The evening sky was ever so quiet and gentle with a slight breeze passing to and fro, rustling the dead leaves which had survived the autumn season. The full moon glistened up in the dark starless sky. The upper west side, borough of Manhattan, was surprisingly calm and the streets were somewhat deserted considering this was city that never sleeps; it was Christmas Eve after all.

Families were seated at their dining room tables, enjoying each other's company over a traditional holiday meal. 

Happy. 

They were all happy; happy to be with one another, and happy to see each other. Most importantly, they were all happy not to be alone on the special night.

Jin lazily rose to his feet and dragged his numb legs down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He had been sitting on the sofa all night waiting for something to happen, for someone to walk through the door and make his lonely night somewhat worthwhile. When a couple hours crawled by, his body started to give up on him once again, exhausted from the painful wavering thoughts as well as the loss of sleep from the night before. The consumption of caffeine continued. He had already gone through two cups, and the next would be his third in a span of four gruesome hours. He needed to stay awake. He just had to, holding on to the last thread of hope that maybe, just maybe, Christmas would be different for him this year.

He spent the past year grieving and envying those who were lucky enough to see their loved ones on the special occasion. He was envious of those who got to see their loved ones every day: to be able to see their bright smiles, and warm kind eyes. Even more, he envious of those who got to hold their loved ones tight in their arms.

Although it had been a year, two at the end of the night, Jin still forced himself to remain optimistic. A part of him, deep inside, still strongly believed that Arson was alive. He had to be alive. He just had to.

Jin felt tears stinging his eyes once the thought of Arson actually being dead crossed his mind. He couldn't be dead. He was too strong-willed and clever to get killed. The man made a promise to stay alive before departing for the mission, and he never broke his promises.

Jin found himself clutching onto the coffee mug. The hot contents released him from his horrifying daze. He placed the mug down on the counter and walked over to the window. Inhaling the fresh air, the tears streaming from his eyes chilled his pale face, sending shivers throughout his body. The snow still hadn't reached the city yet even though the cold season began two months ago, in fact, it still felt like autumn.

Autumn was Arson's favorite season. He loved seeing the leaves change color and raking them up into a huge pile for the neighborhood children to jump in and make leaf angels.

Jin lips quivered. And with trembling lips came more tears. He stepped away from the window and sat down on the nearest chair, crying violently into his hands. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Nonetheless, it was just another Christmas he would be spending alone. This would be the second consecutive year and he, out of all people, was coming to realize that his life would never be the same again after Arson's disapperance. 

 

 

The next morning, Jin had arranged to meet up with his best friend at the nearby cafe, which was conveniently only located a couple blocks down from his lonely house. The temperature dropped a couple degrees the night before, starting to make it feel like winter. It was still, however, a snowless Christmas Day.

He spotted the pretty brunette patiently waiting outside the cafe—the only one open on Christmas Day—and approached her rather cheerfully, but was quick to regain his posture in order to hide the faint sign of happiness within him. Yuri glanced up from her cellphone.

"Jin!" she happily said, wrapping her slender arms around him. He reciprocated the hug and led her into the cafe. They took their usual seat by the window. Quite surprisingly, they weren't the only ones spending Christmas Day alone. The cafe was nearly packed with regular customers as well as a few new faces.

"So..." Yuri trailed in Korean which was their native tongue. “How are you?" A hint of concern lined her matte pink lips.

"The same," he mumbled.

She knitted her eyebrows together and carefully studied his face. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright then," she answered still staring at him as he picked up his menu.

"Quit staring at me."

She apologized and dropped her gaze to her menu. He occasionally caught her sneaking worried glances as they discussed politics, which was usually all they ever talked about since she was planning to run for office. Their friendship traced back to the first day of middle school back in South Korea. She was the Korean-American transfer student everyone was gossiping about the whole morning and just happened to be assigned the desk next to Jin in class. At first, her presence intimidated him, but he pushed that aside and introduced himself. They automatically clicked and became inseparable. She even gave him private English lessons, so he could completely in the langauge. 

Unlike the other male students, Jin never developed a crush on her because he was gay, which was one of the main reasons why their friendship lasted so long. After high school, they both had dreams of pursuing careers in New York City and decided to move there. It was now their permanent home.

A waitress came to take their order. Yuri orders a caffe mocha and Jin gets a caramel latte. 

"When are you going back to the work force?" Yuri asked after the waitress left. 

Sighing, Jin rubbed his temples as if the process would help accumulate a response. "I guess so. I do kind of miss being in the classroom."

"Great!" She beamed with excitement. "The Center for Science and Mathematics has a job opening for a physics teacher." She reached in her purse and retrieved a card. "Call them up and tell them you're interested. They'll definitely pick you."

"And how long have you known this?" he curiously said, taking the card anyway.

"I don't know, a couple days, weeks, months…the point is, I just want you to get out of the house and interact with people more."

He chuckled. "I am outside, and you're a person. Does that count?"

"You know what I mean." Her face turned serious.

He sighed softly. "Alright. I'll see if I can get the job."

"Good." She smiled. "You'll thank me for this later."

A comfortable silence stamped its claim on the two friends. Jin's thoughts drifted to Arson and Yuri checked her emails. The waitress returns with their drinks.

Jin swapped his attention over to his latte and stirred the sweet delicacy with a straw, watching as the cream swirled like a whirlpool: he was quite dumbfounded by the image.

"You should go out and meet someone new," Yuri bluntly said.

He immediately stopped stirring, shocked at her recent comment. He doesn't look up at her to hide the sadness in his eyes. "Why?"

"It's been like two years. You have to move on already. I'm pretty sure that's what Arson would have wanted."

A long silent minute passed between them. He finally managed to lock his dark brown eyes on her, staring for a moment before slightly parting his lips. "You...think h-h-he's...d-dead?"

She sighed. "Well...it's been two years and the odds are he isn't with us anymore. If a person is gone for more than a few months, they usually are dead. I've seen it on the news many times."

"He's not dead! How would you even know that?" He snapped at her, causing a few heads to turn their way. "No one has been able to get into the village to possibly even know!"

"And no one has been able to get out," she simply remarked in a calm tone. He scrunched his eyebrows together and stared down at the table.

She did have a point. Ever since Xiaogang was invaded by the rebels, no one had been able to get in or out of the terrorizing village. Arson's platoon was stationed to keep out the rebels, but the ambush was too severe. Two years later, everyone just assumed the whole unit was completely wiped out. 

"I'm going to go." Jin announced. He kept his head down, not wanting anyone to see the tears budding in his eyes. "Bye."

"Don't forget about the job," Yuri reminded before he disappeared out the door.

 

 

"Yes, Mom. I'm fine. Stop worrying about me, alright?" Jin repeated for the fourth time in korean. It’s been three weeks since Yuri informed him about the position at Manhattan's Center for Science and Mathematics. Luckily, he aced the interview and got the job. Today was his first day.

"You didn't come home for Christmas though," his mother exclaimed from the other line.

"Well...it’s because I couldn't afford a plane ticket," he lied. Rummaging through his drawer for a tie, he decided on a plain blue one that would look well with a white dress shirt and black sweater vest.

"Really? I could've lent you---"

"Sorry, but I have to go." He cut her off. "I'll be late for work if I don't get dressed. Bye. Love you." He hung up before she could say anything. She was probably ecstatic at the fact that he was going back to work anyway. 

After picking out the clothes, he brushed his teeth, took a quick shower, and threw on his clothes, leaving the house without even bothering to eat breakfast. The morning chat with his mother cut twenty minutes off his preparation time. Luckily, the drive to the school took only fifteen minutes. He glanced down at his watch. It read 8:30. His first class didn't start until 9:00. He stayed in his car and used fifteen minutes to clear his thoughts, preparing for the long day ahead. He had to teach two classes: one an hour long, and an honors class that was two hours in length.

Sighing, he looked at the reflection of himself through the rearview mirror. He actually got some sleep last night, so his eyes didn't look all that tired. His chestnut brown hair, however, refused to stay down. He tried to slick it back into place, but found himself reminiscing about the many times Arson had played with the naughty hair. He loved Jin's hair...a lot.

Jin shook the thoughts away and heaved another sigh. He tousled his hair and hoped no one would even care to notice its messy state. Then, he stepped out of the car. The unfamiliar campus was huge compared to the private schools he had taught in before. He got the occasional curious and flirtatious looks from the female students while making his way inside.

The short principal greeted him in the hallway and gestured him into an office. "It's so wonderful to have an amazing teacher like you teaching here at our school, Mr. Kim." He shook Jin's hand.

"It's a pleasure to be here," Jin responded.

"I would love for you to stop by my office during your free time so we could talk some more. Is that alright with you?"

Jin nodded. "Most definitely."

"Thank you. Shall I you to your classroom?"

"No, thank you. I think I can manage." He said goodbye and left the office. He glanced down at his schedule as he walked down to the new classroom and nearly knocked over a student.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going," Jin apologized to the young man who didn't even bother to stick around for the apology. He didn't get a good glimpse at the students' face, but was quick to notice his jet black hair; hair so black, it gave the night sky a run for its money.

When Jin stepped into his new classroom, most of the students were already in their seats and they all, especially the girls, watched his every move. He couldn't help but get a bit nervous with all the eyes on him. He also hadn't been in a classroom since news broke out about Arson's disappearance. Anxiety was slowly creeping around the corner. The rest of the students walked in and class officially began.

Jin stood in front of the room, biting down on his bottom lip, trying to calm his nerves. After about a whole awkward minute of silence, he finally cleared his throat. "Good morning, class. I'm Mr. Kim, the new physics teacher. Uhm, lets take attendance and then I'll give you all a more proper introduction of myself." He picked up the clipboard at the edge of his desk and once again cleared his throat, noticing the list had about thirty names. "Alright, let’s begin. I'll Julia Adams?"

The student raised her hand. "Here."

"Jen Brooks?" he continued.

"Here."

"Dave Brunt?"

"Here."

The roll call continued for a few minutes. He nearly sighed in relief when there were only five names remaining. " Kate Quincy?"

"Here."

"Keith Ramsey?"

"Here."

"Lily Rose?"

A girl styling a blond pixie haircut raised her hand and happily shouted "Present!"

He smiled at her enthusiasm and gazed back down at the next name on the list. His eyes widened. The name read: Janus Stone.

"It can't be," he said quietly to himself. After staring at the name for a while longer, he finally called out "J-Janus...Stone?"

No answer.

Maybe, he had just imagined the name. It didn't exist. He saw the pixie-haired girl poke a boy to her right on the head with a pen. "Janus, wake up," she failed to whisper.

The boy slowly lifted his head up, squinting a bit from the lights and fixated his gaze on Jin, but didn't say anything.

"That's Janus," Lily said. Jin mumbled an okay and finished up the rest of attendance. After that, he excused himself from the classroom for a moment and had a mental breakdown in the empty hallway.

That boy couldn't actually be Janus, right? Arson did describe Janus as having pitch black hair, but that could just be a coincidence! And Arson never told him they had different last names.  Although, he did mention that Janus was adopted after their mother had passed away. No! That student couldn't possibly be Arson's younger brother! 

Jin tugged the ends of his hair in frustration. After catching his breath, he went back inside the classroom. "Sorry for the inconvenience." He snuck a glance over at Janus, who was fully awake, but now had a blank expression on his face. A small glance then turned to a long stare and the boy, surprisingly, returned the stare. Jin carefully examined the young man's facial features; he had the same cheekbones, thin eyebrows, nose and wide-set eyes—the same features Arson had. It was him. It was definitely him without a doubt. That boy was Arson's little brother, Janus. He was nearly a mirror reflection of his older brother excluding Arson's honey blond hair. This, for sure, was definitely going to be an extremely long day.

 

 

Later that night, Yuri spent the night over at Jin's house for their usual Monday sleepovers.

"So, what movie are we going to watch tonight?" She plopped down next to him on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. "Popcorn?"

He shook his head. "No, thank you."

"So…" she trailed off, studying his face. "Are you going to actually turn on the TV or just stare at the blank screen the whole night?"

"Oh." He snapped out of his daze and grabbed the remote on the coffee table to turn on the TV, but Rachael snatched the remote from his hands. Placing the bowl of popcorn down on the table, she rotated herself to completely face him. "Talk to me, dude. What's up?"

A moment of silence passed. "Well," he started. "Guess who one of my students is?"

She shot him a bored expression. "Come on, you know I'm a terrible guesser."

He pursed his lips together into a thin line for a second and then answered, "Arson's little brother, Janus."

Her eyes widened in shock. "What? You're joking, right? Prove it."

"Luckily, one of the perks of being a teacher is I get complete information on all my students." He took his tablet off the table and did a bit of web surfing. "It's definitely him. I'm sure of it." Janus's file appeared on the screen. The latter's photo was bland, and as usual his expression was unreadable.

"Here," Jin said, showing it to her. "Tell me that doesn't look like Arson?"

"Hmmm...not convinced."

"Okay, Arson's last name is Rivers, but he did once mention to me that Janus was adopted after their mother passed away. So, both names of Janus's biological parents and adopted parents should be on here." He scrolled down to the general information section. "See, look right here. It says that his mother's name was Karoline Rivers and his father's name was Michael Rivers."

"Alright, I..."

"And look over here!" he interrupted, nearly jumping out of his seat. "It says here that his brother is Arson Rivers! I told you it was him!"

"Okay. I believe you,” she admitted. "Do you think he knows you?"

Jin shook his head. "I doubt it. Arson didn't come out to his family yet."

"Oh, so now what?"

"I don't know," he simply responded. The landline phone suddenly started ringing.

Yuri retrieved it from its charging port and glanced over at the caller ID. ", it's private. Should I answer it? Wait, you answer it." She handed it over to him.

"Hello," he said, raising the device to his ear.

"Am I speaking with Kim Seokjin?" A stern voice questioned.

"Y-Yes.” Jin gulped.

"I'm Sergeant Athens. The former commander of unit E12. I apologize for the inconvenience, but would you please make a trip down to the airport tomorrow evening around six o'clock? I have something to give you."

"Uhm...okay?" Jin choked back tears.

"Thank you. I'll see you then." The man then hung up. Jin slowly brought the phone down and held back tears that were begging to escape.

"Are you okay?" Yuri worriedly asked.

"That...was the sergeant in command of Arson's unit." He told her. "He...wants to give me...something tomorrow."

"They probably found Arson's body," she said a little too excitedly. He shot her a glare.

"Sorry," she quickly apologized. "Are we going to still watch a movie?"

"I...guess so. I don't know." The tears rolled down his cheeks. He took a moment to take in everything that just happened. What if Yuri's right? Did they find Arson's dead body? Did Arson really...die? 

 

 

Although Jin had only been teaching at the school for a couple days, most the students already liked him, mainly due to the fact that he wasn't the lecturing type. Instead, he would write a problem up on the board and give the students time to figure it out by themselves before going over it the last thirty minutes of class. He made sure not to reveal the answer for some problems. For him, getting the solution wasn't as important as knowing how to do the problem. The slightest glitch in a calculation could lead to the wrong answer, but knowing which equation to use and how to solve the problem had far greater importance.

Jin wrote another problem on the board and excused himself out of the classroom to use the restroom and get a soda from the vending machine down the hall. He also used that time try to clear away any thoughts doubting Arson's state of well-being. He had convinced himself that Arson was still alive and whatever the Sergeant was going to give him today had nothing to do with his boyfriend.

When Jin returned to the classroom, he glanced around and saw Janus with his head down on the desk. He hesitantly approached the student and tapped him on the shoulder. "Did you finish the problem?"

The young man lifted his head up, staring at Jin with, yet again, another blank expression: he never talked or showed any emotion. Janus handed his notebook over to the teacher and immediately placed his head back down on the desk.

Jin scanned the student’s work, then woke him up with a tap once again. "Units," he simply said. "Your units don't match up. Please, check your units." He gave the notebook back and went over to assist another student.

 

 

As instructed by the sergeant, Jin arrived at the airport. He even showed up ten minutes early. Shockingly, the airport wasn't crowded or busy like usual. Odd. He situated himself on a bench and used the ten minutes remaining to process his wavering thoughts.

What was this thing he was going to be given? Yuri was convinced it was Arson's dead body. How could she be so cruel to say or even think that? Arson definitely wasn't dead. Jin was completely sure of it, even if his brain disagreed. Who cared about the brain anyway? They say the heart was the most important organ in the body and he chose to listen to it.

If it wasn't Arson's body, then what could it be? The media hadn't released anything about the soldiers being found or brought back home. The thought of Arson standing in front of him alive made his heart do flips. It would be love at first sight all over again if that were to happen.

The odds of the thing being an item belonging to Arson was highly likely too. But why would they personally want to meet with him, especially the sergeant, when they could easily deliver whatever it was they wanted to give him to his home? Maybe, Yuri was right about them finally going to break the news about Arson. The odds were stacking up against him and his fragile heart.

He felt an anxiety attack fast approaching and quickly forced himself into a calm state of mind. He closed his eyes and thought about all the good times he and Arson had. The memories of him were eternal. His favorite memory was of their first encounter. It was eight years ago on a cold winter morning. Arson and his military school friends had walked into the diner that Jin was volunteering at. When he and Arson laid eyes on each other, it was love at first sight. Arson's piercing gaze immediately won him over. Jin couldn't take his eyes off the handsome young man.

Jin missed Arson's green, warm, and friendly eyes—the same eyes that stole his heart on that wonderful day. He really wanted to stare into them again, even if it was just once.

"Jin?" A familiar stern voice called out. The latter opened his eyes to see three soldiers towering over him and sadly, none of them were Arson. Maybe, Yuri was right all along.

The man in the middle spoke. "I'm sergeant Athens. It's a pleasure to meet you." Although his voice was intimidating, the man had a kind face. He and his fellow soldiers saluted Jin which caught him by surprise. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. We have a present for you," the sergeant continued.

"Present? From Arson?" he questioned. The man smiled. "No, even better than that." Then he and his men stepped aside.

Jin's eyes widened for a moment and slowly fell back to their normal size as tears streamed down his face. Getting onto his feet, he approached the human being in front of him in awe and faint disbelief. "A-A-Arson? Is it really...y-y-you?" He cupped his hands on the man's face to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. "Oh my gosh, it's really you!" He embraced him, crying uncontrollably. Arson was alive! He had been all this time! He had kept his promise!

Jin held onto him for a while before realizing his lover hadn't said a word or returned the hug. Releasing him, Jin stared into his favorite pair of green eyes. They stared back at him, but seemed rather distant and emotionless. "Arson, what's wrong?" he worriedly asked, caressing his lover's face. Again, no response nor emotion lined the man's face.

"He's suffering from temporary memory loss and was diagnosed with a severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Poor guy was the only soldier from his unit who came out alive," the sergeant confessed. Jin knitted his eyebrows together and continued to caress Arson's face, staring into his eyes, hoping and praying a reaction would come from his other half. "Arson, it's me, Jin. Don't you remember me?"

Once again, no answer, just a blank expression. Jin's tears returned. "Why isn't he talking? Can't he at least say something?" he snapped at Sergeant Athens.

"He rarely talks. We've had him for a while and brought him back to full physical health, but the mental diagnostics still remains. His memory should slowly start coming back and with proper counseling and medication, his PTSD should become less severe. You were the only one we could contact. We showed him pictures of possible caretakers and you were the only one he reacted well to, so there's no risk to your safety if we leave him in your care. The fact that he hasn't rejected your touch is a sign of trust from his side." 

"Wait, you've had him this whole time? For how long?" Jin questioned.

"A little over a year. His injuries were really severe. If he hadn't signalled for help and stayed in that jungle a couple days longer, he wouldn't be standing here with us today. I've been delivering bad news to other families for many months. It's refreshing to finally be able to deliver good news. You're a very lucky man, Jin."

Jin turned to face Arson again, carefully exploring his facial features. He had the same hair, cheekbones, eyes, nose, and lips. Even though he wasn't all in one piece, he was still alive and that was all that mattered. "I'm so grateful to have him back! Thank you so much!"

 

 

Yuri ran up the porch steps and rang the doorbell.

"Ah, you're here." Jin said opening the door for her. "Glad you made it."

"I came here as quick as possible. So, what is it you want to show me?" She tried to catch her breath. "This better be good."

Smiling, he led her into the living room to where Arson was quietly seated on the sofa, carefully scanning the once familiar atmosphere.

"See, I told you he was alive," Jin said happily.

Yuri's jaw dropped. "Th-th-that's...A-Arson?" she stuttered.

Jin nodded. "Yes. He kept his promise. I was right all along"

She hesitantly walked up to him for a better look. Arson's cautious eyes followed her every move, ready to attack if she were to bring harm to either him or his new caregiver, whom he oddly felt attached to for some strange reason.

"Arson? Is it really you?" she asked, leaning in closer to him—a little too close.

"Don't get that close to him!" Jin grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Arson. "You may trigger some flashback from the war. He'll pick it up as a threat and might attack you."

"What?" She cocked an eyebrow. "What is he now? Some sort of guard dog or something?"

Jin ignored her rude comment and took her into the kitchen. "No, he's been diagnosed with PTSD and has temporary memory loss."

"Oh. So, he doesn't remember anything at all? How to speak? His name? You?"

"They told me he rarely speaks. And yes, he knows his name. But sadly, I don't think he remember me. He hasn't done anything bad or seems to be cautious of me…yet. I guess some part of him probably recognizes me?"

"Wow, you finally get him back and he's a total wreck," she confessed bluntly. Jin shot her a glare this time and she immediately apologized.

"So...what are you going to do with him?" she asked, leaning on the counter.

"The sergeant gave me all his medication. I guess I have to nurse him back to his normal state of mind."

She sighed. "Am I going crazy? How can he be alive?" She peaked back into the living room. "How did he make it alive?"

He shrugged. "Endurance, I guess. Sadly, he was the only soldier who made it out alive."

"He's one lucky guy." She turned to face her best friend. "I'm sorry I doubted you this whole time. The odds seemed completely against you, but your man is right there in the living room."

"I would be lying if I said I didn't have doubts at times. I'm just really grateful he's back to me."

"Yeah. Now you can stop crying like a baby every night," she teased playfully punching his arm.

"It's going to be a long recovery," he quietly admitted.

"Hey, think of it this way. When he's all done recovering, you two can go back to getting down and dirty." She winked. "I'm going to go back and check on him to see if he kills me this time."

"Stop it. He's not an animal. He won't really attack you...I think, as long as you don't provoke him," Jin remarked, trailing behind her as they made their way back to the living room. They found Arson looking down at Jin's tablet, eyes carefully scanning the screen.

"What's he looking at? Does he even know what it is?" Rachael whispered to Jin. Arson suddenly held the device up to them, pointing to the photo of a student on the screen. "Where's Janus?"