren't just a best friend. 

"Besides," you were fidgeting. "It's not like you've never done it before..." I initially thought of giving in but just not sleeping on the bed with you. I didn't want to do things that might strain our complicated relationship. But you asked, "Sleep with me?"

Maybe this was your hint in telling me that I should take the initiative before you do it for me. Maybe you were telling me to be brave and just jump on the ship, whether it sails or not, I'll just have to make it work. But contrary to my appearance, I was not confident in these things. I didn't know how to be a good boyfriend and perhaps it was the dramas that made me doubt myself. Then I reminded myself that you were just asking me to sleep on the bed with you, not to match up to the boyfriend--pillow--heater boyfriend in dramas. 

"Okay," I swallowed my nerves. 

"Really?"

"Yeah," I wanted to laugh at how surprised you sounded. You were the one who asked for it and now that I agreed, you didn't believe it. 

"Okay," I heard you say as you set your cup on the counter top. 

When we were on the bed with our backs to each other, I felt a pang of emptiness. I wanted to hug you to sleep just like how I always imagined us to do at night. But I was too afraid. I was too scared of rejection. I didn't know what I would do if you became awkward with me just because I did that. I wanted you. But I couldn't lose you as a friend either. 

That night, I dreamt of a nice dream where I had been holding you in your sleep.