MEDIA & NETIZENS CORNER

MBC.COM LIVESTREAM BLACKOUT CONTINUES FOR A 2ND DAY
1. Why should the paying subscribers have to suffer from these idols' carelessness? It's not like we only watch for them.

G-DRAGON & TAEYEON INTERACTIONS TO BE EDITED OF HOUSE OF 20'S
1. Thank goodness. I am watching this for the other housemates. I can't care less if the two get kicked out.

PUBLIC CLAMORS FOR EXPLANATION FOR LACK OF GD & TAEYEON HO20 INTERACTIONS
1. Which public are you talking about? I'm happy their interactions are cut. No explanation required.
2. The 10% dip in the ratings agrees with this headline. The livestream service of MBC.com lost 200,000 subscribers in 1 day. You guys can hate and deny it all you want, but this show was only interesting with GD & Taeyeon in it.

 

***

GARDEN & FRONT DOOR, 12:00 AM (OFF CAMERA)

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

I heard her cries, even if the glass door separated us. It was torture to hear such a sound. Most especially, it hurt. She said she loved and hated me, and saying that made me tear up this strongly. She was suffering, and I didn't know what to do about it. It felt as if talking would ease everything, but I realized nothing could be said to appease her. I had no right to console her when I caused those tears in the first place.

After three years, now I was reminded that I haven't fully forgiven myself for letting Kim Taeyeon and our beautiful dreams go.

"Aiiisssh..." she impatiently talked to herself, consoling her own. "Trouble, trouble, trouble."

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

"Aigooo... why am I still crying like everything just happened yesterday? Stop! Gaaaaahd. Stop!" she added, playfully talking to herself. I could totally imagine the look on her face.

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

"I'm sorry. Please don't take this the wrong way Jiyong," she called out in a tearful voice, laughing to ease the sadness. But I couldn't respond. I was silenced myself, for the same reasons her laughs defended her cries.

"Jiyong?" she called when I didn't respond. Why couldn't I even look at her again? "Yah, why are you ignoring me?"

Because I can't talk when I'm sad.

"Oppa? Kwon Jiyong? Yah!" Knock. Knock. Knock. She continued tapping the glass door to call my attention. It seemed my silence temporarily stopped her tears. "Why are you so quiet? I look like an idiot crying on my own. Hmpf!"

"Eh?" finally, I said a word, but my voice couldn't help but break. "S-sorry. I'm just... t-tired."

"Are you... crying... too?"

. Is it too obvious? Carefully, I dried my eyes. Yes, I was emotional too. To hear my strongest love express she loved me so much to the point of hating me... it struck such a powerful feeling inside. I couldn't help myself. When I wiped my eyes, somehow the tears kept coming out, and there was no sense talking. As a man, I had a dignity to uphold. Yet I remembered the countless times I kneeled before her, begging for her forgiveness, crying for her to come back to me. Those memories overpowered the pride, and I broke down.

The woman behind that glass door broke me and hurt me like nobody else has ever done. So I cried. In front of the million people watching us in the 24/7 livestream subscription worldwide, I cried.

"We are total idiots, such troublemakers. Aish!" Taeyeon muttered under her breath, surrendering to another earful of sobs. She must have seen my shoulders shake, causing her tears to resume. "This isn't good for either of us oppa..."

Sobs. We cried in silence for a long time. Too long, actually. The tears lingered until I found that the silence had to be cut.

"I also hurt that much, so I also hated you that much..." I admitted, finally able to string words together. I buried my face on my knees, trying to hide my sad face from the cameras.

"You don't say," she joked, muffling her voice from wiping her tears.

"...which could only mean I also loved you just as much. Maybe even more," I admitted, finally, after so many years of trying to bury the pain.

Sobs. Sobs. Sobs. No, wail. Taeyeon was wailing silently now, like in a whisper that couldn't be hidden.

"What are we doing Jiyong?" she asked in between her cries.

"I don't know."

"What are we saying? Why are we saying this? We have to stop this!" she screamed.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry! You're only making it worse."

She was shouting at me rather angrily, and I bowed down. It was difficult to talk when we were both crying like this. I composed myself and said the words I have practiced before, all day and all night. Words I wanted to say sincerely, but never had the chance to. Words that I promised myself would be said one day, but she never gave me the chance to.

"I'm so sorry Taeyeon. I never meant to hurt you, or hate you, or leave you. I only wanted to love you and give you everything...."

She sobbed harder, and now I actually found myself looking back at her. She was hugging her knees, and Spongebob, successfully covering her face.

"...I was going to give up everything for you, and I would have, I could have, had you let me. I just... want to know you've forgiven me. I can't go on another day in this house seeing you, talking to you, living with you, knowing that you still hate me..."

Before I knew it, the words cascaded down like a lose waterfall. There was no stopping me now. The lid to my well-kept feelings had been lifted, and this moment became such a catalyst to a turning point in my life.

"...before this show, it was easier to accept your hatred for me. We didn't have to see each other, didn't have to talk, and so I lived life as normally as I could while knowing you haven't forgiven me. But now... you're just... there. When I wake up, when I eat, before I sleep, I see you. I'm with you. We have to talk. We can no longer avoid each other's presence. All that, knowing that I hurt you so much, and that you hate me so much..."

"...that's just... suicide. Torture. It's like I can't even breathe here in the house. I didn't realize it until last night, when I got so affected knowing you could have been in danger. I still need you to forgive me... I want you to forgive me... or I won't survive while inside this house. I can't go on another day hearing your voice, waking up to your presence, seeing you smile and move and live and eat and drink and walk and talk and play, I just can't. How do I do that when I know you still hate me?"

Her shoulder shook so angrily, and she embraced her knees tighter, as if her force would stop the tears.

"I've said it a million times before, and I hope you can accept it this time. I'm so sorry."

Silence. Torturous silence. I bowed down, surrendering to her silent cries. I realized it was unfair to let out all these emotions in such a place and time. Maybe I cornered her. Maybe I suffocated her. Again. Like I did in the past. I stopped myself and bowed my head, crying silently again. I shouldn't expect anything to be said. What was I wanting for a response? Idiot. Idiot! Total idiot! She was shaking her head again and again. When she lifted her head, the redness of her face, the puffiness of her eyes, they told me of her pains. I felt so angry at myself again!

But then, she spoke, and my heart jumped so high.

"I feel like I'm ready to forgive you..."

I felt elated, full, as if my hunger and thirst didn't matter, or that my lack of sleep didn't exist. She was ready to forgive me after so many years! I felt so hopeful and so expectant. But why did she sound and look... sad?

"...but