She Is My Defibrillator

L.Joe's Bride

I have never gotten the reason why Bella chose Edward over Jacob.

Jacob took care of her when Edward Cullen left her. He was always there for her. He was the one who wiped her tears and made her forget about him, even for a while. He was the one who took his time to mend her broken heart. In short, he was perfect.

But why did her heart still belonged to Edward who was never there? Edward, who took the initiative to get away from her because he was scared? Edward, who almost couldn’t stop himself and almost killed her?

Why? It just doesn’t make sense.

And so with Cheon Seongyi. Why did she choose Do Minjoon over Lee Heekyung?

Heekyung did everything for her since they were kids. He has been loving her for all of his life and he made it sure that she would feel it. He surprises her and gives her flowers and such. But why didn’t she fall for him?

Why did she choose an alien who she knew would leave her when his time on Earth’s up? Why did she choose Do Minjoon who was itching to get her out of sight? Why did she choose such a cold man when he had someone perfect all her life?

Have you ever thought about this?

Why do the girl leads in movies and series always choose the imperfect one? Why do they always fall for the gangster and not for the Prince? Why do they always fall for the poor guy and not with the man with capability? Why are the female leads all so stupid?

Why did they let go of the perfect ones for the flawed ones? For the ones who gave and continue to give them pain?

Lately, I’ve been reading some badass book. There was this girl who thought she fell for the perfect guy. Yes, she was once his girl. But then she realized that there’s this someone who keeps her sidetracked. There’s this someone who she had crush on – even before Mr. Perfect arrived – who’s making her nervous without any reason.

And that even though she’s with Mr. Perfect, when this someone is around, she couldn’t even think straight. Not even Mr. Perfect could make her calm.

So, she broke up with Mr. Perfect. She consulted her friend about it and she was so surprised to hear what her friend said.

He’s perfect. But he’s not “your” perfect. Just because he seems perfect doesn’t mean that he is the one for you. (From: How To Steal The Bad Boy by beeyotch. It’s in Filipino.)

Then it hit me.

I finally got my answer to the questions I have.

Bella chose Edward because no matter what happened, he always been the only one who made her feel alive. He was the only one who ever had made her genuinely happy. Jacob was perfect but perfect was not what Bella was looking for.

Cheon Seongyi chose Do Minjoon because even though Heekyung has been there, she had never felt that certain longing feeling when Heekyung’s away, she has never felt that certain thumping of her heart with him. She only felt those with Do Minjoon. And that reason was legitimate enough to choose Mr. Do.

Love. They probably tried to teach themselves to love the other one but can’t do so. Because the thing about love is, when you’re hooked, when you’ve fallen, you can never find the straight way again. You’ll go the way your heart wants you to.

“What the hell is this jerk doing?” I heard Jiho hiss as we watch L.Joe hug Namjoo.

I gulped at them. Even though I have told myself many times that L.Joe is not the one for me, I still cringe whenever he touches other girls – Namjoo, in particular.

I guess I can’t ever deny that fact. At least not to myself.

“Thank you.” I heard L.Joe whisper to Namjoo.

Namjoo smiled at him as she broke the hug off. I sighed in relief. “Just promise to make Ms. Kim happy.” She replied weakly.

Then the L.Joe – type of heartbeat came again. L.Joe was chuckling with Namjoo while Namjoo was smiling weakly.

I stared at her.

How could she just let go of a person she loves as easily as that?

Why didn’t she hold on to him when she knew to herself that she loved him so much?

“Are you sure you can watch this?” Jiho asked me as we watched L.Joe and Namjoo.

Suddenly, L.Joe looked at us – Jiho and me. Namjoo smiled at me then bowed before she left.

My heart hurt. Why do I feel not so good all of a sudden?

Why do I feel guilty seeing her like this? Why do I feel guilty that one person is hurt because of me?

“We’ve gone through this thing 5 years ago and look at where it got us now. We are still hurting, Hana. The people we tried to protect already moved on. We are the only ones left.”

Was L.Joe right? Were we the only ones hurting?

I looked at Jiho and he is glaring at L.Joe.

Did he look okay? Did he look like he moved on? If he did, what’s he doing here with me? Why is he still holding on to my hand?

Why is he still holding on to my heart?

Why is he still holding on to our forgotten love?

I sighed hard. Why does my mind seem clouded when all I wanted to do is to start again?

“Are you okay?” I heard Jiho’s voice.

I looked up and smiled weakly. “Can you leave me and L.Joe alone for a minute?” I asked him.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me.

He looked at me weirdly before glaring at L.Joe by the door. He doesn’t seem to agree. But he sighed. “Okay. Are you sure about this?” He asked me softly.

Am I sure about this? Am I sure about this when L.Joe just broke up with his girl minutes ago and in front of me?

“Yes.” Hell. My mouth is thinking on its own! I haven’t even thought of an answer!

Jiho looked at me and squeezed my hand. “Okay. I’ll be waiting, Hana.” He replied and smiled weakly.

“I’ll be waiting.”

Why do I feel like he’s talking about something else? Why do I feel like he’s… No.

I smiled at him and nodded. Then, he let go of my hand and started to walk to the door.

L.Joe was watching us from the door and while Jiho was walking to the door, nearing to him, he was glaring at him. They gave each other one last fierce looks before Jiho had finally got out of the door.

I took a deep breath before looking at L.Joe. His eyes are already fixated on mine. I can feel my heart beat racing and stopping as he takes steps closer to me.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as he stands a few inches from me.

He is facing me and, suddenly, I don’t know what to do.

“Are you happy now?” I asked him.

He held my hand without uttering a word. I don’t know what he’s thinking but maybe he’s measuring my statement. “Hana, I just did what’s best for us.” He replied, but didn’t exactly answer my question.

“I was asking if you were happy.” I reiterated. “Are you happy that you hurt Namjoo’s feelings? Are you happy that you already broke up with her?”

I didn’t know why I didn’t pull my hand from him. It’s like it was where my hand belonged.

“Hana, I’m happy.” He beamed at me. But he’s not smiling. “I’m happy but that’s not because I’ve hurt her. I knew that would happen.” He continued. “I’m happy because, right now, I finally have all the rights to be with you again. I’m free and you have nothing to worry about anymore.”

I didn’t know what to say.

I’m always like this when I am in front of him. I usually have organized everything in my head but when he’s already there, talking to me, looking at me, I tend to forget everything. I tend to get dumb. I tend to get noob.

“I’m happy because, finally, we can start over again. Finally, we can continue what was paused 5 years ago.” He was squeezing my hand with his left hand and caressing my cheek with the other.

I shut my eyes.

What now, Kim Hana? What’s next?

“Please, come back to me.” His voice cracked. “Please be mine again.” He whispered. “Please don’t be in love with someone else.” He pleaded.

“We’ve suffered enough, Kim Hana. 5 years is enough. Can we stop hurting ourselves and love again?” He looked into my eyes.

And suddenly, I’m almost so close to agreeing. I’m almost so close to saying “Yes, let’s love again.”

But when I’m about to open my mouth, I changed my words.

“But Jiho. He is waiting for me. He waited for me. You did not.” I replied. “You don’t love me enough. Not like how he did. Not like how he does.”

He froze at my words. That’s when I knew I was harsh. I shouldn’t have to-

“You can’t judge me and how much I love you because of his love for you, Hana.” He told me. “People love differently. I was the badass one. He was the right one. He waited for you. I found someone who brought me back to life again.” He continued. “But, last night, I’m thinking of why Namjoo has to come to my life. I was thinking of why I didn’t wait for you like Woo Jiho did. And then it hit me. I think I got why Namjoo has to come to my life. I think I know the reason for her to enter my life.”

“Because the time you left me, Hana, I was dying. I just needed someone to bring me back to life so I could love you better. So I could love you more. So I could continue loving you until forever.”

This time, I was the one who froze. How could he reverse the situation as easily as that?

But, yes, why do I feel different?

“Hana, if Namjoo didn’t come, I would be dead by now. I would not believe in love anymore. I would stop loving you. And I would start hating everything about the world.” He breathed deeply. “I would start hating on you too.”

H-hate me?

Why didn’t I like the sound of L.Joe hating on me?

Even though I kind of predicted that he would hate on me because of everything that I did to him, I still thought we would at least be friends. I at least thought that we would make up and save some friendship left.

“She was my defibrillator. You are my life.” He uttered. “Life means loving you. Life means being with you. Life means seeing your beautiful face every day, hugging you every time I can, kissing you all night. Life means seeing you smile because of me. Life is all about you, Kim Hana.”

“I needed her for you. I needed her to stay sane for my life, for you, Kim Hana.” He caressed my cheek.

His words.

His words make me speechless. His words make me want to cry.

His words make me hate myself.

How could I not realize that he was dying when I left him? Why didn’t I believe him when he told me that he was dying?

Why didn’t I get that Namjoo was there to save him from self-destruction?

“Your love left me a big stab in my heart. Namjoo came and healed it. But then you came back and the scar started to open again.” He told me. “That’s when I realized that I don’t need someone who would heal my heart.”

“I need someone who would bleed with me. I need someone who would share with me all the pain she is feeling.” He smiled. “And that person is you, Hana. You’re the only one I need to live again.”

We stared into each other’s eyes.

I felt the time stopping again. Or was it my heart?

“I already broke up with her, Hana.” He spoke. “I didn’t do that for you. I did that for the both of us. For us to be together again.”

“Because I’d rather have my heart bleed with you than have it healed with her.” He said softly. “With you, everything is worth it. With you, even the most excruciating pain is worth it. That’s how much I love you, Kim Hana. I’m risking all my feelings for you. I’m willing to feel the pain of love.”

 

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Anyeong!!!!! Miss me? Haha!

We'll end the drama for now. Let's have a little bit of funny and giddy-inducing scenes for the next chapters to come. :)

Also! If you haven't seen it yet, I have my trailer for my upcoming Myungsoo fanfiction. :)

Watch here!

I hope you like it. I actually made it. Took me 8 hours and my time to write new chapters for my on-going stories. Disclaimer!!! I am not a pro video or trailer maker. hahaha. So pardon my work. Hehe. 

Thank you!

Leave comments!

Saranghaeyo! :)

- RChampagne

 

 

PS: I hope we cheer the Ladies' Code's fans. Must be hard for them. :((( //3 

Have strength! :)

 

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Comments

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memoria_99 #1
Chapter 29: chappie 29: such a sweet ending............
>///////////<
memoria_99 #2
Chapter 28: chappie 28: yahooOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
memoria_99 #3
Chapter 21: chappie 21: poor namjoo......
but,, jeohan fighting!!!!!!!!!!!
memoria_99 #4
Chapter 11: chappie 11: i really wanna ship for joehan....
but, l.joe's attitude now just make me mad........
memoria_99 #5
Chapter 9: chappie 9: i'm really in a big curiousity now.....
did l.joe still love hana or not ????
memoria_99 #6
Chapter 3: chappie 3: WHAT?????!!!!!!
l.joe already has a girlfriend???!!!!
Chocoholic_Exo-L #7
Chapter 10: I am 99.99% sure L.Joe will win. No I'm sure. But I'm just going to pretend that ZiNa will happen.
blahzeloo #8
Chapter 28: really good story!!!
omgmyung #9
Chapter 29: I love your story :"))