CHAPTER 039: Kind of Sick and Kind of Worried.      Dating Chanyeol is just like being friends with Chanyeol. It's the same activities with the same talks and the same intentions, only that now he kisses you. The first kiss shocks you, almost makes you jump out of your skin because even if it was obvious, you still didn't see it coming. You were both standing in front of the elevator at Chanyeol's mom's work. You guys were suppose to meet her for lunch but Chanyeol had gotten stuck in traffic and so you were late. When you entered the elevator, he had immediately followed- obviously- and as you glanced at him and laughed because he had pressed the wrong button and so had picked the wrong floor, he had leaned in to whisper into your neck, "Stop laughing~" which made you giggle harder. His voice was tickling your skin.           "Stop it! I'm ticklish," you had responded with a smile. He had done it again and you weren't sure how it had even happened but soon you were pressed into the elevator's wall with his breath fanning your lips.    And you had butterflies in your stomach as you looked at him.    And then he had kissed you.    It was sweet, with his lips tugging at yours and your hands grabbing onto his sides. His mouth was warm and the inside of your palms were sweaty, and the butterflies in your stomach were still there. He pulled away when the elevator door had opened, and had given you a small smile.    A kiss, you had repeated in your head. I just kissed Chanyeol. He was your third kiss, as well as your first. Your second, on the other hand, that was to keep in the past and pretend it never happened.    However, when you were walking towards Chanyeol's mom to greet her, his hand holding yours tightly, you realized something off about the butterflies.    You weren't sure if you had butterflies because Chanyeol kissed you or because you were just kissed.   You let it go.    The kisses and affection kept growing between you two. It was when you were a couple of weeks into the relationship that you realized that Chanyeol was getting more intimate. The kisses grew gradually to long make out sessions and the touching of your thighs and hips. He pulled you closer more intimately but you sometimes wondered if it was forced. It felt like he hugged you because he was afraid you'd let go if he didn't. You had gotten used to his kisses but you two never went as far as that.    The dates increased as well. You went out a lot and spent less time at home. And when you were home, you usually spent the time studying or hanging out with Eunsul. You saw Luhan a lot at home and at school as he seemed to have gotten close to Jongdae and especially Minseok. However, there was someone you barely saw. He always seemed to always be gone when you were there, and be there when you were gone. His face was almost becoming unfamiliar.            "Oh!" Kris jumps back to when he sees that you're about to enter the bathroom at the same time he is.    You look at him, surprise that he's there in front of you. You take a good look at his face, wanting to see it closely. "How long do you need to use the bathroom?"    Kris looks like he's in a daze. He looks down at your pjs and internally smiles. He finally looks away. "For a while. I'm picking up nana at the airport today so I need to shower."    You frown, glancing at the time on your phone that you are holding on your hand. It's early in the morning. "Didn't you say that like a month ago?"   Kris shrugs, "She's stubborn and I didn't know she would stay there longer. Besides, this time she is actually coming."    You stare at him, at his messy bed hair, sleep swollen lips, drowsy eyes and wrinkled pajamas. It's been a while since you had spoken to him face to face. You barely see him anymore. Which is funny because you two live in the same house. The last conversation before this one was when he had asked you for the house keys. You snort in your head. Even at school, he seems more distant. He doesn't even look at you.            "If you want you can go first?" Kris asks. "That is, if you're going to shower."    You shake your head, "No, my date can wait." You want to smack yourself for blurting that. It feels like you have just revealed a secret you didn't want to reveal.    Kris doesn't look away from you. "Ah...," he hums, "a date, huh?"    You pursue your lips, "Yeah.."           "Chanyeol, I'm guessing," Kris mumbles as if he needs confirmation.    You chuckle, "Who else would I go with?"    He smiles, fake and annoying to you, but still a small smile. "This early?"    You shrug. "He wants to spend the whole day with me since apparently it's our one month anniversary." You shrug again, "I don't even know where he wants to take me."    It's November 20, Kris realizes, which means that you and Chanyeol began dating on October 20...    A whole month.            "Are you happy?" He asks and he's not sure where the question even came from.    You blink up at him, "Huh?"            "Are you happy?" He repeats.    You almost shrug, but then realize that's not the response you should give someone who up to this day makes your palms sweat and your heart speed up like the one of a scared bunny.. "Yeah, of course."    There's mutual staring then. But your mom's voice breaks it up. She's leaning against the railing of the stair case. "Hey, I was just going to wake you kids up." She looks the way she usually looks on a Saturday: lazy.            "Yeah, we just woke up, " you answer for both you and Kris.    Your mom nods and then she watches you both, a sudden smile lighting up her face. "Hey!" She almost yells, "I just realized this it's the first time I'm seeing you both together in a while! Usually I catch you two on separate times of the day, but you look at that! you guys are gonna go back to being two peas in a pot again?"   You don't know how to respond and neither does Kris, apparently. At least not for the first ten seconds before he says, "We've both been busy, that's why. Plus I spend a lot of time with Luhan and she spends a lot of her time with," hesitation, "Chanyeol."    Your mom jumps on her feet then. "Oh lord! I almost forgot about Chanyeol! How is he and when is he coming to officially introduce himself as your boyfriend?"    You wince at how uncomfortable you actually feel. "He's shy-"          "He wasn't shy when he met me before.." Your mom frowns.    You glance at Kris, who's looking at you, and then back at your mom. "That was because before he was my friend and you knew him as that, mom but now he's my boyf-"           "Are you going to use the bathroom or can I enter first?" Kris interrupts. You glance at him, "huh?" And then he points at the bathroom. "Oh, right. Sure, go first! Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Was distracted."            "It's fine," he says and he walks in, closing the door with a soft sound.    You take a deep breath and glance at your mom, who is raising a brow.           "What's going on between you two?" She asks. "It's like you're strangers."   You sigh and move towards your room, mumbling, "I'm not sure we were even friends..."           ******************                  "Ta dah!"    You burst into laughter as Chanyeol does jazz hands. "What? Not good enough?" He pouts.    You shake your head, leaning against his couch. "Not good enough! Again! And this time I want some hip movement!"    Chanyeol groans and instead of continuing his punishment dance, he walks over to you, snuggling into your side and begging for forgiveness. "I promise I will not touch your again!"    You raise a brow at him and stick out your pinky, "Swear on it."    Chanyeol puffs out his cheeks but eventually tangles his pinky finger with yours into a childish promise.            "Thank you for having mercy on me," he smiles up at you.    You snort.    There's a sound of the front door opening and the voice of Chanyeol's sister suddenly being heard from the hallway where she's probably taking off her shoes. "I saw your car in the driveway; I thought you'd be home late."    Chanyeol stands up as Yura's face pops out of the hallway and into the living room and she obviously does not see you sitting on the couch because she continues. "I saw that pretty ex-girlfriend of yours at the mall. She asked me about you, but it seems like she moved on. She was with a boy about her age."    Chanyeol freezes on his skin and he just stares at his sister as he stands there.   Yura frowns, "What's up with you? Do you still like her?"    You decide to stand up. Yura almost has a heart attack. "Hana! Hey! I didn't know you were here!" She glances at Chanyeol with sweat forming under her armpits.    You smile at her, "Been here for a while. How are you?"    Yura tries not to grimace because she realized she might have ed up. "I'm great! How are you?"             "I'm fine," you keep smiling and then watch as she awkwardly excuses herself and goes towards her room up the stairs.    You glance at Chanyeol and he's just blankly staring at you now.            "What?" You ask.            "I'm sorry," he mumbles. You note that he's more bothered by what Yura said than you are.             "It's fine," you shrug. "It happens. I'm guessing Yura met Yuri?"    Chanyeol pursues his lips. He gets uncomfortable when Yuri is brought up. As if his life goal is to avoid her forever.    You chuckle, sitting down again. "I'm not gonna get mad, Yeol. Stop worrying." You lie back and turn on his TV. Your palms are sweating and you have a weird feeling in your stomach. Why does everything feel wrong? You've had these feelings for a while. The feeling of being uncomfortable and misplaced as if you're not suppose to be doing what you're doing.            "I'm sorry. That didn't matter. She doesn't matter. I don't know why I get so upset when she's mentioned," he repeats and sits next to you. You think that he's no longer saying it to you, but that he's trying to convince himself.   You hug his side and it's comfortable like when you hug your mom or Eunsul. "She's your past lover. It's difficult to get over all that. Don't worry about it." You'll get over your first love, you think. But then you wonder why you feel like you're also getting over a first love when you're currently dating your first love. Why does it feel like your first love didn't work out when you have him in your arms? Why are you getting fixed from a heartbreak when you're dating the person you want? What's going on?    How does Chanyeol make you feel? Do you feel love?            "Hana," he says.    You interrupt him, "Yeol, can you kiss me?"   Chanyeol frowns, "What?"            "Kiss me. Please."    Chanyeol looks taken a back, "What?"    You sigh and quickly kiss him on the lips. It's gentle and soft but also fast and so Chanyeol is left with a raised brow. Why not just do it? Why ask for permission? He kisses you like this all the time.    You pull away with no butterflies but a warm feeling on your lips. You're content. That's good enough, you think. That feeling is enough for now as proof.   For the rest of your one month anniversary, you don't doubt your feelings.         ********************           When you come home that late evening, Kris is sitting with Luhan outside on the porch. They're both talking, laughing. Chanyeol does not park the car and instead kisses you goodbye on the cheek and then tells you to sleep well. You smile at him and wave him goodbye as you exit his car.    When you turn around, you almost feel your heart drop at the way Kris is looking at you. When you meet his eyes, he looks away, clearing his throat. Luhan is smiling, nudging Kris with his elbow in a teasing way, "Look at this rebel! Coming home late because she was having y time with her boyfriend!"    Kris looks at you again, ignoring Luhan's obvious signal to tease you together. He instead analyzes your clothes: Blue short cotton dress with some black converse. He remembers that you dislike wearing dresses because you have to cross your legs and you're use to opening them wide in jeans.            "You came early," he says.    You don't look directly at his eyes. "Yeah? To me it's late."             "It's almost seven," Kris says. "It's early. Thought you'd be busy the whole day."    You shrug then look at Luhan, "Is Nana here?"    Luhan jumps to his feet, "Let's go see her! She's with your parents in the kitchen!"    You nod as Luhan takes your wrist and leads you inside the house. You pass by Kris, but the boy doesn't stand up and instead remains sitting down with his head staring at the street, his hands playing with his middle finger ring.    You'd wish he would come along.          *******************                "Nana!" You scream when you recognize the chubby old lady with sharp eyes but a kind smile standing by the kitchen counter. She gasps and then almost punches your dad in the throat when she pushes him away to meet you half way and hug you.             "Hana, where were you, dear?" She pulls away from the hug.    You smile at her and try to avoid the subject but your dad and Luhan say at the same time, "With her boyfriend."    Nana almost screams. Kris walks in the room at that moment with his blank face. Nana claps and grabs your hand as she leads herself towards her grandson. She pulls you two together than makes you two hold hands. Kris frowns and loosely holds your hands while you pretend to be a rag doll and so focus on making your fingers motionless. It doesn't matter either way because Nana makes sure to hold your hands together.             "You two are dating? You're boyfriend and girlfriend! I knew you liked each other!"   You blink at her and glance around the room in paranoia because your heart is thumping and it's becoming too much all of a sudden. You think it's because of the accusation and embarrassment rather than the fact that Kris' hand suddenly feels a lot more heavier against yours, with both your fingers intertwining in a lazy way because they're pressed together by Nana.    Her words echo in your head. Boyfriend. You both are not dating. Kris isn't your boyfriend. He doesn't like you.   And according to him, he never will.   

"You are naïve and you believe everything anyone would tell you. If I tell you I love you, I bet you’d believe it and then you’re falling for me the way you’ve fallen in love with Chanyeol.”

“I don’t understand you at all. You hate me, you say it yourself and yet you expect something back.”

  “You get attach very easily,”   “You meet a boy and you have a moment and suddenly you like him.”    "We’re acquaintances, maybe only friends. You shouldn’t feel or act any other than that with me. I don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up about a stupid kiss.”

 

         Your fingers turn cold and you feel your eyes sting for a millisecond. Nana is looking at you with hearts in her eyes but it shatters when you gently pull your hand away from Kris'. She looks surprised.            "Kris and I are not in that kind of relationship, Nana. And I'm sure we'll never be. I am actually dating someone else," you don't glance at Kris and so you don't notice the hurt expression he reveals for a second. "His name is Chanyeol," you continue, "He's my boyfriend and he's really sweet. Maybe you can meet him tomorrow?"    Nana puts a hand to her chest and the other to her head. Your parents look worried. Kris watches you from the corner of his eye. "I need to be alone," Nana mumbles, almost as if she's in pain. "I need to be alone. I'll be in my room," she says as she goes towards her room right across the living room, since her room is downstairs.    Your mom chuckles and pats your back, "She's probably tired from the trip."    Your dad laughs it off saying that Nana could be a bit dramatic because she did that a lot in China when he first met her.    You stand in the middle of the living room with Kris. You look at him, "She's too naive."    Kris looks at you, an unfa