DAY 8-12: Singing the Blues

House of 20's
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1. MBC is obviously promoting the holy idol trinity for the Big 3. I hate that mere idols like Taeyeon, Suzy and GD are overshadowing nation's prides Kim Yuna and Park Taehwan in this show. Editors and PDs, please listen to us viewers! Make sure next week's task is sports-related!
2. Do not underestimate Yuna and Soohyun's contribution. They are singing their hearts out too, and to be honest, Soohyun's voice is nicer in the ear than GD's.
1. Why is it always G-Dragon this, G-Dragon that? This is not the GD show! There are ten other housemates. Please give equal screen time to the others!
2. Is it GD's fault that he and those close with him are the only ones doing something interesting inside? Admit it, the others are boring! Suzy's cuteness, GD and Taeng's love line, GD and Yuna's sibling relationship are the life of this otherwise boring show.
1. It's like a must to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner beside each other, greet each other good morning first and good night last, sing at least one duet song in the noraebang together. They're forcing the love line.
2. Seriously, how on Earth does a woman who asked someone outside to wait for her able to sleep on another man's bed? Kim Taeyeon has no shame and self-respect at all.
3. People are overacting. They did not sleep together, nor was there any skinship. She just fell asleep in GD's bed, simple as that.
4. That XX is That Someone.

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now


As Taeyeon immersed herself to the music, she found herself transported once more in a world of emotions, a place where her past haunted every second of her present. Ever since the Noraebang task came to play, her emotions that have been bottled up for so long were suddenly uncorked, opening a pandora's box. The plethora of memories erupted, overpowering her rational and logic. Taeyeon got lost in the music, like she always did. But for the first time in a long time, the lid of the pandora's box was opened. Now she was drowning in the past that she has long since buried. 


It also didn't help that the lyrics of the song she was currently singing expressed exactly what was in her heart. Slowly, the hotness covered her eyes. She knew that soon, she would give in to the emotions.

I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you


"Omo! Unnie, why did you pick this song?" the very soft and innocent Kim Yuna muttered, covering her eyes. 


The girls were sat in the veranda couch, eating a late-afternoon snack while they watched Taeyeon's turn in the noraebang. Soon, Korea's best figure skater started crying silently, and as Taeyeon watched the young woman's breakdown, she found herself broken as well. It's because Yuna's pain about first love, her words of heartache that created such a viral sensation in South Korea, reflected Taeyeon's thoughts as well. Like Kim Yuna, her first love caused her misery, tears, pain, bitterness.


"Don't cry now Yuna-baby. Aigoo, why do you keep crying?" Soojoo teased and asked, the first to notice  that the national athlete was now crying. She took her in her arms, and consoled her, "I'm sure the people outside are now calling you the nation's crybaby."


But Yuna continued to silently breakdown in her unnie's arms. Taeyeon, meanwhile, got   more immersed singing Adele's very popular global pop song.


"Love hurts, doesn't it? It's just the way of life," the matured and softspoken Moon Geunyoung consoled.


Oh how Taeyeon knew that way of life. She lived it for so long that it was as if the pain was a part of her very existence.


Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light


"I don't deserve this! How can you do this to me?" I shouted, throwing every piece of decor I could grab. I didn't care if all the things I was throwing were newly bought for this new villa I purchased. All I cared for now was to hurt him how much as he hurt me. "You promised me. YOU PROMISED ME!"


He bucked for every throw I made, and he kept shaking his head, saying, "I didn't do anything--"






When he shouted too, I was unnerved. He also found the nerve to shout back at me. The reality was overwhelming me, and I felt unable to cope. I wanted everything to go away, to disappear, including him. I wanted him gone just so I could cope. I stopped throwing things at him, and I found myself surrendering to the ground, crying my heart out. 


I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it


I allowed myself to tear up for a couple of seconds, and then I captured my head with my hands, running my fingers through my hair. I was breaking down pitifully on my own floor. Then I felt him sit on the ground with me. When he touched me, I lost it all.


"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I screamed, pushing him away that he lost control on the ground too. I saw that he was crying, but his tears weren't enough. "GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"


I saw the disbelief cover his eyes. This was the first time I ever expressed my need for him to disappear in my life. He asked, "Is that what you really want?"


"Yes." I was firm. That's what I needed just so the pain could stop. I needed my heart to stop breaking, or I would die.


"You're letting your jealousy and insecurities eat you up alive," he slowly explained, looking at me who was looking back just as fiercely. He was in tears, and so was I. Both of us were sat on the floor of my house, hurting. "You're blinded by your paranoia that you won't even listen to me, or see the truth, or think rationally. Since when did you become like this Taeyeon?"


"Since you cheated on me," I answered with contempt.


I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over


The hotness around Taeyeon's eyes now resulted to the tears pouring out. She had been doing a great job controlling the true tears in the last few days when she sung. But for some reasons, today, as she sang this song, the memories became so sharp and vivid. They replayed in her thoughts as clear as how it truly happened. She snapped. For the first time since the noraebang machined arrived, Kim Taeyeon truly broke down with the music.


It's over, of course it's over. It should be over by now...


"Omo, is Taeyeon unnie crying too?" Suzy observed, telling the other girls of what she saw. Taeyeon heard the females talk about her. Should she turn away and wipe her tears? No, that would make it obvious. She decided to just go with the flow instead of allowing more meaning to be put into it.


God Taeyeon, stop getting carried away. 


"Aniyo, she just sings like that," Geunyoung said to her defense, making her a little bit relieved. "She's always been known for her emotional singing. It can move anyone, really. I feel like I want to cry too!"


Why am I still crying this much?


Pretty soon, Suzy and Geunyoung broke down in tears too with Taeyeon's emotional delivery. 


"Aigoo, my little girls are all moved to tears. Taeyeon-ah, your voice and singing are truly daebak!" Park Soojoo praised, to which Taeyeon just smiled too as she continued singing. "Stop it sisters. Unnie doesn't want to be the one with the heart of stone."


Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said


"Do you love me?" I asked.


The two of us were peacefully watching the lake by the cushions. The Baba Nest was in such a heavenly spot, enabling us to see the best of Mother Nature. 


"Yah, is that even a question?" he wondered, confused at why I would ask such a question.


We've been together for a year, and yet even if we found the time to spend Christmas here in Phuket together, I still felt like I would soon loose him. I didn't know what it was. I just knew that a time would soon come when we'd have to let each other go.


"How much?" I asked, wondering just how far he would go if circumstances would separate us. 


He answered me with a kiss, and that's when I realized how close we were together. There were two cushions in this area, but we shared just one. He kissed me for a long time, and ended it with a smile. He answered, "As much as the heavens and the earth, as high as the skies, as deep as the ocean!"


"Why do you love me that much?"


I know I was sounding a tad too sentimental, but I needed assurance. The bubbling feeling of paranoia worsened by the day, and only his love and assurances were securing me. I felt as if the higher we soared in our career, the more dangerous it got for us. SNSD was reaching unbelievable fame so quickly, his solo efforts catapulted him to the top, and as we saw each other less and less every month, my fear for us strengthened. 


"Because you're the one He gave to me. I know He wants me to love and take care of you," he replied, and that brought me to tears. He sounded like nothing could separate us, and I badly wanted to believe that. But why was I doubting? Why was my fear eating me up alive? I cried harder as I couldn't contain it. "Aigooo... my baby girl is crying. Come here urin Taeyeon."


He took me in his arms. The pink skies of Thailand was above us, providing comfort and dreams. However, my heart just set with the sun. I was inconsolable. It felt like this vacation in Sri Panwa would be our last. 


"Tell me why you're crying like this."


"Because you're scaring me."


"What did I do now baby girl?"


I shook my head and tuck myself deeper in his chest, and he embraced me even tighter, kissing my temple.


"I love you too much, and you love me too much. I'm afraid it's going to hurt so much in the end," I admitted my fears to him for the very first time.


"It wouldn't end, why are you even thinking about that? We just have to hold on, no matter what. You and me together, always, forever. Arasseo?"


His answer confirmed my thoughts that he also feared the end was near. Of course it was. That vacation indeed became our last. It all eventually ended, because neither of us held on.

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead





1. You can hate her all you want, but do not deny talent when you see one. Taeyeon's voice is the best among all idols.
2. The way she sings can move anyone to tears. When she sang Celine's My Heart Will Go On, Mariah's Without You, and Whitney's Run To You, I felt so proud that she is Korean. She always scored in the high 90's too! She will be this week's MVP again.
3. Emotions, vocal color, technique, vocal quality, Kim Taeyeon is daebak! MBC, thank you for releasing all the singing cuts in Youtube. Taeyeon's and GD's performances have the highest viewerships online.
4. Dating scandals or not, this kid is talented. 
1. Whoever he is, he enabled Taeyeon to sing these breakup songs so well. Someone like you was just... wow... goosebumps. The hairs on my body froze.
2. I truly believe it is G-Dragon.
3. Heechul already said no. YG and SM did not confirm it. It's highly unlikely to be GD.
4. How can it be GD when they don't even seem like they knew each others before this show?
"Unnie, if you don't mind me asking... is there a reason why you cried as you sang Someone Like You?" Suzy carefully asked.
The ladies were now eating a late lunch after three hours of singing in the noraebang. Aside from that task, their daily task also proved difficult. All the housemates were not allowed to interact with the opposite . It could be a punishment for their closeness, or an answer to the public clamour. They didn't know what the reason was exactly, but since they woke up this morning, none of them has talked to the male icons.
Taeyeon considered Suzy's question, but still opted not to answer it. She could tell that her fellow female housemates have gossiped about her emotional singing already, and they probably wanted answers
"You always sing beautifully and very emotionally. You moved us to tears countless times this week alone," Moon Geunyoung praised."When I cry for a drama scene, I always draw from painful experiences. I'm sure in your field, there is something to draw from too."
Trust me, there's so many experiences I draw from. The songs she sung, the presence of that someone in this house, their proximity to each other, they woke up a lot of sleeping memories in Taeyeon. She thought she already did a good job burying them, but the House of 20's served as a catalyst to the pandora's box. She wondered if it was even mentally healthy for her to be here. God knows how much difficult it had been to rid herself of all the evils the past caused her.
Kim Taeyeon was contemplating a voluntary eviction from the House of 20's.
"I feel like you have to talk about this. I see you as a very careful person, afraid that people would misinterpret you," Park Soojoo calculatively muttered, as if egging Taeyeon to open up. "I just think that as idols, the public always sees you as a one-dimensional character. Don't you feel like there's a purpose why you're here inside the house? Perhaps, this is your chance to show them who you really are."
Taeyeon has wondered since day 1 what the purpose was of meeting that someone here inside the house. Did anyone from YG or SM know this? Probably not. She trusted that none of her families and friends would want her to be in this situation. Not after they witnessed the horrors that she had to bear through for years. It was only last night when Taeyeon realized that perhaps, the Kim and Kwon family have fought for one of them to be pulled out of this show. Maybe SM and YG too, now that the two of them were revealing too much.
Or maybe, her parents wanted her inside the house, just so she could finally face and get over one of her evils in life? Her mother especially wanted her to get rid of all the anger and hatred inside her.
"When I hear songs like that, I remember the painful experiences I had... that's why I cry," Kim Taeyeon finally decided to share. She didn't like that the last few days have become three steps back on her road to recovery. She addressed Yuna and asked, "I believe you cry because you remember things too. It's true, isn't it?"
Yuna nodded. Taeyeon added, "Yuna-ssi, you said your first love was a sad one, right?"
"Mine was a very happy one. Actually, it was a perfect one. It was so great and so beautiful that it always brings me to tears. I try to remember it cheerfully, but I always end up crying every time I recollect the memories."
Taeyeon tried her best to put a positive spin on things. That's what the doctor said to do whenever she felt like breaking down. Four years of hard work couldn't be put to the drain just because he was here, close by.
"Why? If it was so beautiful, why does it make you cry?" wondered Yuna.
"I get so sad that something so beautiful had to end."
Her voice echoed in her own head, reminding her of how beautiful the past was. Before the horrors and evils, before the tears and pain, there was a love so beautiful it made her dream, live and hope. She felt the happy memories come back and overwhelm her, overshadowing the painful ones. There were years of happiness, tens of months of pure bliss, hundreds of days of love and promises. The memories flooded back, and she felt like breaking down again.
"Excuse me, I have to sing again so we can earn more points," she excused herself, because if not, then she would cry in front of the unknowing women.
Yes, they were good housemates. But they weren't SNSD. Next to her and his family, the eight girls of SNSD remained to be the only people who knew of what she went through.
"Let's talk about it when you're ready, okay?" Soojoo called after her. Taeyeon just nodded and went to the garden, singing alone.
To her dismay, the random song that the noraebang picked for her would worsen her psyche. She couldn't back out of this, or they would lose the points they just earned. That was just the rule of the game.
User: I feel her sincerity. I won't hate, at least not now. She brought me to tears again.
User: I can't say anything bad. I watched all her noraebang performance clips in YouTube. None was below par. Everything was world-class level. The emotions... man the emotions... So raw. So real. 
User: Foreign or local song, Taeyeon unnie made me cry. I have no words right now. We thought Baek Jiyoung's emotional rendition of Like Being Hit by a Bullet and That Woman was unrivaled. Yet, here's Taeyeon, on her way to take the crown.
User: What I don't get is how can she come up as someone with a broken heart, and yet she asked Baekhyun to wait for her. Could her baggages and hangups be because of That XX? That someone... hurt her pretty bad... and now she's with the Exo kid.
User: While the nation's being swept away by Taeyeon's emotional singing, here I am still in disbelief she can be this insensitive of her boyfriend. Guys, please don't forget she has a boyfriend waiting for her outside!
Like being hit by a bullet
I can’t make sense of anything
All that comes out is laughter
So I just laughed,
So I just laughed,
"Yah Taeyeon-ah, it's been two weeks!" Tiffany Hwang shouted on the other side of the door. She kept knocking, but I wouldn't budged. I let the shower drench my skin, also washing away the tears. It's been three hours, and I was still locked in my shower room, crying. "The executives are angry now. We have to fly to Japan, whether you're ready or not--"
"DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I'D WANT TO BE IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW?!" I shouted so loud, finally pissed that she was being so patient and so insistent. 
I ignored her pleas, and I let myself get drowned. I wanted to drown. Was there a way to drown from your shower? Please let there be a way, just so this would end. How could I work like this? How could the world revolve around even if I had been beaten to my bluest? I cried, I shouted, I got crazy inside that bathroom. Then, after an hour, I heard the door getting broken into. Before I realized it, Tiffany Hwang, all dressed and made up, stepped into my shower with a dried robe. She closed the shower and forced  the robe around my body.
"What are you doing here? Get out Steph! I don't need you! LEAVE ME ALONE!" 
"I'm not an enemy, and I'm your best friend! Do you understand that? Seriously Tae, you need help," she firmly said, wiping my body. I continued to cry and shout at her, but she was stronger and persistent. With no proper sleep, food and water in days, I didn't have any strength to fight back. "You are in trouble woman, and I want to help you! We will help you, you just have to allow us too. Okay?"

While I’m laughing until I collapse
I asked if I could ask one thing
Why are we breaking up?
How do we break up?
How do we break up?
The CEO of SM Entertainment, Kim Youngmin, shouted at me in front of all the members and the entire SNSD Japanese and Korean staff. Universal Music Japan apparently found the progress slower than expected, largely because of my refusal to work by the schedule.
Tiffany came to my aid, holding my hand. She said, "Please Senior Kim, Taeyeon's sick. She's not well and--"
"And what would you have me do Miss Hwang? The expected ROI in this effort is in the high $100 million. Have we not made ourselves clear in the tens of meetings you all attended before this debut?"
He went on to lecture all of us, especially me, with how important Shoujo Jidai's debut in Japan was. Everything he said entered my left ear, but exited my right ear at the same time. I had no will to do this. 
In fact, I just didn't have the will to live.
"I don't want to be in Japan. It's that plain and simple!" I finally cut him off, and I ran away, never looking back. That was the reason Genie was released in September, instead of June 2010.
One woman loves you
She loves you with all her heart
Everyday she follows you like a shadow
She is smiling but is actually crying

They said people who ended their own lives were cowards. I didn't agree. I thought they were brave, because they found the strength to end it all. I've been trying to find that strength, but couldn't. I was still alive and hurting, even after all the months have passed me by.

"What can I do, huh? Tell me what else can we do to bring you out of this misery," my mother begged of me, sitting on my bedside and holding my hand. But instead, my back was her and I was frozen in my own melancholic breakdown.
There's nothing you can do. This is my life now. Nothing can end this pain.
II was locked in that belief for a very long time. Not my friends, not my family, not the fans, the music or the stage, could heal the pain. 
"Life doesn't end when your heart breaks. You just have to pick up all the pieces and put it all back. Child please..."
But it wasn't just my heart that broke. It was all of me, my life, my dreams... he took it all away.
Then I find out he was already in a relationship with the very person who separated us. Tell me, where can I find the bravery to end my life?

How much more, just how much more 
Must I gaze at you like this alone
This meaningless love, this miserable love
Must I continue for you to love me oh
"I apologize for the late intrusion. We have an emergency curfew announcement."
Elder Yoo's voice boomed around the whole house, and everyone stopped what they were doing to listen to the voice over.
"All housemates are to keep away from the outside confines until further notice. No one is to exit the doors starting at 10:00 PM tonight. Since the noraebang machine is situated in the garden, include this limitation in your strategies and plans to complete the weekly task. We foresee that this rule will be in effect until end of day tomorrow."
But Jiyong was currently hearing Taeyeon's angelic voice sing over a Whitney Houston song outside. Could she hear this announcement on top of the loud noraebang music? He worried.
"In addition, we want to enforce the strict rules on this unique task. First, starting now, nobody is allowed to obtain anything from outside. Second, everyone must be tuck in their beds by 10pm as well. Lastly, anyone who breaks the curfew would not be provided the daily food replenishment tomorrow. Worse, the rulebreaker would be denied entry to the house for a day."
He peeked through the window pane, and saw Taeyeon emotionally invested to the music. She wasn't listening. How would he tell her when he wasn't allowed to? 
Wait... is she crying?
Yes she was. Kim Taeyeon was crying while she was singing, and this moved his heart. Was she remembering? Hopefully not. Because if she was, then she would recall just how painful the journey to forgetting the past was. God knows it had been such a terrible experience for Jiyong.
He hurt just as much as she did, especially since it was Taeyeon who first gave up on them. He wanted to hold on, but she didn't want to. What was left for him to do but let go.
"And of course, we want to congratulate everyone for keeping up with the daily task of not talking to the opposite . There is still more than six hours left to this task so be sure to only interact with same housemates. Good luck kids."
Sorry this was short, but at least this provides some insight to the past. I promise the next episode is going to be so exciting, fast-paced, and menboong!!!
Jiyong: Taeyeon was locked outside as she didn't follow through the curfew.
Elder Jaesuk: Then she has to be punished. The rules are clear.
Jiyong: But it wasn't explained to her properly. She didn't know, and it's not her fault. She was just doing her best to sing as many songs as she could for the weekly task.
Elder Jaesuk: Ignorance of the law is not an excuse. Taeyeon must suffer the punishment.
Jiyong: I volunteer to be punished instead.
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Guys I accidentally delete chapter 5! Now I have to reformat it all. Please be patient. I can't do it today anymore so wait 12 hrs pls. Sorry! Come back again.

Comments (1263)

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pieceofwings #1
Ah im still waiting for this. Its really goood...
mitaaa19 #2
Chapter 11: i already read again your story . please update soon
38 streak #3
it had been already 2 years and i'm still waiting for an update i miss this story
YourSmile-I #4
Chapter 11: Please update soon thanks
Hayat786 #5
Chapter 14: Plz ubdate
good job!!
ImHot1130 #7
comeback to read gtae again :) miss them so much!!! hope you come back soon author :)
Lttlemssme #10