I drove aimlessly for several minutes until I saw the sign "Han River" and made a turn into that direction. I then found a spot where I liked because of its peace and quiet and its beautiful scenery. I parked my car and contemplated on whether to go out into the cold. But it was not so much of the cold I was worried about. It was because I did not want anyone to catch me crying. Because any minute, my tears were going to burst out like a waterfall.

I stayed in the car as the tears and sobs came out. I cried like no tomorrow. I just had incredible with a man I loved and I was crying like a mad woman now. No, I was not crying tears of joy. I was crying tears of relief, a little bit of sadness and regret and a some guilt. A few moments ago, Sungbin made love to me on the couch of the small recording studio, muttering words of tenderness I was almost thinking it was a dream.

During our love-making, we exchanged words of love like "You are mine..." and "I love you"

After which we cuddled and..... sensibly and mutually came to an agreement that getting back together permanently was not a good idea after all that had happened already. We both may love each other but we were not confident it would even last. Eventually we would go back into the real world where we were the couple who broke up and were moving on.

Sungbin and I made love another round but silently. No words, just staring at each other knowingly. Knowing it could be our last.

Now that the song was finalized, I did not need to meet Sungbin anytime soon. So that was a good thing. Sungbin had asked me earlier when we were leaving the studio if we would meet again soon and I shook my head. He nodded sadly and we hugged one last time.   

"You know very well this secret world of ours will not last, oppa." I told him truthfully.

"I know.." He hugged me tighter. "I'm sorry you chose to end it so soon but I have to respect your decision."

 We kissed for a long time until I had to pry him off me before we might end up doing another break-up round. We left to our separate cars with sad smiles, waving goodbye to each other and now here I was letting all my mixed emotions out facing the beautiful Han river. I had never felt so relieved after an all-out cry-out! I finally let all hidden emotions out and came to my senses. I knew what I want and what I should and should not do.

I knew I would need time to finally get over Sungbin...alone... and not needing an ex-boyfriend to help me get over it. I should not be dating Taec now. I should only love Taec and no one else.... but after w