Random Rambles: OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY.... it feels like it's been forever since I updated and I do sincerely apologize. It's been pretty hectic for me lately, so I've been busy...I do intend finishing this story and I am not planning to go on hiatus, but it could be possible that updates will take a while longer than usual (though I feel this is the longest I've taken to update). Thank you again so much for new subscribers, and your wonderful comments!! I've read them all but have been unfortunately unable to reply to all of them, but I hope you awesome people know that I am so very flattered and grateful in receiving them! You guys rock! I promise to keep doing my best and to update as often as I can. Thank you so much for bearing with this slow rookie author OTL Saranghaeyo <3

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He lived in the mountains, this child of winter, who found solace in solitude before he knew of brotherhood. 

This child’s blood was noble, his spirit even more so. Eyes gleaming with dawn’s light, who wasn’t afraid to fight the good fight. 

His roots were more humble, this rebel with a cause, whose soul soared through the endless skies- until with brothers he unifies. 

The youngest in the family, he was often overlooked, this boy who knew only to follow without heed, but had always been born to lead. 

The most gentle of hearts, this child without a home, made to suffer for a while, but looks upon others with a healing smile. 

What is there to say about this child of light? Who endured through the darkness of the night, and still manages to shine so very bright. 

He carried a deep secret of fearing the thunder and frightening lightning because he had seen its destruction. But once he knew that he bore more power, it was the destructive storm he made cower. 

A bright grinning face on this innkeeper’s son, whose warmth spread like fire. To become the guardian of his home was his greatest desire. 

Never one to speak his mind, this child who wallowed in wrath, he never saw value in his life until he was chosen to overcome all strife. 

This child was pampered beyond compare, his mother’s treasure, his father’s pride, was taught to bend- not to break -, no matter how much his heart would ache. 

Now this young child was defiant to no end and had never wished for his position. Though his shell was hard, the inside was soft like no other, especially when he finally learned the true meaning of the word ‘brother’. 

The last of them, a carefree soul, was often thought to be out of control. His crude and cold behavior became a memory of the past, when he decided to believe in a good future that would forever last. 

And in the center of all of this, was one consistency without fail… The Tree of Life that chose twelve to become one, in hopes that good would always prevail. 

The Tree of Life…

Xiumin stared up at the cloudy sky when he opened his eyes. Suho had called everyone to gather at his place for another one of his ‘emergency meetings’, but he wasn’t in the mood to wait around with his noisy brothers. Instead, he wanted to think quietly to himself, ponder about everything that had happened and what it meant for him and his family, how he had to process all of this. He found a secluded part away from the main house on the Kims’ property where he could lie down and let his memories stream in. 

For whatever reason, he remembered the voice of someone narrating the origins of the twelve guardians of Exo, but he couldn’t recall whom that person had been. Was it a teacher? Was it a relative he once knew and loved? 

He shook his head and his chapped lips. Of course he was thankful for the return of most of his memories, but there was a part of him that still felt that something was missing. There was still an important puzzle piece he had to look for, a puzzle piece they all had to look for. Not that it was such a mystery what that missing piece was, but it was tricky to see how it would fit.

Jae.

He in a deep breath at the mere mention of the name, a strange warmth pressing against his chest and radiating throughout his body. Xiumin was still unsure how to handle the sensation of warmth, though he found it pleasant. Speaking of which…

The young man looked around and smiled upon seeing the silhouette of his wonderfully silent companion lying beside him. She, too, lifted her head when she caught him looking at her and casually crawled in closer towards him, putting her head on his chest. Xiumin smiled and scratched the Rottweiler behind the ear. 

“Cold doesn’t bother you either, hm?” he mused at the dog, who only her nose, watching him. “You know what I realized?” he then asked, giving his full attention to the animal. “I haven’t given you a name yet, have I?” 

The Rottweiler’s ears twitched upward as if she understood completely what he was saying and she continued watching him in anticipation. Even though she was only a dog, Xiumin could feel the sudden pressure of being put on the spot like that. 

“N-now, hold on, it doesn’t mean that I actually already picked out a name for you, you know,” he stammered, feeling a little embarrassed that he actually felt the need to explain himself towards a dog. He felt even worse when he noticed that she seemed disappointed. 

“A-ah, no worries! I promise I’ll do my best to pick out a really good name for you, okay?” he tried to bargain, but the dog only yawned and seemed to wait for him to pet her again. Xiumin sighed, feeling embarrassed for no apparent reason before chuckling to himself. “I suddenly remember why I prefer not to open my mouth to speak,” he scratched his head. “I can’t embarrass myself if I’m quiet,” he chuckled again, gently petting the dog as she gave out a soft whimper before his hand. 

“Yah, I don’t need sympathy from a dog,” he teased, poking her nose before caressing her again. 

A quick shadow suddenly passed by overhead and it drew Xiumin’s attention. His senses on alert, he sat up, scanning the skies. Had something blocked the light of the moon? No, that wasn’t possible. He could sense the moon glowing behind the shroud of gray clouds, so the shadow he saw couldn’t have been that. He felt his eyes gleaming and the cold breath of ice tickling his fingers when he heard a faint crash coming from the trees behind him. 

The Rottweiler had sensed his heightened state of alertness and had been growling softly beside him as well. She was one step ahead of Xiumin as she got to her feet and looked at the same direction the noises came from. Xiumin put a reassuring hand on the dog’s back as he quietly got up himself, straining his ears to listen, sniffing the air. Who else would know that the pack had gathered here? He heard voices, but they were still too far off for him to hear them properly. Considering that they were all in hot water now, they had to be extra careful. Xiumin didn’t like being in hot water. Give him ice. Give him cold. That was something he could work with, something he would work with if the enemy was lurking somewhere from behind those trees. He could call out a snowstorm if he wanted to. The weather was chilly and unruly enough tonight that he could probably get away with it. 

Xiumin cracked his neck at the thought that whoever else was out there with him, could quite possibly be Miss Kumiho and that made his spine tingle in all the wrong ways. He hadn’t known a woman so vicious before, and he didn’t like it that he didn’t seem to have a lot of memories about her either. All he suspected was that she was working for the enemy, the black snake, known on Earth as Mr. Yok. How they got here and why they were here- was a different story altogether, one that Xiumin didn’t have a clue about. 

“You stay here,” he told the dog, who growled at him in protest, and Xiumin knew that the dog was stubborn when she simply followed him despite his command. 

Xiumin didn’t feel more at ease as he approached the sounds, though he did stop a moment when he thought he heard familiar voices. Deciding to investigate, he kept low and followed his ears. It didn’t take long until the voices become clearer, became easier for him to distinguish. The moment he smelled the scents in the air, he breathed out of relief. No enemies here, he thought, though he couldn’t quite relax as much as he wanted to when it dawned to him whom he was staring at. 

He automatically reached towards the Rottweiler’s collar, since she had recognized the noisy people as well, and ensured that she wouldn’t run towards them, since they would catch him spying on them. Xiumin would be lying if he said that he wasn’t intrigued, and, just maybe, a little too curious than was good for him. 

How did they end up alone together? he thought a little resentfully towards himself. Xiumin kept low and squatted down, peering through trees and shrubbery whilst keeping his dog close to him. 

“…Oh, come on, Jae! That was fun! It’s not like you haven’t done this before,” Kris beamed, trying to keep from laughing at the girl in front of him. She had a wild look in her eyes and her hair was a tangled mess. 

“Fun?! Fun?! I barely survived it the first time, how do you expect me to love it the second time?!” Jae protested, punching Kris’ arm with very little effect. Despite not knowing exactly what they were talking about, Xiumin couldn’t help but smirk at seeing the interaction. There was something very easy about the way Kris and Jae communicated and it occurred to him all of a sudden, that he had never seen Kris so relaxed before. That was Jae’s effect. Even though no one knew what it was about this particular girl that had this kind of effect on all of them, Xiumin believed that no one was complaining either. 

What was she doing with Kris, though? 

Xiumin continued watching them, wondering why he felt a strong urge to throw a snowball at Kris’ head. Almost as though she knew what her master was thinking, the Rottweiler watched him, nearly side-eyed him, while tilting her head in question. Feeling embarrassed once more, Xiumin chuckled softly. 

“What? I wasn’t going to do it,” he murmured quietly, shaking his head again once he reminded himself that he was talking to a dog, and that she most likely had no idea what he was thinking. Xiumin scratched her ear as he watched Kris getting scolded by Jae in amusement and he knew that he should probably go back to his comfortable spot in the garden to wait for them to appear, but he couldn’t will himself to move. 

He tilted his head as he quietly gazed at their interaction, being able to see how close and comfortable they were talking to each other. Warmth. They emanated warmth between each other, friendly affection , without the pretense of cold formalities or awkwardness. They were both relaxed in each other’s presence and Xiumin couldn’t help but feel just a slight pang of envy. He was the child of winter, the cold guardian of frost that managed to bring warmth to others and to bring them closer together, but he never quite experienced that kind of warmth for himself. There were his brothers, of course, but they knew him, so that didn’t really count. 

Maybe his cold still pushed people away from him- but was that really the case where Jae was concerned? Xiumin thought back to the few times he had spoken to her and not once had she ever complained about the cold. Others would have made a remark about how chilly the wind suddenly felt, or they would retract their hands if he accidentally brushed up against them. He recalled a girl once telling him that his hands were colder than ice, that she could feel the frost sink deep into her bones. All he did was tap her on the shoulder. He had always been careful about touching people, but after hearing that, he became extra prudent, always apologizing in advance for the cold, which he did with Jae as well, but the girl would glance at him funny and smile. 

What cold? 

She wasn’t making fun of him when she asked him that. Did it mean that she didn’t feel it? What did she feel when he touched her hand? 

Xiumin awoke from his thoughts when Kris and Jae had started moving towards Suho’s house, so he quickly got to his feet to beat them to it, so that he could greet them as casually as possible of course. If either of them knew that he had been creepily spying on them, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. He darted quickly across the yard to get to the stone stairs that led up to the heavy doors, sitting there as though he had been there for hours. The Rottweiler was a tad slower, casually bouncing her way towards Xiumin, tilting her head as though she was wondering what exactly the young man was doing. She sat beside his feet, watching him. 

“Don’t judge me,” Xiumin whispered to her, blowing a snowflake her way that landed on her nose, causing her to sneeze and nudge her snout against his leg in protest. He sat up straight when Kris and Jae came into sight, taking a few deep breaths before addressing them. 

“So, looked like you guys had a rough landing,” he commented with a smirk, startling them as they approached the house. 

“Wah! Xiumin, you scared me! Where did you come from?” Kris jumped, a hand on his chest. 

“Been here all this time,” the eldest of the pack replied, winking at Jae. 

“You saw us, Xiumin?” she asked, straightening her hair, light blushes appearing on her cheeks. 

“You’re lucky that it was just me and her,” he answered, pointing at the Rottweiler who happily walked towards Jae to greet her. “I hope for your sake that no one else saw you, Kris,” he scolded lightly, watching the taller teen nervously rub the back of his neck. 

“I flew through the clouds, and I’m fast, so I don’t think anyone saw me,” Kris replied, though he didn’t look all too sure. Xiumin merely stared at him, secretly enjoying seeing him grow nervous under his gaze until Kris cleared his throat. 

“So, is everyone here?” he asked, changing the subject. 

Xiumin nodded. “Yeah, everyone’s here. Isn’t that the reason you came as well?” he asked, seeing Kris and Jae exchange glances. He frowned. “You didn’t know about Suho calling us up for an emergency meeting?” Xiumin knew the answer when the both of them stared at him blankly and he shook his head. 

“Suho wanted to see us to discuss what our next step is going to be,” he explained briefly quickly looking over at Jae, who looked a little rough and he had a feeling that it wasn’t because Kris took her with him for a midnight flight. “Why are you two here? In fact, why are you two together to begin with?” he made sure to sound playful, but his curiosity was sincere. If neither of them knew about Suho asking everyone to meet here, then there was another reason why they were together, and based on the interaction he saw between them earlier, he inexplicably felt a knot forming in his stomach. 

“Oh, uh, n-nothing,” Jae replied, looking flustered, looking at Kris. 

“Y-yeah, nothing, I mean- you know, we just met while walking and, uh…” Kris stammered, helplessly looking at Jae again, and when Xiumin met her gaze she, surprisingly, gave him a smile. As if she realized that there was no use in trying to fool him. 

“Stuff happened after you guys left my house,” she elaborated. “Stuff that everyone should know,” she said and judging by the look in her eyes, the smile not quite reaching there, Xiumin didn’t need to hear more. He nodded, wondering why she was carrying her backpack around. 

“Well, the others are inside, we can go see them. I know Suho’s been waiting,” he replied quietly, as Kris nodded and walked up the stairs. Xiumin followed his example, but Jae hesitated. 

“Um, is it okay if I take a moment?” she asked apologetically. Xiumin glanced over at Kris before the taller teen nodded. 

“Of course. I’ll go ahead and brief the others. You take your time,” he told her as Jae went to sit on the stairs. Xiumin wanted to follow Kris, but the younger man placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

“Hyung, stay with her,” Kris whispered as Xiumin’s eyes widened. 

“Wha- why?” he asked, flustered. 

“Jae’s had it rough. She shouldn’t wait outside alone, just keep her company. Keep her safe, just in case,” Kris explained softly, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder before disappearing through the doors without giving Xiumin a chance to argue. 

The door closed with a soft click and the young man turned around in hesitation, watching Jae’s back as she stared into the distance. 

Cold. Awkward. What should I do?

Xiumin still stood awkwardly behind her, thinking about how he could approach her, talk to her. Did she even know that he was still there? Xiumin calmed down as he noticed that there was something quite different about Jae that he couldn’t put his finger on. The girl was usually chipper and lively, but she seemed distracted this time. Xiumin looked at her, and maybe he was wrong, but her eyes looked weary. His eyes wandered back to the bag she was carrying and something felt off. 

Xiumin quietly approached her, wanting to place his hand on her shoulder when Jae shivered and he immediately retracted his hand. He let his arms fall next to his sides as he watched her, ruefully. Jae was cold and he probably had something to do with it. She didn’t seem to do much against the chill, however, as she just sat there, shivering like a straw in the wind, looking out to the distance. 

He nervously cleared his throat and caught her tilting her head to the side slightly as though she acknowledged his presence, but didn’t mind him being there. 

“Want me to get you a blanket, Jae?” Xiumin finally managed to ask. “You look cold,” he noted with a small smirk. “We could go inside the house, too, if you want. It’s warm there,” he added. 

Jae turned to look at him and gave him a wan smile that made his heart hurt. “It’s okay, Xiumin, I’m fine,” she replied, but she didn’t sound convincing. She didn’t look convincing either. 

“Then I’ll go get Chanyeol,” he decided firmly, turning around to head inside, except, he felt a warm hand grab the sleeve of his jacket, stopping him. 

“Actually,” she started, looking shy, “would it be okay if you just sit here with me for a while until I’m ready to go inside?” she asked, biting her lip. “We don’t have to talk or anything, but it helps if I know that you’re just here…Is that weird?” 

Xiumin shook his head without skipping a beat and quickly walked the few steps down to sit next to her. “Just so you know, it can get colder if I’m near you,” he warned, making sure there was a gap between the two of them. He wasn’t sure what to make of Jae frowning at him, and didn’t quite know how to react when she scooted closer beside him, closing the gap. 

“Don’t be silly, Xiumin. I’ve never felt cold when I’m with you,” she said it so casually he nearly believed it. But since she didn’t move away or looked to be uncomfortable at all, he relaxed, making sure to keep his hands on his knees as he continued to check for signs that she may be cold after all. He couldn’t find any. 

Trying to keep his cool - pun not intended -, he looked at the backpack again. “You needed a bag to carry the dagger around?” he inquired, but Jae blushed in shame when she shuffled the bag closer towards her. 

“Yeah, about that…” she breathed, trying to smile. “I’ve kind of made the rash decision to run away from home- temporarily, you know, until everything is sorted,” she shrugged, but she was unable to face him. If she had, she would’ve seen the look of utter shock on his face. 

“You ran away? Jae, why would you-,” Xiumin stopped himself from saying more as a profound sadness gleamed in her eyes when she faced him this time. He then remembered seeing that same look in her eyes when her mother didn’t believe what she was trying to tell her. He didn’t need to know more. He could fill in the blanks himself. 

“Sorry,” he said instead. “We’ve put you through a lot.” 

Jae looked at him and quickly shook her head. “This isn’t your fault. I’ve made my own choices, and it’s not like it’s permanent or anything, though I wish I could make better sense of it all,” she chuckled, but the laugh was empty and it hurt him. He wanted to comfort her, but he was unsure how. 

“I’ll be okay,” Jae said instead, as if it was she who tried to reassure him instead of the other way around. 

“It’s okay if you’re not for the moment, though,” he tried. “You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

“Thank you, but I’m afraid that might not be true,” Jae breathed, looking out towards the distance again. “I know I’m weak, but I can’t give in now. I don’t want to break, you know? I just want all of this over with as soon as possible, I want to make sense of my role in all of this, and why I can’t remember anything except for-,” 

Jae didn’t finish her sentence and Xiumin could tell that the girl just seemed to have realized what she had seen. It was the only memory any of them saw that included her and it was one that showed her death. It was the second time that day that Xiumin wanted to console her, wrap his arm around her or something, but seeing her shiver was stopping him. 

“We’ll…” he cleared his throat. “We’ll figure it out. What’s in the past is in the past. We have to look forward now, see how we can stop the darkness from destroying this world as well, right?” he said instead, smiling tentatively when Jae looked up at him. 

“You’re right,” she nodded, her voice sounding stronger now. “Save the world. How hard could that be?” she joked. “Thanks, Xiumin,” she patted his hand, giving him a real smile this time. Her warmth lingered on his skin without her showing a hint of being cold after having touched him.  

They shared a relaxed silence for a moment with the two of them just looking at the horizon without really seeing anything. Xiumin’s fingers ghosted over his hand where Jae had touched him mere moments before and he swallowed. 

“Do you mean it?” he asked, fully aware at how strange his question sounded. He chuckled at seeing Jae’s puzzled expression and he shuffled his feet. “Sorry. I mean, do you mean it when you tell me that you don’t feel cold when you’re near me?” For some reason he felt like a stupid little boy having to ask that, so he couldn’t face her after actually asking the question. 

“Oh. Well, yeah, why would I lie about that?” Jae replied sincerely. “I’m not shivering because of you,” she quickly added, afraid that that may have been the reason for him asking such a thing. “The sky isn’t necessarily warm when you soar through it a hundred miles per hour with Kris, no less,” she shivered again. “Guess the current weather isn’t helping either.” 

Xiumin chuckled with Jae when the girl giggled, warming herself up by rubbing her arms and hugging herself. Since he liked the cold, he wasn’t wearing a jacket or a scarf that he could give her, and after a minute of pondering, he took a deep breath, plucked up his courage and set aside his shyness to carefully place his arm over her shoulder. He pretended not to see his own hand trembling out of nervousness when he did so, and lightly rested his arm around her. He resisted the immediate urge to retract it again when Jae looked up in surprise at him. 

“It’s colder now, isn’t it?” he asked out of concern, already starting to move away. 

Jae grinned at him. “No, it’s fine. This helps actually,” she assured him, though Xiumin was frowning. 

“I don’t get it,” he mused out loud, meeting her gaze when she looked at him again. “You really don’t feel the cold?” 

“Not from you, no,” she confirmed and Xiumin was inclined to believe her now, which he thought was strange. 

“But, how? Everyone I touch always ends up complaining how cold I feel to them,” he explained. “Even back in Exo, my mother would worry for me because my touch was like ice. She’d wrap me in blankets and sweaters, hoping I’d get warmer. I did, of course, but all she ended up feeling was the cold. So, how come you don’t feel it?” 

Jae chuckled and shrugged her shoulders, Xiumin’s arm still resting there. “Sorry, I don’t know either. Maybe it’s because I’m your powerbank, or something? All I know is that you feel normal to me, so my guess is as good as yours.” She regarded him, noticed the confused and fallen expression on his face, his hand still lightly trembling, afraid to put on too much pressure on her shoulders as though his icy touch could burn. 

“Tell you what,” Jae started, waking Xiumin from his thoughts when she reached out to his other hand to hold it in her own. She did so without hesitation, without flinching or retracting her hands. “Maybe when I finally wake up, I’ll give you the answer, provided that my memories and such are intact and accurate,” she promised while Xiumin had started to wonder how Jae managed to end up comforting him when it had been his job, initially, to try and comfort her. He chuckled at this thought and finally relaxed, holding on to Jae’s hands as well, his arm securely wrapped around her to shelter her from the cold wind. 

“It’s a deal,” he then conceded, smiling at her when she did. 

“Deal,” she nodded. 

They sat quietly beside each other, holding hands to keep warm, while Xiumin rubbed her back and shoulder in hopes that it would help to keep her warm. He liked talking to her, but he couldn’t help but appreciate and enjoy the silence of her company more. Perhaps his interaction with her wasn’t as warm and lively as that between her and any of his other brothers, but they felt warm enough for him. Comforting. Pleasant. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, noticing how calm and relaxed she was around him as well. Xiumin couldn’t help but wonder then, who Jae had been in their former lives, in their past. Was she really only a brave peasant girl? It seemed so unlikely. She had to be someone of importance, someone relevant. She was special, not just to him, but to all of them, even though she didn’t seem to realize that fact. 

Xiumin looked down at his lap, watched their intertwining fingers and finding it a bit difficult to distinguish which fingers belonged to which hand. Was it greedy of him to think that he never wanted her to let go? After thinking things through, he opened his mouth to ask something he’d been meaning to ask for a while, but was rudely interrupted by the doors behind them opening with a loud bang. 

Jae jumped up and Xiumin was startled himself, quickly getting to his feet to stand in front of her out of instinct. He let out a sigh of relief when Suho came stomping into sight. Before he could stop the younger man, Suho had already walked past him so that he could stand in front of Jae. 

“Mr. Tabi?! Really?!” he exclaimed, as Xiumin frowned. He turned to see Kris standing behind him, pulling a face of concern as he looked on. 

“Let me guess, he didn’t take it well?” Jae remarked scathingly as she looked to Kris, who only smiled a sheepish grin, radiating with nervousness. 

“Get inside, Jae. Don’t make me tell you again,” Suho pointed, turning on his heels and stomping back into the house. 

Jae turned to Kris, lifting her arms up in derision, waiting for an explanation. All the teen could do however, was vaguely gesture to where Suho had disappeared to, accompanied by a string of mumbling words and deep sighs. 

“Very smooth, Kris,” Xiumin patted his shoulder. “I think this is our cue to go inside the house, Jae,” he said gently, turning towards the girl. 

“I’m afraid you’re right,” she sighed, grabbing her backpack and entering the house. “You’re an expert on ice, right, Xiumin?” she asked as he closed the door behind them, and nodded in response. 

“What does one do when one finds themselves on thin ice?” she asked in exasperation. 

“Strengthen the ice,” he replied casually with a shrug, smirking when he saw the defeated look on her face. 

“Not funny,” Jae groaned, making him chuckle. 

“Don’t worry,” he whispered to her before they entered the parlor. “I won’t let you fall into the boiling water,” he promised, referring to a steaming Suho, smiling when she showed her appreciation by grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. 

He would feel that warmth glow through his body for a long time…