It had been a few days.

Or a week.

Or a month.

Or a few months.

Eun Ah couldn't even keep track anymore. All the days just melted together. She could barely tell when time passed.

Everyone had started to move back to their old places, going back to their old routines. They had jobs to go to, classes to attend, bills to pay.

They had no choice but to buckle down and push forward.

Himchan stayed at the house, but even Yongmi moved out. Eun Ah didn't protest when Yongmi asked to take some of her brother things back to her apartment with her.

Even his sister was able to hold her head up, take a shaky breath and move forward. Only Eun Ah was stuck, sinking in her past.

Life kept moving, and as much as they hated it, so did they.

That being said, they visited the house more often, making sure that they made time in their busy schedules to drop by and say hi.

But she was never available to talk to.  She was too busy lying numbly on her bed, curtains closed and lights off.

She'd just stare at the ceiling, convincing herself that this wasn't her life. That the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with wasn't really gone.

Every day, she'd pick herself up and wobble over to their closet before changing into a different one of Yongguk's sweaters or shirts.

It was the closest she'd ever get to the real thing.

It was so sad.

Are you happy?

She pushed herself off the bed and felt her back ache. It was all taking a physical toll on her.

She couldn't remember when the last time she showered. She barely slept at night and she almost never ate.

She couldn't stomach anything.

She didn't have to look in a mirror to know that she skin was pale to the point where she looked ill and her cheeks were sunken and hollowed in.

If it wasn't for her pulse, she'd be dead.

That's what scared her.

She wanted to die.

It felt so much easier than any of the pain. She knew that she didn't want to think like that, but she didn't want to suffer any longer, either.  She just wanted it all to go away.

But she wasn't dead, so she needed another solution.

She needed something to make it all stop. She needed something that would force her to forget her problems.

She needed something to fix her.

She stumbled out of their room and for the first time since the funeral, she stepped out the door. She glanced at Himchan's door and frowned when it was closed shut with the lights off.

He had been recently visiting Woon a lot more. But she couldn't exactly blame him. Not when he had already taken so much time off for her. She couldn't expect him to put his whole life on whole just to accommodate her.

She made her way down the stairs, keeping her eyes trained on the floor, so she would've have to accidentally see something that reminded her of him.

She didn't want to see his shoes by the door or his jacket on the hook.

It was weird. She didn't want to forget him, but she didn't want to see memories of him either.

She didn't go with the others to see his casket lowered. She didn't want to see him being put into the ground. It was too much. She didn't visit his grave either. She was just too scared to. She was scared to see his name carved in stone with the date of his birth and the date of his wedding separated by a small dash.

She walked into the kitchen, feeling the cool tiles freezing the bottoms of her feet. She still kept her head down, since she knew the layout of the house like the back of her hand.  She shuffled her feet until she reached her destination.

She stood in front of the cabinet and lifted her head. She her lips and stared  through the frosted glass.

Pinot Noir.

Champagne.

Vodka.

Tequila.

Absinth.

Scotch.

Brandy.

Gin.

That was only to name a few. Yongguk and Himchan had their fun collecting liquor. They didn't often dip into their collection, but it was still there.

She needed something to numb the pain. Something, that for a few minutes, would take her mind off everything wrong with her and her life.

She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think and there’s nothing there.

She needed something to be her lifesaver. She needed something to keep her afloat.

She open the cabinet and pulled out two bottles of unopened vodka.

Found it.

Her eyes scanned the two matte bottles

She couldn't remember the last time she got wasted.

Oh wait.

Yes.

Yes, she could.

, it was amazing.

Yongguk and Eun Ah stumbled through the front door past midnight, both giddy, trying to be quiet. He was laughingly shh-ed her when her giggle was a little too loud.

Maybe that 6th glass of wine was too much.

It was odd that he was hushing her even though he was positive that no one was in the house since everyone was staying over tomorrow. 

One of the perks of living alone, just the two of them.

They had all the privacy in the world, which came in handy on special nights like tonight.

She covered but still laughed under her hand as she kicked her shoes off clumsily and threw her jacket ineptly on the couch. Yongguk chuckled lightly as she swayed on her feet, the alcohol giving her eyes a dazed look and her skin a reddish tint.

It left her dumbfounded at how ridiculously handsome he still looked when he was buzzed, with his black hair pushed off his face. it made her body pulse in pleasure.

Yongguk messily pulled his shoes off before drunkenly walking towards Eun Ah, wrapping his arms around her warmth and leaned towards her so that he could bump her nose tipsily.

God she was lovely.

It made every inch of him shiver in pleasure. 

"Happy anniversary, love."

 Her lips split into a dumb smile. She reached forward to kiss his cheek as she lovingly whispered back at him. "Happy anniversary."

They exchanged a longing, glassy look of adoration until she whispered, "I'm in love with you."

Those were words that he would never get tired of hearing from her and it always make his insides curl. He bent his head down and took her bottom lip between his and pulled her into a hungry kiss with tongue and heated touches.

She mewled and wrapped her hands around his neck as he bent down to get a better angle. He could feel the wine hum in his head as he trailed his fingers down her body until they gripped her hips and yanked her closer to him so that their bodies moulded together.

He pushed her backwards, towards the stairs, the journey taking longer as they stopped to regain their tipsy balance or when he paused to kiss down the side of her neck. She sighed in bliss when they managed to make it to the top of the stairs. 

She held his shoulders to steady herself and jumped up,  wrapping her legs around his waist when he caught her. They kissed messily as Yongguk tried to stay up right as he led them to their room.

Feeling her lower body pressed