Random Rambles: .... Okay, I lied a little. Have a final chapter, guys (^3^) <3

***

It didn’t take long for all of us to fall back to a pleasant routine. Soon, things nearly became as they once were in Exo planet. As a butterfly, I could spend time with the boys as much as I wanted, even visiting the school to see Minho and Lili. They visit me as often as they can as well, and I see my parents every day. I know it’s not entirely the same, but it’s something. And really, everything is great…Just great. 

I reached out my hand for the umpteenth time when I see the boys playing around in their wolf-forms. Chen was being a troll and was snapping his jaws at my butterfly form as he chased me around. 

Stop it, you’re going to tear a wing off! 

That’s okay, noona, we’ll have Lay-hyung patch you right up, he laughed. 

Chen, that’s enough, Suho splashed him with water as I flitted to his shoulder for safety. 

Splash him again for good measure, I giggled softly as Suho immediately did as I asked, followed by Sehun knocking him back with a gust of wind, while Baekhyun zapped a laser beam at his . Chen yelped and crawled over the ground with his . 

“Wae?! Why are you guys like this to me?!” Chen whined, though a tiny smirk appeared on his face. 

“Don’t you miss it, noona?” Tao suddenly asked as he carefully my wing. “Being with us?” 

“Taozi,” Kris warned, but I flitted towards him, landing in his hands which he held out for me. 

Why would I miss that when I’m already with you? Things have been going well, haven’t they, Taozi? I asked as I took in the sad smile on his face. 

“I guess…I just wish there was another way. Doesn’t it seem so useless? Jae-noona did so much for us and for the world, she sacrificed so much more than we had, and she gets nothing for it in return?” he asked, obviously agitated. “It doesn’t seem fair!”

His thumb ghosted over my wings as I fluttered them and a silence fell that brought the mood down. I knew Tao didn’t mean to do it, but every time when someone mentioned it, this would happen. I sighed softly to myself. I didn’t want to see them like this. 

You know what I don’t think is fair? I started, flying up to get their attention. I chuckled at seeing their dumbfounded faces. The fact that all of you are wasting your time here instead of scoring a date for the Homecoming Dance! I piped up, fluttering about. You’re going, right? I asked. Truth be told, before all of this happened, the Dance was the last thing on my mind, and frankly, I didn’t care all too much about it, but now that life was going on as it should, I wanted the boys to attend. 

They shuffled awkwardly on their feet, avoiding to look at me. 

What? Oh, come on, guys. It’ll be fun! I hear they’re going to make it bigger than planned, you know, to celebrate all the stuff that happened… They’re going to expect the Guardians to attend, you know, I tried to coax. 

“Are you going?” asked Luhan, watching me. 

Of course I am! I confirmed, trying to bring some elation in the atmosphere. 

“Really? And what will you be wearing? Last time I checked there’s no such thing as prom dresses in butterfly size,” he retaliated and I sighed. 

You’re kidding me right? I’ll steal the show! Here, watch this! I flew towards a baffled Kris as I landed at the base of his neck, in the dip between his collarbones and spread my wings. 

See? I’ll be the best bow tie ever! 

I smiled when they laughed and that was what I wanted to see. They didn’t need to know that I wanted to wear a beautiful dress as well and to dance and have fun… But again, I shouldn’t complain about anything. Things could have been worse. I tried my best to stay cheerful for the sake of the boys and I knew they were trying the very same thing. However, being the Guardian of Guardians, it meant that I always felt what they felt and it hurt that they felt sad.

I didn’t tell anyone that I could sometimes see a white wolf running around in my world. At first I didn’t think much of it, but the more I saw the animal, the more I grew curious. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone in here with me. And the only other white wolf I knew was Yongsun, and he was- well, not here anymore. 

That’s why, when I saw the white wolf again, standing at the exact same spot on that mountain, I ran to chase it. The wolf had started to run as well, but I wouldn’t give up. I ran up the hill, following the road that led up towards the mountain. 

“Get back here!” I yelled after the creature as it deftly jumped and sprinted further away from me. I didn’t give up. I chased the white wolf until it led me inside of the mountain, where a tropical paradise awaited me. A long, thin waterfall fell into a deep blue pool at the bottom of the mountain, the rushing of the water bouncing against  the stone walls. The white wolf stood a few feet away from me, watching me with soft green eyes. 

I blinked. “Yongsun?” I questioned breathlessly. The white wolf smirked and jumped into the water below, startling me into action. I ran towards the edge, only to notice that there was no resounding splash. In fact, it seemed like the white wolf had disappeared. 

I looked around, gazing down over the edge. I thought I saw something shimmering in the water. As I squinted my eyes and bent further forward to see what it was, I lost my footing and fell in. 

I gasped and braced myself when I crashed into the water. The coldness of the pool wasn’t painful, but it startled me regardless. As I tried to swim back up to the surface, the water felt lighter, somehow…warmer, too. I felt like I was being hugged by someone who loved me dearly and it wasn’t unpleasant at all. 

Do you know why memories are so valued by people? 

A voice around me sounded. I knew better than to think this was Yongsun speaking to me, but the voice was so familiar I felt my heart swell with warmth. 

To remember their lives? The people they met? To know that they were here some point in time? I suggested, seeing the water slowly brighten, as if the sun was directly shining onto it. I floated in the pleasant warmth and light, realizing that I didn’t need to hold my breath here. This was definitely no ordinary pool of water. 

The voice chuckled at hearing my answer and I felt like I was lifted and drifted along the currents of the water. 

They value memories because it keeps the people they lost alive as well, the voice corrected gently. Tricky things, memories. They’re not always reliable, and they’re not always happy. Things may change, but memories don’t. I suppose that’s why some people find it difficult to go back to the way things were after they tasted something different. Experienced something better…

I frowned a little as the water pushed me back up to the surface and I breathed in the fresh air. 

This way, the voice said, reverberating in the gentle breeze that passed by. I got out of the water without feeling cold. My feet seemed to know where to go so I followed them, heading into a cave where colorful crystals grew between the cracks of the walls. I halted my step when I saw the crystal mirror shine before me. The mirror showed me the Tree that stood proudly in the island, followed by a butterfly. And then…I saw myself. Jae. The girl with the dark almond eyes and boring brown hair. The girl that with the right kind of clothes would look like a boy, but slap a dress on that body and poof! A girly girl. I stepped closer towards the reflection, touching the surface of the mirror. I knew it wasn’t an actual reflection, as the Jae in the mirror looked dry and primped. She wore a gown that was made of the night and decorated with stars. Her hair hung loose in beautiful waves, highlighted with a little cyan green here and there. She looked like she was fit to go to a ball. 

Memories give us joy, happiness…but also anger and sorrow- regret. 

I shut my eyes as the voice continued speaking. Memories are also good teachers…

My eyes fluttered open and I jumped back as my reflection made way for Yongsun, standing in the mirror with a smile on his face. 

“Yongsun? Y-you’re alive?!” I squeaked out, placing both my hands against the mirror in awe. He laughed heartily and shook his head. 

I am only alive in the memories of others. This is your world now, Jae, he explained calmly. 

“I…I don’t understand,” I spoke. “I mean, I’m happy to see you, but what are you doing here?” 

I came to check up on my pupil, he said. And I realized that this teacher of yours had a few lessons to learn himself. I was hoping I could teach them to you before it was too late. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, watching him closely out of fear that he may disappear on me. “Am I not doing my job well?”

You do a wonderful job, Jae, he reassured with a gentle smile. Many love you and you keep a close watch on the world. But…

I bit my lip in worry as he paused. “But what?” I asked. 

Don’t make the same mistakes I did. 

I watched him as I tried to read the expression on his face, but found myself being confused. I thought that staying here was exactly doing what he didn’t do. 

“But-,” 

I always wanted to walk amongst the people, but I always separated myself. I always wanted to create and protect a world I loved so very much, but I was always afraid to accept the full responsibility. I had my flaws as Guardian, you have them too, but you shouldn’t inherit the same flaws like mine. You deserve better than that. 

What could I say to that? I saw him suddenly looking at my chest and I frowned at him. “Hey, memory or not, my eyes are up here, buddy,” I warned him and Yongsun laughed wholeheartedly, shaking his head. 

I see the yeouiju is put in a safe place, he then remarked and I felt my heart glow. You’ll take good care of it? 

I nodded immediately. “Of course,” I confirmed and he smiled again. 

Then, what are you still doing here? 

Frowning, I gazed at him. “What are you talking about?” 

Yongsun looked up when the sound of wolves howling echoed in the air. He smirked at me. I think you know…

***

The moon shone bright over the island of Ookami Shinro. Despite of this, it had to relent to the colorful, beautiful lights that shone all around the school’s campus. Music played as the melody of laughter and cheerful chattering filled the air. All around the campus various games and stalls were situated, as well as some rides- a little courtesy from Suho’s father. Underneath a large gazebo, couples were dancing amongst beautifully colored lanterns.

Luhan’s gaze, however, was up to the stars. He enjoyed the moment of serenity, but loosened his tie somewhat when his eyes caught sight of the shadow of a large tree, further away in the distance, easily towering over the tree line of the forest. He sighed to himself, clacking his tongue as he started to search the area. 

Where is she? He peered through the crowd, looking near the lights and lanterns to catch a glimpse of a butterfly, but couldn’t find any. 

“You’re looking for Jae?” Xiumin remarked more than he asked as he handed his best friend a drink. 

“She said she’d come, didn’t she?” Luhan replied, looking soberly at the festivities going on. 

“Maybe she came as Kris’ bow tie,” Xiumin tried, shrugging a little as he loosened the button of his tuxedo. 

“First of all, Kris would never have let her, and second of all, she didn’t,” Kris interjected as he joined his brothers with a sigh. “I couldn’t find her anywhere either,” he added with a huff, drinking some punch. “Maybe she’ll show up later. Shouldn’t you be looking out for your date?” he immediately teased Luhan who turned red while Xiumin chuckled. 

“She’s not my date, I just danced with her a couple of times, that’s all,” he muttered, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“If Jae heard you say that she’d tear you a new one,” Suho remarked with a goofy grin on his face. “Besides, Lili is a sweet girl. I think you were actually enjoying yourself then.” 

“Shut up,” Luhan murmured as the pack came together to take a breather and get away from the adoring masses. It was admittedly nice, having people know who they are and to respect them for it, but on the other hand, the boys’ popularity only grew and grew. The girls were shier than before, but somehow also more persistent at the same time - not that any of them really minded that kind of attention. 

“Do you think we should head over to the Tree? Maybe something happened,” D.O. suggested, his eyes still scanning the area. 

“Jae-yah would’ve said something if that was the case,” Lay said. “Maybe we should wait and try and have fun, huh?” he gave his brothers a warm smile. 

“I think she didn’t show because someone had to remind her how useless it was for her to be stuck flitting about like a butterfly,” Chen noted, eyes slowly focusing on Tao. “She probably feels too embarrassed to attend a dance- when she’s not even able to dance!”

“Hey! Hyung, I didn’t mean to make her feel bad! It’s just…I miss her, that’s all,” Tao immediately piped up, shoulders slumping. 

“Ah, we know that, I was just teasing you,” Chen said, patting his back. 

“We all miss her,” Sehun added, looking like he wasn’t having a good time at all. “I was supposed to take Jae-noona to the dance,” he breathed, looking up in confusion when he heard his brothers’ bewildered exclamations and mocking laughter. “What? It’s true! She was going to ask me!” he argued. 

“Oh, please, she’d ask Baekhyun first before she’d ask you,” remarked Luhan in mockery. 

“Yeah!” Baekhyun piped up, shaking his head a little bewildered. “Hey, wait minute-,” he muttered when he actually processed what Luhan was telling him. 

“Get real. Jae-noona wouldn’t have asked anyone of us. She’d probably end up with Minho-hyung or something,” Kai commented, arms crossed firmly over his chest. 

At the mere mention of the poor boy’s name, the boys started to hiss and groan out of annoyance. 

“Minho-hyung…pah!” Chanyeol spat out. “I don’t trust him,” he said resolutely. 

“Who does, honestly?!” said Baekhyun as the boys agreed and simultaneously heaved a deep sigh. 

“So… Is anyone of you having fun?” Chen then asked, looking at the pack. 

“No,” D.O. answered dryly. 

“Not really,” Sehun sighed. 

“Me neither. This just doesn’t feel the same without Jae-noona,” Chen commented as he looked at the tree. “We should leave the party and go to the Tree instead,” he then proffered, which his brothers seemed to appreciate. 

“Perfect! We can see the fireworks from there,” Chanyeol piped up with a wide grin on his face while the pack got ready to leave. 

Oh, good, I haven’t missed the fireworks yet, a gentle voice then interrupted from behind them. I was worried I’d be too late, the sweet voice chuckled. 

The boys stopped in their tracks at hearing that soft voice. Luhan was the first to turn around. “Finally! What took you so long? We’ve been waiting for -,” He swallowed, words falling dead upon his tongue. Having noticed their brother’s abrupt silence, the boys turned around one by one, only to become as dazzled as he was. 

Twelve faces bore similar expressions of shock and bewilderment, mouths slightly agape, eyes blinking, as if they couldn’t believe what they were seeing. 

“Sorry I’m late. It’s not very easy running on heels,” Jae said, smiling at them as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She started to chuckle when the boys still didn’t responded. 

“So, how do I look? Is it okay? It was sort of a last minute job- but all of you actually clean up really nice. Though I think you’d all look better with some butterfly ties,” she nodded, obviously joking. Jae’s laughter waned away when Kris moved towards her, carefully reaching out to touch her cheek. When he felt the touch was real, he poked the other side. 

“J-Jae?” he asked in a whisper like a hopeful child. “Is it really you?”  

“No, it’s the Easter Bunny in disguise. I always wanted to see what it was like to wear a dress,” Jae responded sarcastically. “Yes, you dork, it’s me. Stop gawking, you’re acting like you’ve never seen my human form before!” she laughed as this snapped the boys to action. Before she realized what was going on, she was picked up from the ground and hugged from all sides. She was still chortling when Lay held her tight in a back hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“Jae-yah, it’s you! I can hug you- look! I can hug you!” he stated excitedly, causing her to ruffle his hair a bit. 

“Wait, wait, wait- is this for real? Or do you have to be back inside of the Tree by midnight?” Baekhyun asked. 

“Yes, but no worries, I’ll leave a shoe behind to remember me by,” Jae stated solemnly, flicking the boy’s forehead in jest. “Of course not,” she smiled. “I’m here to stay,” she said looking at her pack. 

“Really, noona? You promise? You can’t take it back anymore!” Sehun stated in his excitement, holding her hand and shaking it while he bounced on the ball of his feet. 

“But- how?” D.O. asked, looking at her as if he was afraid she would disappear again. 

Jae placed her hand right above her chest, where a soft green glow beat in time to her heart before fading away again. “I keep the heart in a way Yongsun never had. It’s part of me and I am part of it. I guess that makes me stronger…” she trailed off and shook her head. “I didn’t want to be isolated from the people I love anymore, but truthfully, I just really miss hitting you dorks,” she stated with a playful shimmer in her eyes. 

“So! Who’s going to dance with me?” she asked, beaming. 

“I AM!” twelve voices answered in unison before they broke out in an argument. Jae rolled her eyes in amusement and grabbed the first two arms that were in reach. 

“Just come along, you dorks!” she chuckled, pulling all of them with her to the dance floor. 

“Whoa, Jae! W-wait, don’t let Minho see her, don’t let Minho see her!” Luhan exclaimed urgently to the rest of his brothers, but Jae only laughed out loud. The fireworks started to light up the sky in brilliant colors when they stood huddled on the dance floor. The people exclaimed in joy and excitement at seeing the spectacle, as the guardians cheered loudly as well. 

Jae laughed in absolute joy as she let her eyes wander to the pack that were surrounding her. She breathed in their scents, watched their happy faces and gently wrapped her hands around the nearest hands she could find. Suho and Kris looked at her simultaneously before tightening the grip on her hands while Jae squeezed. She was there. They were there. She thanked the stars above, the memories of Yongsun for guiding her. As it was raining stars above her, Jae smiled to herself. 

She was finally home.