People say a task as simple as leaving the house shouldn’t be hard.  If I go out to meet some new friends they believe there isn’t anything bad about it.

They’re wrong.

They haven’t experienced how cruel the world and all its people can be. “Friends” who only want you around to use you. When it’s you who needs them they leave. Once they become bored of you they leave. This world that only treats people nicely when it has something to gain and then throws them away, like an old pair of sneakers, once there is nothing else to offer is cruel. I’ve found that staying by myself is much more comfortable. Sorrow, loneliness, betrayal, hopelessness accompany me to the home I have created for myself. It doesn’t sound like a place that people would enjoy staying at but I assure you that it’s more comfortable to me. The sadness has become so familiar to me I welcome it as it comes in comparison to the unfamiliar happiness I run away from. When I take a small step outside of my sorrowful home I feel dizzy. Trying to find and experience joy is beyond my comfort zone. Once I leave my home I can only look forward to death. I don’t need people to throw me away anymore so leave me alone. Just don’t come in here.

“Now i’m crying without tears. Just like breathing, I cry again. The sadness that has become my home. Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep. I cry, without me knowing”

Can I really be happy? Do I have the right to be happy? The little pains and scars this world has given me I fell so deeply into. Every cold word and action has helped built my home. Everyone goes through hardships in their life its normal. Obstacles like arrows piercing into every persons heart as they ride through their own life. Why is it that my target is so big? All the negative emotions that keep pushing me down made it hard to climb out of this hole and soon I give up. I let the emotions pummel me deeper and deeper. I can see the top of the hole, its an arms length away, but I keep increasing the distance. I fall deeper and deeper. People are afraid of this but to me its more natural than laughter.

“Crying is like breathing- the more you hold it in, the more you let it out.” I want to stay in my home and breathe. Don’t bother dragging me out I know I would want to go back. Back to the sorrow that has become my home. Can I invite you in?