I was leaning closely to Hana’s office door. I didn’t care if I looked like a fool. I’m not and I know that for myself.

I’ve waited for 5 years. I’ve waited for 5 years for Hana to come back again. I had the hardest time when she left me.

I regretted coming to school drunk. If only I had handled that freaking ‘engagement’ situation she was in before, maybe she wouldn’t have left. If only I had listened to side well, maybe she’d still be with me.

But she loves Lee Byunghun, you stupid. She loved you. But now she doesn’t.

I sighed at the voice inside my head. I’m aware of that.

Hana loves someone else now.

And that someone’s in the same room with her. She just told you to get out so they could talk heart to heart.

Oh this!

I shut my eyes and messed my hair. Why does my conscience present me this reality right now?

I know that! Hana loves that bastard Lee Byunghun. My conscience doesn’t have to rub salt in my wound. Damn it!

I sighed hard before leaning in close to listen again.

“She was my defibrillator. You are my life. Life means loving you. Life means being with you. Life means seeing your beautiful every day, hugging you every time I can, kissing you all night. Life means seeing you smile because of me. Life is all about you, Kim Hana.”

I heard L.Joe tell her.

Geez! So this is how he talks when he’s alone with Hana?

No wonder Hana couldn’t decide. He’s making it hard for her.

But then you are making it hard for her to decide. She knows who to choose already. But you’re in the way.

Oh sheesh damn it!

“I needed her for you. I needed her to stay sane for my life, for you, Kim Hana.”

To be honest, I saw Lee Byunghun when Hana left. He looked like he was always out of the world. He doesn’t even get up from their room if it’s break time.

He was there. Sulking.

I knew that he had fallen for Hana. His actions all show that he freaking loves Hana.

But my point is, he is just there. He didn’t do anything to get her back. He didn’t do anything to win her back.

He was just there.

Just sulking like he is the only one hurting, like the world only revolved around him. He acted like a ing baby. He didn’t even do anything about it.

And that’s what ing annoyed me the most.

I didn’t get why Hana fell for a ing coward. Lee Byunghun is the most coward and weakest man I have ever known. 

“I already broke up with her, Hana. I didn’t do that for you. I did that for the both of us. For us to be together again.”

Now you’re the only one in the way. You’re the only one who’s holding their happiness back.

Oh! Screw this!

How could my conscience betray me this much?

I love Hana. She’s the only one for me. That’s the reason why even though I know that I’m way way way out of the picture, I still tried to get in. I still tried to be in Hana’s life.

I can’t imagine myself somewhere out of her life.

Just like what L.Joe said, Hana is also my life.

“Because I’d rather have my heart bleed with you than have it healed with her.” He said softly. “With you, everything is worth it. With you, even the most excruciating pain is worth it. That’s how much I love you, Kim Hana. I’m risking all my feelings for you. I’m willing to feel the pain of love.”

How could Hana live two lives at once?

I sighed. Yes. How could she live two lives at once? She couldn’t. One really has to give way.

But I would not.

I would not back down. Not unless Hana tells me so. She’s the reason why I’m fighting for this love. She’ll also be the reason why I’ll stop.

Like before, Hana is in command. Always. She will always be my commander.

I sighed. I told her that I’ll be waiting, but I guess I can’t wait any longer.

Just today.

I’ll give them their needed space today. If they decided to get back together, I will accept it. I will accept that I lost.

I guess this is the only ultimatum I could give them.

After all, there’s no use holding on to someone who doesn’t love you back as much as you do.

--

It’s been years since I came back to this place.

The underground.

It’s probably still the same. The bleachers for the cheers are there. The stage got bigger and more sophisticated but it was pretty much still the same.

“Oh, Woo Jiho!!!”

G-Dragon called me. GD’s one of the pioneers of this underground rap arena. There are 4 other more. But out of all of them, GD’s the one more passionate about this arena.

I nodded at him and walked closer. “Long time no see.” I beamed at him.

He laughed at me. “Hell, yeah, dude! You’re busy making money on TV!” He beamed back and I chuckled. “I’ve always wondered why you never came here anymore but then I saw you debut on TV and I knew it!” He teased.

I laughed. “Dude, being an idol is difficult.” I beamed at him.

He shook his head and went to the stage to set up.

“You’re starting early today?” I asked him.

Usually, the arena opens at 8PM. Just like some clubs and bars because it just gets more thrilling at night. But right now, it’s just 6PM.

“Yeah.” He replied as he set the mics up. “We have a special stage today.” He grinned.

I raised my brow. “Special stage? Who?” I asked.

Special stages are for the new rising rappers who passed crowd criteria. They pass it through showing off a 1-on-1 battle with one of the renowned rappers underground. If the crowd liked them, they get to have a solo rap stage.

“Park Sohyun. Ever heard of her?” He asked me.

I shook my head. “Nah. I haven’t heard anything about underground for the past years.” I replied.

He smirked. “You gotta watch her. She’s the epitome of badass.” He told me.

Epitome of badass? A girl? Psh.

“Really?” I smirked.

He shook his head as he set the last mic up. “You’re going to eat your words up when you watch her.” He told me. “She’s a great diss-er.”

“Who did she diss the last time?” I asked curiously.

Dissing is actually one of the hallmarks of underground rap battles.

GD grinned at me. “TOP.” He replied then he started laughing out loud. “She regarded TOP as a giant with low voice and bad moves.”

My eyes widened. TOP? As in the King TOP got disssed. Wow. She’s got to really be something.

“GD Oppa!”  Someone called him.

We both looked at the direction of the voice. And there I saw a girl in leather jacket over her black shirt and jeans and bandana.

Damn. She looks like a real underground rapper.

GD smiled at her. “Oh, Sohyun!” He beamed. “You’re here already. It’s early!” He told her.

So she’s Sohyun, the woman who dissed TOP. She doesn’t look like she could diss anyone at all. She looks like an innocent girl to me. I can’t believe TOP got dissed by her.

“Ah, Sohyun, meet Zico.” He introduced me to her. “He’s one of the best underground rappers.” He continued.

Sohyun looked at me with a raised brow. “One of the bests?” She seemed to doubt what GD said.

I narrowed my eyes at her. From where does she get all this arrogance? She’s too arrogant to be a rookie. Psh! As if she could blow the stage up. She’s just an ordinary girl.

GD laughed at her remark. “Seems like she’s challenging you, man.” He told me.

So-girl cocked her head to the side and shrugged at me.

I smirked then grinned. “Sorry. I don’t battle with newbies.” I replied.

She scoffed at me and GD laughed. “Still the same Zico in the house!” He hollered and I smirked at So-girl.

It’s been years. Wow! I didn’t know I’d miss this line so much.

---

What do you think of Woo Jiho now? :)

Sorry, #ZiHan. I know you miss their interactions. And you're going to miss it more. :(

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