XXVIII

"Can you tell me why you're so damn happy? I'm almost dead and you're grinning like a Cheshire cat."

Eunhyuk grinned a bit wider and turned his head to the side. Leeteuk really looked like he was closer to death than life after their tiring schedules, with his sleepy eyes and the grumpy expression on his face. The raven head however didn’t feel tired at all and now that they were sitting in their van and on their way back to the dorms, he couldn’t help but to feel more excited by the minute. Soon he would see Donghae again and the thought of the younger alone was enough to make his heart skip a beat.

"I don’t know, hyung. Life is just pretty good to me at the moment."

Leeteuk grunted and held his head. "For me this looks like love. You're grinning the whole time, for days now."

"Don’t come up with any dating scandals", their manager muttered from the driver's seat and made Eunhyuk shake his head.

"Don’t worry."

"Anything I should know about?" Leeteuk asked. Eunhyuk let out a negative hum. "Okay then. But don’t come up with the 'a-gentleman-never-tells'-thing."

Eunhyuk looked back at him, but his grin was too bright for Leeteuk to take. The leader groaned and for the rest of the ride there wasn’t much to say; Eunhyuk didn’t really listen anyway.      
The only real question that left his mouth was if there would be anyone at the dorms when they returned. When he heard that there would only be a few members around and none of them at his floor, Eunhyuk was so anticipating that Leeteuk had to slap him.

The raven head simply left him standing there in the lift with only a short "bye" on his lips when they reached the dorms and yanked the door open. It was very silent inside as he quickly toed off his shoes, a good sign in his eyes. He even had to switch on the lights and for a moment he thought that he was completely alone. This fear turned out to be unfounded though; when he pushed the door to his room open, he saw someone sitting on the bed in the dark. The light falling in from the living room wasn’t bright enough to illuminate the person completely, but after flipping the switch he chuckled. Donghae was sitting there of course, his head slightly lowered.

"Hey", Eunhyuk greeted him and quickly shut the door behind him. Donghae looked up, but didn’t say anything as the other made his way over to him. "How are you doing?"

There was a soft smile on Donghae's lips as Eunhyuk sat down beside him and the raven head thought that it looked kind of forced. It also didn’t reach his eyes that appeared slightly red to him.

"Have you been crying?" he asked lowly, his smile all gone. A hand was reached out and he placed it on the younger's cheek. "Donghae?"

The brunet's lips twitched for a second. Donghae leaned in to Eunhyuk's touches and now that they were so close, he noticed for the first time how pale the younger was.

"I really missed you, Hyukkie", Donghae mumbled and with that didn’t answer the other's question. "I'm so glad that you're back..."

"Have you been crying because you missed me?"

Donghae didn’t reply, only his smile turned a bit more painful. That alone was answer enough for Eunhyuk. He chuckled uncertainly and pulled him into his arms; the younger's grip around him almost hurt, just like he didn’t want to let go of him ever again. Eunhyuk started doubting that the younger's tears had been caused by him not being around and doubted even more that the real reason could be fixed easily. He wanted to know it though because he wanted to help him and so he pushed Donghae back a bit to see his face; he didn’t have the chance to even get a glimpse of him before Donghae already softly attached his lips to his own.

Actually the raven head didn’t want to give in. He wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted to know why Donghae was greeting him with tears instead of smiles. But at the same time he had been yearning for Donghae so much that he didn’t have the will or strength to push him away. And it was Donghae who kissed him right in that moment; the brunet wouldn’t do that if it was something serious… right?

Donghae's fingers clawed into Eunhyuk's skin as he sat up. He straddled the other without separating their lips and kissed him so fiercely that Eunhyuk's doubts and worries were pushed to the back of his head. Then he grabbed Eunhyuk's hands and brought them to the small of his back, knew that they wouldn’t stay there for long. They actually found to his pants pretty quickly but those hands weren’t as confident as they usually were and as they broke the kiss to gasp for air, Eunhyuk wanted to take this as a chance to ask him once again. He couldn’t get it out of his head.

"Donghae", he slightly panted and reached out both of his hands to cup the younger's face. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

He saw him slightly tilting his head to the side and as his sad eyes met with his own, he felt a pang in his heart. Donghae placed one hand on his head and slowly brushed back his black hair. He repeated this movement a couple of times and Eunhyuk knew that something was wrong. There was no need for guessing anymore.

"You are everything to me", Donghae whispered while he continued over his head. "Without you, I… I'm nothing without you. You're so important to me that I… When you wouldn't be there anymore I would fall apart. I really would."

Eunhyuk let his thumbs over Donghae's sides and tried to send him an encouraging smile. "You don’t have to worry about this, alright? I won't leave."

There was something in his eyes that Eunhyuk couldn’t name, but somehow it made him uneasy. It seemed like Donghae had to think about his words for a moment and as he parted his lips, Eunhyuk didn’t know if he had understood them.

"You won't leave", the brunet lowly said and even though Eunhyuk thought that it was meant to be a question, it sounded more like a statement.

"That's right", he said and chuckled because he felt the need to lighten up the mood. He wondered what had happened in those few hours between Donghae's last text message and now to make him act like this. "Why would I do that?"

He really couldn’t think of an answer because he still thought that everything was alright. No matter what doubts had been torturing him before: he wasn’t about to leave Donghae. He would never do that – and this was cut in stone. The brunet however looked like he knew an answer to that question or even an explicit one that would've explained his behavior. He didn’t speak it out though, stayed deadly quiet.

Donghae looked so lost to him and Eunhyuk even thought that he could once again see tears in the younger's eyes. He leaned in and kissed Donghae's neck in a vain attempt to change anything, but of course he couldn’t make them disappear. If he had been crying because he had missed him, then there was no need for him to do it now. Maybe he would cry because he was happy to have him back – but those tears didn’t look like he cried them out of joy.

"Donghae… What can I do to make you feel better, hm?"

He felt him over the back of his neck and it looked like he was in deep thought. Eunhyuk was kind of surprised that Donghae answered him with a question.

"Don’t you want to have with me?"

For a moment he didn’t know what to say.          
Yes, of course he wanted to – or at least he had wanted to. Now that Donghae was acting so weird however he actually didn’t feel like it anymore. Apart from that this question had sounded almost mechanical and he didn’t have to think for long to know that this wasn’t a good thing. And this was exactly what he wanted to tell him when he parted his lips.

"Of course I want to sleep with you, but I-"

He didn’t get the chance to say more than that. Donghae's lips were pressed against his own again and with the younger's tongue slipping into his mouth he didn’t register that Donghae was already working on his jeans. The brunet acted like there was a reason to hurry, like they had only a few minutes before someone would come bursting through the door even though that surely wouldn’t happen. He kissed him like he wanted to catch up on something and before Eunhyuk knew what was going on, Donghae was pulling down his pants.

"Donghae, stop."

The younger froze in his movements and looked up to him. He looked so shocked, just like he wanted to ask him if he had done something wrong. Of course he hadn't and Eunhyuk wanted to show him this with just another smile. But the look in Donghae's eyes didn’t disappear, not even as he started over the younger's cheek.

"Come here."

He pulled him up and Donghae's arms found around his neck in an instant. The younger carefully sat down on his lap and buried his face in the crook of his neck; Eunhyuk caress