Motivation And Strength

The Art Of Jealousy
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    CHAPTER 026: Motivation And Strength      It's a school day morning. The room is chilly. Your fingers and toes cold, but your chest and thighs warm. There is no sun submerging from the living room windows, it's still dark- like usual. But unlike those usual mornings when you wake up to go to school, there's actual warmth surrounding you and protecting you from the cold breeze of the air-conditioner. Also, your back isn't hurting and your body isn't full of discomfort from sleeping in the living room couch. Unless its not the living room, and you aren't on the couch.    No, it's all warm and soft. And there's hot flesh against hot flesh, where you aren't covered. It smells like comfort and heated skin and big silky blankets and puffy quilts.    Your finger tips are curled under warm clothing, pressing against Kris's abdomen and feeling his breathing pattern raise your hand up and down as it continues.    His hand is on the curve of your waist, fingers resting against the soft skin that was exposed due to your shirt riding up in the middle of the night. Your legs tangled in his and your noses touching since you're facing each other.    You don't know that. You forget where you are and lie there in the unusual comfort. Kris doing the same.   Ten more minutes pass where neither of you are awake but you're not asleep either.    Kris opens his eyes.   He doesn't physically react, even when his brain is sending warning alerts to his body because Hana is sleeping with you and it's wrong.    The first thing in his mind is that you're too close, and even if it makes him happy somehow, he feels like he should be angry or ashamed. The second thing is that someone may walk in any second now and he doesn't know how to explain to anyone why you guys are cuddling in his bed.    He wants to move but at the same time he doesn't. Having you close is so odd and comforting. He want to press your bodies together and just lean in and....   He frowns.    He's a bit surprised because he realizes that he finds you physically attractive. At least at the moment.    Let's just say that you're not bad to look at, Hana, he thinks.   He stares at you. His fingers beginning to drum against your skin.    He counts your eyelashes and discovers a couple of small moles on your neck and shoulders and two more on the side of your face.    It makes the corner of his mouth rise up. He didn't know you had small moles...    He observes your breathing. Unsure of when you'll wake up but not caring at the same time.    You don't even plan on opening your eyes because you're afraid that the comfort will be gone when you do so.   It isn't until it feels too nice, too good and real for it to be a dream, that you decide to open your eyes.    You blink a couple of times. It's dark. No, the color of everything is blue. Because there is no sun illuminating the room but there's some sort of light that lets you see everything.    And what you see is Kris.    He's awake and staring right at you.    You blink. He blinks.    None of you say anything. It's one of those moments that are suppose to be awkward but for some reason aren't. It's just... Odd.    Because it feels nice that you two are so close to eachother, with your hand pressed on his stomach under his shirt and his fingers resting on the skin of your waist.    It's so personal when it shouldn't be. You guys shouldn't feel this personal.    It's too strange and you need to leave the room immediately. But do you want to?    Kris and you continue to stare at each other.    You're so close that you feel like if he leans in, you two will be able to have an Eskimo kiss.    Your stomach growls.    This is the moment where one of you should laugh but neither of you do.    Kris gulps.         "You're hungry." It sounds more like a statement than a question.         "I guess so," you whisper back. It almost feels like the atmosphere is getting even more personal.         "Are you going to get up?" He whispers.   He leans in a bit closer and you feel warm breath on your bottom lip. You open your mouth and close it, like a fish out of water. Kris stares at them and you wish you had brushed your teeth or put on Chapstick.          "Yeah." You two almost sound breathless. There's a pause and more intimate staring.   Snap out of it!   And that's how you both end up sitting up in a flash.         "I'm gonna go get ready for school!" Kris yells.       "Cereal!" You blurt out and run for the door.        ***********     You and Kris are on the table, eating.    Your cheeks are rosy and you hope he doesn't bring up the whole sleeping incident. It's weird to begin talking about why it happened. Why did you agree to let me sleep there when you could have kicked me out? Why were your arms around me? Those questions, are not to be answered. Yet what happened, really makes them think.    Kris clears his throat, grabbing your attention. He keeps eating, but in between a mouthful of scrambled eggs asks, "What exactly happened that day?"    You look up at him, knowing what he's talking about. "Oh," you say, slightly anxious about the topic, "Are you talking about this?" You point at your face and the bruise on your cheek along with the one on your bottom lip.    Kris nods, slowly.   You shrug, "I got beat up." You shrug again, obviously bitter.    Kris doesn't say anything. He starts to feel the guilt from earlier grow on his stomach. Maybe he could have done something? When did this happen? Could he have prevent it from happening?         "When?"          "Yesterday, Lunch time."   Oh. So he could have prevented it.    He feels like punching himself on the face.         "I'm sorry."    You eat another spoonful of cereal, not even looking at him but at the bowl. "For what?"        "I could have helped you. But I was with Soyeon."    You stop eating, "Yeah. I know."        "I'm sorry," he repeats.   Why is he saying sorry? You wonder. He doesn't have to protect you.         "You're not my body guard, Kris. You don't have to look out for me. We're barely even friends."    Kris stops eating and looks at you, "We're not friends?"         "No," you say. Kris frowns, annoyed.        "Then what are we?"   You shrug, "Acquaintances."        "Right." He continues eating, irritated. When exactly will you admit that you don't hate him? He doesn't know. Not that it matters to him, anyways. He hates you just as much.    Your phone vibrates all of a sudden.    He sees Chanyeol's name on the screen.    You pick it up and read the message, an odd smile on your lips. One of like but confusion. Kris sees it and doesn't like it.         "What did he text you?"    You shrug, "Nothing important."    Kris squeezes the body of the fork real hard. "Really?"       "Yeah. He's just asking me about what happened at school."       "What is there for him to know? You got bullied, period." Kris sounds bitter.        "Do you hate Chanyeol?" You ask, slightly annoyed at his voice and how he's taking your accident a little too lightly when for you, it was traumatizing and a punch to your pride.         "Obviously," Kris snorts, "He's an idiot. Why does he care about someone like you anyways?"   Kris is annoyed that you're speaking to Chanyeol, so he wants  to make you feel bad about it. Because that's how much of an he could be when he's confused about his emotions.         "Because he cares? And someone like me? What is that suppose to mean?" You ask, forgetting about your breakfast.     "I didn't mean it that way, calm down." Kris begins to get up, putting his plate on the sink. He turns around to look at you. "It's kind of hypocritical for him to ask you about what happened when he could have done something if he wasn't with his stupid girlfriend."    You give him a sad smirk, "You mean like you? And the way you could have been there for me but instead went with Soyeon?"    Kris frowns and glares, "You said you didn't need a body guard. Now you're changing your mind to put blame on me."        You push your bowl away and turn to him on your chair, "Yeah, well maybe I didn't want you to be there through it all. Maybe I just wanted you to check up on me and ask me if I was fine? As a friend."   Kris scoffs, "I thought we weren't friends."    The atmosphere and memory of you two cuddling and waking up together is far away from the present now. It doesn't matter anymore. It's dead, and this is reality.   You stay quiet at his words. You did say that. Did you mean it?    Your phone buzzes again and Kris knows it's Chanyeol. You're about to answer it so Kris begins talking to grab your attention again.        "You're always talking about how strong and independent and badass you are, how come you didn't do anything to save your ?" He gives you a hard stare. You're back to focusing on him.        "What?"    Kris chuckles, "You're a fake. You're always saying you're better but with what prove? You can't even fight back. I heard from your mom that you cried."   He's attacking you with words and it hurts you. The whole bullying thing wasn't a joke for you or to be taken as  a joke from someone like Kris. He doesn't know how you felt.        "Tell me. Why didn't you fight back  and cried instead like a weak little girl?"   You glare at him. Your eyes prickling out of sensitivity.    You take a deep breath. If he wants to know so bad, tell him.       "I don't know. Maybe because I am, or maybe because it was hard at the moment." You're angry and disappointed that Kris would rather question you then try to help you.        "Maybe I panicked like I do most of the time!" You raise your voice with a bitter laugh, "Or maybe I couldn't handle being questioned like the way that girl did? Because I'm a sensitive weak little girl who cries when she's being called a when she has never even had a boyfriend or when they call me a cheater when I've studies my off since elementary school to get good grades, or when I'm called a when I've never even spoken to anyone in my life but you and my parents. Why do I have to be bullied when I've never done anything wrong?" You feel bitter and want to cry but feel tired of it and so you don't, "And then I get asked that question: Why didn't you stand up for yourself?"    Kris is quiet, his lips a thin line. You stand up, cross your arms and stare right at him.         "You know why I didn't stand up for myself? Because I'm a freak with anxiety problems who has never fought or caused problems and all of a sudden three girls gang up on me, bring out fake rumors to use against me and then start beating the crap out of me. For no reason."    You sigh, "It more because for a second I hated myself about it. Because I wanted to fight back. Trust me. I did, but I couldn't. Because I'm human and I get scared sometimes."    Kris is still silent.        "But you know what's worse?" You pursue your lips, "That someone could have helped me but they didn't."    Kris closes his eyes at that, looks away.    You take deeps breaths. Your mom yells from the living room that it's time to go because you guys can't be late.         "Don't talk to me," you say and grab your bag, ready to leave.           ********************              "That Minhee girl won't bother anymore. I'm so glad. I hope the other two involve won't either."   You are not really listening to your mother but you know she is talking about Minhee and how she left the school for good.        "Her mother called me to apologize. It was odd at first but it seems like she's putting that girl in military school or something. She needs the discipline."    You're all in the car, on your way to school. Kris is sitting on the backseat, while you are on the passengers seat.    Kris remembers the name and says it in his head: Minhee. He feels horrible after what you told him. He did question you. Bullying is not something easy, especially for the victim. Why did he say what he said?    You're not even looking at him.    You're looking at your phone instead. Chanyeol's text in your face.    Good morning. How did you sleep, Ice princess? Are you feeling better? Want me to wait for you?   It's odd to know that he's being sweet and that these texts are towards you and not some mistake.    And wait for you? Why would he do that? Shouldn't he be waiting for his girlfriend?   Also, Wasn't the reason why you got beat up partly because of him and his relationship with Yuri?    I saw you with Chanyeol. He's dating Yuri and yet you have the audacity to seduce him and take him home. We saw everything. We followed you and we even have pictures.   You remember minhee's words.   Yuri's my friend, . You can take whoever you want and sleep with anybody else- but this. This is a new low, even for a like you.      You don't answer Chanyeol's text.           *****************          "Get off, kids. Have a good day at school!" Your mom says. It's kind irritating and hurtful that she doesn't even question your health or feelings about yesterday. She lets it all go and pretends it's okay and that you're fine to go to school like it never happened in the first place.    Your mom unlocks the car and Kris gets out.    You grip onto the seatbelt.   When Kris slams the door shut and sta
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Galaxyboo_
#1
Chapter 16: I'm coming again haha
MartinaN
#2
Chapter 52: Been on a long break from this story, it's good and if it was on paper it would have been a real brick.
MartinaN
#3
Chapter 34: Started to read this story yesterday, must admit that it affected my night. Had a hard time sleeping, couldn't stop reading. You are a painter with words, just as in the story about April. Love your way to describe people, you make it possible to me to visualize everyone, even Nana and Papa. You are a great writer, keep up the good work.
Galaxyboo_
#4
Chapter 66: This is so good I had a good laugh
Galaxyboo_
#5
Chapter 16: Aww I like eunsul already
cheonchoni
#6
Chapter 55: This is one of my comfort fanfic hehehe I just can't stop giggling no matter how many times I've read it xD
cheonchoni
#7
Chapter 33: I could sing praises to Hana for how mature and calm she approached this subject with chanyeol. Let's be honest, this is HOW we wanted to act when we're in this kind of situation. Literally an ideal one. Hana you're amazing. I love her character.