Random Rambles: Dear Lord how is it December already?! Also, Idk if any of you happened to see MAMA 2014, but dayum, so proud of the boys and I'm still reeling over Lay's speech *claps like a seal* le sigh of feels.... anyways, without further ado, the next chapter! Kamsahamnida & saranghaja lovelies! <3

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"He's not responding!"

"I can't believe you teleported in front of them..."

"What else could I have done, hyung?! Lay-hyung got shot!"

"Should we call an ambulance?!" 

"And tell them what, Chanyeol? "Ah, good evening, could you come over, our teenaged friend got shot randomly while walking through the woods in the middle of the night,"?!" 

"Baekhyun is right, there's no way we can explain this. Besides people at the hospital know him, Lay-hyungie volunteers there too sometimes, remember? No one would believe he'd gotten himself in trouble by getting shot..." 

"We can't just sit here and watch, Chen-hyung!" 

"Yah, Sehunnie, don't cry, it'll be alright."

"If you think so, then why are you crying too, Tao?"

"You're an idiot, Lay-hyung! You better come back here so I can say it to your face, babo!"

This wasn't happening.

This was a nightmare. 

The horrid blast of a gun still echoed in my mind and everything was in slow motion after that. How can anyone describe this sensation? I was helplessly trapped in an out of control rollercoaster, unable to stop, unable to get off. I was caught, stuck. What just happened?!

Dad. My father shot Lay. 

The sentence alone was enough to twist my stomach in impossible knots and I nearly hurled. My father, who'd never hurt a fly despite his big words, just shot one of my friends, a member of my pack. It made me even more sick and horrified when I thought back to all those times he joked about shooting Lay... 

Shaking my head quickly and trying not to freak out completely, I took deep and steady breaths, hoping that I could stay somewhat in control of my emotions. Not even in my wildest dreams would I have ever believed that my father would be capable of shooting a living creature. But the longer I thought about it, the more I came to realize something that calmed me down for a second. It was true that it was my father's hand that squeezed the trigger, but who put the gun in his hand in the first place? 

A pair of evil, sinister green eyes shone in my mind's eye. 

That woman. 

She was the one that convinced my father to shoot, the one that made him believe that we were a threat. A shiver ran up my spine when I heard her cold voice in my mind and my throat tightened. My nose itched at the scent of burning wood and I knew that she was the one behind all of this. How could she not have been? She talked to me as though she recognized me, knew me. My mind was reeling when it hit me that her green eyes reminded me of the ones that glared at me, when a pair of razor sharp claws scratched my skin. 

She was a wolf. Had to be. What's worse, was that she must've been the ghost wolf that I've been seeing on the island. Was she the source that we've been looking for? Why did she want to hurt us? 

Did it all matter?

I glanced over at Lay, lying motionless on the cold earth, his shirt wet with dark liquid. Nothing else mattered then. The world moved in its normal speed again. I woke up from my daze and stepped back into the nightmarish reality, wanting to rush over by his side but feeling unable to. This was my fault. All of it. I shouldn't have dragged them into this hunt. That woman wanted me. I was the one stupid enough to get caught. I was the one that didn't run away even though my father was pulled into the mess as well. I should've run away. Kai wouldn't have needed to come to protect me, and when things became dire, Lay-

"Suho, the bleeding won't stop," Kris said in desperation, pushing his hair back, staining his forehead with a streak of blood. 

"Okay. Okay. Um..." Suho's mind was working overhours, the leader's eyes glistening with unshed tears, while he did his best to focus. The brothers were distraught to say the least and who could blame them? When one of them were injured, Lay would come and heal them right up. But now that the healer was injured, who was going to heal him?

"Let me try something," Suho hovered his hands over Lay, who stirred as though he were dreaming. A stream of water moved gently under his command, washing the blood from Lay's skin, cleaning the angry wound in his right chest, just below the collarbone. I winced when Lay did. There wasn't much else I felt I could do but move over and brush Lay's hair from his forehead. 

"Jae, do you have something to support his head?" Suho asked, while the water slithered clearly over Lay's body, coming out dirty when it moved away. Suho's voice was gentle, as though he was trying to keep me calm. It was only now that I felt that my face was wet with tears. 

I blinked. "I-I don't...I'm s-sorry," I sniffed, my voice shaking. "But maybe..." I gently tilted Lay's head up and sat behind him so he could rest his head on my lap. "Is this okay?" 

"That's perfect, noona, make sure he's supported," Sehun said, quickly wiping his tears and holding Lay's hand. 

"I can't- I can't do this," Suho grunted, looking exhausted as the water dispersed. "The more I wash the wound clean, the more he bleeds," he ran his hand over his face, looking helpless. 

"I could burn the wound shut, hyung. Cauterize it," Chanyeol then quickly offered, while I caressed Lay's face, wishing he'd wake up. He looked so pale. 

"No, that would increase the risk of infection," Suho said tiredly.

"But Lay has hemophilia, if we don't do something he's going to bleed to death," Luhan added urgently, panic in his clear eyes. The news felt like a knife to the gut. my eyes automatically went to his wound, the blood streaming freely. 

"We have to call an ambulance," I breathed, fresh tears stinging my eyes. 

"We can't, Jae," Suho answered, his voice just as unsteady as mine. 

"Oh screw that, Suho! I'll go out right now and tell the entire freaking town that I'm a wolf if I have to. This is our brother we're talking about!" Kris shouted. 

"And then what? We tell them the truth, we tell them what happened? Say they believe us, don't you think they're going to ask who dared shoot Zhang Yixing?!" Suho retaliated. "They'll arrest Jae's father who didn't know any better!"

I cringed at this and heard myself whimper, fighting back the urge to cry out loud. 

"We can't just let Lay-hyung die either! That bullet was meant for me!" Kai interjected in the middle of the argument, giving off the aura of pure rage and frustration. "I can't just sit back and do nothing!"

The silence that fell after that was heartbreaking. I didn't care at this point that I was crying, watching Lay carefully as his breathing shallowed. There wasn't much time left. We all knew it. 

"Fireflies," Baekhyun suddenly noted, looking up from his sitting position as a small cloud of them drifted by. 

"Will you please focus on more important matters here?! Who cares?!" D.O. punched his arm but Baekhyun hardly paid him any attention, getting to his feet as he watched them. 

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could he be so fascinated by fireflies at a time like this?!

"Baekhyun, seriously?!" Xiumin prompted as the younger brother followed their light. The glow of the fireflies stuck to his hands before he released them into the air, a look of shocking realization on his face as he turned towards us. I jolted back somewhat when he pointed at me. 

"Noona!" he exclaimed, startling me. I watched in anxiety as he rushed towards me and slid down next to me. 

"You! You can do it!" he announced in pressing excitement, doing his best not to stammer as he spoke. 

"D-do what?" I sniffed, looking at him. 

"Heal Lay-hyung! Remember? You connected with me and then you could control the light as well, and with Luhan-hyung and Tao..." he rambled and shook his head to stay concentrated, pointing at me. "You can connect to Lay-hyung and use his healing powers to heal him! He can't heal himself, but you could!" he shouted and I sputtered back, nearly moving away from Lay. 

"Whoa! Baek-hyung is right! You can do it, noona! Quick, heal him!" Tao pushed my hands towards the wound, but I panicked, shaking my head at the sudden hope and pressure the brothers displayed. 

"I-I c-can't!" I stammered, "I don't even know how t-this works, remember? You're the ones that have to make the connection. I don't know how to do that!" I reminded them, though I wished I knew how to control this. 

"You'll have to try, noona, please, for Lay-hyung," Sehun begged, breaking my heart all over again at seeing the sorrow in his eyes. 

"How? He's unconscious. I don't know-," I took a deep breath, tears falling freely at my own inadequacy. "I don't know what to do..." 

The brothers looked at me and their gazes broke me apart. They were disappointed and desperate, but what if I failed? What if I couldn't heal him? I wanted to help Lay - of course I did - but...how?

"We understand, Jae," Suho suddenly spoke, putting a hand on my shoulder. "We're asking a lot from you," he continued, his voice soft and kind. "We wouldn't do so though, if this wasn't important. Lay is our brother. Please, try," he asked, taking my trembling hand in his. 

"But, what if I hurt him more? Or worse, what if I ki-,"

"You won't. I'll try to help you reach him," Luhan offered. "Lay is somewhere where we can't go to. A crossroads. He can be brought back but there isn't much time," he explained, his face stained with tears. 

"Please, noona. Lay-ge can't heal himself. He needs your help to get better," Tao added in a plead. Seeing the brothers like this finally woke something in me and I snapped up straight. Enough of this hesitation. Enough of being a helpless, sorry, crying mess. This was Lay we were talking about. Sweet, well-mannered, hazy Lay who so obviously cared so much more for others than himself.

"What do I do?" I asked, looking at Luhan, hearing the sighs of relief around me. "Don't relax so soon, I don't know if this is going to work," I tell them with a bite because I needed to feel a little strengthened and right now, getting angry and frustrated would do the trick. If that would help me get Lay back then so be it. 

"Just focus on Lay and his energy. Him alone. When you feel something, try to tap into it. Reach him. He'll hear you," Luhan sat down beside me so that he can instruct me and I did what he asked. 

Obediently, I closed my eyes when he told me to, forgetting about everything else, except Lay. At one point, Luhan even told me to drown out his voice as well, trusting me to know what I was doing. After the initial moment of panic, I was plunged in darkness. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. I kept my eyes firmly shut, using the wolf inside me to track down Lay's energy. It was a strange sensation. My senses were fully aware that Lay's head rested on my lap, that he was already there where I could see and touch him, but here, in the dark- nothing. 

How was I going to find him here?

There's nothing, I said, wet drops falling from my eyes. I can't see anything here. I can't find him! 

Was I too late? Had Lay already...?

Jae-yah. 

Lay? Lay! Where are you? I turned around but still saw nothing. I turned again and a pulsing shine of light appeared and disappeared, like a heart beat that was fluttering too quickly and too weakly. 

I knew time was running out fast. That bit of light belonged to Lay. If I didn't connect to him fast, his light would be snuffed out and then...

Desperation overwhelmed me while I continued to search in the dark. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how to get to Lay. I can't do it. Not alone...

Taking a deep breath, I pretended that I could see Lay standing before me, reaching out for his hand. I saw the gentle smile on his face, that stupid dimple popping up to accentuate the sincerity of his smile, and I cried all over again. 

I need you, Lay, I told him. I don't know what to do, I hiccuped, my voice frail. Come back, please? I need you for this. I can't do this without you. I looked up when I thought I felt someone pull me close, but there was no one there. No, wait. That wasn't true. 

A small flickering light appeared in the distance and I walked towards it. The closer I came, the more I realized that it was a burning candle, very small, but its flame grew until it drove out the darkness, but not the night. Nor the fire. I froze when I watched the scene in front of me unfold, and turned around because I didn't want to see it. The burning village was a fiery beacon in a black night and even though I knew that this must be a memory, the smoke stung my eyes and burned my lungs. 

I don't believe I've ever seen so much pain and devastation. People screamed as they tried to escape the flames, blurry shadows moving around as though they were the ones responsible for this horrendous attack. Children cried as they called for their mothers, women screamed as they were pulled by the hair, men being burned alive. What was happening? Who's memory was this? I could feel the sorrow, the pain, and I sank to my knees. 

Please, don't cry, a tiny voice suddenly said. I followed the lily sweet voice and saw a frightened little boy, holding onto a violin with trembling hands. His face was covered in sweat and soot and even though he was crying, he still attempted to smile. My breath caught in my throat and my heart shattered at seeing the small dimple appear on the right side of his face. Lay...

Don't cry, please, don't cry. I'll take away the pain, I promise. Look. Again, I had made the mistake in thinking that he was talking to me. I saw now that his eyes were focused on a small girl, crying because she scraped her knee and had some angry burns on her arms and face. She cried a little louder when tiny Lay gently placed his violin beside him and healed her from her wounds. 

There. All better. You have to be quiet now, or they'll find us. 

The girl looked at him in awe for a moment, but then started crying again. 

Why are you still crying? Did I forget to heal something? Lay asked, a little panicked. 

I want my mama, she told him and I bit my lip to prevent from sobbing along with her.

Maybe she'll be here soon, little Lay told her, trying to comfort her. The girl shook her head. 

She's lying over there, she pointed somewhere towards the burning village. She's sleeping, but hurt pretty bad. Can you do the same for her as you did for me?

Little Lay looked over to where the girl pointed and in his innocence, he nodded. They held hands and ran towards the girl's mother. I shook my head, following them from behind, sighing sadly when Lay healed the mother's wounds, but she didn't stir. Lay didn't understand why the mother's eyes were so glassy and she didn't respond to her daughter calling for her. He looked at his hands in deep disappointment. I walked to reach to him, reminding myself that I had to make the connection or suffer a similar fate as little Lay, but once I did so, little Lay had suddenly turned into an older child. 

He carried the same violin, strapped on his back, while he wandered on an abandoned forest road. Just like I had seen in Baekhyun's memory, a butterfly flitted beside him and he seemed to be talking to it. 

Lay, wait! I ran after him, but he didn't hear me. Why would I think he could? But with time running out, I had to try something. I was seeing his memories, but did it mean that I was connected to him? I watched as the butterfly left his side and Lay entered a simple, rather shabby, cabin. I followed immediately and saw him sit down at the bedside of a plump, but sickly woman. She had a warm smile that gave life to the room, despite the fact that she looked so weak. Lay held her hand, though there was worry in his movements.

Let me try again. I think this time, I can do it, he said with the enthusiasm and confidence of a twelve-year-old. 

The woman laughed, but coughed as she did so. Her eyes, though friendly, were blood-shot and she wiped a small trickle of blood from the corner of . Lay quickly got up to get her some water. 

You should save your energy, child. You need all your strength. You realize who the voice is, don't you? she told him with a soft and gentle voice. 

I know, Lay beamed proudly, handing her a cup. But I want to try it. You have to get better, you know, he replied and she smiled at him, caressing his cheek before nodding, but it only looked as though she was humoring him. She smiled lovingly with tears glistening in her eyes as Lay bit his lip and focused hard on healing her. He even scrunged his nose and closed his eyes. She watched him as though she wanted to remember every detail of him and a lump formed in my throat. 

There! How do you feel? he asked, beaming hopefully at her. 

She took a deep breath and smiled. Much better, you were right. Thank you. 

Why was she lying? She didn't look better at all, but Lay jumped up and down in excitement. 

You know what will make me feel even better? she then asked him. 

What? Anything, I'll do it for you!

Play for me, she said, gesturing at the violin. Play and always smile for me. Lay immediately got to his feet and played for her. The melody was enchanting and Lay played with his heart and soul for this woman. He didn't see how she smiled at him in admiration and pride. Didn't see how her eyes were telling him that she loved him. He didn't see how her smile dropped ever so gently and her eyes closed and her breathing stilled. 

When Lay finished playing, he turned to her, chuckling at seeing her. Did you fall asleep again? Come on, wake up, he shook her playfully, but when she didn't move, he startled and shook her more urgently. 

I gasped at seeing the pain in his eyes when he called for her.

Mama! Wake up! 

I knew that there wasn't anything I could do, but the pain was too much to bear. I moved to the woman's side, wanting to check for any vital signs. Maybe there was a way to change this, maybe there was a way for me to help somehow. Don't do this to him, I begged her. He needs you! 

I jumped when I heard Lay let out a yell of pure grief and anger behind me, his hands in his hair, tears streaming down his face. He caught sight of the violin then, grabbed it by the neck and slammed it against the nearest wall. The wood shattered and the strings snapped, hitting his hand. He yelped in pain, crying like any little boy would and I moved over to him. He couldn't see me, but I didn't care. He was bleeding, but it was his bleeding heart that I was most concerned over. I never would have thought that the Lay I came to know would have such painful memories. How did he bear them on his own? 

So, this is why you always smile... I mused, looking at his wounds, trying to dry his tears. Let me try to heal you, I told him, crying silently with him while attempting to hold his hand. Those tears of sadness turned into frustration when I saw that I couldn't do for him. Why was I so useless?!

Please! I didn't know to whom I was begging to. I just wanted someone, something to hear me, and help. Why was that so hard?

Jae-yah? Why are you crying? 

That voice was a godsent and I snapped my head up instantly, looking at twelve-year-old Lay, but he wasn't the one that was talking. He vanished before my eyes and I found myself in a white area. I straightened myself, wiping the tears away. 

I want to help you, heal you, but I don't know how, I told the voice, of whom I knew it belonged to Lay. My Lay, the one I know, the one that was still injured and waiting for me to heal him. 

I'm already happy that you're here. 

What a typical answer. I shook my head. It's not enough. Where are you? 

I'm always in Jae-yah's heart, he chuckled. 

That's not funny, Lay. I'm serious. You're badly injured and if we don't do something quickly, you might- I cut myself off and pulled myself together. Tell me what to do to make you feel better. 

It was quiet then and I waited for his answer nervously. 

...I'm sorry, Jae-yah. I'm sorry you had to see that, he apologized in a small voice. 

Will you stop worrying about me and start worrying about yourself for once? Lay, just tell me how I can heal you, please! I told him angrily, to show him how grave the situation was. The mere thought of losing him was maddening and I didn't want that to happen. If you go, you'll leave a hole in all our hearts that can never be healed, do you understand that? You need to come back. I continued fiercely, showing him that, damnit, I meant business. 

Jae-yah...

Zhang Yixing! I yelled strictly, if you don't show yourself this instant and tell me how I can heal you, I will conduct a sceance when I get back and kick your to kingdom come!

At this, a hearty chuckle surrounded me and my ears twitched when I felt a presence behind me. "You're already doing it, Jae-yah," Lay whispered in my ear and I quickly turned around. There he was, smiling gently, as though he didn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I finally found him!

"Lay, there isn't much time. I need you to tell me how to do this, I don't know how to do this-," Lay silenced me by placing a finger in front of my mouth and I blushed when he leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine. "W-what are you-," I started, but he hushed me again. 

"I trust you, Jae-yah. I'm here," he whispered, guiding my hand to his chest and closing his eyes. There was comfort and reassurance at feeling his heart beat and I closed my eyes as well. The world ceased existing in that short moment. I was the one that was supposed to heal him. But, instead, it was Lay that made me feel better. Literally. I felt like I was on top of the world. Pain? Sorrow? What were those things? 

Open your eyes. 

I popped them open without question, feeling a head rush upon seeing that I was back in the woods, surrounded by eleven, anxious young men. I felt like I was in a car crash. That feeling of being on top of the world had disappeared completely and I was afraid to look down at Lay, especially when I saw Tao's shoulder shaking as he cried silently. There was a look of utter bewilderment on Suho and Kris' faces and I couldn't tell whether the brothers were relieved or shocked. 

Oh no, don't tell me... 

I slowly gathered the courage to look down and the first thing I noticed was that a gentle light faded from my hands, and then, I saw a dimpled smile. 

"L-Lay?" I stammered, gasping for air. 

"Hi, Jae-yah," he whispered, his voice still weak. "I think I dreamed about you," he smiled, before looking around sleepily at his confounded brothers. "Oh? Why are you all crying? Do I need to heal you?" he winced a little when he sat up, only to be pushed back when he was tackled by Sehun and Tao. "Aiyah!" he exclaimed in surprise, returning their embrace in mild confusion. 

"Yah! Lay-hyung!" Sehun then exclaimed, hitting his older brother repeatedly on the arm in agitation. "Don't ever do that again! Yah, you owe me chocolate bubble tea for a month, you hear me?!" he shouted. 

"O-oh? Ah, o-okay, Sehunnie," Lay agreed, even though he didn't understand why. He let out another yelp when Chen, Baekhyun and Chanyeol tackled him as well and soon the cold night's air was filled with tentative, yet warm laughter. Relief washed over me like mercy's blanket and I only watched from a short distance as the brothers huddled around a bewildered, but very delighted Lay. He was tired, and would sometimes rub a sore spot underneath his right collarbone, but complied to his brothers as he talked to him, and winced sometimes when he got inexplicably hit. 

I stared down at my hands, still wondering what happened myself, but at this moment, I didn't care. Lay was alive. For now, that was enough. I straightened myself once more when I saw that Suho broke away from the group to approach me. 

"Thank you," he said in a voice filled with emotion. "Thank you," he repeated, nodding while swallowing away the tears. 

"Honestly, I didn't do anything. Lay was there with me. If he hadn't been there-," 

"But you found him, and you healed him. So, thank you, Jae," Suho interrupted. I gave a wan smile, feeling exhaustion kick in. There were so many questions and things I had to deal with after tonight, but for now, those matters would have to wait. I didn't want to ruin the brothers' reunion by voicing my concerns about the woman with the green eyes. And when I thought back to how Lay got shot in the first place, the relief was over. Guilt ate away at me and watching the brothers' happiness they found in each other, made me feel like an unworthy presence. The conversation I had with Kai popped back in my mind as well because I was just a masochist that way. I'd ruined the perfect balance of twelve. I was unlucky number thirteen. If the events from tonight wasn't enough proof of that, I didn't know what was.

My stomach twisted in a knot once more since I had the feeling that I was somehow involved in something deep and I was dragging these brothers with me. They didn't deserve that. I smiled at hearing them laugh, watched their faces light up like twinkling stars in the sky. Then, quietly, I slipped away into the darkness, away from their light. It was best for now if I kept my distance. If that woman was after me, I could bring the others in danger. I didn't want that to happen again. I'll find the answers. By myself. I turned these boys' lives upside down enough, and nearly made them lose one.

I ran through the forest, sniffing the air. I followed the trail of burning wood without hesitation and was just in time to see the woman with green eyes standing near a black van. I crouched down, the fury I felt towards her changing me easily into a wolf. I growled at her and I didn't care if she heard it. I only then noticed that an ambulance and a police car stood nearby. She was talking to a police officer. 

"The wolves were very dangerous. You can see that one of them attacked me. I strongly suggest you will allow E.T. Corp full authority to secure the area. What if next time they hurt a child? I wouldn't know what would have happened if Mr. Miyano didn't fire that shot. He saved my life." 

That ! How could the officer not see through her act? How dare she use my father like this?! When the officer left, I startled lightly at seeing her shift her gaze to my direction, almost as though she could tell that I was there, watching her. A smile played on her ruby lips while her green eyes shimmered. I felt my claws scrape the earth, felt the rumble of my growl all the way to the pit of my stomach and I howled. Loudly. 

She startled. 

I've got you in my line of sight. I won't let you hurt anyone again, do you hear me?! 

I watched her and I knew she could see me. I beared my teeth when she snorted. "So," she mused, though I could hear her. "The game's afoot." 

That was at least one thing I agreed with.